understand mii?

2010-05-29T13:10:00.000+08:00

this song strongly has words i wanna say to u..

xuemin

2010-05-27T21:45:00.002+08:00

ystd up on a cruise..
hope that u would by my side.
i think i might be happier wit u beside mi..
i am olways question be ppl.
"why u wanna be a single mum"
haix.
i have my pride and so do i have to keep alil of urs.
not marryin is my choice at first.
but end up after dion is out it becomes ur choice.
i am not a gd gf, neither can i be a gd wife.
is that the reaso why u choice to leave mi?
i was thinkin about all the promises we had.
and i rmb that u said u will go a trip wit mi.
but i reject ur offer.
haix.
but is reali over.
i reali hope u are doin well.
sometimes when i am lookin at dion, i was thinkin.
is baby boy too so adorable?
will he too look like u?
or boy will look more like mi!
hahax.
have u ever been thinkin about him?
he is now fine.
at least abit peaceful now.
i have been burnin him sweet and toys.
i will constantly talk to baby boy to make sure he noes i love him.
did u?
i noe u won.
is okie.
u noe it hurts mi when baby boy left us.
why would u choose to be another one to leave mi.
i don longed for u.
but i still miss u..
i cant say. not even to my twin sis.
becos this is my choice.
when u are my world, i live for u.
when loving u, u are still my world.
i reali reali reali wanna go back to how we are thou i noe is so impossible.
jus give mi a small chance to dream in my own world.

dion had her 3rd dose jab today and nurse ask mi to allow her to take hepatitis B tgt.
seeing her cry i can onli keep kissing her.
but our daughter so brave.
she was smiling 15 mins later!
hahax.
nurse said that her height and weight consider abit low compare wit the 6 months chart.
but she is not under height or under weight.
her head circumference is 42cm.
have u notice how big our princess is?
i am so contradicting now..
becos my heart tells mi not to go down to the family court on sat.
is it becos i still love u?
haix.
idk.
hope u are fine:)

xuemin

2010-05-25T16:31:00.002+08:00

i donnoe why i have the mood to blog in here again!
haix.
this few days.
i kinda miss u alot.
how are u?
are u happi now?
did u find someone else who do a better job as ur gf ?
did u rmb u mus regularly dig ur ears?
or u still don allow others to do it for u?
do u rmb to eat every day regularly?
when u are up in my hse did u talk to dion more?
did u smile more without mi by urside?
did u enjoy ur freedom?
how is ur relationship wit ur parents, better or still the same?
did u rmb to slp wit blanket on, or still like before love kickin away the blanket.
did u rmb to heal my advice to on lights to slp?
becos u have abit of nite blindness.
did u drink alot more water and bring water out to work?

idk why.
is all jus about u.
is reali kinda killing mi.
but i noe, we should have a fullstop here.
i can onli blog out when i noe u won even bother to see this blog.
all about u, and i am goin insane.
i guess nth gonna cure mi.
if u gave mi a choice again. i will wait for u to be ready.
if u give mi a chance, i will tolerate every sufferin jus not to make u feel in such a difficult position again.
i will try my best to give in whenever i can to ur parents and u.
i will be willing to wait for u to enjoy outside wit ur frenx jus to hug u to slp.
but i lost u.
if i could jus hold my temper.
if i am not so stubborn.
this is what i am thinkin this few days.
thing change so much.
but one thing nv change is i love u.
but sry.
reali veri sry.
even thou i love u.
but becos i am selfish.
i don wanna lose or share dion like this wit u.
i wanna do an end to it.
i noe i am a bitch.
i noe u wanted to scold mi.
i noe u wanted to slap mi so much from keep wanting to take dion away.
but i am veri serious now.
i am gonna do it.
goin down to family court this comin sat.
to do thing that i should do.
and i noe, this will make our relationship even worst.
and i noe, is a forever gdbye.
i still will do it.
becos i onli have dion.
i am so scare to lose her.
i am so fuckin scare i will lose her like i lost baby boy and u.
i am so so scare that i will be alone.
so i am reali sorry.
u didnt manage to secure mi when u say u all don intend to take dion away from mi.
u didnt manage to gain back my trust for u.
i donnoe why u wanna hunt mi.
i donnoe why u don wanna move out from my heart!
i reali reali love u alot.
but nv can i say to u.
i pretended i am brave, i pretended that i am strong jus lovin u like this.
but missing u reali kills mi alot.
how long more, how long more to go then the wound doesnt hurt more.
how long more to go when i can forget u.
all i wanna is to be able to see u again.
even from a ur back when u won even noe i am there.
i jus wanna see ur smile even the one u smiling too wasnt to mi.
i smell ur perfume and i miss u.
i see the time stuck at 11.11 i miss u.
i see dion i miss u!
i see my room i miss u.
i see ur pic i miss u.
i see everything we do and went before i miss u.
tell mi how will u willing to move out from my heart.
i don wanna cry. but tears roll down jus like that.
and i will scold myself.
becos i have to be even stronger.
thinkin of how happi we are.
thinkin of how well u were to mi.
thinkin of how u give mi temper jus becos u care.
why are u torturing mi.
why are u hurting mi still.
time pass and is nearly 2 months since we met or i hear ur voice.
is onli 2 fuckin months.
and i have yrs to go!
can u jus make mi hate u alot.
can u jus don torture mi animore.

i noe thing is so different.
okie.
i shouldnt have post out this post.
but that is the onli thing i can do.
to tell u i miss u.
u wouldnt noe aniway.
pls take gdcare okie.
aniway.
realireali feel bad in wanting to end thing up this way.
but is reali best for us right now.
becos we are not be able to be back to how we are before.

xuemin

2010-05-19T12:02:00.002+08:00

is time i let go of u ler.
since 08th dec 2008.
i reali wanna let u go now.
i said i hate u.
but i noe, i love u so much.
to mi is no longer important.
even if the one beside u wasnt mi, no longer matters to mi.
all i wanted is u to be happi.
i said i hate u, i don wanna see u.
is becos i am scare. seeing u i might not be able to give up.
leadin our own life now.
seems so tough wit dion around.
she look exactly like u.
when i misses u, i jus have to look at her.
my onli confession to u and the onli lies to my bf.
is i still love u.
but i reali on my way to give up on u.
thx for givin mi such a wonderful baby, i nv had a chance to tell u.
reali thx for everything since the past.
when i put the love in the consideration of u, there is nv hate in mi for u.
lets put everything aside ler.
u led ur life and i led mine.
there will be a chance whereby u will see text or calls from mi animore. i am forgetting everything about u.
wait a few months more. dion won be inbetween us ler.
the next stan of mine and the last will be meeting u up to court.
to fight for her legal sole custody.
i promise to take gd care of her. becos i love her more then u do.
the chances of mi havin her legal sole custody is 95% regardless of mentally or physically.
i noe u will hate mi damn fuckin much for doin this.
but trust mi.
since u love ur life, i am letting u go free away from all burden.
and this will do us gd to have a clean break.
if dion don rmb u. i swear i won tell her about u.
if u were to win the 5%.
i will let go of her too.
i won bother u all.
and i won come and disturb u all.
i am sorry. i will do this. but this is the last thing i were to come up wit to interrupt ur life.
let wait a few months more ba:)
take gd care.

xuemin

2009-09-28T09:56:00.001+08:00

link changed!

http://xuemin-babydion.blogspot.com

sorry for late notification!

xuemin

2009-07-28T04:04:00.003+08:00

everyone pls link mi up in my new blog=)

xuemin-babyprincessloves.blogspot.com

xuemin

2009-07-27T00:26:00.003+08:00

our loves
starts-081208

end

now and forever

pls do take of the necklack.

i miss u alot

love u=)

