Monday, September 28--9:56:00 AMY
Tuesday, July 28--4:04:00 AMY
Monday, July 27--12:26:00 AMY
our loves
starts-081208
end
now and forever
pls do take of the necklack.
i miss u alot
love u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, July 26--10:35:00 PMY
the very first post in my blog is started becos of my baby daddy.
when we was tgt, honeymoon period till when we both stop workin, and when we discover that i am pregnant, unhappi agurement and broke up.
and till now.
is to put an end to this blog lerx.
i don wanna mention anithing else except baby daddy.
in a particular day in nov 2008.
thx to iko and wj i met baby daddy.
that veri first time i saw him.
he was wearin a white blouse and a black skinny jeans wit a pointed tip shoe.
that time he is not that attractive for mi to be impress thou he wore smartly.
but i was still sad over a broken relationship wit a guy that was actualli 11 yrs older then mi, and was a married guy till he divorce wit his wife and finally being tgt wit mi.
we had our veri first meal in pizza hut in cwp.
and went to civic centre for party world.
all i could rmb was he was usin his phone all while.
sitting rite opposite mi and singin alot of jay songs.
of course our first duet song was, 传说。
we didnt talk much that nite but till when we was both left alone cos wj and iko jus gotto walk back to iko hse which is jus across the road.
i actualli wanted to take bus home myself.
but he insist on sendin mi home cos is abit late lerx.
he sended mi to my lift and left home.
although we don have each other contact number, but we manage to have met the second time.
which is planned.
i don realli noe it at first but thx to wj for tellin mi this secret.
baby daddy wanna ask them to meet mi out somewhere=)
lolx.
then they actualli planned to head to mustufa and baby daddy that time was a gambler of soccer!
and he was late cos he was watchin soccer!
but ended up we went to bishun for prawnin.
i didnt reali noe how to prawn cos my "first time"
hahax.
be say he will teach mi. but ended up was watchin soccer!
heard from his frenx that he was abit unhappi cos i was happi chattin wit kl!
but i did go up to him okie!
cos i pass him a can of coke.
daddy rmb ma?
lolx.
and that is when he started to walk back to our groups and join in.
maybe cos soccer over ler ba.
but i was reali happi on that day cos i rmb i was the onli one who manage to prawn alot of prawns.
lolx.
they was all sayin that the prawns are all males.
lolx.
but all the way till 4 or 5am.
and can see that daddy is reali tired.
on that day, the one drivin wasnt him la.
so okie lor.
but same thing, he sended mi back under my blk to my lift.
sweet horx=)
of course, we still no have each other number.
but on that day i was attracted by him lerx.
cos his smile. i seriously in love wit guys wit very deep dimples.
and he has it.
and on the 7th of dec 2008!
hahax.
i was off on that day and was damn borin.
asked iko and wj out.
but at first was busy findin frenx to acc mi.
cos for movie olso not alone wit a couple ba.
but end up iko asked mi not to find.
she say ask junde can lerx.
that was the first time i had his number.
but i didnt contact him first la.
cos i rmb wentin cwp courts wit mum to get my lappi, my itouch, queend size bed for my parent, new washin machine and a innov8=)
we was abit rushin time, but he was gd to come down cwp to pick mi up=)
at first in the car we was both quite quiet ba.
but manage to talk about his family and my family stuff.
hahax.
and i guess that is when we become closer ba=)
we watched "the bolt"
and was enjoyable.
and before the movie wj and him was actualli playin wit the machine to pick up soft toys.
lolx.
cute lorx.
is around 1 plus after we finish watchin.
and we headed to upper seletar there de HANS to eat ba.
hahax.
then same thing.
he sended mi home=)
and under my blk.
when i reach home i send him an sms sayin thx for sendin mi back.
and is where our smses start.
i think we chatted till 2am plus and was rainin.
hahx.
he was still watchin his soccer!
and cos i still don wanna go to bed.
he was quite worri that i might not slp.
so came to pick mi up to his hse.
hahax.
but ehx!
we didnt do anithing okie!
hahax.
he let mi have his bed all by myself.
and his boster.
but he jus have his precious blanket!
hahx.
he slept at his bed chair.
but all the way till 8 am plus.
i think he was awake lerx.
when i open my eyes.
he was switchin on his mum lappi.
lolx.
and i was still lyi on his bed watchin him.
didnt talk much till we watched hot shot tgt.
hahax.
but realise that we could agure alot worx.
all the way till 12 pm plus.
i guess both was tired again.
and headed to bed to slp.
and this time round he was slpin beside mi.
did nth too but i reali do like lookin at him since then.
daddy, did i tell u this?
think no ba.
hahax.
we woke up around 2 plus and was lyin on bed side by side chatin about our relationship=)
and watch tv.
okie. that is the part.
ended up holdin hands ler=)
i didnt reali feel that we were tgt ba.
hahax.
but after we went to eat around 5pm.
he send mi home.
i was sittin infront of my com, not thinkin about him.
but my ex bf.
omg!
daddy! don scold mi horx.
but he was the one sendin mi sms when he reaches home.
ask mi why i didnt sms him.
hahax.
and is then i noe. we were tgt.
and on the 10th was the first day he met my mum, on the 9th is the first day i saw his sis.
cos went his hse eat his sis curry chicken.
lolx!
see! my memorise gd horx.
hahax.
and for the 1st month, second month, and third months was all honeymoon period.
i stayed at his hse more.
i guess 3 or 4 times a week to 6 days aweek till everyday a week.
lolx.
but of course.
he pick mi up from sembawang mrt station after my work and head back my hse for dinner everynite.
sweet horx.
everybody veri envy worx.
and problems started to come when one day he gave mi attitude and say i tied him by myside.
if i am not wrong, aweek before my bday.
but i finally left his side and went back home stay to repaint my room.
and that time both of us are not workin ler=)
hahax.
and i was quite sick that time.
cos is the period when i'm pregnant but didnt noe=)
lolx.
and my bday came.
had a fun nite in hilltop.
babii was the one footin the bill.
so nice thou we was not workin.
and he was drunk on that nite worx!
hahax.
and then afew days later we had a big quarrel again till i wanted to break up wit him.
i think this was the sec big fights we have.
the first was when i went back my hse to stay myself
and he didnt reali care much about mi.
went up to his hse and wanted to collect my stuff back.
and is the first time i saw his tears.
and gave him a big hug thou.
end up okie lerx lorx.
hahax.
he gave mi a promise that he wanted mi to be his forever that nite and i guess is the time where i am suppose to have my da yi ma! hahax.
not yet la.
and i guess is that nite that our baby is created ba.
hahax.
cos of his promise. i foolishly agreed.
and is not his forever, is mine forever ruin.
we didnt reali have agurement at first when he noes i am pregnant.
was still so sweet to mi and infact he came to my hse to stay wit mi insted of i goin over.
i love him alot.
and agurement starts where i wanted to tell his parent about baby.
cos what i was thinkin was, even if i wanna go for an abortion, his parent have the right to noe their grand children was here by our side before.
since that nite.
i lost him.
not completely.
but mostly.
he lied to mi alot after that.
till now i still didnt wanna mention it to him that i knew it lerx.
made mi wait at his hse for him till nite and come home to put mi in the cold corners.
but i have decided to end our relationship on 20 may 2009.
i stayed at his hse for 3 days till 20th.
and we stopped contactin lerx.
for more then a month.
and is onli once we met outside a yishun safra.
but totally like strangers.
i lied to him then about abortion.
but onli he didnt noe the turth of i wanna to have this baby alone.
his parent helped mi alot too.
and he was totally in his own world.
when i have to eat all sort of medicine.
and even protected him from being scolded by his and my parents.
cos afterall i did tell them, i wanted this baby all by myself.
his mum wanted mi to let him noe the truth and i did.
and slowly our relationship was back to now.
baby becomes our common topics.
he did thx mi for not hatin him.
and apologise alot for what he has done to mi.
i don mind cos i understand he jus cant accept everything in within a few months.
everything happen so fast.
but i swear that my love for him till now wasnt about baby.
i jus love him so much.
a few post earlier.
i have mention i wanna put an end to everything.
and yes, after today i stepped out of his hse.
thou i cried when i hug him jus now in the afternoon.
and i let him talk to baby princess.
smilin and playin wit him.
i actualli wanna tell him i love him.
but afterall i am aware that i am only a toy to him.
no matter how u were to treat mi.
i still love u no matter what.
is so difficult.
so difficult even to think i am soon gonna leave u like strangers.
baby is never our onli topic.
but is the main topic that agurement recently we had.
daddy, i love u.
we both knew that we couldnt be back to what we are before lerx.
but thx for stayin by myside thou.
i noe u didnt wan mi to stay by myside alone so far from home.
but is some where i feel that i could forget u easier.
i will miss u alot.
miss ur smell, miss huggin u.
miss ur smile.
miss u every single thing.
but i am sorry, this time i give up lerx.
this is the end of my blog lerx.
it started off wit u and i will end it wit u too.
thou i couldnt bear.
but is the best way to let us both free from this lock.
today i wanna use the key that onli u have to open up my heart lock.
to let u free out from now on.
thou our promise for 100 yrs,
i needa learn from now on to live without u.
when baby is out baby will still spend time wit u.
but not mi animore.
the happiest part of my life is when i have u by myside.
the best gift i ever receive is u and baby.
daddy, i reali don like to say but gd bye.
so actualli i am movin to bryan apartment in pasir ris on tuesday.
and tml prince will be helpin to move my stuff over to unpack for mi lerx.
i am goin out lerx.
to prince pub.
i noe i will meet sam.
is time i should face him ler ba.
derrick goin back london tml.
and i will be all alone from tuesday on.
frenx meetin mi is abit difficult.
but prince is is willing to be my driver!
hahax.
5 room flat, and i alone.
hahax.
bryan mum say she will ask her maid to go up to help mi do washin every 2 days.
so nice of her.
hao ba.
i may create another new blog soon.
but onli to closer frenx.
let u all noe ba=)
ilu daddy, pls takkaire lots.
baby love u too=)
xuemin
when we was tgt, honeymoon period till when we both stop workin, and when we discover that i am pregnant, unhappi agurement and broke up.
and till now.
is to put an end to this blog lerx.
i don wanna mention anithing else except baby daddy.
in a particular day in nov 2008.
thx to iko and wj i met baby daddy.
that veri first time i saw him.
he was wearin a white blouse and a black skinny jeans wit a pointed tip shoe.
that time he is not that attractive for mi to be impress thou he wore smartly.
but i was still sad over a broken relationship wit a guy that was actualli 11 yrs older then mi, and was a married guy till he divorce wit his wife and finally being tgt wit mi.
we had our veri first meal in pizza hut in cwp.
and went to civic centre for party world.
all i could rmb was he was usin his phone all while.
sitting rite opposite mi and singin alot of jay songs.
of course our first duet song was, 传说。
we didnt talk much that nite but till when we was both left alone cos wj and iko jus gotto walk back to iko hse which is jus across the road.
i actualli wanted to take bus home myself.
but he insist on sendin mi home cos is abit late lerx.
he sended mi to my lift and left home.
although we don have each other contact number, but we manage to have met the second time.
which is planned.
i don realli noe it at first but thx to wj for tellin mi this secret.
baby daddy wanna ask them to meet mi out somewhere=)
lolx.
then they actualli planned to head to mustufa and baby daddy that time was a gambler of soccer!
and he was late cos he was watchin soccer!
but ended up we went to bishun for prawnin.
i didnt reali noe how to prawn cos my "first time"
hahax.
be say he will teach mi. but ended up was watchin soccer!
heard from his frenx that he was abit unhappi cos i was happi chattin wit kl!
but i did go up to him okie!
cos i pass him a can of coke.
daddy rmb ma?
lolx.
and that is when he started to walk back to our groups and join in.
maybe cos soccer over ler ba.
but i was reali happi on that day cos i rmb i was the onli one who manage to prawn alot of prawns.
lolx.
they was all sayin that the prawns are all males.
lolx.
but all the way till 4 or 5am.
and can see that daddy is reali tired.
on that day, the one drivin wasnt him la.
so okie lor.
but same thing, he sended mi back under my blk to my lift.
sweet horx=)
of course, we still no have each other number.
but on that day i was attracted by him lerx.
cos his smile. i seriously in love wit guys wit very deep dimples.
and he has it.
and on the 7th of dec 2008!
hahax.
i was off on that day and was damn borin.
asked iko and wj out.
but at first was busy findin frenx to acc mi.
cos for movie olso not alone wit a couple ba.
but end up iko asked mi not to find.
she say ask junde can lerx.
that was the first time i had his number.
but i didnt contact him first la.
cos i rmb wentin cwp courts wit mum to get my lappi, my itouch, queend size bed for my parent, new washin machine and a innov8=)
we was abit rushin time, but he was gd to come down cwp to pick mi up=)
at first in the car we was both quite quiet ba.
but manage to talk about his family and my family stuff.
hahax.
and i guess that is when we become closer ba=)
we watched "the bolt"
and was enjoyable.
and before the movie wj and him was actualli playin wit the machine to pick up soft toys.
lolx.
cute lorx.
is around 1 plus after we finish watchin.
and we headed to upper seletar there de HANS to eat ba.
hahax.
then same thing.
he sended mi home=)
and under my blk.
when i reach home i send him an sms sayin thx for sendin mi back.
and is where our smses start.
i think we chatted till 2am plus and was rainin.
hahx.
he was still watchin his soccer!
and cos i still don wanna go to bed.
he was quite worri that i might not slp.
so came to pick mi up to his hse.
hahax.
but ehx!
we didnt do anithing okie!
hahax.
he let mi have his bed all by myself.
and his boster.
but he jus have his precious blanket!
hahx.
he slept at his bed chair.
but all the way till 8 am plus.
i think he was awake lerx.
when i open my eyes.
he was switchin on his mum lappi.
lolx.
and i was still lyi on his bed watchin him.
didnt talk much till we watched hot shot tgt.
hahax.
but realise that we could agure alot worx.
all the way till 12 pm plus.
i guess both was tired again.
and headed to bed to slp.
and this time round he was slpin beside mi.
did nth too but i reali do like lookin at him since then.
daddy, did i tell u this?
think no ba.
hahax.
we woke up around 2 plus and was lyin on bed side by side chatin about our relationship=)
and watch tv.
okie. that is the part.
ended up holdin hands ler=)
i didnt reali feel that we were tgt ba.
hahax.
but after we went to eat around 5pm.
he send mi home.
i was sittin infront of my com, not thinkin about him.
but my ex bf.
omg!
daddy! don scold mi horx.
but he was the one sendin mi sms when he reaches home.
ask mi why i didnt sms him.
hahax.
and is then i noe. we were tgt.
and on the 10th was the first day he met my mum, on the 9th is the first day i saw his sis.
cos went his hse eat his sis curry chicken.
lolx!
see! my memorise gd horx.
hahax.
and for the 1st month, second month, and third months was all honeymoon period.
i stayed at his hse more.
i guess 3 or 4 times a week to 6 days aweek till everyday a week.
lolx.
but of course.
he pick mi up from sembawang mrt station after my work and head back my hse for dinner everynite.
sweet horx.
everybody veri envy worx.
and problems started to come when one day he gave mi attitude and say i tied him by myside.
if i am not wrong, aweek before my bday.
but i finally left his side and went back home stay to repaint my room.
and that time both of us are not workin ler=)
hahax.
and i was quite sick that time.
cos is the period when i'm pregnant but didnt noe=)
lolx.
and my bday came.
had a fun nite in hilltop.
babii was the one footin the bill.
so nice thou we was not workin.
and he was drunk on that nite worx!
hahax.
and then afew days later we had a big quarrel again till i wanted to break up wit him.
i think this was the sec big fights we have.
the first was when i went back my hse to stay myself
and he didnt reali care much about mi.
went up to his hse and wanted to collect my stuff back.
and is the first time i saw his tears.
and gave him a big hug thou.
end up okie lerx lorx.
hahax.
he gave mi a promise that he wanted mi to be his forever that nite and i guess is the time where i am suppose to have my da yi ma! hahax.
not yet la.
and i guess is that nite that our baby is created ba.
hahax.
cos of his promise. i foolishly agreed.
and is not his forever, is mine forever ruin.
we didnt reali have agurement at first when he noes i am pregnant.
was still so sweet to mi and infact he came to my hse to stay wit mi insted of i goin over.
i love him alot.
and agurement starts where i wanted to tell his parent about baby.
cos what i was thinkin was, even if i wanna go for an abortion, his parent have the right to noe their grand children was here by our side before.
since that nite.
i lost him.
not completely.
but mostly.
he lied to mi alot after that.
till now i still didnt wanna mention it to him that i knew it lerx.
made mi wait at his hse for him till nite and come home to put mi in the cold corners.
but i have decided to end our relationship on 20 may 2009.
i stayed at his hse for 3 days till 20th.
and we stopped contactin lerx.
for more then a month.
and is onli once we met outside a yishun safra.
but totally like strangers.
i lied to him then about abortion.
but onli he didnt noe the turth of i wanna to have this baby alone.
his parent helped mi alot too.
and he was totally in his own world.
when i have to eat all sort of medicine.
and even protected him from being scolded by his and my parents.
cos afterall i did tell them, i wanted this baby all by myself.
his mum wanted mi to let him noe the truth and i did.
and slowly our relationship was back to now.
baby becomes our common topics.
he did thx mi for not hatin him.
and apologise alot for what he has done to mi.
i don mind cos i understand he jus cant accept everything in within a few months.
everything happen so fast.
but i swear that my love for him till now wasnt about baby.
i jus love him so much.
a few post earlier.
i have mention i wanna put an end to everything.
and yes, after today i stepped out of his hse.
thou i cried when i hug him jus now in the afternoon.
and i let him talk to baby princess.
smilin and playin wit him.
i actualli wanna tell him i love him.
but afterall i am aware that i am only a toy to him.
no matter how u were to treat mi.
i still love u no matter what.
is so difficult.
so difficult even to think i am soon gonna leave u like strangers.
baby is never our onli topic.
but is the main topic that agurement recently we had.
daddy, i love u.
we both knew that we couldnt be back to what we are before lerx.
but thx for stayin by myside thou.
i noe u didnt wan mi to stay by myside alone so far from home.
but is some where i feel that i could forget u easier.
i will miss u alot.
miss ur smell, miss huggin u.
miss ur smile.
miss u every single thing.
but i am sorry, this time i give up lerx.
this is the end of my blog lerx.
it started off wit u and i will end it wit u too.
thou i couldnt bear.
but is the best way to let us both free from this lock.
today i wanna use the key that onli u have to open up my heart lock.
to let u free out from now on.
thou our promise for 100 yrs,
i needa learn from now on to live without u.
when baby is out baby will still spend time wit u.
but not mi animore.
the happiest part of my life is when i have u by myside.
the best gift i ever receive is u and baby.
daddy, i reali don like to say but gd bye.
so actualli i am movin to bryan apartment in pasir ris on tuesday.
and tml prince will be helpin to move my stuff over to unpack for mi lerx.
i am goin out lerx.
to prince pub.
i noe i will meet sam.
is time i should face him ler ba.
derrick goin back london tml.
and i will be all alone from tuesday on.
frenx meetin mi is abit difficult.
but prince is is willing to be my driver!
hahax.
5 room flat, and i alone.
hahax.
bryan mum say she will ask her maid to go up to help mi do washin every 2 days.
so nice of her.
hao ba.
i may create another new blog soon.
but onli to closer frenx.
let u all noe ba=)
ilu daddy, pls takkaire lots.
baby love u too=)
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, July 25--10:21:00 PMY
ystd didnt blog. too lazy ler ba=)
hmmm.
nowadays alot of ppl stop bloggin!
jiahui, ivy, iko, pam.
i am a regular of their blog!
hahax.
luckily apple did not stop.
if not i stay at baby daddy hse very borin eh.
online nth for mi to do lerx.
ystd afternoon went to see baby again.
derrick sended mi there=)
and he acc mi in to see baby olso.
to do the spine scannin.
and BABY'S SO CUTE!
can u all imagine, my baby girl is in the position of back facin upwards.
hahax.
and i realise, everytime i go for a scannin.
EVERY doc will give out the sound, tsk!
hahax.
cos baby norti, didnt wanna let the doc scan her.
till now actualli the doc says, is mostly a baby girl.
and i was like "wth, if i start buyin my baby girl things and next month u were to tell mi is a baby boy, what am i goin to do wit my baby girl stuff?"
but of course la.
i ask doc in a polite manner.
but her reply is still "mostly is a baby girl"
okie la.
cant blame them=)
cos my baby norti.
lolx.
i olways will laugh when i hear the docs "tsk....tsk........tsk...., ur baby don wanna let us scan her (whatever)..tsk..."
lolx!
but what a cute baby i have.
hahax.
see who dare to marry her next time!
hahax.
jus like mi so "don care about ppl, i happi can ler"
hahax.
but is not a gd thing either.
which make mi headache about teachin her thing about life.
hahax.
no choice la.
hahax.
derrick was too laughin quietly when he sees baby so norti.
hahax.
but ystd was gd cos, once i go into the room baby is alreadi in that position to let doc scan her spine.
which means i don have to turn around to waitfor her to flip.
or go out walk walk and come back sec time for the scan again.
derrick then receive a call from his daddy and needed him back office to do something.
so i went down to far east to meet apple and braden.
to eat and headed to raffles to collect a small pillow that braden wanted to give to their unborn baby(customise wit baby name on it)
so cute! and we went to city hall to repair apple laptop.
and then i was tired lerx.
went back to daddy hse=)
i didnt had my dinner la, but daddy mum was so gd to packet for mi=)
and i was veiwing about baby girl names lerx.
and when daddy is back, we were both discussin about baby name.
and HE ONLI LIKE MERIS!
he stubborn la!
hahax.
but i reali reali prefer chole.
hahax.
thou i like chole, but still went to view all sort of names from A-K (the rest i will view them after i finish bloggin)
but afterall i saw, daddy onli like meris.
and he was usin his own desktop to see those names too but ended up playin games after 20 mins!
nvm la.
no different.
cos no matter how many names he look through he still wanted meris.
after veiwing to K, i was abit tired lerx.
then went to rest ler.
till today mornin, woke up at the same time wit daddy
cos i needa go to the uncle place to do my leg massage!
derrick pick mi up to acc mi go=)
and was happi to hear him say that my health did improve abit since last saturday=)
then mi and him went for breakfast.
then he send mi back to baby daddy hse lerx.
then eat 2 pieces of small donuts again.
hahax.
then went up to slp ler.
till 1 plus, went downstair to eat.
was chattin wit daddy's family.
daddy sis say the name meris sounds like malays or what so ever name.
hahax.
no nice.
hahax.
so gave suggestion about having a jap name behind the christian name.
i find it insterestin thou=)
hahax.
around 2.30pm i went up rest again.
and slept all the way till 4 plus when daddy mum asked mi over the phone wherede i wanna acc her to cwp to walk walk.
we did went to see baby stuff, some clothes, and bought pans that she wanted long ago.
hahax.
and went to eat, and cold storeage to shop for some gorceries.
then headed back home around 8pm.
went up bath and down again to acc her, and guide her how to use the new iron cum steamer that she bought.
but she has a steamer and a iron seperately at home.
lolx.
till daddy home, and here i am bloggin!
hahax.
hmmm.
ystd nite didnt slept well.
cos weather damn hot! and daddy slept the whole pilllow all by himself.
and i was like so poor thing slpin at the small pillow he put it at my side.
and this mornin he was "so nice" to ask mi.
"why u slp at the small pillow"
lolx!
who pushes mi out of the pillow de worx.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la.
i goin view some more baby name lerx.
donnoe what is wrong wit baby daddy today.
attitude out again.
but don care la.
not my problem.
hahax.
nite everybodi=)
xuemin
hmmm.
nowadays alot of ppl stop bloggin!
jiahui, ivy, iko, pam.
i am a regular of their blog!
hahax.
luckily apple did not stop.
if not i stay at baby daddy hse very borin eh.
online nth for mi to do lerx.
ystd afternoon went to see baby again.
derrick sended mi there=)
and he acc mi in to see baby olso.
to do the spine scannin.
and BABY'S SO CUTE!
can u all imagine, my baby girl is in the position of back facin upwards.
hahax.
and i realise, everytime i go for a scannin.
EVERY doc will give out the sound, tsk!
hahax.
cos baby norti, didnt wanna let the doc scan her.
till now actualli the doc says, is mostly a baby girl.
and i was like "wth, if i start buyin my baby girl things and next month u were to tell mi is a baby boy, what am i goin to do wit my baby girl stuff?"
but of course la.
i ask doc in a polite manner.
but her reply is still "mostly is a baby girl"
okie la.
cant blame them=)
cos my baby norti.
lolx.
i olways will laugh when i hear the docs "tsk....tsk........tsk...., ur baby don wanna let us scan her (whatever)..tsk..."
lolx!
but what a cute baby i have.
hahax.
see who dare to marry her next time!
hahax.
jus like mi so "don care about ppl, i happi can ler"
hahax.
but is not a gd thing either.
which make mi headache about teachin her thing about life.
hahax.
no choice la.
hahax.
derrick was too laughin quietly when he sees baby so norti.
hahax.
but ystd was gd cos, once i go into the room baby is alreadi in that position to let doc scan her spine.
which means i don have to turn around to waitfor her to flip.
or go out walk walk and come back sec time for the scan again.
derrick then receive a call from his daddy and needed him back office to do something.
so i went down to far east to meet apple and braden.
to eat and headed to raffles to collect a small pillow that braden wanted to give to their unborn baby(customise wit baby name on it)
so cute! and we went to city hall to repair apple laptop.
and then i was tired lerx.
went back to daddy hse=)
i didnt had my dinner la, but daddy mum was so gd to packet for mi=)
and i was veiwing about baby girl names lerx.
and when daddy is back, we were both discussin about baby name.
and HE ONLI LIKE MERIS!
he stubborn la!
hahax.
but i reali reali prefer chole.
hahax.
thou i like chole, but still went to view all sort of names from A-K (the rest i will view them after i finish bloggin)
but afterall i saw, daddy onli like meris.
and he was usin his own desktop to see those names too but ended up playin games after 20 mins!
nvm la.
no different.
cos no matter how many names he look through he still wanted meris.
after veiwing to K, i was abit tired lerx.
then went to rest ler.
till today mornin, woke up at the same time wit daddy
cos i needa go to the uncle place to do my leg massage!
derrick pick mi up to acc mi go=)
and was happi to hear him say that my health did improve abit since last saturday=)
then mi and him went for breakfast.
then he send mi back to baby daddy hse lerx.
then eat 2 pieces of small donuts again.
hahax.
then went up to slp ler.
till 1 plus, went downstair to eat.
was chattin wit daddy's family.
daddy sis say the name meris sounds like malays or what so ever name.
hahax.
no nice.
hahax.
so gave suggestion about having a jap name behind the christian name.
i find it insterestin thou=)
hahax.
around 2.30pm i went up rest again.
and slept all the way till 4 plus when daddy mum asked mi over the phone wherede i wanna acc her to cwp to walk walk.
we did went to see baby stuff, some clothes, and bought pans that she wanted long ago.
hahax.
and went to eat, and cold storeage to shop for some gorceries.
then headed back home around 8pm.
went up bath and down again to acc her, and guide her how to use the new iron cum steamer that she bought.
but she has a steamer and a iron seperately at home.
lolx.
till daddy home, and here i am bloggin!
hahax.
hmmm.
ystd nite didnt slept well.
cos weather damn hot! and daddy slept the whole pilllow all by himself.
and i was like so poor thing slpin at the small pillow he put it at my side.
and this mornin he was "so nice" to ask mi.
"why u slp at the small pillow"
lolx!
who pushes mi out of the pillow de worx.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la.
i goin view some more baby name lerx.
donnoe what is wrong wit baby daddy today.
attitude out again.
but don care la.
not my problem.
hahax.
nite everybodi=)
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, July 24--11:13:00 AMY
hahax.
jus eaten breakfast and carefully walk up the stair of baby daddy hse.
donnoe why so many stairs.
lolx.
nobodi is at home now, onli mi and babyprincess.
feel so bored.
usually mornin i can talk wit daddy's mum and dad.
hahax. our normal topic was "backmouthin" their son.
lolx.
hey, i was quite gd okie.
hahax.
ystd before i head out to see baby. i helped baby daddy change the bedsheets!
even thou i am not suppose too la. but carefully did it all by myself okie!
and when daddy is back home he didnt even say thx. jus ask mi
"why u change my bedsheet for mi"
humpx. irritating freak!
ystd was chattin wit a sweet girl at nite on msn.
and of course, we started off very well as frenx.
it seems like maybe youngster has alot of common topics.
okie la!
i admit la, a mummy -to-be.
but i am still a young adult ma.
hahax.
18 yrs old onli.
thou after givin birth, my 19 bday is comin.
lolx.
okie la.
don talk about this lerx.
was on the phone wit derrick ystd.
he wanna send mi to hospital, so sweet of him worx.
apple cant acc mi to hospital lerx.
so sad!
but i jus feel like slpin lots now!
can i don go!
hahax.
baby girl make mummy so inconvinent.
u better lie back upwards to show the doc.
hahax.
she whole nite was makin feel so uncomfortable.
i donnoe why.
and somemore, daddy too.
jus becos wanna let him be more comfortable cos he got to work today.
he pushes mi out of the pillow and have it on his own.
but he was not too bad la.
noe that he will push mi out and gave mi a SMALL PILLOW when he has another big one jus above his bed.
THANKS ALOT DADDY!
lolx.
and whole day daddy move about alot(normally is mi la.)
but i think cos ystd i was reali veri tired so i was damn gd=)
onli around 7plus am today.
i woke up cos urgently needed to use the toliet.
lolx.
actualli wanna go home tonite lerx.
cos i feel that, thou everybody welcome mi here in this hse.
but is still uncomfortable for mi.
ystd daddy mum was talkin to mi when i was abit hungry and headed downstairs for some bread and milo.
hahax.
she say i listen to them alot so she is not so worri about mi.
but onli my health concern.
and she repeatedly told mi to be real careful when i walk up and down the stairs.
cos she fall before.
i am not laughin at her cos i myself a few times olso nearly fall.
so now i walk up the stair veri veri careful.
when baby daddy saw baby scan pic ystd.
he say it wasnt clear, thought got colour de!
omg, nvm la. don blame him.
he is a noob.
hahax.
but throughout all scan i love ystd ones=).
hahax.
i wanted chole as baby princess name. which daddy donnoe how to pronouch
till ystd nite when he return home i was telling him.
but he was smilling to mi and say he will think of baby name!
hahax.
then mi ehx?
lolx.
he sended mi a sms about 15 mins ago.
meris ,jermain, eve, jerlyn, kerin and chinese name to be 宝儿。
he say he like meris.
but i find it okie onli.
hahax. and the rest i don like! i don like my girl name to be under J and K
is common okie! and for the chinese name.
my cousin, her name is bao er too.
hahax.
but i told daddy we could write this down on the list ba.
then can let his dad and mum see olso.
hahax.
ask his sister help us wit the english name.
hahax.
aniway, thx daddy=)
i am bit choosy la for girlgirl.
hahax.
cos i am a girl too=)
wans everything to be prefect for our precious.
hahax.
i goin lie down awhile ler la.
hahax.
then gonna go prepare lerx.
hahax.
i love everything suddenly at this moment.
my mood is so gd today!
xuemin
jus eaten breakfast and carefully walk up the stair of baby daddy hse.
donnoe why so many stairs.
lolx.
nobodi is at home now, onli mi and babyprincess.
feel so bored.
usually mornin i can talk wit daddy's mum and dad.
hahax. our normal topic was "backmouthin" their son.
lolx.
hey, i was quite gd okie.
hahax.
ystd before i head out to see baby. i helped baby daddy change the bedsheets!
even thou i am not suppose too la. but carefully did it all by myself okie!
and when daddy is back home he didnt even say thx. jus ask mi
"why u change my bedsheet for mi"
humpx. irritating freak!
ystd was chattin wit a sweet girl at nite on msn.
and of course, we started off very well as frenx.
it seems like maybe youngster has alot of common topics.
okie la!
i admit la, a mummy -to-be.
but i am still a young adult ma.
hahax.