xuemin

2009-07-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

the very first post in my blog is started becos of my baby daddy.
when we was tgt, honeymoon period till when we both stop workin, and when we discover that i am pregnant, unhappi agurement and broke up.
and till now.
is to put an end to this blog lerx.
i don wanna mention anithing else except baby daddy.
in a particular day in nov 2008.
thx to iko and wj i met baby daddy.
that veri first time i saw him.
he was wearin a white blouse and a black skinny jeans wit a pointed tip shoe.
that time he is not that attractive for mi to be impress thou he wore smartly.
but i was still sad over a broken relationship wit a guy that was actualli 11 yrs older then mi, and was a married guy till he divorce wit his wife and finally being tgt wit mi.
we had our veri first meal in pizza hut in cwp.
and went to civic centre for party world.
all i could rmb was he was usin his phone all while.
sitting rite opposite mi and singin alot of jay songs.
of course our first duet song was, 传说。
we didnt talk much that nite but till when we was both left alone cos wj and iko jus gotto walk back to iko hse which is jus across the road.
i actualli wanted to take bus home myself.
but he insist on sendin mi home cos is abit late lerx.
he sended mi to my lift and left home.
although we don have each other contact number, but we manage to have met the second time.
which is planned.
i don realli noe it at first but thx to wj for tellin mi this secret.
baby daddy wanna ask them to meet mi out somewhere=)
lolx.
then they actualli planned to head to mustufa and baby daddy that time was a gambler of soccer!
and he was late cos he was watchin soccer!
but ended up we went to bishun for prawnin.
i didnt reali noe how to prawn cos my "first time"
hahax.
be say he will teach mi. but ended up was watchin soccer!
heard from his frenx that he was abit unhappi cos i was happi chattin wit kl!
but i did go up to him okie!
cos i pass him a can of coke.
daddy rmb ma?
lolx.
and that is when he started to walk back to our groups and join in.
maybe cos soccer over ler ba.
but i was reali happi on that day cos i rmb i was the onli one who manage to prawn alot of prawns.
lolx.
they was all sayin that the prawns are all males.
lolx.
but all the way till 4 or 5am.
and can see that daddy is reali tired.
on that day, the one drivin wasnt him la.
so okie lor.
but same thing, he sended mi back under my blk to my lift.
sweet horx=)
of course, we still no have each other number.
but on that day i was attracted by him lerx.
cos his smile. i seriously in love wit guys wit very deep dimples.
and he has it.
and on the 7th of dec 2008!
hahax.
i was off on that day and was damn borin.
asked iko and wj out.
but at first was busy findin frenx to acc mi.
cos for movie olso not alone wit a couple ba.
but end up iko asked mi not to find.
she say ask junde can lerx.
that was the first time i had his number.
but i didnt contact him first la.
cos i rmb wentin cwp courts wit mum to get my lappi, my itouch, queend size bed for my parent, new washin machine and a innov8=)
we was abit rushin time, but he was gd to come down cwp to pick mi up=)
at first in the car we was both quite quiet ba.
but manage to talk about his family and my family stuff.
hahax.
and i guess that is when we become closer ba=)
we watched "the bolt"
and was enjoyable.
and before the movie wj and him was actualli playin wit the machine to pick up soft toys.
lolx.
cute lorx.
is around 1 plus after we finish watchin.
and we headed to upper seletar there de HANS to eat ba.
hahax.
then same thing.
he sended mi home=)
and under my blk.
when i reach home i send him an sms sayin thx for sendin mi back.
and is where our smses start.
i think we chatted till 2am plus and was rainin.
hahx.
he was still watchin his soccer!
and cos i still don wanna go to bed.
he was quite worri that i might not slp.
so came to pick mi up to his hse.
hahax.
but ehx!
we didnt do anithing okie!
hahax.
he let mi have his bed all by myself.
and his boster.
but he jus have his precious blanket!
hahx.
he slept at his bed chair.
but all the way till 8 am plus.
i think he was awake lerx.
when i open my eyes.
he was switchin on his mum lappi.
lolx.
and i was still lyi on his bed watchin him.
didnt talk much till we watched hot shot tgt.
hahax.
but realise that we could agure alot worx.
all the way till 12 pm plus.
i guess both was tired again.
and headed to bed to slp.
and this time round he was slpin beside mi.
did nth too but i reali do like lookin at him since then.
daddy, did i tell u this?
think no ba.
hahax.
we woke up around 2 plus and was lyin on bed side by side chatin about our relationship=)
and watch tv.
okie. that is the part.
ended up holdin hands ler=)
i didnt reali feel that we were tgt ba.
hahax.
but after we went to eat around 5pm.
he send mi home.
i was sittin infront of my com, not thinkin about him.
but my ex bf.
omg!
daddy! don scold mi horx.
but he was the one sendin mi sms when he reaches home.
ask mi why i didnt sms him.
hahax.
and is then i noe. we were tgt.
and on the 10th was the first day he met my mum, on the 9th is the first day i saw his sis.
cos went his hse eat his sis curry chicken.
lolx!
see! my memorise gd horx.
hahax.
and for the 1st month, second month, and third months was all honeymoon period.
i stayed at his hse more.
i guess 3 or 4 times a week to 6 days aweek till everyday a week.
lolx.
but of course.
he pick mi up from sembawang mrt station after my work and head back my hse for dinner everynite.
sweet horx.
everybody veri envy worx.
and problems started to come when one day he gave mi attitude and say i tied him by myside.
if i am not wrong, aweek before my bday.
but i finally left his side and went back home stay to repaint my room.
and that time both of us are not workin ler=)
hahax.
and i was quite sick that time.
cos is the period when i'm pregnant but didnt noe=)
lolx.
and my bday came.
had a fun nite in hilltop.
babii was the one footin the bill.
so nice thou we was not workin.
and he was drunk on that nite worx!
hahax.
and then afew days later we had a big quarrel again till i wanted to break up wit him.
i think this was the sec big fights we have.
the first was when i went back my hse to stay myself
and he didnt reali care much about mi.
went up to his hse and wanted to collect my stuff back.
and is the first time i saw his tears.
and gave him a big hug thou.
end up okie lerx lorx.
hahax.
he gave mi a promise that he wanted mi to be his forever that nite and i guess is the time where i am suppose to have my da yi ma! hahax.
not yet la.
and i guess is that nite that our baby is created ba.
hahax.
cos of his promise. i foolishly agreed.
and is not his forever, is mine forever ruin.
we didnt reali have agurement at first when he noes i am pregnant.
was still so sweet to mi and infact he came to my hse to stay wit mi insted of i goin over.
i love him alot.
and agurement starts where i wanted to tell his parent about baby.
cos what i was thinkin was, even if i wanna go for an abortion, his parent have the right to noe their grand children was here by our side before.
since that nite.
i lost him.
not completely.
but mostly.
he lied to mi alot after that.
till now i still didnt wanna mention it to him that i knew it lerx.
made mi wait at his hse for him till nite and come home to put mi in the cold corners.
but i have decided to end our relationship on 20 may 2009.
i stayed at his hse for 3 days till 20th.
and we stopped contactin lerx.
for more then a month.
and is onli once we met outside a yishun safra.
but totally like strangers.
i lied to him then about abortion.
but onli he didnt noe the turth of i wanna to have this baby alone.
his parent helped mi alot too.
and he was totally in his own world.
when i have to eat all sort of medicine.
and even protected him from being scolded by his and my parents.
cos afterall i did tell them, i wanted this baby all by myself.
his mum wanted mi to let him noe the truth and i did.
and slowly our relationship was back to now.
baby becomes our common topics.
he did thx mi for not hatin him.
and apologise alot for what he has done to mi.
i don mind cos i understand he jus cant accept everything in within a few months.
everything happen so fast.
but i swear that my love for him till now wasnt about baby.
i jus love him so much.
a few post earlier.
i have mention i wanna put an end to everything.
and yes, after today i stepped out of his hse.
thou i cried when i hug him jus now in the afternoon.
and i let him talk to baby princess.
smilin and playin wit him.
i actualli wanna tell him i love him.
but afterall i am aware that i am only a toy to him.
no matter how u were to treat mi.
i still love u no matter what.
is so difficult.
so difficult even to think i am soon gonna leave u like strangers.
baby is never our onli topic.
but is the main topic that agurement recently we had.
daddy, i love u.
we both knew that we couldnt be back to what we are before lerx.
but thx for stayin by myside thou.
i noe u didnt wan mi to stay by myside alone so far from home.
but is some where i feel that i could forget u easier.
i will miss u alot.
miss ur smell, miss huggin u.
miss ur smile.
miss u every single thing.
but i am sorry, this time i give up lerx.
this is the end of my blog lerx.
it started off wit u and i will end it wit u too.
thou i couldnt bear.
but is the best way to let us both free from this lock.
today i wanna use the key that onli u have to open up my heart lock.
to let u free out from now on.
thou our promise for 100 yrs,
i needa learn from now on to live without u.
when baby is out baby will still spend time wit u.
but not mi animore.
the happiest part of my life is when i have u by myside.
the best gift i ever receive is u and baby.
daddy, i reali don like to say but gd bye.

so actualli i am movin to bryan apartment in pasir ris on tuesday.
and tml prince will be helpin to move my stuff over to unpack for mi lerx.
i am goin out lerx.
to prince pub.
i noe i will meet sam.
is time i should face him ler ba.
derrick goin back london tml.
and i will be all alone from tuesday on.
frenx meetin mi is abit difficult.
but prince is is willing to be my driver!
hahax.
5 room flat, and i alone.
hahax.
bryan mum say she will ask her maid to go up to help mi do washin every 2 days.
so nice of her.
hao ba.
i may create another new blog soon.
but onli to closer frenx.
let u all noe ba=)

ilu daddy, pls takkaire lots.
baby love u too=)

xuemin

2009-07-25T22:21:00.002+08:00

ystd didnt blog. too lazy ler ba=)
hmmm.
nowadays alot of ppl stop bloggin!
jiahui, ivy, iko, pam.
i am a regular of their blog!
hahax.
luckily apple did not stop.
if not i stay at baby daddy hse very borin eh.
online nth for mi to do lerx.

ystd afternoon went to see baby again.
derrick sended mi there=)
and he acc mi in to see baby olso.
to do the spine scannin.
and BABY'S SO CUTE!
can u all imagine, my baby girl is in the position of back facin upwards.
hahax.
and i realise, everytime i go for a scannin.
EVERY doc will give out the sound, tsk!
hahax.
cos baby norti, didnt wanna let the doc scan her.
till now actualli the doc says, is mostly a baby girl.
and i was like "wth, if i start buyin my baby girl things and next month u were to tell mi is a baby boy, what am i goin to do wit my baby girl stuff?"
but of course la.
i ask doc in a polite manner.
but her reply is still "mostly is a baby girl"
okie la.
cant blame them=)
cos my baby norti.
lolx.
i olways will laugh when i hear the docs "tsk....tsk........tsk...., ur baby don wanna let us scan her (whatever)..tsk..."
lolx!
but what a cute baby i have.
hahax.
see who dare to marry her next time!
hahax.
jus like mi so "don care about ppl, i happi can ler"
hahax.
but is not a gd thing either.
which make mi headache about teachin her thing about life.
hahax.
no choice la.
hahax.
derrick was too laughin quietly when he sees baby so norti.
hahax.
but ystd was gd cos, once i go into the room baby is alreadi in that position to let doc scan her spine.
which means i don have to turn around to waitfor her to flip.
or go out walk walk and come back sec time for the scan again.
derrick then receive a call from his daddy and needed him back office to do something.
so i went down to far east to meet apple and braden.
to eat and headed to raffles to collect a small pillow that braden wanted to give to their unborn baby(customise wit baby name on it)
so cute! and we went to city hall to repair apple laptop.
and then i was tired lerx.
went back to daddy hse=)
i didnt had my dinner la, but daddy mum was so gd to packet for mi=)
and i was veiwing about baby girl names lerx.
and when daddy is back, we were both discussin about baby name.
and HE ONLI LIKE MERIS!
he stubborn la!
hahax.
but i reali reali prefer chole.
hahax.
thou i like chole, but still went to view all sort of names from A-K (the rest i will view them after i finish bloggin)
but afterall i saw, daddy onli like meris.
and he was usin his own desktop to see those names too but ended up playin games after 20 mins!
nvm la.
no different.
cos no matter how many names he look through he still wanted meris.
after veiwing to K, i was abit tired lerx.
then went to rest ler.
till today mornin, woke up at the same time wit daddy
cos i needa go to the uncle place to do my leg massage!
derrick pick mi up to acc mi go=)
and was happi to hear him say that my health did improve abit since last saturday=)
then mi and him went for breakfast.
then he send mi back to baby daddy hse lerx.
then eat 2 pieces of small donuts again.
hahax.
then went up to slp ler.
till 1 plus, went downstair to eat.
was chattin wit daddy's family.
daddy sis say the name meris sounds like malays or what so ever name.
hahax.
no nice.
hahax.
so gave suggestion about having a jap name behind the christian name.
i find it insterestin thou=)
hahax.
around 2.30pm i went up rest again.
and slept all the way till 4 plus when daddy mum asked mi over the phone wherede i wanna acc her to cwp to walk walk.
we did went to see baby stuff, some clothes, and bought pans that she wanted long ago.
hahax.
and went to eat, and cold storeage to shop for some gorceries.
then headed back home around 8pm.
went up bath and down again to acc her, and guide her how to use the new iron cum steamer that she bought.
but she has a steamer and a iron seperately at home.
lolx.
till daddy home, and here i am bloggin!
hahax.
hmmm.
ystd nite didnt slept well.
cos weather damn hot! and daddy slept the whole pilllow all by himself.
and i was like so poor thing slpin at the small pillow he put it at my side.
and this mornin he was "so nice" to ask mi.
"why u slp at the small pillow"
lolx!
who pushes mi out of the pillow de worx.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la.
i goin view some more baby name lerx.
donnoe what is wrong wit baby daddy today.
attitude out again.
but don care la.
not my problem.
hahax.
nite everybodi=)