18 yrs old onli.
thou after givin birth, my 19 bday is comin.
lolx.
okie la.
don talk about this lerx.
was on the phone wit derrick ystd.
he wanna send mi to hospital, so sweet of him worx.
apple cant acc mi to hospital lerx.
so sad!
but i jus feel like slpin lots now!
can i don go!
hahax.
baby girl make mummy so inconvinent.
u better lie back upwards to show the doc.
hahax.
she whole nite was makin feel so uncomfortable.
i donnoe why.
and somemore, daddy too.
jus becos wanna let him be more comfortable cos he got to work today.
he pushes mi out of the pillow and have it on his own.
but he was not too bad la.
noe that he will push mi out and gave mi a SMALL PILLOW when he has another big one jus above his bed.
THANKS ALOT DADDY!
lolx.
and whole day daddy move about alot(normally is mi la.)
but i think cos ystd i was reali veri tired so i was damn gd=)
onli around 7plus am today.
i woke up cos urgently needed to use the toliet.
lolx.
actualli wanna go home tonite lerx.
cos i feel that, thou everybody welcome mi here in this hse.
but is still uncomfortable for mi.
ystd daddy mum was talkin to mi when i was abit hungry and headed downstairs for some bread and milo.
hahax.
she say i listen to them alot so she is not so worri about mi.
but onli my health concern.
and she repeatedly told mi to be real careful when i walk up and down the stairs.
cos she fall before.
i am not laughin at her cos i myself a few times olso nearly fall.
so now i walk up the stair veri veri careful.
when baby daddy saw baby scan pic ystd.
he say it wasnt clear, thought got colour de!
omg, nvm la. don blame him.
he is a noob.
hahax.
but throughout all scan i love ystd ones=).
hahax.
i wanted chole as baby princess name. which daddy donnoe how to pronouch
till ystd nite when he return home i was telling him.
but he was smilling to mi and say he will think of baby name!
hahax.
then mi ehx?
lolx.
he sended mi a sms about 15 mins ago.
meris ,jermain, eve, jerlyn, kerin and chinese name to be 宝儿。
he say he like meris.
but i find it okie onli.
hahax. and the rest i don like! i don like my girl name to be under J and K
is common okie! and for the chinese name.
my cousin, her name is bao er too.
hahax.
but i told daddy we could write this down on the list ba.
then can let his dad and mum see olso.
hahax.
ask his sister help us wit the english name.
hahax.
aniway, thx daddy=)
i am bit choosy la for girlgirl.
hahax.
cos i am a girl too=)
wans everything to be prefect for our precious.
hahax.
i goin lie down awhile ler la.
hahax.
then gonna go prepare lerx.
hahax.
i love everything suddenly at this moment.
my mood is so gd today!
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, July 23--8:07:00 PMY
my baby girl!
hahax. so happi.
was smilin and laughin throughout the whole scan.
hahax.
see my baby has a sharp nose.
even the doc say, my baby face veri pretty.
but baby olso veri norti.
doc wanna scan her spine.
but she doesn wann lie back face up.
even though mi and baby daddy mum went to have a drink and back to the room again.
baby still not willing.
lolx.
so thx to her, i gotto go down hospital again tml.
my dear princess.
although mummy love u, but don bully mi okie.
hahax.
was veri tired.
after the scan went to consult doc.
and doc say baby is veri healthy=)
and my weight on the 9th july was- 44.1kg
but today my weight was 44.9kg.
okie! is there ani big difference.
lolx.
i am veri tired now, but waitin for baby daddy home to show him baby photo!
and to tell him about scan and even think of baby name.
hahax.
i have alot to do.
but i jus wanna get some rest now.
hahax.
okieokie.
excited for shoppin!
apple wanna go pick pink pink stuff wit mi.
hahax.
she horx.
givin birth few more days lerx.
hahax.
okie la.
i go lie down awhile okie.
slpy.
hahax.
xuemin
hahax. so happi.
was smilin and laughin throughout the whole scan.
hahax.
see my baby has a sharp nose.
even the doc say, my baby face veri pretty.
but baby olso veri norti.
doc wanna scan her spine.
but she doesn wann lie back face up.
even though mi and baby daddy mum went to have a drink and back to the room again.
baby still not willing.
lolx.
so thx to her, i gotto go down hospital again tml.
my dear princess.
although mummy love u, but don bully mi okie.
hahax.
was veri tired.
after the scan went to consult doc.
and doc say baby is veri healthy=)
and my weight on the 9th july was- 44.1kg
but today my weight was 44.9kg.
okie! is there ani big difference.
lolx.
i am veri tired now, but waitin for baby daddy home to show him baby photo!
and to tell him about scan and even think of baby name.
hahax.
i have alot to do.
but i jus wanna get some rest now.
hahax.
okieokie.
excited for shoppin!
apple wanna go pick pink pink stuff wit mi.
hahax.
she horx.
givin birth few more days lerx.
hahax.
okie la.
i go lie down awhile okie.
slpy.
hahax.
xuemin
take mi away
--11:07:00 AMY
jus finish preparing=)
hmmm.
ystd didnt realli slp well.
cos my lil precious veri norti.
baby lie in a donnoe what position inside mi
and my stomach was like one side swollen.
lolx.
norti baby.
hahax.
got mi veri uncomfortable.
goin off to eat wit baby daddy mum.
lolx.
then head to see baby ler!
xueqii sms mi.
lolx.
ask mi to tell her baby sex once i noe.
of course i will.
she is another precious of mine.
i scolded her once in our 18 yrs life becos of baby daddy and made her cry.
sorry babe, i didnt apologise to u yet.
but she understand ba.
no matter what!
i guess today everybody will be veri veri curious of my lil baby sex.
hahax.
i pray hard for a girl.
but still got a strong feeling is a lil devil boy!
like daddy.
lolx.
okieokie.
blog at nite=)
xuemin
hmmm.
ystd didnt realli slp well.
cos my lil precious veri norti.
baby lie in a donnoe what position inside mi
and my stomach was like one side swollen.
lolx.
norti baby.
hahax.
got mi veri uncomfortable.
goin off to eat wit baby daddy mum.
lolx.
then head to see baby ler!
xueqii sms mi.
lolx.
ask mi to tell her baby sex once i noe.
of course i will.
she is another precious of mine.
i scolded her once in our 18 yrs life becos of baby daddy and made her cry.
sorry babe, i didnt apologise to u yet.
but she understand ba.
no matter what!
i guess today everybody will be veri veri curious of my lil baby sex.
hahax.
i pray hard for a girl.
but still got a strong feeling is a lil devil boy!
like daddy.
lolx.
okieokie.
blog at nite=)
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, July 22--11:01:00 PMY
i am back! abit tired.
hmmm.
tml baby check up.
lookin forward.
baby this two days damn active de.
hahax.
but daddy wanna feel his kick he stopped.
lolx
i am quite down this few days.
i jus feel abit upset la.
alot of thing i wanna end it nicely.
but is olways another ending.
i olways wonder, when will i start workin hard and put myself first.
but hope i do have a chance ba.
i jus wanna be in my own world wit baby.
i reali wanna be on my own.
but am i capable is still a question.
can anibody tell mi what should i do niehx?
i jus feel quite tired ba.
being a fool/toy.
and i promise this will be my last time.
frenx who noes mi should be able to understand ba.
i am castin out relationship lerx.
cos CHEN XUEMIN don need one.
all i wan is baby by myside.
ppl are tellin mi to be more firm about how should i treat baby daddy now.
and i noe i olways mess my mind up.
but this will be the last time.
when i am back home on sunday.
i promise i will leave this nitemare.
i never ever wanna walk into it again.
i reali mean what i say.
give mi a reason to hate him and yes, i do have.
i am jus wanting both of us could actualli end in a veri nice way.
like mi and sam.
i had plans to go overseas after confinement.
to where i donnoe, but can i leave my lil precious?
i don feel safe leavin him wit daddy.
cos daddy is still so lazy, and he is still doin thing that he likes.
once in a week maybe, i will allow baby to spend time wit him ba.
baby name, i am thinkin about it ler.
and surname?
alot alot of things.
maybe a step at a time la.
i haven bought ani of baby stuff till now.
but i should start buyin lerx.
this is all my plans.
but after all alot of thing is difficult to say like my life.
i don feel well today either.
jus wanna rest alot.
but was woken up by nitemare again.
i had the same nitemare for continueous 4 days.
i dreamt that i had a miscarriage.
and i was cryin and askin baby daddy to leave.
maybe in my dream is something to do wit him ba.
is abit difficult to explain now.
but now. i needa rest ler.
gd nite everybody=)
will be bloggin tml.
to tell everybody baby SEX!
lolx.
baby jayken, mummy love u.
xuemin
take mi away
--6:15:00 PMY
finally can blog ler.
alot of thing happen this few days.
wanna blog but something is wrong wit my blogger!
first of all
ppl u all should visit my links under mommies.
hmmm.
"the dead twins"
is a veri brave mummy who wanna rmb her twins.
i cried when i see her blog.
young age, i noe how unhappi she will be ba.
i am a twins myself but i reali reali alot luckier then her.
although i am a mom to be.
a single mom.
but my baby daddy still in close contact wit mi.
cos of this lil precious we had after a 3 months of being tgt.
thou fast but is not a surprise.
is the very very precious gift that baby daddy left for mi till till end of our relationship.
but the poor girl.
i reali think u are brave darling!
i noe if u have a choice, u never wan them to leave u.
cos when the babies is in u, u get to feel them.
their heartbeat, their lil breathing.
get to feel their kicks.
till now i still cry becos of ur story.
i am lucky to keep my baby wit mi.
even thou in the first place baby daddy doesnt wan mi to have it either.
i am proud to say, i rather leave baby daddy then he askin mi to go for abortion.
and maybe due to my age, jus nice 18.
although havin baby wasnt my dream and wishes for my 18 bday.
but guess what.
i still love my baby.
i am not brave to abort this lil life cos since the day i have baby in mi.
is a risk for mi.
i have a weaker body, which i never knew will be that bad till
abortion or having it, i might not be able to survive to see baby.
but even if that is the case.
i have alreadi walked 5 months myself.
is tough, but is worthy.
i don wanna think of all bad thing that gonna happen on the day baby born.
i jus hope i could live for 1 min to carry baby on my arms before anithing happens to mi.
jus for that min.
every mum is brave. cos is reali not easy.
so i trust u that u will be a great mum in future.
and tell ur children that they have this 2 lil babies siblings before.
they are gonnna be so proud on u=)
never easily trust guys alot now.
cos they don deserve us doin things for them.
so women we should depend more on ourself.
maybe i use to be a prefectionist, so i am so use to this dependence
but i am sure this is the safer way to protect urself darling.
i hope to chat to u=)
cos we can be very gd frenx to talk too.
okies.
xuemin_070323@hotmail.com
add mi=)
secondly,
i had a clean break wit sam.
but this few days i notice myself staring into blank thinkin of him.
what is he doin, is he all rite?
i wanna sms u him.
but i broke his heart.
to let him give up in a less painful ways is to leave him alone.
rite?
but my dear, i misses u.
there will be alot places we will meet each other.
i noe u have been to those places jus to see mi.
but sorry, i am avoiding.
i donnoe what will i say to u
but is best like that ba.
thx for everything u gave mi.
3 yrs back, i reali love u once.
u are a very very nice guy i met.
if i get a sec chance to turn back to 3 yrs ago.
i won give up on u.
thx for lovin mi for 3 yrs.
u olways say, "u deserve to be treated like a princess"
but is onli u are capable of doin everything so willingly for mi.
jiayou my dear.
move on=)
thirdly,
i am sick for this few days.
donnnoe why.
headaches, flu and cough.
a slight fever ystd nite thou i had medicine willingly.
for the sake of my baby, i need to learn to takkaire of myself more.
but i am so weak to move.
didnt tell my mum cos don wan let her worry.
so even at home i am still alone lookin after myself.
i had nose bleeding too.
and is quite serious
but it stops ystd ler.
luckily.
hmmm.
okie.
can i blog later when i am back meetin darlings!
ps: i am now at my baby daddy hse.
tml gonna meet baby!
to see his sex and body.
lolx.
i am lookin forward!!!!
hahax.
blog later=)
xuemin
alot of thing happen this few days.
wanna blog but something is wrong wit my blogger!
first of all
ppl u all should visit my links under mommies.
hmmm.
"the dead twins"
is a veri brave mummy who wanna rmb her twins.
i cried when i see her blog.
young age, i noe how unhappi she will be ba.
i am a twins myself but i reali reali alot luckier then her.
although i am a mom to be.
a single mom.
but my baby daddy still in close contact wit mi.
cos of this lil precious we had after a 3 months of being tgt.
thou fast but is not a surprise.
is the very very precious gift that baby daddy left for mi till till end of our relationship.
but the poor girl.
i reali think u are brave darling!
i noe if u have a choice, u never wan them to leave u.
cos when the babies is in u, u get to feel them.
their heartbeat, their lil breathing.
get to feel their kicks.
till now i still cry becos of ur story.
i am lucky to keep my baby wit mi.
even thou in the first place baby daddy doesnt wan mi to have it either.
i am proud to say, i rather leave baby daddy then he askin mi to go for abortion.
and maybe due to my age, jus nice 18.
although havin baby wasnt my dream and wishes for my 18 bday.
but guess what.
i still love my baby.
i am not brave to abort this lil life cos since the day i have baby in mi.
is a risk for mi.
i have a weaker body, which i never knew will be that bad till
abortion or having it, i might not be able to survive to see baby.
but even if that is the case.
i have alreadi walked 5 months myself.
is tough, but is worthy.
i don wanna think of all bad thing that gonna happen on the day baby born.
i jus hope i could live for 1 min to carry baby on my arms before anithing happens to mi.
jus for that min.
every mum is brave. cos is reali not easy.
so i trust u that u will be a great mum in future.
and tell ur children that they have this 2 lil babies siblings before.
they are gonnna be so proud on u=)
never easily trust guys alot now.
cos they don deserve us doin things for them.
so women we should depend more on ourself.
maybe i use to be a prefectionist, so i am so use to this dependence
but i am sure this is the safer way to protect urself darling.
i hope to chat to u=)
cos we can be very gd frenx to talk too.
okies.
xuemin_070323@hotmail.com
add mi=)
secondly,
i had a clean break wit sam.
but this few days i notice myself staring into blank thinkin of him.
what is he doin, is he all rite?
i wanna sms u him.
but i broke his heart.
to let him give up in a less painful ways is to leave him alone.
rite?
but my dear, i misses u.
there will be alot places we will meet each other.
i noe u have been to those places jus to see mi.
but sorry, i am avoiding.
i donnoe what will i say to u
but is best like that ba.
thx for everything u gave mi.
3 yrs back, i reali love u once.
u are a very very nice guy i met.
if i get a sec chance to turn back to 3 yrs ago.
i won give up on u.
thx for lovin mi for 3 yrs.
u olways say, "u deserve to be treated like a princess"
but is onli u are capable of doin everything so willingly for mi.
jiayou my dear.
move on=)
thirdly,
i am sick for this few days.
donnnoe why.
headaches, flu and cough.
a slight fever ystd nite thou i had medicine willingly.
for the sake of my baby, i need to learn to takkaire of myself more.
but i am so weak to move.
didnt tell my mum cos don wan let her worry.
so even at home i am still alone lookin after myself.
i had nose bleeding too.
and is quite serious
but it stops ystd ler.
luckily.
hmmm.
okie.
can i blog later when i am back meetin darlings!
ps: i am now at my baby daddy hse.
tml gonna meet baby!
to see his sex and body.
lolx.
i am lookin forward!!!!
hahax.
blog later=)
xuemin
take mi away
Monday, July 20--5:53:00 AMY
i couldnt slp well since 3 plus. was rollin on my bed like a ball.
lol.
but i am sure baby is aslp. cos i heard abitbit snorin today.
maybe is i think too much la.
but i cant feel what is baby doin in mi de la.
lol.
i was smsin wit sam.
i too reali wanna go back to what we are before.
but do u noe where our problems lies?
is cos u got no faith in mi at all.
i told u to give mi more time but u didnt.
u jus wanna quickly make mi to be totally urs.
but u didnt notice, i am movin back to where i fall again.
i noe u didnt wan everything to happen.
but is jus that maybe u have nv been in a relationship before ba.
u nv noe how it is to accept a new relationship when someone is still in ur heart.
i don blame u at all darling.
i am partly at fault for accepting u.
is not u are not gd, is u are too gd to be my bf.
sam wanna meet mi tml.
and i noe that tml is the end of both of us lerx.
sam told mi he finally willing to let go.
jus becos he love mi alot.
if i have nv met him, i might realli belong to u first.
in the afternoon around 12 plus sam wanna meet mi to go out shop awhile.
is a normal datin for couple.
i hope we could reali enjoy the last day been tgt rather then quarrel again.
even if jus for a few hrs i hav alreadi promise to be a gd gf to him tml.
tuesday or wed nite i will be goin daddy hse stay ler.
all the way till sunday nite ba.
i too think that i needa make a wise decision about mi and daddy.
is this relationship still worthy for mi to carry on holdin.
or i should concentrate jus being a mum to be related to daddy.
i have a feeling that daddy is still foolin mi.
i dk why,
but nv doubt a pregnant women instinct.
he is jus givin mi a feeling that i should have jus give birth to baby and leave him to carry on our own life.
but i could nv leave baby alone.
unless i die.
maybe i am thinkin too much again lerx.
i am not suppose to think so much de niehx.
lolx.
okie la.
i am gonna rest abitbit ler.
then think of the conclusion about mi and daddy de problems ler.
i think strongly, i should let him go on his own, give him the life that he wanted back.
i jus gotto stop contactin wit him and his family members.
have baby on my own and nv see him again lerx.
xuemin
lol.
but i am sure baby is aslp. cos i heard abitbit snorin today.
maybe is i think too much la.
but i cant feel what is baby doin in mi de la.
lol.
i was smsin wit sam.
i too reali wanna go back to what we are before.
but do u noe where our problems lies?
is cos u got no faith in mi at all.
i told u to give mi more time but u didnt.
u jus wanna quickly make mi to be totally urs.
but u didnt notice, i am movin back to where i fall again.
i noe u didnt wan everything to happen.
but is jus that maybe u have nv been in a relationship before ba.
u nv noe how it is to accept a new relationship when someone is still in ur heart.
i don blame u at all darling.
i am partly at fault for accepting u.
is not u are not gd, is u are too gd to be my bf.
sam wanna meet mi tml.
and i noe that tml is the end of both of us lerx.
sam told mi he finally willing to let go.
jus becos he love mi alot.
if i have nv met him, i might realli belong to u first.
in the afternoon around 12 plus sam wanna meet mi to go out shop awhile.
is a normal datin for couple.
i hope we could reali enjoy the last day been tgt rather then quarrel again.
even if jus for a few hrs i hav alreadi promise to be a gd gf to him tml.
tuesday or wed nite i will be goin daddy hse stay ler.
all the way till sunday nite ba.
i too think that i needa make a wise decision about mi and daddy.
is this relationship still worthy for mi to carry on holdin.
or i should concentrate jus being a mum to be related to daddy.
i have a feeling that daddy is still foolin mi.
i dk why,
but nv doubt a pregnant women instinct.
he is jus givin mi a feeling that i should have jus give birth to baby and leave him to carry on our own life.
but i could nv leave baby alone.
unless i die.
maybe i am thinkin too much again lerx.
i am not suppose to think so much de niehx.
lolx.
okie la.
i am gonna rest abitbit ler.
then think of the conclusion about mi and daddy de problems ler.
i think strongly, i should let him go on his own, give him the life that he wanted back.
i jus gotto stop contactin wit him and his family members.
have baby on my own and nv see him again lerx.
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, July 19--7:04:00 PMY
ystd spended a whole day at baby daddy hse.
he wanna talk to baby.
but seriously i donnoe how he talk to my baby lor.
jus placed his hands on my tummy and kept quiet.
but to what i noe, heart to heart talks only mummies and babies ba.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la, u happi can liao la, daddy.
lolx.
but was veri angry cos i asked him to go out wit mi buy baby stuff.
he say he is tired, wanna rest.
and at nite he go out.
i was out before him ba.
i donnoe what he is thinkin la.
reali quite upset by him la.
olways say next time next time.
make mi damn piss off de.
say one week off once or twice to rest.
then at nite go out wit frenx.
is olso becos he off ma then i can finally ask him go out buy baby thing ma.
he workin days i where will disturb him.
angry angry angry.
i ask ppl acc mi go buy lerx.
next check up olso won ask u lerx.
cos once a week off ma.
go rest lorx!
humpx!!!
angry sia.
haixyo
don say about this ler la.
he should noe what to do de.
4 more days i gonna see my lil precious lerx.
i have cancel the 3D scan lerx.
daddy didnt go, do olso pointless ba.
daddy now wans it to be boy!
so what if baby is girl niehx.
daddy don love her lerx.
lolx.
i wan girl girl, daddy wan boy boy.
but for mi okie la.
if boy boy i olso love, cos from the start i got feeling is a boy ler.
jus that still hope la.
was chattin wit apple in the afternoon.
she say she olso hope for a girl but feeling is a boy.
then reali is boy boy.
but she can have the sec baby 2 yrs later.
but i am gonna tie my fallopian tubes striaght after i give birth.
i won be able to have sec baby lerx.
feel kinda sad la. cos i wan a baby girl thou.
but no la.
no choice.
hahax.
i wanna go out but baby daddy ask mi not to go out!
so boring!
baby kick mi bitbit today lerx.
i think cos daddy not around ma.
lolx.
baby love my mummy soup.
i drink like 3 plates worx.
hahax.
but goin drink again.
and today mornin drank the 人参 that baby daddy dad buy for mi.
hmmm.
i don like it la! but no choice.
cos i noe is damn expensive worx.
small bottle onli.
lolx.
i too wanna eat normally like other ppl.
i wanna eat my fav food, tian ji zhou.
i wanna eat fried stuff, i wanna eat ice-cream.
everybodi jus tell mi cos my body weak, and needa think of baby.
how i hope my body can be as well as other pregnant ppl.
my weight is onli 44kg now even 5 months pregnant.
i eat more tonic stuff then thing i wanted.
medicine olso alot more then others.
but for baby sake i cant complain much.
in the first place i am the one insisting keepin him.
so no matter what i have no right to complain.
i noe is onli 4 months plus left
that means i onli have 4 more months to enjoy.
daddy asked mi not to think so negatively.
but u all are not mi, nobody understand.
i too wanna see baby grow, i too wanna carry baby.
but i got no choice either.
as i say, baby grows bigger in mi everyday, i feel weaker.
i can look fine, but is jus in mi i reali reali feel so tired.
even scare to go out early in the mornin especially.
not feelin well sometimes too but didnt say, cos don wan ppl to be worry about mi.
hope that i could spend my first chirstmas wit baby, his first month, chinese new yr, and my own bday.
but i could onli try to think happily ba.
wherede is allowed, i donnoe ler.
as long as baby safe and sound i am happi lerx.
no matter what is gonna happen, baby still have daddy around.
nobody love baby more then mi.
even daddy, u jus say u love baby, but u did nth at all.
i am gonna rest bitbit ler.
headache today.
maybe nite goin out again lerx ba.
xuemin
he wanna talk to baby.
but seriously i donnoe how he talk to my baby lor.
jus placed his hands on my tummy and kept quiet.
but to what i noe, heart to heart talks only mummies and babies ba.
lolx.
hahax.
okie la, u happi can liao la, daddy.
lolx.
but was veri angry cos i asked him to go out wit mi buy baby stuff.
he say he is tired, wanna rest.
and at nite he go out.
i was out before him ba.
i donnoe what he is thinkin la.
reali quite upset by him la.
olways say next time next time.
make mi damn piss off de.
say one week off once or twice to rest.
then at nite go out wit frenx.
is olso becos he off ma then i can finally ask him go out buy baby thing ma.
he workin days i where will disturb him.
angry angry angry.
i ask ppl acc mi go buy lerx.
next check up olso won ask u lerx.
cos once a week off ma.
go rest lorx!
humpx!!!
angry sia.
haixyo
don say about this ler la.
he should noe what to do de.
4 more days i gonna see my lil precious lerx.
i have cancel the 3D scan lerx.
daddy didnt go, do olso pointless ba.
daddy now wans it to be boy!
so what if baby is girl niehx.
daddy don love her lerx.
lolx.
i wan girl girl, daddy wan boy boy.
but for mi okie la.
if boy boy i olso love, cos from the start i got feeling is a boy ler.
jus that still hope la.
was chattin wit apple in the afternoon.
she say she olso hope for a girl but feeling is a boy.
then reali is boy boy.
but she can have the sec baby 2 yrs later.
but i am gonna tie my fallopian tubes striaght after i give birth.
i won be able to have sec baby lerx.
feel kinda sad la. cos i wan a baby girl thou.
but no la.
no choice.
hahax.
i wanna go out but baby daddy ask mi not to go out!
so boring!
baby kick mi bitbit today lerx.
i think cos daddy not around ma.
lolx.
baby love my mummy soup.
i drink like 3 plates worx.
hahax.
but goin drink again.
and today mornin drank the 人参 that baby daddy dad buy for mi.
hmmm.
i don like it la! but no choice.
cos i noe is damn expensive worx.
small bottle onli.
lolx.
i too wanna eat normally like other ppl.
i wanna eat my fav food, tian ji zhou.
i wanna eat fried stuff, i wanna eat ice-cream.
everybodi jus tell mi cos my body weak, and needa think of baby.
how i hope my body can be as well as other pregnant ppl.
my weight is onli 44kg now even 5 months pregnant.
i eat more tonic stuff then thing i wanted.
medicine olso alot more then others.
but for baby sake i cant complain much.
in the first place i am the one insisting keepin him.
so no matter what i have no right to complain.
i noe is onli 4 months plus left
that means i onli have 4 more months to enjoy.
daddy asked mi not to think so negatively.
but u all are not mi, nobody understand.
i too wanna see baby grow, i too wanna carry baby.
but i got no choice either.
as i say, baby grows bigger in mi everyday, i feel weaker.
i can look fine, but is jus in mi i reali reali feel so tired.
even scare to go out early in the mornin especially.
not feelin well sometimes too but didnt say, cos don wan ppl to be worry about mi.
hope that i could spend my first chirstmas wit baby, his first month, chinese new yr, and my own bday.
but i could onli try to think happily ba.
wherede is allowed, i donnoe ler.
as long as baby safe and sound i am happi lerx.
no matter what is gonna happen, baby still have daddy around.
nobody love baby more then mi.
even daddy, u jus say u love baby, but u did nth at all.
i am gonna rest bitbit ler.
headache today.
maybe nite goin out again lerx ba.
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, July 18--3:29:00 AMY
jus now headed for a last mins bbq.
was still abit moody ba.
i did eat at least 3 chicken wings and 3 small susauge.
baby daddy still didnt take initiative to meet up wit mi jus to talk to lil percious.
is this how important ur our thing is?
it take onli 5 mins to talk to baby jayken to let baby feel alot better.
and it won take u too long to miss out a date wit other ppl.
i don understand why.
reali.
baby is still unhappi.
cos no reaction thou.
i mean his super kick stops since ystd ba.
what can mummy do for u?
haix, i jus don wan baby to be unhappy.
ppl are all tellin mi to stay happi no matter what.
but i feel rather heartache and upset ba.
i hope i am not ridiculous jus to ask u to talk to baby ba.
baby jus don wanna listen to mi.
maybe when u talk to him urself, he may understand.
is not like askin u to give mi a million bucks ba.
my dear daddy, is it difficult.
i don have to say more lerx.
u can realise urself that how important baby is to u.
as i say, if that is the case.
i will nv gonna take initiactive to look for u then.
which mean can forget it waitin for mi to tell u about baby stuff since baby so less important to u.
i am worried sick now becos baby upset.
but to u is like nth, breakin two ppl promise at the same time u feel no pain.
but have u ever notice, i have nv been so angry about u breakin promise till this.
if baby nv forgive u, i won too.
don say i am stressin u this time.
cos i didnt!
even thou is ur colleague don wanna change off day wit u.
even thou i do understand is ur work.
but in this matter, u still broke ur lil precious heart rite.
u could have come all the way to meet mi for 5 mins jus to talk to baby ba.
am i askin too much.
forget it la.
as i mention ler.
this is how important baby to u.
i reali don see a need to give u chances over and over again.
u should noe that i mean every single word i say.
have u ever thought of why i wanna tell u that i decide to have baby when i actualli lies to u.
cos everybody tells mi that i should give u a chance to learn to be a gd dad.
for the past 5 months.
have i ever asked u to do anithing for baby?
even when u say "pls, if need ani help for baby, u will do anithing"
my reply to u is olways "i am okie, baby's fine."
is my fault pampearin u too much or u reali reali won change.
i gave u a chance to make a gd dad examples.
i have been tellin everybody that i see a slight changes in u.
and i believe u could.
is not about the promise that we cant blame u.
is all about ur action thou it wasnt ur fault.
i mean jus like when ur frenx wanna meet u today, and u say u cant make it.
but u will surely meet them the followin day.
and i can feel ur frenx are even important now in ur life.
baby lil hope jus to see u.
baby lil love for u and big big trust that daddy love baby alot.
but what have u done for him daddy.
have u ever feel that he needs u?
have u ever think that he is waiting for u.
have u ever wonder how active he is even i said.
have u ever pending for the day to see him like how i did?
have u ever feel that maybe if u talk to baby urself, baby might understand.
and baby could stop givin temper.
have u ever care how much baby eats today?
have u ever care about how big is ur lil precious now?
have u ever notice i am olways the one tellin u this and that all about baby even thou u didnt ask.
have u ever feel that i am so tired of takin initiative doin this and that.
even u are not by our side, i am olways tellin baby.