xuemin

2009-07-24T11:13:00.003+08:00

hahax.
jus eaten breakfast and carefully walk up the stair of baby daddy hse.
donnoe why so many stairs.
lolx.
nobodi is at home now, onli mi and babyprincess.
feel so bored.
usually mornin i can talk wit daddy's mum and dad.
hahax. our normal topic was "backmouthin" their son.
lolx.
hey, i was quite gd okie.
hahax.
ystd before i head out to see baby. i helped baby daddy change the bedsheets!
even thou i am not suppose too la. but carefully did it all by myself okie!
and when daddy is back home he didnt even say thx. jus ask mi
"why u change my bedsheet for mi"
humpx. irritating freak!
ystd was chattin wit a sweet girl at nite on msn.
and of course, we started off very well as frenx.
it seems like maybe youngster has alot of common topics.
okie la!
i admit la, a mummy -to-be.
but i am still a young adult ma.
hahax.
18 yrs old onli.
thou after givin birth, my 19 bday is comin.
lolx.
okie la.
don talk about this lerx.
was on the phone wit derrick ystd.
he wanna send mi to hospital, so sweet of him worx.
apple cant acc mi to hospital lerx.
so sad!
but i jus feel like slpin lots now!
can i don go!
hahax.
baby girl make mummy so inconvinent.
u better lie back upwards to show the doc.
hahax.
she whole nite was makin feel so uncomfortable.
i donnoe why.
and somemore, daddy too.
jus becos wanna let him be more comfortable cos he got to work today.
he pushes mi out of the pillow and have it on his own.
but he was not too bad la.
noe that he will push mi out and gave mi a SMALL PILLOW when he has another big one jus above his bed.
THANKS ALOT DADDY!
lolx.
and whole day daddy move about alot(normally is mi la.)
but i think cos ystd i was reali veri tired so i was damn gd=)
onli around 7plus am today.
i woke up cos urgently needed to use the toliet.
lolx.
actualli wanna go home tonite lerx.
cos i feel that, thou everybody welcome mi here in this hse.
but is still uncomfortable for mi.
ystd daddy mum was talkin to mi when i was abit hungry and headed downstairs for some bread and milo.
hahax.
she say i listen to them alot so she is not so worri about mi.
but onli my health concern.
and she repeatedly told mi to be real careful when i walk up and down the stairs.
cos she fall before.
i am not laughin at her cos i myself a few times olso nearly fall.
so now i walk up the stair veri veri careful.
when baby daddy saw baby scan pic ystd.
he say it wasnt clear, thought got colour de!
omg, nvm la. don blame him.
he is a noob.
hahax.
but throughout all scan i love ystd ones=).
hahax.
i wanted chole as baby princess name. which daddy donnoe how to pronouch
till ystd nite when he return home i was telling him.
but he was smilling to mi and say he will think of baby name!
hahax.
then mi ehx?
lolx.
he sended mi a sms about 15 mins ago.
meris ,jermain, eve, jerlyn, kerin and chinese name to be 宝儿。
he say he like meris.
but i find it okie onli.
hahax. and the rest i don like! i don like my girl name to be under J and K
is common okie! and for the chinese name.
my cousin, her name is bao er too.
hahax.
but i told daddy we could write this down on the list ba.
then can let his dad and mum see olso.
hahax.
ask his sister help us wit the english name.
hahax.
aniway, thx daddy=)
i am bit choosy la for girlgirl.
hahax.
cos i am a girl too=)
wans everything to be prefect for our precious.
hahax.
i goin lie down awhile ler la.
hahax.
then gonna go prepare lerx.
hahax.
i love everything suddenly at this moment.
my mood is so gd today!

xuemin

2009-07-23T20:07:00.004+08:00

my baby girl!
hahax. so happi.
was smilin and laughin throughout the whole scan.
hahax.
see my baby has a sharp nose.
even the doc say, my baby face veri pretty.
but baby olso veri norti.
doc wanna scan her spine.
but she doesn wann lie back face up.
even though mi and baby daddy mum went to have a drink and back to the room again.
baby still not willing.
lolx.
so thx to her, i gotto go down hospital again tml.
my dear princess.
although mummy love u, but don bully mi okie.
hahax.
was veri tired.
after the scan went to consult doc.
and doc say baby is veri healthy=)
and my weight on the 9th july was- 44.1kg
but today my weight was 44.9kg.
okie! is there ani big difference.
lolx.
i am veri tired now, but waitin for baby daddy home to show him baby photo!
and to tell him about scan and even think of baby name.
hahax.
i have alot to do.
but i jus wanna get some rest now.
hahax.
okieokie.
excited for shoppin!
apple wanna go pick pink pink stuff wit mi.
hahax.
she horx.
givin birth few more days lerx.
hahax.
okie la.
i go lie down awhile okie.
slpy.
hahax.

xuemin

2009-07-23T11:07:00.002+08:00

jus finish preparing=)
hmmm.
ystd didnt realli slp well.
cos my lil precious veri norti.
baby lie in a donnoe what position inside mi
and my stomach was like one side swollen.
lolx.
norti baby.
hahax.
got mi veri uncomfortable.
goin off to eat wit baby daddy mum.
lolx.
then head to see baby ler!
xueqii sms mi.
lolx.
ask mi to tell her baby sex once i noe.
of course i will.
she is another precious of mine.
i scolded her once in our 18 yrs life becos of baby daddy and made her cry.
sorry babe, i didnt apologise to u yet.
but she understand ba.
no matter what!
i guess today everybody will be veri veri curious of my lil baby sex.
hahax.
i pray hard for a girl.
but still got a strong feeling is a lil devil boy!
like daddy.
lolx.
okieokie.

blog at nite=)

xuemin

2009-07-22T23:01:00.002+08:00

i am back! abit tired.

hmmm.

tml baby check up.

lookin forward.

baby this two days damn active de.

hahax.

but daddy wanna feel his kick he stopped.

lolx

i am quite down this few days.

i jus feel abit upset la.

alot of thing i wanna end it nicely.

but is olways another ending.

i olways wonder, when will i start workin hard and put myself first.

but hope i do have a chance ba.

i jus wanna be in my own world wit baby.

i reali wanna be on my own.

but am i capable is still a question.

can anibody tell mi what should i do niehx?

i jus feel quite tired ba.

being a fool/toy.

and i promise this will be my last time.

frenx who noes mi should be able to understand ba.

i am castin out relationship lerx.

cos CHEN XUEMIN don need one.

all i wan is baby by myside.

ppl are tellin mi to be more firm about how should i treat baby daddy now.

and i noe i olways mess my mind up.

but this will be the last time.

when i am back home on sunday.

i promise i will leave this nitemare.

i never ever wanna walk into it again.

i reali mean what i say.

give mi a reason to hate him and yes, i do have.

i am jus wanting both of us could actualli end in a veri nice way.

like mi and sam.

i had plans to go overseas after confinement.

to where i donnoe, but can i leave my lil precious?

i don feel safe leavin him wit daddy.

cos daddy is still so lazy, and he is still doin thing that he likes.

once in a week maybe, i will allow baby to spend time wit him ba.

baby name, i am thinkin about it ler.

and surname?

alot alot of things.

maybe a step at a time la.

i haven bought ani of baby stuff till now.

but i should start buyin lerx.

this is all my plans.

but after all alot of thing is difficult to say like my life.

i don feel well today either.

jus wanna rest alot.

but was woken up by nitemare again.

i had the same nitemare for continueous 4 days.

i dreamt that i had a miscarriage.

and i was cryin and askin baby daddy to leave.

maybe in my dream is something to do wit him ba.

is abit difficult to explain now.

but now. i needa rest ler.

gd nite everybody=)

will be bloggin tml.

to tell everybody baby SEX!

lolx.

baby jayken, mummy love u.

xuemin

2009-07-22T18:15:00.002+08:00

finally can blog ler.
alot of thing happen this few days.
wanna blog but something is wrong wit my blogger!
first of all

ppl u all should visit my links under mommies.
hmmm.
"the dead twins"
is a veri brave mummy who wanna rmb her twins.
i cried when i see her blog.
young age, i noe how unhappi she will be ba.
i am a twins myself but i reali reali alot luckier then her.
although i am a mom to be.
a single mom.
but my baby daddy still in close contact wit mi.
cos of this lil precious we had after a 3 months of being tgt.
thou fast but is not a surprise.
is the very very precious gift that baby daddy left for mi till till end of our relationship.
but the poor girl.
i reali think u are brave darling!
i noe if u have a choice, u never wan them to leave u.
cos when the babies is in u, u get to feel them.
their heartbeat, their lil breathing.
get to feel their kicks.
till now i still cry becos of ur story.
i am lucky to keep my baby wit mi.
even thou in the first place baby daddy doesnt wan mi to have it either.
i am proud to say, i rather leave baby daddy then he askin mi to go for abortion.
and maybe due to my age, jus nice 18.
although havin baby wasnt my dream and wishes for my 18 bday.
but guess what.
i still love my baby.
i am not brave to abort this lil life cos since the day i have baby in mi.
is a risk for mi.
i have a weaker body, which i never knew will be that bad till
abortion or having it, i might not be able to survive to see baby.
but even if that is the case.
i have alreadi walked 5 months myself.
is tough, but is worthy.
i don wanna think of all bad thing that gonna happen on the day baby born.
i jus hope i could live for 1 min to carry baby on my arms before anithing happens to mi.
jus for that min.
every mum is brave. cos is reali not easy.
so i trust u that u will be a great mum in future.
and tell ur children that they have this 2 lil babies siblings before.
they are gonnna be so proud on u=)
never easily trust guys alot now.
cos they don deserve us doin things for them.
so women we should depend more on ourself.
maybe i use to be a prefectionist, so i am so use to this dependence
but i am sure this is the safer way to protect urself darling.
i hope to chat to u=)
cos we can be very gd frenx to talk too.
okies.
xuemin_070323@hotmail.com
add mi=)

secondly,
i had a clean break wit sam.
but this few days i notice myself staring into blank thinkin of him.
what is he doin, is he all rite?
i wanna sms u him.
but i broke his heart.
to let him give up in a less painful ways is to leave him alone.
rite?
but my dear, i misses u.
there will be alot places we will meet each other.
i noe u have been to those places jus to see mi.
but sorry, i am avoiding.
i donnoe what will i say to u
but is best like that ba.
thx for everything u gave mi.
3 yrs back, i reali love u once.
u are a very very nice guy i met.
if i get a sec chance to turn back to 3 yrs ago.
i won give up on u.
thx for lovin mi for 3 yrs.
u olways say, "u deserve to be treated like a princess"
but is onli u are capable of doin everything so willingly for mi.
jiayou my dear.
move on=)

thirdly,
i am sick for this few days.
donnnoe why.
headaches, flu and cough.
a slight fever ystd nite thou i had medicine willingly.
for the sake of my baby, i need to learn to takkaire of myself more.
but i am so weak to move.
didnt tell my mum cos don wan let her worry.
so even at home i am still alone lookin after myself.
i had nose bleeding too.
and is quite serious
but it stops ystd ler.
luckily.
hmmm.
okie.
can i blog later when i am back meetin darlings!

ps: i am now at my baby daddy hse.
tml gonna meet baby!
to see his sex and body.
lolx.
i am lookin forward!!!!
hahax.

blog later=)

xuemin

2009-07-20T05:53:00.002+08:00

i couldnt slp well since 3 plus. was rollin on my bed like a ball.
lol.
but i am sure baby is aslp. cos i heard abitbit snorin today.
maybe is i think too much la.
but i cant feel what is baby doin in mi de la.
lol.
i was smsin wit sam.
i too reali wanna go back to what we are before.
but do u noe where our problems lies?
is cos u got no faith in mi at all.
i told u to give mi more time but u didnt.
u jus wanna quickly make mi to be totally urs.
but u didnt notice, i am movin back to where i fall again.
i noe u didnt wan everything to happen.
but is jus that maybe u have nv been in a relationship before ba.
u nv noe how it is to accept a new relationship when someone is still in ur heart.
i don blame u at all darling.
i am partly at fault for accepting u.
is not u are not gd, is u are too gd to be my bf.
sam wanna meet mi tml.
and i noe that tml is the end of both of us lerx.
sam told mi he finally willing to let go.
jus becos he love mi alot.
if i have nv met him, i might realli belong to u first.
in the afternoon around 12 plus sam wanna meet mi to go out shop awhile.
is a normal datin for couple.
i hope we could reali enjoy the last day been tgt rather then quarrel again.
even if jus for a few hrs i hav alreadi promise to be a gd gf to him tml.

tuesday or wed nite i will be goin daddy hse stay ler.
all the way till sunday nite ba.
i too think that i needa make a wise decision about mi and daddy.
is this relationship still worthy for mi to carry on holdin.
or i should concentrate jus being a mum to be related to daddy.
i have a feeling that daddy is still foolin mi.
i dk why,
but nv doubt a pregnant women instinct.
he is jus givin mi a feeling that i should have jus give birth to baby and leave him to carry on our own life.
but i could nv leave baby alone.
unless i die.
maybe i am thinkin too much again lerx.
i am not suppose to think so much de niehx.
lolx.
okie la.
i am gonna rest abitbit ler.
then think of the conclusion about mi and daddy de problems ler.
i think strongly, i should let him go on his own, give him the life that he wanted back.
i jus gotto stop contactin wit him and his family members.
have baby on my own and nv see him again lerx.

xuemin

2009-07-19T19:04:00.002+08:00

ystd spended a whole day at baby daddy hse.
he wanna talk to baby.
but seriously i donnoe how he talk to my baby lor.
jus placed his hands on my tummy and kept quiet.
but to what i noe, heart to heart talks only mummies and babies ba.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la, u happi can liao la, daddy.
lolx.
but was veri angry cos i asked him to go out wit mi buy baby stuff.
he say he is tired, wanna rest.
and at nite he go out.
i was out before him ba.
i donnoe what he is thinkin la.
reali quite upset by him la.
olways say next time next time.
make mi damn piss off de.
say one week off once or twice to rest.
then at nite go out wit frenx.
is olso becos he off ma then i can finally ask him go out buy baby thing ma.
he workin days i where will disturb him.
angry angry angry.
i ask ppl acc mi go buy lerx.
next check up olso won ask u lerx.
cos once a week off ma.
go rest lorx!
humpx!!!
angry sia.
haixyo
don say about this ler la.
he should noe what to do de.

4 more days i gonna see my lil precious lerx.
i have cancel the 3D scan lerx.
daddy didnt go, do olso pointless ba.
daddy now wans it to be boy!
so what if baby is girl niehx.
daddy don love her lerx.
lolx.
i wan girl girl, daddy wan boy boy.
but for mi okie la.
if boy boy i olso love, cos from the start i got feeling is a boy ler.
jus that still hope la.
was chattin wit apple in the afternoon.
she say she olso hope for a girl but feeling is a boy.
then reali is boy boy.
but she can have the sec baby 2 yrs later.
but i am gonna tie my fallopian tubes striaght after i give birth.
i won be able to have sec baby lerx.
feel kinda sad la. cos i wan a baby girl thou.
but no la.
no choice.
hahax.
i wanna go out but baby daddy ask mi not to go out!
so boring!
baby kick mi bitbit today lerx.
i think cos daddy not around ma.
lolx.
baby love my mummy soup.
i drink like 3 plates worx.
hahax.
but goin drink again.
and today mornin drank the 人参 that baby daddy dad buy for mi.
hmmm.
i don like it la! but no choice.
cos i noe is damn expensive worx.
small bottle onli.
lolx.
i too wanna eat normally like other ppl.
i wanna eat my fav food, tian ji zhou.
i wanna eat fried stuff, i wanna eat ice-cream.
everybodi jus tell mi cos my body weak, and needa think of baby.
how i hope my body can be as well as other pregnant ppl.
my weight is onli 44kg now even 5 months pregnant.
i eat more tonic stuff then thing i wanted.
medicine olso alot more then others.
but for baby sake i cant complain much.
in the first place i am the one insisting keepin him.
so no matter what i have no right to complain.
i noe is onli 4 months plus left
that means i onli have 4 more months to enjoy.
daddy asked mi not to think so negatively.
but u all are not mi, nobody understand.
i too wanna see baby grow, i too wanna carry baby.
but i got no choice either.
as i say, baby grows bigger in mi everyday, i feel weaker.
i can look fine, but is jus in mi i reali reali feel so tired.
even scare to go out early in the mornin especially.
not feelin well sometimes too but didnt say, cos don wan ppl to be worry about mi.
hope that i could spend my first chirstmas wit baby, his first month, chinese new yr, and my own bday.
but i could onli try to think happily ba.
wherede is allowed, i donnoe ler.
as long as baby safe and sound i am happi lerx.
no matter what is gonna happen, baby still have daddy around.
nobody love baby more then mi.
even daddy, u jus say u love baby, but u did nth at all.
i am gonna rest bitbit ler.
headache today.
maybe nite goin out again lerx ba.

xuemin

2009-07-18T03:29:00.003+08:00

jus now headed for a last mins bbq.
was still abit moody ba.
i did eat at least 3 chicken wings and 3 small susauge.
baby daddy still didnt take initiative to meet up wit mi jus to talk to lil percious.
is this how important ur our thing is?
it take onli 5 mins to talk to baby jayken to let baby feel alot better.
and it won take u too long to miss out a date wit other ppl.
i don understand why.
reali.
baby is still unhappi.
cos no reaction thou.
i mean his super kick stops since ystd ba.
what can mummy do for u?
haix, i jus don wan baby to be unhappy.
ppl are all tellin mi to stay happi no matter what.
but i feel rather heartache and upset ba.
i hope i am not ridiculous jus to ask u to talk to baby ba.
baby jus don wanna listen to mi.
maybe when u talk to him urself, he may understand.
is not like askin u to give mi a million bucks ba.
my dear daddy, is it difficult.
i don have to say more lerx.
u can realise urself that how important baby is to u.
as i say, if that is the case.
i will nv gonna take initiactive to look for u then.
which mean can forget it waitin for mi to tell u about baby stuff since baby so less important to u.
i am worried sick now becos baby upset.
but to u is like nth, breakin two ppl promise at the same time u feel no pain.
but have u ever notice, i have nv been so angry about u breakin promise till this.
if baby nv forgive u, i won too.
don say i am stressin u this time.
cos i didnt!
even thou is ur colleague don wanna change off day wit u.
even thou i do understand is ur work.
but in this matter, u still broke ur lil precious heart rite.
u could have come all the way to meet mi for 5 mins jus to talk to baby ba.
am i askin too much.
forget it la.
as i mention ler.
this is how important baby to u.
i reali don see a need to give u chances over and over again.
u should noe that i mean every single word i say.
have u ever thought of why i wanna tell u that i decide to have baby when i actualli lies to u.
cos everybody tells mi that i should give u a chance to learn to be a gd dad.
for the past 5 months.
have i ever asked u to do anithing for baby?
even when u say "pls, if need ani help for baby, u will do anithing"
my reply to u is olways "i am okie, baby's fine."
is my fault pampearin u too much or u reali reali won change.
i gave u a chance to make a gd dad examples.
i have been tellin everybody that i see a slight changes in u.
and i believe u could.
is not about the promise that we cant blame u.
is all about ur action thou it wasnt ur fault.
i mean jus like when ur frenx wanna meet u today, and u say u cant make it.
but u will surely meet them the followin day.
and i can feel ur frenx are even important now in ur life.
baby lil hope jus to see u.
baby lil love for u and big big trust that daddy love baby alot.
but what have u done for him daddy.
have u ever feel that he needs u?
have u ever think that he is waiting for u.
have u ever wonder how active he is even i said.
have u ever pending for the day to see him like how i did?
have u ever feel that maybe if u talk to baby urself, baby might understand.
and baby could stop givin temper.
have u ever care how much baby eats today?
have u ever care about how big is ur lil precious now?
have u ever notice i am olways the one tellin u this and that all about baby even thou u didnt ask.
have u ever feel that i am so tired of takin initiative doin this and that.
even u are not by our side, i am olways tellin baby.
"daddy is busy workin, so he wans mi to greet u gd nite"
"daddy is workin now, he wans u to be gd and don make mummy angry"
"daddy is workin now, daddy say he love u"
"daddy is working today, but he greets u gd morning"
is olways the same excuses "daddy is workin"
even when baby is by ur side.
u didnt even greets him
is that so important baby to u.
i don like to lie.
but why am i olways lying to my lil baby that "daddy is workin"
when u are out wit ur frenx, when u are busy at home slpin, when u hurt his lil heart.
have u ever ask urself, how much do u love baby jayken?
i don understand at all.
why is olways the same thing.
i nv ask u to do anithing for baby before, but jus hope for the day u would say and do it urself.
i am so happi when u promise mi that u will go tgt wit mi.
and twice u said.
but u nv gonna do it.
is onli once a month an appointment.
u could meet ur frenx like every nite as and when u are happi.
rite.
daddy, pls understand mi abit too.
i seldom give u temper too.
and u do noe how much i let u do things that u like.
i rather i do everything myself then askin u to do it.
no matter how u treat mi, i am olso all right.
but i hoep u reali can noe that i am tryin hard to talk to baby about u
but baby may start wonderin, "where is daddy?"
if u were baby, will u be happi?
my dear daddy, this is all i could say.
do whatever u like ler ba.
if u wanna be angry then go ahead olso.
i don wanna give a fuck damn to u ler ba.
baby and i can live well without u by our side too de.
i could onli say if u miss this one and onli chance, u better don regret.
cos this is all i can help and give u.

baby so innocent.
sorry, mummy reali cant do much for u.
mummy is still veri upset too.
plus i am even worry about ur condition.
but no matter what, mummy promise u.
whatever it is, mummy will nv leave u.
meetin u is the veri very important things to mi now.
i am cryin now cos i jus feel heartache.
i am sorry baby.
but i reali hope u could listen to mummy and stop givin mummy temper ler.
i don feel gd when u stop kickin mi.
i don feel gd when i feel u upset.
i jus don feel gd.
can anibody tell mi what to do now?
every mom noe that baby emotion effect us alot too.
i try to make myself happi jus to make baby happi everyday thou i am very tired.
but baby is so stubborn now.
i feel so lost.
donnoe how long will baby takes to cool down.
i am tired lerx.
abit sick today.
cough abit and flu for the whole day.
body quite weak cos i think didnt eat enough food this 2 days.
even i were to force myself.
baby temper so bad.
haix.
what can i do?
i am gonna go wash my face again cos of my tears.
then go slp lerx.
tryin to talk to baby again ba.