"daddy is busy workin, so he wans mi to greet u gd nite"
"daddy is workin now, he wans u to be gd and don make mummy angry"
"daddy is workin now, daddy say he love u"
"daddy is working today, but he greets u gd morning"
is olways the same excuses "daddy is workin"
even when baby is by ur side.
u didnt even greets him
is that so important baby to u.
i don like to lie.
but why am i olways lying to my lil baby that "daddy is workin"
when u are out wit ur frenx, when u are busy at home slpin, when u hurt his lil heart.
have u ever ask urself, how much do u love baby jayken?
i don understand at all.
why is olways the same thing.
i nv ask u to do anithing for baby before, but jus hope for the day u would say and do it urself.
i am so happi when u promise mi that u will go tgt wit mi.
and twice u said.
but u nv gonna do it.
is onli once a month an appointment.
u could meet ur frenx like every nite as and when u are happi.
rite.
daddy, pls understand mi abit too.
i seldom give u temper too.
and u do noe how much i let u do things that u like.
i rather i do everything myself then askin u to do it.
no matter how u treat mi, i am olso all right.
but i hoep u reali can noe that i am tryin hard to talk to baby about u
but baby may start wonderin, "where is daddy?"
if u were baby, will u be happi?
my dear daddy, this is all i could say.
do whatever u like ler ba.
if u wanna be angry then go ahead olso.
i don wanna give a fuck damn to u ler ba.
baby and i can live well without u by our side too de.
i could onli say if u miss this one and onli chance, u better don regret.
cos this is all i can help and give u.
baby so innocent.
sorry, mummy reali cant do much for u.
mummy is still veri upset too.
plus i am even worry about ur condition.
but no matter what, mummy promise u.
whatever it is, mummy will nv leave u.
meetin u is the veri very important things to mi now.
i am cryin now cos i jus feel heartache.
i am sorry baby.
but i reali hope u could listen to mummy and stop givin mummy temper ler.
i don feel gd when u stop kickin mi.
i don feel gd when i feel u upset.
i jus don feel gd.
can anibody tell mi what to do now?
every mom noe that baby emotion effect us alot too.
i try to make myself happi jus to make baby happi everyday thou i am very tired.
but baby is so stubborn now.
i feel so lost.
donnoe how long will baby takes to cool down.
i am tired lerx.
abit sick today.
cough abit and flu for the whole day.
body quite weak cos i think didnt eat enough food this 2 days.
even i were to force myself.
baby temper so bad.
haix.
what can i do?
i am gonna go wash my face again cos of my tears.
then go slp lerx.
tryin to talk to baby again ba.
xuemin
was still abit moody ba.
i did eat at least 3 chicken wings and 3 small susauge.
baby daddy still didnt take initiative to meet up wit mi jus to talk to lil percious.
is this how important ur our thing is?
it take onli 5 mins to talk to baby jayken to let baby feel alot better.
and it won take u too long to miss out a date wit other ppl.
i don understand why.
reali.
baby is still unhappi.
cos no reaction thou.
i mean his super kick stops since ystd ba.
what can mummy do for u?
haix, i jus don wan baby to be unhappy.
ppl are all tellin mi to stay happi no matter what.
but i feel rather heartache and upset ba.
i hope i am not ridiculous jus to ask u to talk to baby ba.
baby jus don wanna listen to mi.
maybe when u talk to him urself, he may understand.
is not like askin u to give mi a million bucks ba.
my dear daddy, is it difficult.
i don have to say more lerx.
u can realise urself that how important baby is to u.
as i say, if that is the case.
i will nv gonna take initiactive to look for u then.
which mean can forget it waitin for mi to tell u about baby stuff since baby so less important to u.
i am worried sick now becos baby upset.
but to u is like nth, breakin two ppl promise at the same time u feel no pain.
but have u ever notice, i have nv been so angry about u breakin promise till this.
if baby nv forgive u, i won too.
don say i am stressin u this time.
cos i didnt!
even thou is ur colleague don wanna change off day wit u.
even thou i do understand is ur work.
but in this matter, u still broke ur lil precious heart rite.
u could have come all the way to meet mi for 5 mins jus to talk to baby ba.
am i askin too much.
forget it la.
as i mention ler.
this is how important baby to u.
i reali don see a need to give u chances over and over again.
u should noe that i mean every single word i say.
have u ever thought of why i wanna tell u that i decide to have baby when i actualli lies to u.
cos everybody tells mi that i should give u a chance to learn to be a gd dad.
for the past 5 months.
have i ever asked u to do anithing for baby?
even when u say "pls, if need ani help for baby, u will do anithing"
my reply to u is olways "i am okie, baby's fine."
is my fault pampearin u too much or u reali reali won change.
i gave u a chance to make a gd dad examples.
i have been tellin everybody that i see a slight changes in u.
and i believe u could.
is not about the promise that we cant blame u.
is all about ur action thou it wasnt ur fault.
i mean jus like when ur frenx wanna meet u today, and u say u cant make it.
but u will surely meet them the followin day.
and i can feel ur frenx are even important now in ur life.
baby lil hope jus to see u.
baby lil love for u and big big trust that daddy love baby alot.
but what have u done for him daddy.
have u ever feel that he needs u?
have u ever think that he is waiting for u.
have u ever wonder how active he is even i said.
have u ever pending for the day to see him like how i did?
have u ever feel that maybe if u talk to baby urself, baby might understand.
and baby could stop givin temper.
have u ever care how much baby eats today?
have u ever care about how big is ur lil precious now?
have u ever notice i am olways the one tellin u this and that all about baby even thou u didnt ask.
have u ever feel that i am so tired of takin initiative doin this and that.
even u are not by our side, i am olways tellin baby.
"daddy is busy workin, so he wans mi to greet u gd nite"
"daddy is workin now, he wans u to be gd and don make mummy angry"
"daddy is workin now, daddy say he love u"
"daddy is working today, but he greets u gd morning"
is olways the same excuses "daddy is workin"
even when baby is by ur side.
u didnt even greets him
is that so important baby to u.
i don like to lie.
but why am i olways lying to my lil baby that "daddy is workin"
when u are out wit ur frenx, when u are busy at home slpin, when u hurt his lil heart.
have u ever ask urself, how much do u love baby jayken?
i don understand at all.
why is olways the same thing.
i nv ask u to do anithing for baby before, but jus hope for the day u would say and do it urself.
i am so happi when u promise mi that u will go tgt wit mi.
and twice u said.
but u nv gonna do it.
is onli once a month an appointment.
u could meet ur frenx like every nite as and when u are happi.
rite.
daddy, pls understand mi abit too.
i seldom give u temper too.
and u do noe how much i let u do things that u like.
i rather i do everything myself then askin u to do it.
no matter how u treat mi, i am olso all right.
but i hoep u reali can noe that i am tryin hard to talk to baby about u
but baby may start wonderin, "where is daddy?"
if u were baby, will u be happi?
my dear daddy, this is all i could say.
do whatever u like ler ba.
if u wanna be angry then go ahead olso.
i don wanna give a fuck damn to u ler ba.
baby and i can live well without u by our side too de.
i could onli say if u miss this one and onli chance, u better don regret.
cos this is all i can help and give u.
baby so innocent.
sorry, mummy reali cant do much for u.
mummy is still veri upset too.
plus i am even worry about ur condition.
but no matter what, mummy promise u.
whatever it is, mummy will nv leave u.
meetin u is the veri very important things to mi now.
i am cryin now cos i jus feel heartache.
i am sorry baby.
but i reali hope u could listen to mummy and stop givin mummy temper ler.
i don feel gd when u stop kickin mi.
i don feel gd when i feel u upset.
i jus don feel gd.
can anibody tell mi what to do now?
every mom noe that baby emotion effect us alot too.
i try to make myself happi jus to make baby happi everyday thou i am very tired.
but baby is so stubborn now.
i feel so lost.
donnoe how long will baby takes to cool down.
i am tired lerx.
abit sick today.
cough abit and flu for the whole day.
body quite weak cos i think didnt eat enough food this 2 days.
even i were to force myself.
baby temper so bad.
haix.
what can i do?
i am gonna go wash my face again cos of my tears.
then go slp lerx.
tryin to talk to baby again ba.
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, July 17--6:35:00 PMY
edited
facebook-ing is so bored nowadays.
nonesence qiuz and firend request.
actualli not much different compare wit friendster.
hmmm. gonna blog abitbit la. before i decide wherede i am gonna stay at home today or go out till nite again.
but gotto wake up abit early tml.
jus scare baby daddy parent will ask mi to go their hse till late afternoon tml.
but hopefully not
prince has asked mi to go down to pub tonite cos he misses mi.
but i was told that sam will be there tonite.
i donnoe wherede i should go cos i feel very uncomfortable now due to our cold war.
i jus force myself to eat bitbit of plain rice.
i noe is not enough, but baby still don feel like eatin.
i still feel like vomiting now.
headache abit la.
but still worry about baby lots.
3 more plus more to baby 21 weeks.
but baby still so unhappi.
okie la. gonna talk to baby awhile before i think wherede i am goin out for the nite anot.
hope baby can listen to mi ba=)
xuemin
9.22pm
woke up at 5 plus today.
slept quite late ystd again.
cos i was on the phone wit sam.
and meanwhile packin my room bitbit.
had a small agurement again wit sam ystd.
but for mi, i reali find it quite pointless ler.
i didnt sms him for the whole day ystd.
and he too was busy wit his stuff.
but he told mi he is waiting for mi to sms instead of he start smsin wit mi.
ani different?
we talk about things, my blog, my lappi and my phone.
cos is all still about mi and him.
all the pics, all the themes, and my password.
i was jus ignorin all those words that sam said.
and busy packin my room.
i jus don understand.
u noe i am in a damn bad mood ystd and u wanna find agurement wit mi.
but i didnt even get effected by u ba.
cos i am reali upset by baby daddy ler.
u are now jus usin "my bf" to tie mi by urside.
but my heart nv belongs to u.
u noe it better then everybody, cos u are changing.
pethaticly, u are a nuisence.
i don wanna say, but u should reali think of what u and i both reali wanted.
i wanted to be free from u.
but u?
i won get effected by u de la.
baby kick mi abit this afternoon when i woke up.
actualli is evenin ler.
cos i woke up at 5 pm.
lolx.
baby kick mi i think he is tellin mi he is abit hungry.
but when i see the food that mum cook.
and again, i don feel like eatin.
so since ystd whole day till today now. i onli ate 3 slices of bread and a cup of hot milo.
mum cooked dinner.
but i totally don feel like eatin.
still thinkin of those unhappi stuff la.
but quite tired thou.
maybe slpin early tonite. cos tml mornin i needa meet baby daddy dad to the uncle for leg massage.
so slpy la.
lolx.
baby till now no reaction lerx.
worry about baby again.
haix.
why temper so bad sia.
baby daddy sended mi an sms ystd nite.
ask mi to say gd nite to baby, and sorry.
but baby doesnt seems to be happi even i mention this.
i can feel that baby reali reali upset.
cos baby 5 months le, nv saw daddy before.
and when daddy finally promise to meet up but broke promise again.
i hope baby is not cryin in mi.
cos i donnoe jus feel reali heartache.
i jus can say to baby daddy.
if u are sincere enough to apologise to baby.
talk to baby urself ba.
but don promise baby anithing ler!
cos u will break his heart again de.
i rather i feel abit terrible by baby kickin then baby so quiet in mi.
i feel so upset and lost now.
i didnt wanna blame baby daddy but i am angry now cos baby still cant forgive him.
no matter how i talk to baby, baby jus ignore mi.
is onli when i ask baby wherede baby still angry.
he kick mi.
normally this time baby is active de.
baby mummy pls u not to let mi worry can.
i realli donnoe what else i can do or say to le baby don feel so upset.
but what i noe is, he love daddy alot.
but daddy reali love him too?
i donnoe lerx.
cos i was thinkin whole nite ystd.
daddy nv do anithing for baby before.
nv ever.
but baby still love and trust u so much.
as i told u, everybody still waitin for the day u change.
but as for mi, i don reali noe how to trust u ler.
nv hurt my baby again.
if not i will nv gonna forgive u too.
xuemin
facebook-ing is so bored nowadays.
nonesence qiuz and firend request.
actualli not much different compare wit friendster.
hmmm. gonna blog abitbit la. before i decide wherede i am gonna stay at home today or go out till nite again.
but gotto wake up abit early tml.
jus scare baby daddy parent will ask mi to go their hse till late afternoon tml.
but hopefully not
prince has asked mi to go down to pub tonite cos he misses mi.
but i was told that sam will be there tonite.
i donnoe wherede i should go cos i feel very uncomfortable now due to our cold war.
i jus force myself to eat bitbit of plain rice.
i noe is not enough, but baby still don feel like eatin.
i still feel like vomiting now.
headache abit la.
but still worry about baby lots.
3 more plus more to baby 21 weeks.
but baby still so unhappi.
okie la. gonna talk to baby awhile before i think wherede i am goin out for the nite anot.
hope baby can listen to mi ba=)
xuemin
9.22pm
woke up at 5 plus today.
slept quite late ystd again.
cos i was on the phone wit sam.
and meanwhile packin my room bitbit.
had a small agurement again wit sam ystd.
but for mi, i reali find it quite pointless ler.
i didnt sms him for the whole day ystd.
and he too was busy wit his stuff.
but he told mi he is waiting for mi to sms instead of he start smsin wit mi.
ani different?
we talk about things, my blog, my lappi and my phone.
cos is all still about mi and him.
all the pics, all the themes, and my password.
i was jus ignorin all those words that sam said.
and busy packin my room.
i jus don understand.
u noe i am in a damn bad mood ystd and u wanna find agurement wit mi.
but i didnt even get effected by u ba.
cos i am reali upset by baby daddy ler.
u are now jus usin "my bf" to tie mi by urside.
but my heart nv belongs to u.
u noe it better then everybody, cos u are changing.
pethaticly, u are a nuisence.
i don wanna say, but u should reali think of what u and i both reali wanted.
i wanted to be free from u.
but u?
i won get effected by u de la.
baby kick mi abit this afternoon when i woke up.
actualli is evenin ler.
cos i woke up at 5 pm.
lolx.
baby kick mi i think he is tellin mi he is abit hungry.
but when i see the food that mum cook.
and again, i don feel like eatin.
so since ystd whole day till today now. i onli ate 3 slices of bread and a cup of hot milo.
mum cooked dinner.
but i totally don feel like eatin.
still thinkin of those unhappi stuff la.
but quite tired thou.
maybe slpin early tonite. cos tml mornin i needa meet baby daddy dad to the uncle for leg massage.
so slpy la.
lolx.
baby till now no reaction lerx.
worry about baby again.
haix.
why temper so bad sia.
baby daddy sended mi an sms ystd nite.
ask mi to say gd nite to baby, and sorry.
but baby doesnt seems to be happi even i mention this.
i can feel that baby reali reali upset.
cos baby 5 months le, nv saw daddy before.
and when daddy finally promise to meet up but broke promise again.
i hope baby is not cryin in mi.
cos i donnoe jus feel reali heartache.
i jus can say to baby daddy.
if u are sincere enough to apologise to baby.
talk to baby urself ba.
but don promise baby anithing ler!
cos u will break his heart again de.
i rather i feel abit terrible by baby kickin then baby so quiet in mi.
i feel so upset and lost now.
i didnt wanna blame baby daddy but i am angry now cos baby still cant forgive him.
no matter how i talk to baby, baby jus ignore mi.
is onli when i ask baby wherede baby still angry.
he kick mi.
normally this time baby is active de.
baby mummy pls u not to let mi worry can.
i realli donnoe what else i can do or say to le baby don feel so upset.
but what i noe is, he love daddy alot.
but daddy reali love him too?
i donnoe lerx.
cos i was thinkin whole nite ystd.
daddy nv do anithing for baby before.
nv ever.
but baby still love and trust u so much.
as i told u, everybody still waitin for the day u change.
but as for mi, i don reali noe how to trust u ler.
nv hurt my baby again.
if not i will nv gonna forgive u too.
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, July 16--11:34:00 PMY
today woke up at 3 plus.
i was so tired.
but was woken up by my dear jayda.
hahax.
cant slp after she call.
was thinkin wherede did she had a quarrel wit her bf.
hmmm.
4 plus, receive a sms from baby daddy.
damn sad/angry/dissapointed!
donnoe which temper should i be in.
he told mi that he cant go wit mi to see baby on 23rd.
and i was like haix.
even wanna book an 3D scan for him to see baby throughly.
but i don see a need then.
is baby 5 months old.
and i have thought he long took a leave or a off day jus becos he noes is important to mi and baby.
maybe not to him ba.
i feel so sad.
but couldnt get angry cos his reason is his colleague dont wanna change off day wit him.
jus could onli feel so sad.
and honestly, yes i cried abit.
cos he broke his promise again.
blame it on mi to trust him so much.
he nv noes how important it is to mi.
and i have talk to baby about daddy won be able to make it.
and baby kicked mi once and till now.
i don feel anithing from baby.
baby giving mi temper till now, which i donnoe what to do.
i didnt eat for the whole day.
but onli 3 small potatoes stuff(finger food)
jus got no appetite to eat and i reali feel so tired.
i am so worri now about baby.
cos reali no reactions.
i noe baby is upset to.
but what to do, i could onli tell baby that daddy is workin.
till now i still feel very upset.
went out wit apple jus now at 5plus, acc her go eat.
but she did cheer mi up abit.
thx babe for accompanyin mi too.
i don intend to go out today ler.
kinda slpy.
but derrick wanna meet mi out cos i told him i didnt eat.
but is useless la.
no matter what u place infront of mi now.
i won have ani appetite.
cos baby is still givin mi temper.
i am havin a bit gastric ba, cos drank 2 cups of bubble tea onli.
maybe is cos i didnt eat but the drinks are cold.
i needa talk to baby.
hopefully baby will be okie tml.
if not i wil be worry sick.
ppl won understand how sad baby is, but i do.
cos i am havin the same feeling.
on 23rd my plan is to meet baby, then after that go shop for baby thing.
since we noe his sex then we could start preparin ler.
but everything cancel.
somemore worst thing is baby daddy is totally not into goin shoppin wit mi for baby stuff.
his reply was "u call my mum acc u lor"
i was like. "ur mum is not baby daddy!"
i understand is not important but u are tryin to show mi that u are goin to break ur another promise.
and tellin to tell mi that, onli the day i asked u to be free then u are free to acc mi out to get baby stuff, and that the rest of ur offs are left for ur frenx or whoever else is important then baby.
who told mi before he is willin to do everything for baby too.
why everything is still mi and mi alone!
i don understand.
i was so upset today, guess nobody will understand de ba.
idk what else i can say, cant give temper.
but i noe i still feel like crying thou.
if that is the case, rest assure that i won disturb u and won tell u anithing about baby animore.
cos in ur heart, the ppl u outcasted is nv ur frenx.
but is olways ur own family, mi and baby.
i don mid u treatin mi this way, leavin mi in ur hse alone.
but this is the first promise u broken to baby.
i did tell u before.
babies is sensitive.
i knew it beocs they trust us.
haix.
donnoe la.
upset upset upset.
xuemin
i was so tired.
but was woken up by my dear jayda.
hahax.
cant slp after she call.
was thinkin wherede did she had a quarrel wit her bf.
hmmm.
4 plus, receive a sms from baby daddy.
damn sad/angry/dissapointed!
donnoe which temper should i be in.
he told mi that he cant go wit mi to see baby on 23rd.
and i was like haix.
even wanna book an 3D scan for him to see baby throughly.
but i don see a need then.
is baby 5 months old.
and i have thought he long took a leave or a off day jus becos he noes is important to mi and baby.
maybe not to him ba.
i feel so sad.
but couldnt get angry cos his reason is his colleague dont wanna change off day wit him.
jus could onli feel so sad.
and honestly, yes i cried abit.
cos he broke his promise again.
blame it on mi to trust him so much.
he nv noes how important it is to mi.
and i have talk to baby about daddy won be able to make it.
and baby kicked mi once and till now.
i don feel anithing from baby.
baby giving mi temper till now, which i donnoe what to do.
i didnt eat for the whole day.
but onli 3 small potatoes stuff(finger food)
jus got no appetite to eat and i reali feel so tired.
i am so worri now about baby.
cos reali no reactions.
i noe baby is upset to.
but what to do, i could onli tell baby that daddy is workin.
till now i still feel very upset.
went out wit apple jus now at 5plus, acc her go eat.
but she did cheer mi up abit.
thx babe for accompanyin mi too.
i don intend to go out today ler.
kinda slpy.
but derrick wanna meet mi out cos i told him i didnt eat.
but is useless la.
no matter what u place infront of mi now.
i won have ani appetite.
cos baby is still givin mi temper.
i am havin a bit gastric ba, cos drank 2 cups of bubble tea onli.
maybe is cos i didnt eat but the drinks are cold.
i needa talk to baby.
hopefully baby will be okie tml.
if not i wil be worry sick.
ppl won understand how sad baby is, but i do.
cos i am havin the same feeling.
on 23rd my plan is to meet baby, then after that go shop for baby thing.
since we noe his sex then we could start preparin ler.
but everything cancel.
somemore worst thing is baby daddy is totally not into goin shoppin wit mi for baby stuff.
his reply was "u call my mum acc u lor"
i was like. "ur mum is not baby daddy!"
i understand is not important but u are tryin to show mi that u are goin to break ur another promise.
and tellin to tell mi that, onli the day i asked u to be free then u are free to acc mi out to get baby stuff, and that the rest of ur offs are left for ur frenx or whoever else is important then baby.
who told mi before he is willin to do everything for baby too.
why everything is still mi and mi alone!
i don understand.
i was so upset today, guess nobody will understand de ba.
idk what else i can say, cant give temper.
but i noe i still feel like crying thou.
if that is the case, rest assure that i won disturb u and won tell u anithing about baby animore.
cos in ur heart, the ppl u outcasted is nv ur frenx.
but is olways ur own family, mi and baby.
i don mid u treatin mi this way, leavin mi in ur hse alone.
but this is the first promise u broken to baby.
i did tell u before.
babies is sensitive.
i knew it beocs they trust us.
haix.
donnoe la.
upset upset upset.
xuemin
take mi away
--2:16:00 AMY
ystd mornin i woke up at 7.15am to wait for baby daddy dad call.
and onli receive his call at 8.45am.
lolx.
but had my small breakfast cos baby jayken hungry.
small rain in the mornin and i receive sms from sam askin mi to becareful.
but early in the mornin i was down wit a slight flu.
baby daddy dad came to fetch mi and we head to yishun blk 732
the uncle that help mi to massage told us alot of stuff.
and indeed, i do feel alot better then before.
but suddenly feel very very tired.
lolx.
when we finish everything is around 10 plus ler.
baby daddy dad sended mi home.
but before i could step into my room.
sam call to say he bring mi out for breakfast.
he saw mi veri slpy, so didnt reali talk nonesence to mi.
but he was so caring.
don noe how to explain.
jus feel that, bf is so nice guy.
he send mi home straight after i finish eatin.
and online awhile and i slept.
all the way till 3 plus.
a few smses. from zoe, derrick, sam, prince and krist.
and msn from jiahui.
hahax.
hmmm.
but woke up veri moodless.
chat wit jiahui awhile and i was so hungry.
my baby jayken reali do noe how to eat alot worx.
baby daddy mum then called mi.
she is still sick, but she told mi baby daddy wasnt workin today and asked mi why i didnt head back to her hse wit her husband jus now.
lolx.
i didnt noe ma.
is not my plan la.
but went to her hse thou.
but sam and i was havin lil quarrel again.
he is so so sensitive.
i ignore him ba.
and ask him not to contact mi unless i contact him.
lolx.
i jus feel is ridiculous.
mus i have ur premission to do everything that i wanted.
u are my bf, but not husband.
and i guess i nv will allow anione to suffocate mi till this extend de ba.
at baby daddy hse.
he is havin flu olso.
and was restin alot.
lolx.
but he did sayang his lil percious too.
and guess what.
after he did that baby was so gd today.
baby love daddy alot too.
hahax.
i can see my own future like a slave to this two Mr.Poh!
hahax.
i donnoe why i jus feel so safe when baby daddy is wit mi.
i don wanna go aniwhere else de, but i have met zoe, jiahui,apple and ivy ler.
but zoe go home and left mi,apple,jiahui and ivy at ardmarity.
today everybodi was like quite tired la.
ivy went home earlier, but mi, apple and jiahui went home around 1am.
i was so hungry!!!
baby jayken, can u stop all this eatin!!
hahax.
let mummy rest better can.
lolx.
if i noe u will be norti i will jus stay at ur daddy hse.
hahax.
i noe le!
baby, u scare of ur daddy rite!!
hahax.
lolx.
sam came to meet mi awhile to talk to mi.
he apologise for being so unreasonable.
but he said alot of stuff that when i think, i jus feel so bad.
if i cant love him, i needa ask him to let go too.
shouldnt have start all this.
i noe u reali reali love mi alot.
but my love for him nv lose to anithing too.
u should have noe better then other ppl that i jus wan him.
everything about mi and him cant be taken away by others.
cos he is my one and onli.
i listen to him alot.
his words overtake alot of ppl concern.
if can i nv wanna let him go.
but as long as he is happi too.
what he give mi u cant do.
u think twice ba.
i cant give u anithing, even promises.
cos i have given him everything.
if this continues, the onli person will get hurt is u.
i am tired lerx.
baby slpin lerx.
jus now daddy greeted him and mi gd nite=)
hahax.
norti baby.
i might have nightmares tonite of u and daddy ganged up to bully mi.
hahax.
big possiblity
lolx.
hao ba.
gd nite to everybody=)
and gd nite to daddy too.
7 more day to see baby ler.
i miss and love u=)
xuemin
and onli receive his call at 8.45am.
lolx.
but had my small breakfast cos baby jayken hungry.
small rain in the mornin and i receive sms from sam askin mi to becareful.
but early in the mornin i was down wit a slight flu.
baby daddy dad came to fetch mi and we head to yishun blk 732
the uncle that help mi to massage told us alot of stuff.
and indeed, i do feel alot better then before.
but suddenly feel very very tired.
lolx.
when we finish everything is around 10 plus ler.
baby daddy dad sended mi home.
but before i could step into my room.
sam call to say he bring mi out for breakfast.
he saw mi veri slpy, so didnt reali talk nonesence to mi.
but he was so caring.
don noe how to explain.
jus feel that, bf is so nice guy.
he send mi home straight after i finish eatin.
and online awhile and i slept.
all the way till 3 plus.
a few smses. from zoe, derrick, sam, prince and krist.
and msn from jiahui.
hahax.
hmmm.
but woke up veri moodless.
chat wit jiahui awhile and i was so hungry.
my baby jayken reali do noe how to eat alot worx.
baby daddy mum then called mi.
she is still sick, but she told mi baby daddy wasnt workin today and asked mi why i didnt head back to her hse wit her husband jus now.
lolx.
i didnt noe ma.
is not my plan la.
but went to her hse thou.
but sam and i was havin lil quarrel again.
he is so so sensitive.
i ignore him ba.
and ask him not to contact mi unless i contact him.
lolx.
i jus feel is ridiculous.
mus i have ur premission to do everything that i wanted.
u are my bf, but not husband.
and i guess i nv will allow anione to suffocate mi till this extend de ba.
at baby daddy hse.
he is havin flu olso.
and was restin alot.
lolx.
but he did sayang his lil percious too.
and guess what.
after he did that baby was so gd today.
baby love daddy alot too.
hahax.
i can see my own future like a slave to this two Mr.Poh!
hahax.
i donnoe why i jus feel so safe when baby daddy is wit mi.
i don wanna go aniwhere else de, but i have met zoe, jiahui,apple and ivy ler.
but zoe go home and left mi,apple,jiahui and ivy at ardmarity.
today everybodi was like quite tired la.
ivy went home earlier, but mi, apple and jiahui went home around 1am.
i was so hungry!!!
baby jayken, can u stop all this eatin!!
hahax.
let mummy rest better can.
lolx.
if i noe u will be norti i will jus stay at ur daddy hse.
hahax.
i noe le!
baby, u scare of ur daddy rite!!
hahax.
lolx.
sam came to meet mi awhile to talk to mi.
he apologise for being so unreasonable.
but he said alot of stuff that when i think, i jus feel so bad.
if i cant love him, i needa ask him to let go too.
shouldnt have start all this.
i noe u reali reali love mi alot.
but my love for him nv lose to anithing too.
u should have noe better then other ppl that i jus wan him.
everything about mi and him cant be taken away by others.
cos he is my one and onli.
i listen to him alot.
his words overtake alot of ppl concern.
if can i nv wanna let him go.
but as long as he is happi too.
what he give mi u cant do.
u think twice ba.
i cant give u anithing, even promises.
cos i have given him everything.
if this continues, the onli person will get hurt is u.
i am tired lerx.
baby slpin lerx.
jus now daddy greeted him and mi gd nite=)
hahax.
norti baby.
i might have nightmares tonite of u and daddy ganged up to bully mi.
hahax.
big possiblity
lolx.
hao ba.
gd nite to everybody=)
and gd nite to daddy too.
7 more day to see baby ler.
i miss and love u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, July 15--3:11:00 AMY
ystd nite around 8pm met apple, jiahui mummy and zoe.
and then joyce and bf came to meet us awhile onli la.
we this few girls is like so bitchy la!
hahax.
chat till 1 plus.
zoe went home earlier.
hahax.
so much things to talk.
i didnt went to the pub ystd nite for the countdown.
cos i was feelin abit tired.
and still quite angry about sam la.
haixyo.
don care him.
he was quite upset about mi not there to celebrate wit him.
hmmm.
but he didnt call mi either.
but he sms mi.
which made mi feel abit bad.
okie la=)
apologise to him lerx.
today woke up quite late.
3 plus.
lolx.
but 4 plus sam came to pick mi up to his hse ler.
but he noes i was not feeling well.
i do reali look abit sick in the afternoon.
havin a bad flu.
and headache.
so around 6 plus.
i told him i am reali not feelin well to attend his bluffet dinner.
he wanted to send mi home.
but derrick sent mi home cos sam cant leave the place.
didnt reali talk to him alot today.
but can see la, he was feeling quite upset.
i did send him a sms sayin i am reali sorry.
but he say he understand mi not feeling well.
veri sweetly ask mi to go home and rest.
but 9pm i went out wit wj, cos he meetin iko to see their dog(christmas)
realise iko seems to be okie now.
is gd that she endure all sufferin ler.
jiayous worx.
then when sendin iko home, we went to pick up zoe.
and then head to ardmarity to meet apple and jiahui again!
hahax.
wj left awhile later to meet ys and yx.
hahax
around 2 weeks nv meet them guys lerx.
jus feel suddenly not as close as we use to be.
but nvm la.
we four girls was chit chattin there olso.
laugh and laugh.
hahax.
was reali quite fun talkin to them la.
hahax.
jokkin about our babies, and alot la.
hahax.
tupid thing is, we are sitting in mac but buyin cup noodles or drinks and titbits from 7/11.
okie, today i didnt okie.
apple,jiahui and zoe.
but ystd i bought mee goreng from the pasa balang.
hahax.
cute rite. hahax.
all the way till 1plus too.
hahax.
so tired.
but cant slp niehx.
hahax.
tml i needa wake up quite early thou.
baby daddy dad called mi today.
he say he asked the uncle to come help mi massage my leg.
cos very cramp and tired la.
hahax.
so nice=)
he say the uncle will be at yishun around 8 plus.
so around 7 plus i will needa wake up to wait for their calls.
gd girl rite.
hahax.
baby daddy mummy and daddy so gd worx.
hahax.
like them so much.
but they olways ask mi to eat fish!
i scare.
hahax.
cos i still feel like vomittin when i see fishes.
hahax.
somemore they like to order fish cooked wit garlic.
hahax.
omg!!!
haahx.
but still eat la.
cos i noe is gd for my health.
my lil percious this few days veri veri norti.
hahax.
but mummy still love u=)
maybe when baby out lerx.
i might not get use to baby not in mi.
cos baby answer mummy by kickin.
hahax.
when they agree, they won kick.
but when they disagree to what u tell them. hahax.
the super kick.
cute rite.
hahax.
guys should be envy that they cant feel ba.
hahax.
i have nv thought of being a mummy before.
but when i noe baby jayken is in mi.
i am actualli veri happi.
not becos u belong to mi and ur daddy.
even without ur daddy, mummy has alreadi decide to bring u up alone.
i noe i am still young.
i noe alot of thing i am still immature.
but since the day i welcome baby, i noe i jus wanna protect baby.
when doctor broke news to mi tellin mi that due to my health.
abortion or giving birth is both a danger to mi.
i cried alone and feel so upset.
till now i am still scare.
cos there is no 100% of mi surviving.
i wanna meet my baby too.
i am tryin jus to think of my future wit baby.
seeing baby grow and eat.
not to think of the negative things.
working hard now but is so tough.
i noe my body la.
being a gd mom is not to learn, is to go through and sacrify.
i will do anithing for this lil life in mi.
thou i don look 5 months pregnant.
but it reali doesnt matter la.
cos baby is still in mi.
rite.
a mother heart nv change.
i failed to be a gd frenx, i failed to be a gd daughter, i failed to be a gd gf.
but i swear and promise.
i won let myself fail to be a gd mummy.
xuemin is so proud to tell ppl that, i am havin baby jayken in mi.
it will nv be a disgrace to mi.
although still alot of ppl pointing their fingers at mi and gossipin about this pregnancy.
i still feel abit upset.
but i don blame them.
cos they have never been through all this alone before.
i am so thxful that all of my relative was still so supportive.
even my elder sis.
she olways love to show that kinda irritating face.
but i noe since young she still dote mi alot.
i still rmb when i am olways beaten up by mum when i was young.
she is olways the one to protect mi.
cos she noe that nobodi love mi at home.
no matter what, she is olways a sister to mi.
i am so so proud to tell everybody i am havin baby jayken, cos of their support.
this is gonna be my one and onli baby.
i have decide to do the op to tie my fallopian tubes to prevent giving birth lerx.
a few reason why ba.
cos i don wanna go through pregnancy alone again.
i don trust guys to stay faithful when women pregnant ba.
the other reason is, i will nv gonna have babies with other guys and neglect my own lil percious.
even if he grow up, i can onli tell him.
mummy reali reali love u alot.
but i will never gonna dote on other lerx.
hahax.
alot of ppl tellin mi not too la.
cos i am still young to be a mummy again.
but i olways tell myself tha i wanna be my partner one and onli.
i needa prove that everybody to mi is one and onli=)
silly mi horx.
but i guess this is the best solution for mi.
sam sms mi, telling mi everything ended lerx.
he say he is tired.
and he miss mi alot=)
i am sorry my dear.
thou i am still angry wit u. but i missed ur bday.
u didnt blame mi either.
thx for being so understand although i am so so xiao qi.
and i haven say this to u.