xuemin

2009-07-17T18:35:00.003+08:00

edited
facebook-ing is so bored nowadays.
nonesence qiuz and firend request.
actualli not much different compare wit friendster.
hmmm. gonna blog abitbit la. before i decide wherede i am gonna stay at home today or go out till nite again.
but gotto wake up abit early tml.
jus scare baby daddy parent will ask mi to go their hse till late afternoon tml.
but hopefully not
prince has asked mi to go down to pub tonite cos he misses mi.
but i was told that sam will be there tonite.
i donnoe wherede i should go cos i feel very uncomfortable now due to our cold war.
i jus force myself to eat bitbit of plain rice.
i noe is not enough, but baby still don feel like eatin.
i still feel like vomiting now.
headache abit la.
but still worry about baby lots.
3 more plus more to baby 21 weeks.
but baby still so unhappi.
okie la. gonna talk to baby awhile before i think wherede i am goin out for the nite anot.
hope baby can listen to mi ba=)

xuemin
9.22pm

woke up at 5 plus today.
slept quite late ystd again.
cos i was on the phone wit sam.
and meanwhile packin my room bitbit.
had a small agurement again wit sam ystd.
but for mi, i reali find it quite pointless ler.
i didnt sms him for the whole day ystd.
and he too was busy wit his stuff.
but he told mi he is waiting for mi to sms instead of he start smsin wit mi.
ani different?
we talk about things, my blog, my lappi and my phone.
cos is all still about mi and him.
all the pics, all the themes, and my password.
i was jus ignorin all those words that sam said.
and busy packin my room.
i jus don understand.
u noe i am in a damn bad mood ystd and u wanna find agurement wit mi.
but i didnt even get effected by u ba.
cos i am reali upset by baby daddy ler.
u are now jus usin "my bf" to tie mi by urside.
but my heart nv belongs to u.
u noe it better then everybody, cos u are changing.
pethaticly, u are a nuisence.
i don wanna say, but u should reali think of what u and i both reali wanted.
i wanted to be free from u.
but u?
i won get effected by u de la.

baby kick mi abit this afternoon when i woke up.
actualli is evenin ler.
cos i woke up at 5 pm.
lolx.
baby kick mi i think he is tellin mi he is abit hungry.
but when i see the food that mum cook.
and again, i don feel like eatin.
so since ystd whole day till today now. i onli ate 3 slices of bread and a cup of hot milo.
mum cooked dinner.
but i totally don feel like eatin.
still thinkin of those unhappi stuff la.
but quite tired thou.
maybe slpin early tonite. cos tml mornin i needa meet baby daddy dad to the uncle for leg massage.
so slpy la.
lolx.
baby till now no reaction lerx.
worry about baby again.
haix.
why temper so bad sia.
baby daddy sended mi an sms ystd nite.
ask mi to say gd nite to baby, and sorry.
but baby doesnt seems to be happi even i mention this.
i can feel that baby reali reali upset.
cos baby 5 months le, nv saw daddy before.
and when daddy finally promise to meet up but broke promise again.
i hope baby is not cryin in mi.
cos i donnoe jus feel reali heartache.
i jus can say to baby daddy.
if u are sincere enough to apologise to baby.
talk to baby urself ba.
but don promise baby anithing ler!
cos u will break his heart again de.
i rather i feel abit terrible by baby kickin then baby so quiet in mi.
i feel so upset and lost now.
i didnt wanna blame baby daddy but i am angry now cos baby still cant forgive him.
no matter how i talk to baby, baby jus ignore mi.
is onli when i ask baby wherede baby still angry.
he kick mi.
normally this time baby is active de.
baby mummy pls u not to let mi worry can.
i realli donnoe what else i can do or say to le baby don feel so upset.
but what i noe is, he love daddy alot.
but daddy reali love him too?
i donnoe lerx.
cos i was thinkin whole nite ystd.
daddy nv do anithing for baby before.
nv ever.
but baby still love and trust u so much.
as i told u, everybody still waitin for the day u change.
but as for mi, i don reali noe how to trust u ler.
nv hurt my baby again.
if not i will nv gonna forgive u too.

xuemin

2009-07-16T23:34:00.003+08:00

today woke up at 3 plus.
i was so tired.
but was woken up by my dear jayda.
hahax.
cant slp after she call.
was thinkin wherede did she had a quarrel wit her bf.

hmmm.
4 plus, receive a sms from baby daddy.
damn sad/angry/dissapointed!
donnoe which temper should i be in.
he told mi that he cant go wit mi to see baby on 23rd.
and i was like haix.
even wanna book an 3D scan for him to see baby throughly.
but i don see a need then.
is baby 5 months old.
and i have thought he long took a leave or a off day jus becos he noes is important to mi and baby.
maybe not to him ba.
i feel so sad.
but couldnt get angry cos his reason is his colleague dont wanna change off day wit him.
jus could onli feel so sad.
and honestly, yes i cried abit.
cos he broke his promise again.
blame it on mi to trust him so much.
he nv noes how important it is to mi.
and i have talk to baby about daddy won be able to make it.
and baby kicked mi once and till now.
i don feel anithing from baby.
baby giving mi temper till now, which i donnoe what to do.
i didnt eat for the whole day.
but onli 3 small potatoes stuff(finger food)
jus got no appetite to eat and i reali feel so tired.
i am so worri now about baby.
cos reali no reactions.
i noe baby is upset to.
but what to do, i could onli tell baby that daddy is workin.
till now i still feel very upset.
went out wit apple jus now at 5plus, acc her go eat.
but she did cheer mi up abit.
thx babe for accompanyin mi too.
i don intend to go out today ler.
kinda slpy.
but derrick wanna meet mi out cos i told him i didnt eat.
but is useless la.
no matter what u place infront of mi now.
i won have ani appetite.
cos baby is still givin mi temper.
i am havin a bit gastric ba, cos drank 2 cups of bubble tea onli.
maybe is cos i didnt eat but the drinks are cold.
i needa talk to baby.
hopefully baby will be okie tml.
if not i wil be worry sick.
ppl won understand how sad baby is, but i do.
cos i am havin the same feeling.

on 23rd my plan is to meet baby, then after that go shop for baby thing.
since we noe his sex then we could start preparin ler.
but everything cancel.
somemore worst thing is baby daddy is totally not into goin shoppin wit mi for baby stuff.
his reply was "u call my mum acc u lor"
i was like. "ur mum is not baby daddy!"
i understand is not important but u are tryin to show mi that u are goin to break ur another promise.
and tellin to tell mi that, onli the day i asked u to be free then u are free to acc mi out to get baby stuff, and that the rest of ur offs are left for ur frenx or whoever else is important then baby.
who told mi before he is willin to do everything for baby too.
why everything is still mi and mi alone!
i don understand.
i was so upset today, guess nobody will understand de ba.
idk what else i can say, cant give temper.
but i noe i still feel like crying thou.
if that is the case, rest assure that i won disturb u and won tell u anithing about baby animore.
cos in ur heart, the ppl u outcasted is nv ur frenx.
but is olways ur own family, mi and baby.
i don mid u treatin mi this way, leavin mi in ur hse alone.
but this is the first promise u broken to baby.
i did tell u before.
babies is sensitive.
i knew it beocs they trust us.
haix.
donnoe la.
upset upset upset.

xuemin

2009-07-16T02:16:00.002+08:00

ystd mornin i woke up at 7.15am to wait for baby daddy dad call.
and onli receive his call at 8.45am.
lolx.
but had my small breakfast cos baby jayken hungry.
small rain in the mornin and i receive sms from sam askin mi to becareful.
but early in the mornin i was down wit a slight flu.
baby daddy dad came to fetch mi and we head to yishun blk 732
the uncle that help mi to massage told us alot of stuff.
and indeed, i do feel alot better then before.
but suddenly feel very very tired.
lolx.
when we finish everything is around 10 plus ler.
baby daddy dad sended mi home.
but before i could step into my room.
sam call to say he bring mi out for breakfast.
he saw mi veri slpy, so didnt reali talk nonesence to mi.
but he was so caring.
don noe how to explain.
jus feel that, bf is so nice guy.
he send mi home straight after i finish eatin.
and online awhile and i slept.
all the way till 3 plus.
a few smses. from zoe, derrick, sam, prince and krist.
and msn from jiahui.
hahax.
hmmm.
but woke up veri moodless.
chat wit jiahui awhile and i was so hungry.
my baby jayken reali do noe how to eat alot worx.
baby daddy mum then called mi.
she is still sick, but she told mi baby daddy wasnt workin today and asked mi why i didnt head back to her hse wit her husband jus now.
lolx.
i didnt noe ma.
is not my plan la.
but went to her hse thou.
but sam and i was havin lil quarrel again.
he is so so sensitive.
i ignore him ba.
and ask him not to contact mi unless i contact him.
lolx.
i jus feel is ridiculous.
mus i have ur premission to do everything that i wanted.
u are my bf, but not husband.
and i guess i nv will allow anione to suffocate mi till this extend de ba.
at baby daddy hse.
he is havin flu olso.
and was restin alot.
lolx.
but he did sayang his lil percious too.
and guess what.
after he did that baby was so gd today.
baby love daddy alot too.
hahax.
i can see my own future like a slave to this two Mr.Poh!
hahax.
i donnoe why i jus feel so safe when baby daddy is wit mi.
i don wanna go aniwhere else de, but i have met zoe, jiahui,apple and ivy ler.
but zoe go home and left mi,apple,jiahui and ivy at ardmarity.
today everybodi was like quite tired la.
ivy went home earlier, but mi, apple and jiahui went home around 1am.
i was so hungry!!!
baby jayken, can u stop all this eatin!!
hahax.
let mummy rest better can.
lolx.
if i noe u will be norti i will jus stay at ur daddy hse.
hahax.
i noe le!
baby, u scare of ur daddy rite!!
hahax.
lolx.
sam came to meet mi awhile to talk to mi.
he apologise for being so unreasonable.
but he said alot of stuff that when i think, i jus feel so bad.
if i cant love him, i needa ask him to let go too.
shouldnt have start all this.
i noe u reali reali love mi alot.
but my love for him nv lose to anithing too.
u should have noe better then other ppl that i jus wan him.
everything about mi and him cant be taken away by others.
cos he is my one and onli.
i listen to him alot.
his words overtake alot of ppl concern.
if can i nv wanna let him go.
but as long as he is happi too.
what he give mi u cant do.
u think twice ba.
i cant give u anithing, even promises.
cos i have given him everything.
if this continues, the onli person will get hurt is u.
i am tired lerx.
baby slpin lerx.
jus now daddy greeted him and mi gd nite=)
hahax.
norti baby.
i might have nightmares tonite of u and daddy ganged up to bully mi.
hahax.
big possiblity
lolx.
hao ba.
gd nite to everybody=)
and gd nite to daddy too.
7 more day to see baby ler.

i miss and love u=)

xuemin

2009-07-15T03:11:00.002+08:00

ystd nite around 8pm met apple, jiahui mummy and zoe.
and then joyce and bf came to meet us awhile onli la.
we this few girls is like so bitchy la!
hahax.
chat till 1 plus.
zoe went home earlier.
hahax.
so much things to talk.
i didnt went to the pub ystd nite for the countdown.
cos i was feelin abit tired.
and still quite angry about sam la.
haixyo.
don care him.
he was quite upset about mi not there to celebrate wit him.
hmmm.
but he didnt call mi either.
but he sms mi.
which made mi feel abit bad.
okie la=)
apologise to him lerx.
today woke up quite late.
3 plus.
lolx.
but 4 plus sam came to pick mi up to his hse ler.
but he noes i was not feeling well.
i do reali look abit sick in the afternoon.
havin a bad flu.
and headache.
so around 6 plus.
i told him i am reali not feelin well to attend his bluffet dinner.
he wanted to send mi home.
but derrick sent mi home cos sam cant leave the place.
didnt reali talk to him alot today.
but can see la, he was feeling quite upset.
i did send him a sms sayin i am reali sorry.
but he say he understand mi not feeling well.
veri sweetly ask mi to go home and rest.
but 9pm i went out wit wj, cos he meetin iko to see their dog(christmas)
realise iko seems to be okie now.
is gd that she endure all sufferin ler.
jiayous worx.
then when sendin iko home, we went to pick up zoe.
and then head to ardmarity to meet apple and jiahui again!
hahax.
wj left awhile later to meet ys and yx.
hahax
around 2 weeks nv meet them guys lerx.
jus feel suddenly not as close as we use to be.
but nvm la.
we four girls was chit chattin there olso.
laugh and laugh.
hahax.
was reali quite fun talkin to them la.
hahax.
jokkin about our babies, and alot la.
hahax.
tupid thing is, we are sitting in mac but buyin cup noodles or drinks and titbits from 7/11.
okie, today i didnt okie.
apple,jiahui and zoe.
but ystd i bought mee goreng from the pasa balang.
hahax.
cute rite. hahax.
all the way till 1plus too.
hahax.
so tired.
but cant slp niehx.
hahax.

tml i needa wake up quite early thou.
baby daddy dad called mi today.
he say he asked the uncle to come help mi massage my leg.
cos very cramp and tired la.
hahax.
so nice=)
he say the uncle will be at yishun around 8 plus.
so around 7 plus i will needa wake up to wait for their calls.
gd girl rite.
hahax.
baby daddy mummy and daddy so gd worx.
hahax.
like them so much.
but they olways ask mi to eat fish!
i scare.
hahax.
cos i still feel like vomittin when i see fishes.
hahax.
somemore they like to order fish cooked wit garlic.
hahax.
omg!!!
haahx.
but still eat la.
cos i noe is gd for my health.
my lil percious this few days veri veri norti.
hahax.
but mummy still love u=)
maybe when baby out lerx.
i might not get use to baby not in mi.
cos baby answer mummy by kickin.
hahax.
when they agree, they won kick.
but when they disagree to what u tell them. hahax.
the super kick.
cute rite.
hahax.
guys should be envy that they cant feel ba.
hahax.
i have nv thought of being a mummy before.
but when i noe baby jayken is in mi.
i am actualli veri happi.
not becos u belong to mi and ur daddy.
even without ur daddy, mummy has alreadi decide to bring u up alone.
i noe i am still young.
i noe alot of thing i am still immature.
but since the day i welcome baby, i noe i jus wanna protect baby.
when doctor broke news to mi tellin mi that due to my health.
abortion or giving birth is both a danger to mi.
i cried alone and feel so upset.
till now i am still scare.
cos there is no 100% of mi surviving.
i wanna meet my baby too.
i am tryin jus to think of my future wit baby.
seeing baby grow and eat.
not to think of the negative things.
working hard now but is so tough.
i noe my body la.
being a gd mom is not to learn, is to go through and sacrify.
i will do anithing for this lil life in mi.
thou i don look 5 months pregnant.
but it reali doesnt matter la.
cos baby is still in mi.
rite.
a mother heart nv change.
i failed to be a gd frenx, i failed to be a gd daughter, i failed to be a gd gf.
but i swear and promise.
i won let myself fail to be a gd mummy.
xuemin is so proud to tell ppl that, i am havin baby jayken in mi.
it will nv be a disgrace to mi.
although still alot of ppl pointing their fingers at mi and gossipin about this pregnancy.
i still feel abit upset.
but i don blame them.
cos they have never been through all this alone before.
i am so thxful that all of my relative was still so supportive.
even my elder sis.
she olways love to show that kinda irritating face.
but i noe since young she still dote mi alot.
i still rmb when i am olways beaten up by mum when i was young.
she is olways the one to protect mi.
cos she noe that nobodi love mi at home.
no matter what, she is olways a sister to mi.
i am so so proud to tell everybody i am havin baby jayken, cos of their support.
this is gonna be my one and onli baby.
i have decide to do the op to tie my fallopian tubes to prevent giving birth lerx.
a few reason why ba.
cos i don wanna go through pregnancy alone again.
i don trust guys to stay faithful when women pregnant ba.
the other reason is, i will nv gonna have babies with other guys and neglect my own lil percious.
even if he grow up, i can onli tell him.
mummy reali reali love u alot.
but i will never gonna dote on other lerx.
hahax.
alot of ppl tellin mi not too la.
cos i am still young to be a mummy again.
but i olways tell myself tha i wanna be my partner one and onli.
i needa prove that everybody to mi is one and onli=)
silly mi horx.
but i guess this is the best solution for mi.

sam sms mi, telling mi everything ended lerx.
he say he is tired.
and he miss mi alot=)
i am sorry my dear.
thou i am still angry wit u. but i missed ur bday.
u didnt blame mi either.
thx for being so understand although i am so so xiao qi.
and i haven say this to u.
HAPPI BDAY=)
sorry for my late wishes this yr.
but i hope everything still so gd for u.

now is abit too late lerx.
i left 3 hrs plus of slpin time.
goin slp ler.
tired!
hahax.
nitenite everyone.

i miss you alot.

xuemin

2009-07-13T16:07:00.002+08:00

wasnt in my best mood thou.
ystd nite before i slp.
called bf and had a veri bad quarrel.
3yrs, we never had a quarrel.
i noe i am in the fault.
i am sorry.
but to what u ask mi, i reali don noe how to answer u.
becos i admit u reali noe mi well.
our agurement started becos he suddenly become so unreasonable.
i tried to give in at first.
but he was still so angry about mi out wit frenx and didnt let him noe till he called mi.
i was askin him, why cant we be like how we use to be.
and his reply wake mi up.
cos i am his gf now.
yes, i noe.
but pls don expect mi to be that kinda gf that report to u every single thing i am doin.
u should noe mi well.
the more u wanna tie mi the more i will run away.
yes, i noe i noe and i noe.
u are freakin stressin mi.
i told u in the first place.
is not easy for mi to have an relationship now.
but pls don think u will ever gonna change my mind in anithing now.
i told u i am sorry to treat u so cold.
i am sorry to neglect ur feelings.
but don suffocate mi pls.
u say u don wan ani quarrel between us.
but why are we havin such a bad agurement early in the mornin!
who is the one ridiculously says u jus wanna be wit mi even if i say i need more time.
pls bf, i am so sick and tired of agurement and quarrels.
never ever i expect u to be the one too.
tml is ur bday.
and u said that ur best present u alreadi receive.
but are u happi.
am i happi?
am i wrong askin u make a decision?
don come tellin mi that u don expect all this to happen.
waiting for mi for 3 yrs plus, jus wanna wait till the day i can accept u.
but now we are tgt, don u think u wasted a 3 yrs for nth on mi.
u can wait a few yrs more but do u think i am still the best choice for u?
when u were to meet another women that is willing to do anithing for u.
listen to u and never so stubborn.
do u think u still love mi even if u spended 3 yrs on mi?
to mi, love aint a game animore.
is a gamble to my life.
jus like my baby jayken in mi.
i jus wanna use my whole life to protect the ones i reali love.
i have alot of guys frenx.
if u cant accept mi and my frenx as what they are then i won be bother about u.
cos frenx are important to mi.
i use to give up all my frenx becos of a guy.
and now i won make the same mistake twice.
i don blame u to be so anti social.
but i will blame u if u ever try to stop mi hanging out wit all my frenx.
cos u will never gonna be the one to change my mind.
and very very nonesence thing is u are actualli piss off of a dead person.
bryan is alreadi not in this world ler.
and he is a very gd frenx to mi.
how can u say all this nasty words on him.
am i wrong to scold u for being so immature now.
i olways thought u are different from others.
cos 21 yrs old but u gotto handle the whole company by urself.
i guess u are reali mature enough to start ur own family ler.
but is reali reali ridiculous when u start spouting nonesence
u don tell mi how insecure u feel being wit mi.
i am olways like this.
but if u trust mi u should noe when i have a bf, i will never gonna care about other guys.
i may have alot of guys frenx but i will never gonna do anithing to betray u.
even derrick noes this.
once i have a bf, i won even glance at hunks.
u still say u are my bf!
oh pls.
what do u wan mi to do, my dear.
i am so sick and tired of all this lerx.
can u stop?
how gd we may look, how sweet we may be infront of others tml.
u should noe, after today morning.
don expect much from mi lerx.
i am not gonna be the one cryin to u askin u to stay by myside.
i am not gonna be the one to pls u not to leave mi.
i am better off alone!
i didnt slp the whole morning thou.
so pls, don spam mi sms and phone calls.
i am not into pickin up and replying ur msg till i feel alot better later on.
i am havin a headache.
so plsplspls.
don irritate mi for now

mornin i met derrick for breakfast as i couldnt slp well.
and nearly fainted today again.
maybe cos alot of days i not enough slp lerx.
but till now still feel unwell.
donnoe why niehx.
derrick was shock and worry.
but i told him is normal la.
for my case la.
lolx.
i told him i don wan sam to be the one fetchin mi to pub today later at nite.
then he say he will then.
tml is a veri busy day for us.
i too gotto wake up early and head to sam hse.
donnoe do what olso.
but i might jus slp in his hse first.
mike and sebes will be bringin their own girls.
donnoe who again la.
haixyo.
but prince and derrick will be a gay thou.
lolx.
i noe even if i am angry wit sam tml.
i still gotto wait till tml party over.
cos 6.5k ppl will be there to celebrate for him.
mummy told mi jus on the party she spended $650, 000.
and sam bday present is his new care that cos more then a million.
percious ma.
mummy intend to change my 7 inches heels to flats.
but the dress i am wearing suits better wit heels niehx.
she is scare that i might trip over things again.
lolx.
mummy! stop bringing the incident up la.
maybe change to a lower heels ba.
krist called mi to ask what am i wearing for tml nite party.
she horx.
olways wanna fight wit mi over "the most attractive person" on parties!
i told her is a summer design dior pink dress imported from paris.
she noe she lost.
cos she is wearin a customize dress.
but black.
hahax.
colour alreadi lose ler la.
hahax.
but our "fight" is a friendly one la.
so don worry we will end up havin cats fight.
lolx.
donnoe krist bbay will be comin anot.
and i heard that mummy invited one of company's partner CEO daughter.
lolx.
is the one who wanna woo sam before de.
actualli tml mi and sam will be handlin alot of this type of women ba.
cos firstly, he is rich and he is a hunk ma.
all the bosses will introduce their daughter to him.
but alot of them has alreadi given up lerx.
i have met a few thou.
but,is kinda funny la.
lolx.
donnoe what funny thing will happen again tml.
but once sam told mi that in him i will olways be the lead person.
but derrick told mi that too.
lolx.
okies, guys- pls fight among urself then.
hahax.
i am still piss off by sam la!!!
all the "face" that u need i will give it to u de.
but as i mention, don expect much!

and noe about baby jayken!
i am thinkin about changing his chinese name niehx.
this one still needa discuss wit baby daddy ba.
and baby has been so active ystd and today.
i feel his kick like nobody business.
hahax.
hungry so easily!
mummy don wanna grow fat fat horx.
if not ask ur daddy pay for my slimming programme.
hahax.
which i think he will jus tell mi "not my problem"
but he gotto think.
is becos of baby horx!!!
hahax.
see like, guys will never understand us women suffering de.
hahax.
10 more days to see baby jayken lorx!!
excited!!!
but still needa think wan do the 3D ultrasound scan or the normal one.
hahax
headache la.
lolx.
if i were to ask baby daddy olso useless la.
he will onli say, i happi can ler lorx.
but i guess 3D scan better rite.
hahax.
i am reali tired now la.
before jiahui wanna meet mi i goin lie down awhile.
but first, baby hungry again la.
gotto satify baby then myself ma.
if not i cant rest de.
lolx.
blog when i am free at nite later ba=)

i miss u.