HAPPI BDAY=)
sorry for my late wishes this yr.
but i hope everything still so gd for u.
now is abit too late lerx.
i left 3 hrs plus of slpin time.
goin slp ler.
tired!
hahax.
nitenite everyone.
i miss you alot.
xuemin
and then joyce and bf came to meet us awhile onli la.
we this few girls is like so bitchy la!
hahax.
chat till 1 plus.
zoe went home earlier.
hahax.
so much things to talk.
i didnt went to the pub ystd nite for the countdown.
cos i was feelin abit tired.
and still quite angry about sam la.
haixyo.
don care him.
he was quite upset about mi not there to celebrate wit him.
hmmm.
but he didnt call mi either.
but he sms mi.
which made mi feel abit bad.
okie la=)
apologise to him lerx.
today woke up quite late.
3 plus.
lolx.
but 4 plus sam came to pick mi up to his hse ler.
but he noes i was not feeling well.
i do reali look abit sick in the afternoon.
havin a bad flu.
and headache.
so around 6 plus.
i told him i am reali not feelin well to attend his bluffet dinner.
he wanted to send mi home.
but derrick sent mi home cos sam cant leave the place.
didnt reali talk to him alot today.
but can see la, he was feeling quite upset.
i did send him a sms sayin i am reali sorry.
but he say he understand mi not feeling well.
veri sweetly ask mi to go home and rest.
but 9pm i went out wit wj, cos he meetin iko to see their dog(christmas)
realise iko seems to be okie now.
is gd that she endure all sufferin ler.
jiayous worx.
then when sendin iko home, we went to pick up zoe.
and then head to ardmarity to meet apple and jiahui again!
hahax.
wj left awhile later to meet ys and yx.
hahax
around 2 weeks nv meet them guys lerx.
jus feel suddenly not as close as we use to be.
but nvm la.
we four girls was chit chattin there olso.
laugh and laugh.
hahax.
was reali quite fun talkin to them la.
hahax.
jokkin about our babies, and alot la.
hahax.
tupid thing is, we are sitting in mac but buyin cup noodles or drinks and titbits from 7/11.
okie, today i didnt okie.
apple,jiahui and zoe.
but ystd i bought mee goreng from the pasa balang.
hahax.
cute rite. hahax.
all the way till 1plus too.
hahax.
so tired.
but cant slp niehx.
hahax.
tml i needa wake up quite early thou.
baby daddy dad called mi today.
he say he asked the uncle to come help mi massage my leg.
cos very cramp and tired la.
hahax.
so nice=)
he say the uncle will be at yishun around 8 plus.
so around 7 plus i will needa wake up to wait for their calls.
gd girl rite.
hahax.
baby daddy mummy and daddy so gd worx.
hahax.
like them so much.
but they olways ask mi to eat fish!
i scare.
hahax.
cos i still feel like vomittin when i see fishes.
hahax.
somemore they like to order fish cooked wit garlic.
hahax.
omg!!!
haahx.
but still eat la.
cos i noe is gd for my health.
my lil percious this few days veri veri norti.
hahax.
but mummy still love u=)
maybe when baby out lerx.
i might not get use to baby not in mi.
cos baby answer mummy by kickin.
hahax.
when they agree, they won kick.
but when they disagree to what u tell them. hahax.
the super kick.
cute rite.
hahax.
guys should be envy that they cant feel ba.
hahax.
i have nv thought of being a mummy before.
but when i noe baby jayken is in mi.
i am actualli veri happi.
not becos u belong to mi and ur daddy.
even without ur daddy, mummy has alreadi decide to bring u up alone.
i noe i am still young.
i noe alot of thing i am still immature.
but since the day i welcome baby, i noe i jus wanna protect baby.
when doctor broke news to mi tellin mi that due to my health.
abortion or giving birth is both a danger to mi.
i cried alone and feel so upset.
till now i am still scare.
cos there is no 100% of mi surviving.
i wanna meet my baby too.
i am tryin jus to think of my future wit baby.
seeing baby grow and eat.
not to think of the negative things.
working hard now but is so tough.
i noe my body la.
being a gd mom is not to learn, is to go through and sacrify.
i will do anithing for this lil life in mi.
thou i don look 5 months pregnant.
but it reali doesnt matter la.
cos baby is still in mi.
rite.
a mother heart nv change.
i failed to be a gd frenx, i failed to be a gd daughter, i failed to be a gd gf.
but i swear and promise.
i won let myself fail to be a gd mummy.
xuemin is so proud to tell ppl that, i am havin baby jayken in mi.
it will nv be a disgrace to mi.
although still alot of ppl pointing their fingers at mi and gossipin about this pregnancy.
i still feel abit upset.
but i don blame them.
cos they have never been through all this alone before.
i am so thxful that all of my relative was still so supportive.
even my elder sis.
she olways love to show that kinda irritating face.
but i noe since young she still dote mi alot.
i still rmb when i am olways beaten up by mum when i was young.
she is olways the one to protect mi.
cos she noe that nobodi love mi at home.
no matter what, she is olways a sister to mi.
i am so so proud to tell everybody i am havin baby jayken, cos of their support.
this is gonna be my one and onli baby.
i have decide to do the op to tie my fallopian tubes to prevent giving birth lerx.
a few reason why ba.
cos i don wanna go through pregnancy alone again.
i don trust guys to stay faithful when women pregnant ba.
the other reason is, i will nv gonna have babies with other guys and neglect my own lil percious.
even if he grow up, i can onli tell him.
mummy reali reali love u alot.
but i will never gonna dote on other lerx.
hahax.
alot of ppl tellin mi not too la.
cos i am still young to be a mummy again.
but i olways tell myself tha i wanna be my partner one and onli.
i needa prove that everybody to mi is one and onli=)
silly mi horx.
but i guess this is the best solution for mi.
sam sms mi, telling mi everything ended lerx.
he say he is tired.
and he miss mi alot=)
i am sorry my dear.
thou i am still angry wit u. but i missed ur bday.
u didnt blame mi either.
thx for being so understand although i am so so xiao qi.
and i haven say this to u.
HAPPI BDAY=)
sorry for my late wishes this yr.
but i hope everything still so gd for u.
now is abit too late lerx.
i left 3 hrs plus of slpin time.
goin slp ler.
tired!
hahax.
nitenite everyone.
i miss you alot.
xuemin
take mi away
Monday, July 13--4:07:00 PMY
wasnt in my best mood thou.
ystd nite before i slp.
called bf and had a veri bad quarrel.
3yrs, we never had a quarrel.
i noe i am in the fault.
i am sorry.
but to what u ask mi, i reali don noe how to answer u.
becos i admit u reali noe mi well.
our agurement started becos he suddenly become so unreasonable.
i tried to give in at first.
but he was still so angry about mi out wit frenx and didnt let him noe till he called mi.
i was askin him, why cant we be like how we use to be.
and his reply wake mi up.
cos i am his gf now.
yes, i noe.
but pls don expect mi to be that kinda gf that report to u every single thing i am doin.
u should noe mi well.
the more u wanna tie mi the more i will run away.
yes, i noe i noe and i noe.
u are freakin stressin mi.
i told u in the first place.
is not easy for mi to have an relationship now.
but pls don think u will ever gonna change my mind in anithing now.
i told u i am sorry to treat u so cold.
i am sorry to neglect ur feelings.
but don suffocate mi pls.
u say u don wan ani quarrel between us.
but why are we havin such a bad agurement early in the mornin!
who is the one ridiculously says u jus wanna be wit mi even if i say i need more time.
pls bf, i am so sick and tired of agurement and quarrels.
never ever i expect u to be the one too.
tml is ur bday.
and u said that ur best present u alreadi receive.
but are u happi.
am i happi?
am i wrong askin u make a decision?
don come tellin mi that u don expect all this to happen.
waiting for mi for 3 yrs plus, jus wanna wait till the day i can accept u.
but now we are tgt, don u think u wasted a 3 yrs for nth on mi.
u can wait a few yrs more but do u think i am still the best choice for u?
when u were to meet another women that is willing to do anithing for u.
listen to u and never so stubborn.
do u think u still love mi even if u spended 3 yrs on mi?
to mi, love aint a game animore.
is a gamble to my life.
jus like my baby jayken in mi.
i jus wanna use my whole life to protect the ones i reali love.
i have alot of guys frenx.
if u cant accept mi and my frenx as what they are then i won be bother about u.
cos frenx are important to mi.
i use to give up all my frenx becos of a guy.
and now i won make the same mistake twice.
i don blame u to be so anti social.
but i will blame u if u ever try to stop mi hanging out wit all my frenx.
cos u will never gonna be the one to change my mind.
and very very nonesence thing is u are actualli piss off of a dead person.
bryan is alreadi not in this world ler.
and he is a very gd frenx to mi.
how can u say all this nasty words on him.
am i wrong to scold u for being so immature now.
i olways thought u are different from others.
cos 21 yrs old but u gotto handle the whole company by urself.
i guess u are reali mature enough to start ur own family ler.
but is reali reali ridiculous when u start spouting nonesence
u don tell mi how insecure u feel being wit mi.
i am olways like this.
but if u trust mi u should noe when i have a bf, i will never gonna care about other guys.
i may have alot of guys frenx but i will never gonna do anithing to betray u.
even derrick noes this.
once i have a bf, i won even glance at hunks.
u still say u are my bf!
oh pls.
what do u wan mi to do, my dear.
i am so sick and tired of all this lerx.
can u stop?
how gd we may look, how sweet we may be infront of others tml.
u should noe, after today morning.
don expect much from mi lerx.
i am not gonna be the one cryin to u askin u to stay by myside.
i am not gonna be the one to pls u not to leave mi.
i am better off alone!
i didnt slp the whole morning thou.
so pls, don spam mi sms and phone calls.
i am not into pickin up and replying ur msg till i feel alot better later on.
i am havin a headache.
so plsplspls.
don irritate mi for now
mornin i met derrick for breakfast as i couldnt slp well.
and nearly fainted today again.
maybe cos alot of days i not enough slp lerx.
but till now still feel unwell.
donnoe why niehx.
derrick was shock and worry.
but i told him is normal la.
for my case la.
lolx.
i told him i don wan sam to be the one fetchin mi to pub today later at nite.
then he say he will then.
tml is a veri busy day for us.
i too gotto wake up early and head to sam hse.
donnoe do what olso.
but i might jus slp in his hse first.
mike and sebes will be bringin their own girls.
donnoe who again la.
haixyo.
but prince and derrick will be a gay thou.
lolx.
i noe even if i am angry wit sam tml.
i still gotto wait till tml party over.
cos 6.5k ppl will be there to celebrate for him.
mummy told mi jus on the party she spended $650, 000.
and sam bday present is his new care that cos more then a million.
percious ma.
mummy intend to change my 7 inches heels to flats.
but the dress i am wearing suits better wit heels niehx.
she is scare that i might trip over things again.
lolx.
mummy! stop bringing the incident up la.
maybe change to a lower heels ba.
krist called mi to ask what am i wearing for tml nite party.
she horx.
olways wanna fight wit mi over "the most attractive person" on parties!
i told her is a summer design dior pink dress imported from paris.
she noe she lost.
cos she is wearin a customize dress.
but black.
hahax.
colour alreadi lose ler la.
hahax.
but our "fight" is a friendly one la.
so don worry we will end up havin cats fight.
lolx.
donnoe krist bbay will be comin anot.
and i heard that mummy invited one of company's partner CEO daughter.
lolx.
is the one who wanna woo sam before de.
actualli tml mi and sam will be handlin alot of this type of women ba.
cos firstly, he is rich and he is a hunk ma.
all the bosses will introduce their daughter to him.
but alot of them has alreadi given up lerx.
i have met a few thou.
but,is kinda funny la.
lolx.
donnoe what funny thing will happen again tml.
but once sam told mi that in him i will olways be the lead person.
but derrick told mi that too.
lolx.
okies, guys- pls fight among urself then.
hahax.
i am still piss off by sam la!!!
all the "face" that u need i will give it to u de.
but as i mention, don expect much!
and noe about baby jayken!
i am thinkin about changing his chinese name niehx.
this one still needa discuss wit baby daddy ba.
and baby has been so active ystd and today.
i feel his kick like nobody business.
hahax.
hungry so easily!
mummy don wanna grow fat fat horx.
if not ask ur daddy pay for my slimming programme.
hahax.
which i think he will jus tell mi "not my problem"
but he gotto think.
is becos of baby horx!!!
hahax.
see like, guys will never understand us women suffering de.
hahax.
10 more days to see baby jayken lorx!!
excited!!!
but still needa think wan do the 3D ultrasound scan or the normal one.
hahax
headache la.
lolx.
if i were to ask baby daddy olso useless la.
he will onli say, i happi can ler lorx.
but i guess 3D scan better rite.
hahax.
i am reali tired now la.
before jiahui wanna meet mi i goin lie down awhile.
but first, baby hungry again la.
gotto satify baby then myself ma.
if not i cant rest de.
lolx.
blog when i am free at nite later ba=)
i miss u.
xuemin
ystd nite before i slp.
called bf and had a veri bad quarrel.