xuemin

2009-07-13T03:44:00.002+08:00

today woke up in the afternoon.
went ardmarity wit ivy.
then bubble tea and went home.
actualli thought will be meeting zoe and jiahui straight.
but jiahui went malaysia wit her mother-in-law and her mother.
and zoe was still slpin all the way till 5 plus.
lolx.
i didnt go iko hse either.
then end up sam came to pick mi up to his hse.
jus to try the dress for tml.
veri nice dress la.
pink de.
=)
thx mummy.
mummy actualli wans mi to stay there de.
but i told her i have plans.
but went back home jus to wait for zoe all the way till 8 plus.
went triple 8 la.
then after went singing till jus reach home.
frankly speaking.
i am abit tired.
didnt have gd slp recently.
donnoe why nitemares alot.
haix.
i need a gd rest thou.
my hse is so noisy.
sam keep askin mi to go his hse stay.
but i donnoe why.
jus didnt wanna go there.
sam was quite angry wit mi thou.
cos i was wit my guys frenx and zoe.
but i didnt even wanna spend time wit him.
but i jus donnoe why.
feel kinda weird thou.
derrick wanna meet mi early in the mornin for breakfast.
but i guess i will onli wake up in the afternoon.
he say he wanna talk to mi.
but was so secretive(not convinent to talk on phone)
then tml meet him ler.
will meet jiahui ler.
and zoe will come meet us at nite after her work.
then at nite they got countdown party at prince pub for sam bday

i reali reali donnoe what to do then is right lerx.
being wit sam is actualli a happi thing ba.
but even he say, i don feel so happi as before.
but why?
i jus wanna avoid him.
i don wanna care about him.
i jus wanna be in my own world wit my own group of frenx.
but now not him.
is like i suddenly outcasted him out of my life.
but he is now offically my bf.
i wanna be gd to him.
but i cant.
i noe what is stoppin mi.
but what else can i do?

and about zoe now.
i have asked her to abort.
thou i reali feel bad.
cos i am a mother to be myself.
and same situation.
i noe i should have ask her to be strong and have the baby.
but her bf is so much worst then my baby daddy.
my baby daddy is only immature.
but he has change abit lex.
and for the first 2 month of my prenancy
i still have him.
when i feel like eatin tian ji zhou, he buys up for mi=)
when we are watchin tv in my room.
he noes i love to lie on his lapp.
he will allow.
and he still love and dote mi like his one and only=)
everything i wanna do he will allow mi, as long as i am happi.
we still play and still like a veri sweet couple=)
i am lucky cos i did enjoy for 2 months wit him by myside.
right daddy?=)
now think back.
i am reali alot better then zoe.
her bf is a jerk!!!!!
fuck that kinda guy off.
but afterall.
is up to zoe la.
we as her frenx could onli support her now.
don wish to see her get into depression.
jiayou worx babe.
i can guide u for now but not forever.
but is reali tough on single mum.
i am goin through all this shit.
so i do noe.
and now baby daddy still wit mi ma.
thou broke up lerx.
but he is still responsible ba.
but he needs alot more time ba.
jiayou worx daddy.
i don wanna stress u either to be a gd daddy.
cos i too donnoe that wherede can i be a gd mummy either.
but as ppl tell mi.
being a gd mummy gotto wait till baby out and slowly adapt and learn.
i could teach u alot of things.
but hope u could promise mi to work hard abit wit mi to takkaire of baby.
like how to bath baby jayken.
how to make baby slp.
teach baby what is right and wrong tgt.
u are a gd guy, but jus need time to be a man.
i noe that day will come cos i trust u.
and i see abit in u now lerx.
=)

i reali need a gd slp lerx.
veri veri tired.
sam jus sms mi that he needa talk to mi.
well well.
i will needa give him a call first ba.
gd nite everybody=)

i love and miss u lots=)

xuemin

2009-07-12T04:06:00.002+08:00

jus now in the evening went to ardmarity wit jiahui.
hmmm.
but didnt eat
so whole day onli eat porriage, small bowl in the afternoon that mummy cook.
not much appetite.
maybe cos still abit feeling unwell
hahax.

i got to noe zoe olso pregnant for a month.
haixyo.
same situation as mine.
her bf immature.
feel that she is so poor thing.
cant help her alot.
but could onli talk to her about my "story"
hope she understand.
maybe i am alot better then her now is cos baby daddy and mi is still quite gd now.
i guess thou i am not married to him.
but i am alot happier then the other garlx.
cos i got nth to worry.
only "when can i see baby?"
hahax.
so apple worries mi alot.
jiahui olso and now zoe.
u all are all my frenx.
and we are all goin through pregnancy now.
i noe u all de pain.
jiayou worx garlx.
we all can make it de=)

jus now sam sms mi.
ask mi wherede i am free tml.
all i told him is "sorry dear, i am fully booked"
then he called mi.
ask mi who booked mi.
hahax.
i intend to slp till afternoon tml.
cos now so late haben slp.
lolx.
and then wake up maybe needa go iko hse find her talk talk.
long time didnt see her ler=)
then after that i meeting ivy ba.
and meeting zoe, jiahui later after i finish meet ivy.
all garlx niehx
why no guys date mi.
got la.
derrick!
hahax.
sam wanted ask mi out datin.
sorry my dear.
ur gf mi so fully occupied everyday.
hahax.

but actualli if tml afternoon i will receive call from baby daddy mum.
i will maybe head to her hse rather then iko de.
cos she is not feelin well now.
needa go see her.
quite worry about her olso.
hear her voice like quite sick.
haixyo.
tell baby daddy he olso won care much de.
hmmm.
cos he busy workin ma.
but sam was abit unhappi again.
but he gotto accept it.
sam complain alot nowadays worx.
but he noes is useless.
so could onli complain to derrick and derrick called mi to nag.
lolx.
but all i could say is.
give mi more time ba.

despite all this thing i am worryin now.
grand dad is olso a problem.
he left hospital and back home to rest ler.
but hse nobody free to look after him.
and my mum brother and sis are onli eyeing for his money.
haix.
so unfair to him.

sam bday is olso another problem.
i haben go try the dress.
haben do anithing.
haixyo.
they all olways rush mi la.
but is less then 48 hrs lerx.
wat to do.
maybe if tml got time abit.
slot in time to go try on the dress ba.
but run here run there i am tired
i jus hope i could stay somewhere i wanna be and slp while i can.
i noe is unfair to sam now.
i too don understand what is sam holdin on now.
despite the way i am treatin him.
i am sorry my dear.
but i reali donnoe what is the right and wrong things to do now.
thinkin of him when i am wit u?
missing him when u are beside mi.
lovin him so much still when i wann give u a chance.
do u wanna tell mi what to do?
i feel so gulity now.
cos i noe i will hurt u alot.
i noe u don like mi to be so honest.
i noe u don wan mi to be so frank about my feeling.
but i will never lie to myself de.
u noe that de.

i jus miss him alot.
when can i see him?
haix.
i am bit tired now.
wanna slp slp slp.
baby slp ler.
hahax.
okie la.
nite nite.

i miss and love u=)

xuemin

2009-07-11T17:45:00.003+08:00

hi everybodi=)
i am back from london ler.
i was so sick over there maybe i cant reali adapt to their weather.
so sam change our flight to nearest time to come back.
i step out onli 2 hrs and we headed to airport lerx.
hahax.
nvm la.
at least i have went to london before=)
derrick is back wit us olso.
he lied to us la.
hahax.
he is long prepared to come back lerx.
make us waste a trip over there.
thx arhx! my dear derrick.
hahax.
the moment i reach singapore, i feel alot better lerx.
sam sended mi home.

soon after i reach home receive call from baby daddy mum.
she was talkin to mi about hospital stuff.
i wanna do the 3D scan to see baby!!!
hahax.
then about changin hospital de thing.
still needa think about it.
and she ask mi wherede i got eat anot.
all this.
aniway everybodi!
i am back to my usual weight ler.
within a month i am back to 44kg.
gained 2kg la.
althought not much.
but it show that baby reali growin=)
hahax.
he kick mi ystd again.
and sam was there to feel it.
but jus when sam put his hand on my tummy.
baby stops.
lolx.
baby till now onli allow mi and daddy to feel it onli.
selfish baby=)
but mummy likes it.

i us feel kinda weird.
when sam suddenly becomes my bf.
i still call him sam.
still like what we are when he is my god bro.
maybe still need alot more time ba.
i jus feel that infact.
mi and derrick seems closer ba.
but sam told mi he will give mi more time de.
but i will reali ask myself.
how long will i take to accept him as my bf?
becos in my heart he is irreplaceable.
since the day i promise him a 100yrs from the date we tgt.
all about mi is him.
i am sorry.
a lil complication here.
but he never wanna move out from my heart.

okie la.
i goin prepare lerx.
meeting jiahui for dinner.
hahax.
she cut her hair ler la.
but not as short as mine.

baby jayken hungry again!
eat and eat and eat.
and now baby jayken is 20weeks today=)
is half way through this tough prenancy ler.
lolx.
u better ask ur daddy buy alot of gd food for u to eat lorx.
i help u talk to daddy.
lolx.

xuemin

2009-07-10T22:33:00.002+08:00

now in london. jus woke up from my slp.
lolx.
usin derrick lappy to blog abit.
the whole trip i wasnt feelin well.
but luckily sam bought alot of titbits and sweets that is enough for this trip.
we are goin out walk walk lerx.
now is 3.35pm here.

i miss you lots=)

xuemin

2009-07-10T01:12:00.002+08:00

this might be my very last blog till i am back from london on the 12th=)

so excited.

hahax.

sam was laughin at mi sayin that afterall i am jus an 18 yrs old girl.

he was so kind enough to come and check my lauggage for mi.

cos he say i might forget alot of stuff.

thx my dear=)

sometimes i wanna ask.

can u stop being so nice to mi?

i appreciate ur gd to mi.

jus becos i accidentally burn my fingers abit ystd.

can make u buy alot of medicine and lotion for mi.

i haben say anithing but u noe i am hungry, and laughin at mi sayin that i grew fatter.

is my baby jayken okie!!!!

and whenever i am feeling angry, moody or bad-temper.

u olways kept quiet and let mi scold or vein out my anger.

despite how much i hurt u.

u are olways there for mi.

when i am not feeling well.

even a slight flu, u olways use this as an excuse to look for mi.

i never once hear u say u are tired loving mi.

i never once hear u say u wanna give up on mi.

all u tell mi is "u deserve to be treated like a princess"

u noe i don like guys lying to mi, but u are olways so honest that even ur frenx laugh at u sayin that u are tupid.

whole world onli u won lie to mi.

but what are u to mi?

i realli donnoe.

i have never done anithing for u.

but olways let u worry, sad for mi.

who is so tupid worryin mi till he is willing to wait till i reach home 4-5am under my blk.

who is the silly guy that wanna do everything for mi.

u never fail to give mi the best.

the best as in every women would want.

never allow mi to travel alone especially when i am pregnant.

thou is not ur responsible to look after mi.

but from ur hse to mine 45 mins, and jus to send mi home or bring mi out to eat.

u olways reach home late.

i noe u love speeding wit ur car.

but becos whenever i am in ur cars, u olways drive as safety as possible.

i noe u love riding ur bike too.

but becos of mi, ur bike is left rotting in ur vehicals slot.

when i don feel like walking or suddenly feeling unwell.

u olso piggy back mi even when ur back are hurting.

and once u carry mi, despite walkin a distance u neve complain that u are tired or i am heavy.

olways love putting mi to slp before u even if u are very tired.

u never once showed mi temper till last week.

and is only once in this 3 yr plus.

but when u see mi cry, still wipe my tears and apologise when u are not in fault.

and i noe ur lil secret.

u have a secret room in ur room which mummy told mi when i visited ur hse last 3 months ago.

and u wanted to have the room to keep those memorable thing about mi and u.

i went into the room.

sorry that i went in without letting u noe.

but u reali show mi ur love for mi.

alot of thing u did for mi that is too much for mi to explain.

when u talk to mi jus now.

i noe u too jus wan mi to be happi.

even thou u saw my blog and noe who is that guy i am refering too.

but u could still say that u don mind.

even thou u might get hurt, u jus wanna be wit mi.

i got nth to pick on u.

u are gd looking, rich and importantly.

u are true to mi.

even thou u noe being my bf can never be a frenx to mi animore after we break.

despite all this, u still don mind.

silly boy.

i will try my best to be a gd gf to u.

give mi alot more time.

cos he is still in mi.

i noe u cant see this post till when we are back=)

but i jus wanna thx u for everything.

heading off in less then an hr.

and baby jayken hungry again.

lolx.

i wanna see baby as soon as possible!

hahax.

my norti baby

but mummy still love u.

i realise, baby jayken love to eat oranges=)

but i was told by doc say i should avoid oranges and watermelon=(

so sad.

but baby jayken olso making mi love soya milk lerx.

and i realli love to slp.

i actualli forget to pack marley wit mi.

but sam has helped mi to bring marley ler.

cos he scare later i cant slp in plane.

and i nearly forget my medicine=)

luckily i have him.

okie la.

jus called sam and he say he is in car wit mummy and daddy now coming fetch mi.

i miss everybodi.

but i still wanna enjoy too.

blog when i am back.

i miss ya too=)

xuemin

2009-07-09T01:16:00.002+08:00

this is my 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant

and when jiahui jus sended mi her 16 weeks pic.

i was like "omfg, my baby so small."

hahax. i goin out to eat ler.

ate nth after the hotdogs today.

hungry hungry.

baby kickin mi lerx.

i miss u alot=)

xuemin

2009-07-08T19:31:00.002+08:00

actualli not realli in the mood to blog.
my whole hand is painful cos when i reach home jus now,
feel hungry. but mum was so kind enough without cookin and buyin my food.
and i was so hungry that i decided to cook my fav hotdog jus to bite on.
and i burn right hand when the oil started to boil and i am tryin to put those hotdog in.
my wrist has difficulties movin now.
and my fingers.

i am abit tired today.
was out seeing the chinese doc.
the waiting time is long worx.
and after that mi and baby daddy mum we went to ang mo kio to shop for baby daddy working shirt.
jus to get a shirt, we spend an hr plus.
walkin almost every shop that sell mens wear.
i am very tired.
but lied to baby daddy mum that i am okie.
his shirt is so difficult to get.
cos he kinda have a weird sense of fashion.
lolx.
and is not a excellent to the shirt that we brought for him.
if he goes home tonite and he doesnt like it.
first, he won wanna touch it.
secondly, if he is tired and lazy to go down there to change within 7 days.
there goes the money again.
is a less then 40% he will like the shirt la.
see la.
depend on his mood too.
i am goin out later again.
haix.
but i am abit tired thou.
didnt slp well ystd nite again.
this few nite have been thinkin and thinking about things.
and now!
and ystd nite woke up to vomit.
jus suddenly.
and is the first time throughout this prenancy i vomitted.
donnoe is a gd or bad thing worx.
baby jayken really "loves" mummy alot worx.
lolx.
the doc only says.
"cos ur body very weak lor"
can don repeat the same thing over and over again every week ma.
lolx.
if my body is fine i guess i won be goin down to look for u ma!
and i hope i can be all rite.
every mummy is scare cos of being a mummy.
but whereas i needa worri about wherede i can become a mom eventually on my baby birth day.
the doc is so worry that when i am giving birth, my womb will bleed.
and is dangerous for mi as i don have enough blood in my body.
this is the risk of my prenancy.
when baby get bigger everyday, i am weaker.
baby is safe but mummy is havin a bit problems.
i cant stand in a place for like 3 mins now.
cos i may start feelin dizzy and blackout will come.
i jus feel so tough, so tired.

i have talk to baby ystd nite before i slp.
told baby, daddy and mummy love u alot.
daddy is busy workin and mummy is workin hard to fight wit my health.
is not daddy don wanna acc u.
is daddy busy earnin money for u.
and jus when i ask him. "do u love daddy too?"
baby kick mi once.
no matter what happen, i never blame baby jayken.
is becos of u mummy learn to be braver.
is becos of u mummy wanna learn to be a mom.
is all becos of u.
ur daddy is the best bf i ever had.
and u are the best gift from my best bf that i ever receive.
even i might only feel u for 10 months.
for u, mummy is very veri willing.
no matter what is gonna happen to mi, as long as u will be out safe 5 more months.
mummy need not worry about ur future.
if mummy gone, daddy is gonna give u the double love.
daddy gonna give u everything that mummy hope u to have.
and i am sure daddy will get u a very nice mommy.
if fate is playin mi this time, mummy will jus wanna protect u when i can.
i can lose everything. but not u.
mummy workin hard for u, so baby needa be very gd too.
if time suddenly turn backwards.
mummy still will wanna insist of havin u.
mummy still will end my relationship wit ur daddy jus to have u.
mummy no regrets for u.
u are the best thing mummy and daddy have.
scare to even think of what is gonna happen 5 months later.
but it doesnt matter wherede what is gonna happen to mi.
as long as baby jayken is all rite.

jus read something about Braxton Hick Contractions.
and realise i am havin cramps often in my stomach area.
i gotto check wit the doc tml. cos it will get worst when baby gets bigger.
and when baby is less then 38 weeks, i might need to go for preterm labour.
am i worryin so much myself now.
but i often complain havin cramps or pain.
tml check wit doctor.
hope everything fine.

sam bday is comin lerx.
on the 10th i will fly to london and 3 days i will be back to celebrate his bday.
sam will be goin wit mi.
cos he misses his best frenx too.
our flight will be in the morning 5 am.
so 3 am needa check into airport.
and the flight is 12hrs 45 mins.
at least a day for mi to shop ba.
lolx.
and derrick promise to spend the whole day wit mi and sam.
and my flight back, i will reach singapore around 4pm in the afternoon on the 12th.
i have an answer for sam as to about being his gf alreadi.
thou i am hesitating.
is not my choice.

if that is what u wanted to see.
i will listen to u.
but seriously, the key to my heart u are the only person holding it.
it hurts mi when u are the person saying that u cant afford to give mi anithing.
it hurt mi to hear u say u cant promise mi anithing.
and it hurts mi alot when u are pushin mi away out of ur life.
all i wan from u is u by myside.
even if i could only see u from a distance.
i jus wanna noe u are there.
don tell mi this is how much u love mi only.
after all that we been through.
u should noe, i don wan anithing from u from the start.
all i wanna see is u being happy wit mi.
i too cant afford anithing for u.
but i jus wanna protect u like a baby too.
i am never gonna be a gd gf.
but u change mi, u made mi believe that i could have a love that ppl envy.
we both noe our distance.
but when distance becomes a problem.
i jus wanna pls u to continue to stay by myside.
i don wan others.
i jus wan u to be around by myside.
tell mi is not u wanted.
tell mi that u wanna be selfish and we maintain like as we are now after we broke up.
tell mi u hope nth will change in us.
i promise i will stay.
jus one word from u and i promise we will never gonna change.
but if that is what u wan.
i noe.
i understand.
i don like sayin gdbye to u.
i don enjoy watchin u leave or close the door behind u.
i don love askin u to takkaire.
if that is what u wan.
i obey.

xuemin

2009-07-07T21:02:00.002+08:00

back home after a tired day.
was quite slpy now thou.
but has alreadi promise prince to go down pub.
sam will be comin to fetch mi in like less then 2 hrs more.
which make mi not much time to rest.
i need a bath.
i need a gd slp.
cos this few days i didnt reali slept well even at baby daddy hse.
so till now.
i think i am like a superwomen lerx.
my stomach abit more bigger lerx.
ate alot today worx.
lolx.
but which make mi even tired.
i might find time tml nite to go bryan hse.
after my chinese doc appointment.
sam doesnt wanna go wit mi so prince made an offer to go wit mi=)
sam is xiao qi gui!
if derrick here.
derrick will accompany mi de.
maybe on the 10th mornin i will be goin london lerx.
jus only for 3 days=)
but is a maybe, cos i am actualli not in a clear mind to think about travelin today.
i am reali quite restless.
donnoe what time will be home again later.
but won be so late.
cos tml appointment at 12.30pm if i am not wrong.
maybe jus try to get home latest by 4.30am ba.
i need a gd massage too.
who is kind enough to massage my legs for mi!
hahax.
i might jus have a better slp when i have a relaxin massage.
lolx.
i am in need of that!
headache is comin lerx.
but i cant break promise as the past few days i didnt meet prince they all lerx.
hao ba hao ba.
i go prepare then if can rest bitbit lerx.
aniway, i love baby jayken lots.

u never noe how much u mean to mi.
is so tired loving u.

xuemin

2009-07-07T11:33:00.002+08:00

cant slp well today.
but i guess is normal ba.
is not the first slpness nite i have after i am back from baby daddy hse.
was chattin wit sam on the phone.
he pop up a qn shortly after he asked mi what time i reach home ystd nite.
he asked mi "why is it only when u are at jd hse then u won stay out too late?"
and "what make him so capable keepin u at his hse for three days straight without hearin u complainin that u are bored and don wanna stay at home?"
i actualli didnt noe how to answer.
cos i slimply don have an answer ba.
derrick suddenlysay he will not be free to come back to celabrate sam bday.
so sad.
derrick i miss u!
he asked mi to fly over to stay wit him for a few days after the 9th appointment.
a few days maybe can la.
derrick already there like a few days lerx.
but wasnt reali effected by H1N1.
hahax.
but first.
i may need a free time to go down to bryan appartment to clear his stuff.
bryan mummy and daddy has alreadi head to paris for vacation.
hope they can enjoy ba.
bryan mum has told mi that she went to bryan apartment that day and actualli realise that bryan kept alot of thing about mi and him.
she hopes i could be the one keepin those things.
cos is a memories of mi and him.
wasnt reali in the mood to talk about bryan thou.
cos i jus miss him.
goin prepare ler.
goin out now thou tired.
i love my baby jayken=)
baby is so gd today.
mummy is reali so in love wit u.
hope u could be by myside soon.
but months to go.
aniway baby jayken is already 19 weeks and 3 days.
nearly half way through this tough war i am fighting.
i am still workin hard.
okie la.
blog later=)

xuemin