3yrs, we never had a quarrel.
i noe i am in the fault.
i am sorry.
but to what u ask mi, i reali don noe how to answer u.
becos i admit u reali noe mi well.
our agurement started becos he suddenly become so unreasonable.
i tried to give in at first.
but he was still so angry about mi out wit frenx and didnt let him noe till he called mi.
i was askin him, why cant we be like how we use to be.
and his reply wake mi up.
cos i am his gf now.
yes, i noe.
but pls don expect mi to be that kinda gf that report to u every single thing i am doin.
u should noe mi well.
the more u wanna tie mi the more i will run away.
yes, i noe i noe and i noe.
u are freakin stressin mi.
i told u in the first place.
is not easy for mi to have an relationship now.
but pls don think u will ever gonna change my mind in anithing now.
i told u i am sorry to treat u so cold.
i am sorry to neglect ur feelings.
but don suffocate mi pls.
u say u don wan ani quarrel between us.
but why are we havin such a bad agurement early in the mornin!
who is the one ridiculously says u jus wanna be wit mi even if i say i need more time.
pls bf, i am so sick and tired of agurement and quarrels.
never ever i expect u to be the one too.
tml is ur bday.
and u said that ur best present u alreadi receive.
but are u happi.
am i happi?
am i wrong askin u make a decision?
don come tellin mi that u don expect all this to happen.
waiting for mi for 3 yrs plus, jus wanna wait till the day i can accept u.
but now we are tgt, don u think u wasted a 3 yrs for nth on mi.
u can wait a few yrs more but do u think i am still the best choice for u?
when u were to meet another women that is willing to do anithing for u.
listen to u and never so stubborn.
do u think u still love mi even if u spended 3 yrs on mi?
to mi, love aint a game animore.
is a gamble to my life.
jus like my baby jayken in mi.
i jus wanna use my whole life to protect the ones i reali love.
i have alot of guys frenx.
if u cant accept mi and my frenx as what they are then i won be bother about u.
cos frenx are important to mi.
i use to give up all my frenx becos of a guy.
and now i won make the same mistake twice.
i don blame u to be so anti social.
but i will blame u if u ever try to stop mi hanging out wit all my frenx.
cos u will never gonna be the one to change my mind.
and very very nonesence thing is u are actualli piss off of a dead person.
bryan is alreadi not in this world ler.
and he is a very gd frenx to mi.
how can u say all this nasty words on him.
am i wrong to scold u for being so immature now.
i olways thought u are different from others.
cos 21 yrs old but u gotto handle the whole company by urself.
i guess u are reali mature enough to start ur own family ler.
but is reali reali ridiculous when u start spouting nonesence
u don tell mi how insecure u feel being wit mi.
i am olways like this.
but if u trust mi u should noe when i have a bf, i will never gonna care about other guys.
i may have alot of guys frenx but i will never gonna do anithing to betray u.
even derrick noes this.
once i have a bf, i won even glance at hunks.
u still say u are my bf!
oh pls.
what do u wan mi to do, my dear.
i am so sick and tired of all this lerx.
can u stop?
how gd we may look, how sweet we may be infront of others tml.
u should noe, after today morning.
don expect much from mi lerx.
i am not gonna be the one cryin to u askin u to stay by myside.
i am not gonna be the one to pls u not to leave mi.
i am better off alone!
i didnt slp the whole morning thou.
so pls, don spam mi sms and phone calls.
i am not into pickin up and replying ur msg till i feel alot better later on.
i am havin a headache.
so plsplspls.
don irritate mi for now
mornin i met derrick for breakfast as i couldnt slp well.
and nearly fainted today again.
maybe cos alot of days i not enough slp lerx.
but till now still feel unwell.
donnoe why niehx.
derrick was shock and worry.
but i told him is normal la.
for my case la.
lolx.
i told him i don wan sam to be the one fetchin mi to pub today later at nite.
then he say he will then.
tml is a veri busy day for us.
i too gotto wake up early and head to sam hse.
donnoe do what olso.
but i might jus slp in his hse first.
mike and sebes will be bringin their own girls.
donnoe who again la.
haixyo.
but prince and derrick will be a gay thou.
lolx.
i noe even if i am angry wit sam tml.
i still gotto wait till tml party over.
cos 6.5k ppl will be there to celebrate for him.
mummy told mi jus on the party she spended $650, 000.
and sam bday present is his new care that cos more then a million.
percious ma.
mummy intend to change my 7 inches heels to flats.
but the dress i am wearing suits better wit heels niehx.
she is scare that i might trip over things again.
lolx.
mummy! stop bringing the incident up la.
maybe change to a lower heels ba.
krist called mi to ask what am i wearing for tml nite party.
she horx.
olways wanna fight wit mi over "the most attractive person" on parties!
i told her is a summer design dior pink dress imported from paris.
she noe she lost.
cos she is wearin a customize dress.
but black.
hahax.
colour alreadi lose ler la.
hahax.
but our "fight" is a friendly one la.
so don worry we will end up havin cats fight.
lolx.
donnoe krist bbay will be comin anot.
and i heard that mummy invited one of company's partner CEO daughter.
lolx.
is the one who wanna woo sam before de.
actualli tml mi and sam will be handlin alot of this type of women ba.
cos firstly, he is rich and he is a hunk ma.
all the bosses will introduce their daughter to him.
but alot of them has alreadi given up lerx.
i have met a few thou.
but,is kinda funny la.
lolx.
donnoe what funny thing will happen again tml.
but once sam told mi that in him i will olways be the lead person.
but derrick told mi that too.
lolx.
okies, guys- pls fight among urself then.
hahax.
i am still piss off by sam la!!!
all the "face" that u need i will give it to u de.
but as i mention, don expect much!
and noe about baby jayken!
i am thinkin about changing his chinese name niehx.
this one still needa discuss wit baby daddy ba.
and baby has been so active ystd and today.
i feel his kick like nobody business.
hahax.
hungry so easily!
mummy don wanna grow fat fat horx.
if not ask ur daddy pay for my slimming programme.
hahax.
which i think he will jus tell mi "not my problem"
but he gotto think.
is becos of baby horx!!!
hahax.
see like, guys will never understand us women suffering de.
hahax.
10 more days to see baby jayken lorx!!
excited!!!
but still needa think wan do the 3D ultrasound scan or the normal one.
hahax
headache la.
lolx.
if i were to ask baby daddy olso useless la.
he will onli say, i happi can ler lorx.
but i guess 3D scan better rite.
hahax.
i am reali tired now la.
before jiahui wanna meet mi i goin lie down awhile.
but first, baby hungry again la.
gotto satify baby then myself ma.
if not i cant rest de.
lolx.
blog when i am free at nite later ba=)
i miss u.
xuemin
take mi away
--3:44:00 AMY
today woke up in the afternoon.
went ardmarity wit ivy.
then bubble tea and went home.
actualli thought will be meeting zoe and jiahui straight.
but jiahui went malaysia wit her mother-in-law and her mother.
and zoe was still slpin all the way till 5 plus.
lolx.
i didnt go iko hse either.
then end up sam came to pick mi up to his hse.
jus to try the dress for tml.
veri nice dress la.
pink de.
=)
thx mummy.
mummy actualli wans mi to stay there de.
but i told her i have plans.
but went back home jus to wait for zoe all the way till 8 plus.
went triple 8 la.
then after went singing till jus reach home.
frankly speaking.
i am abit tired.
didnt have gd slp recently.
donnoe why nitemares alot.
haix.
i need a gd rest thou.
my hse is so noisy.
sam keep askin mi to go his hse stay.
but i donnoe why.
jus didnt wanna go there.
sam was quite angry wit mi thou.
cos i was wit my guys frenx and zoe.
but i didnt even wanna spend time wit him.
but i jus donnoe why.
feel kinda weird thou.
derrick wanna meet mi early in the mornin for breakfast.
but i guess i will onli wake up in the afternoon.
he say he wanna talk to mi.
but was so secretive(not convinent to talk on phone)
then tml meet him ler.
will meet jiahui ler.
and zoe will come meet us at nite after her work.
then at nite they got countdown party at prince pub for sam bday
i reali reali donnoe what to do then is right lerx.
being wit sam is actualli a happi thing ba.
but even he say, i don feel so happi as before.
but why?
i jus wanna avoid him.
i don wanna care about him.
i jus wanna be in my own world wit my own group of frenx.
but now not him.
is like i suddenly outcasted him out of my life.
but he is now offically my bf.
i wanna be gd to him.
but i cant.
i noe what is stoppin mi.
but what else can i do?
and about zoe now.
i have asked her to abort.
thou i reali feel bad.
cos i am a mother to be myself.
and same situation.
i noe i should have ask her to be strong and have the baby.
but her bf is so much worst then my baby daddy.
my baby daddy is only immature.
but he has change abit lex.
and for the first 2 month of my prenancy
i still have him.
when i feel like eatin tian ji zhou, he buys up for mi=)
when we are watchin tv in my room.
he noes i love to lie on his lapp.
he will allow.
and he still love and dote mi like his one and only=)
everything i wanna do he will allow mi, as long as i am happi.
we still play and still like a veri sweet couple=)
i am lucky cos i did enjoy for 2 months wit him by myside.
right daddy?=)
now think back.
i am reali alot better then zoe.
her bf is a jerk!!!!!
fuck that kinda guy off.
but afterall.
is up to zoe la.
we as her frenx could onli support her now.
don wish to see her get into depression.
jiayou worx babe.
i can guide u for now but not forever.
but is reali tough on single mum.
i am goin through all this shit.
so i do noe.
and now baby daddy still wit mi ma.
thou broke up lerx.
but he is still responsible ba.
but he needs alot more time ba.
jiayou worx daddy.
i don wanna stress u either to be a gd daddy.
cos i too donnoe that wherede can i be a gd mummy either.
but as ppl tell mi.
being a gd mummy gotto wait till baby out and slowly adapt and learn.
i could teach u alot of things.
but hope u could promise mi to work hard abit wit mi to takkaire of baby.
like how to bath baby jayken.
how to make baby slp.
teach baby what is right and wrong tgt.
u are a gd guy, but jus need time to be a man.
i noe that day will come cos i trust u.
and i see abit in u now lerx.
=)
i reali need a gd slp lerx.
veri veri tired.
sam jus sms mi that he needa talk to mi.
well well.
i will needa give him a call first ba.
gd nite everybody=)
i love and miss u lots=)
xuemin
went ardmarity wit ivy.
then bubble tea and went home.
actualli thought will be meeting zoe and jiahui straight.
but jiahui went malaysia wit her mother-in-law and her mother.
and zoe was still slpin all the way till 5 plus.
lolx.
i didnt go iko hse either.
then end up sam came to pick mi up to his hse.
jus to try the dress for tml.
veri nice dress la.
pink de.
=)
thx mummy.
mummy actualli wans mi to stay there de.
but i told her i have plans.
but went back home jus to wait for zoe all the way till 8 plus.
went triple 8 la.
then after went singing till jus reach home.
frankly speaking.
i am abit tired.
didnt have gd slp recently.
donnoe why nitemares alot.
haix.
i need a gd rest thou.
my hse is so noisy.
sam keep askin mi to go his hse stay.
but i donnoe why.
jus didnt wanna go there.
sam was quite angry wit mi thou.
cos i was wit my guys frenx and zoe.
but i didnt even wanna spend time wit him.
but i jus donnoe why.
feel kinda weird thou.
derrick wanna meet mi early in the mornin for breakfast.
but i guess i will onli wake up in the afternoon.
he say he wanna talk to mi.
but was so secretive(not convinent to talk on phone)
then tml meet him ler.
will meet jiahui ler.
and zoe will come meet us at nite after her work.
then at nite they got countdown party at prince pub for sam bday
i reali reali donnoe what to do then is right lerx.
being wit sam is actualli a happi thing ba.
but even he say, i don feel so happi as before.
but why?
i jus wanna avoid him.
i don wanna care about him.
i jus wanna be in my own world wit my own group of frenx.
but now not him.
is like i suddenly outcasted him out of my life.
but he is now offically my bf.
i wanna be gd to him.
but i cant.
i noe what is stoppin mi.
but what else can i do?
and about zoe now.
i have asked her to abort.
thou i reali feel bad.
cos i am a mother to be myself.
and same situation.
i noe i should have ask her to be strong and have the baby.
but her bf is so much worst then my baby daddy.
my baby daddy is only immature.
but he has change abit lex.
and for the first 2 month of my prenancy
i still have him.
when i feel like eatin tian ji zhou, he buys up for mi=)
when we are watchin tv in my room.
he noes i love to lie on his lapp.
he will allow.
and he still love and dote mi like his one and only=)
everything i wanna do he will allow mi, as long as i am happi.
we still play and still like a veri sweet couple=)
i am lucky cos i did enjoy for 2 months wit him by myside.
right daddy?=)
now think back.
i am reali alot better then zoe.
her bf is a jerk!!!!!
fuck that kinda guy off.
but afterall.
is up to zoe la.
we as her frenx could onli support her now.
don wish to see her get into depression.
jiayou worx babe.
i can guide u for now but not forever.
but is reali tough on single mum.
i am goin through all this shit.
so i do noe.
and now baby daddy still wit mi ma.
thou broke up lerx.
but he is still responsible ba.
but he needs alot more time ba.
jiayou worx daddy.
i don wanna stress u either to be a gd daddy.
cos i too donnoe that wherede can i be a gd mummy either.
but as ppl tell mi.
being a gd mummy gotto wait till baby out and slowly adapt and learn.
i could teach u alot of things.
but hope u could promise mi to work hard abit wit mi to takkaire of baby.
like how to bath baby jayken.
how to make baby slp.
teach baby what is right and wrong tgt.
u are a gd guy, but jus need time to be a man.
i noe that day will come cos i trust u.
and i see abit in u now lerx.
=)
i reali need a gd slp lerx.
veri veri tired.
sam jus sms mi that he needa talk to mi.
well well.
i will needa give him a call first ba.
gd nite everybody=)
i love and miss u lots=)
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, July 12--4:06:00 AMY
jus now in the evening went to ardmarity wit jiahui.
hmmm.
but didnt eat
so whole day onli eat porriage, small bowl in the afternoon that mummy cook.
not much appetite.
maybe cos still abit feeling unwell
hahax.
i got to noe zoe olso pregnant for a month.
haixyo.
same situation as mine.
her bf immature.
feel that she is so poor thing.
cant help her alot.
but could onli talk to her about my "story"
hope she understand.
maybe i am alot better then her now is cos baby daddy and mi is still quite gd now.
i guess thou i am not married to him.
but i am alot happier then the other garlx.
cos i got nth to worry.
only "when can i see baby?"
hahax.
so apple worries mi alot.
jiahui olso and now zoe.
u all are all my frenx.
and we are all goin through pregnancy now.
i noe u all de pain.
jiayou worx garlx.
we all can make it de=)
jus now sam sms mi.
ask mi wherede i am free tml.
all i told him is "sorry dear, i am fully booked"
then he called mi.
ask mi who booked mi.
hahax.
i intend to slp till afternoon tml.
cos now so late haben slp.
lolx.
and then wake up maybe needa go iko hse find her talk talk.
long time didnt see her ler=)
then after that i meeting ivy ba.
and meeting zoe, jiahui later after i finish meet ivy.
all garlx niehx
why no guys date mi.
got la.
derrick!
hahax.
sam wanted ask mi out datin.
sorry my dear.
ur gf mi so fully occupied everyday.
hahax.
but actualli if tml afternoon i will receive call from baby daddy mum.
i will maybe head to her hse rather then iko de.
cos she is not feelin well now.
needa go see her.
quite worry about her olso.
hear her voice like quite sick.
haixyo.
tell baby daddy he olso won care much de.
hmmm.
cos he busy workin ma.
but sam was abit unhappi again.
but he gotto accept it.
sam complain alot nowadays worx.
but he noes is useless.
so could onli complain to derrick and derrick called mi to nag.
lolx.
but all i could say is.
give mi more time ba.
despite all this thing i am worryin now.
grand dad is olso a problem.
he left hospital and back home to rest ler.
but hse nobody free to look after him.
and my mum brother and sis are onli eyeing for his money.
haix.
so unfair to him.
sam bday is olso another problem.
i haben go try the dress.
haben do anithing.
haixyo.
they all olways rush mi la.
but is less then 48 hrs lerx.
wat to do.
maybe if tml got time abit.
slot in time to go try on the dress ba.
but run here run there i am tired
i jus hope i could stay somewhere i wanna be and slp while i can.
i noe is unfair to sam now.
i too don understand what is sam holdin on now.
despite the way i am treatin him.
i am sorry my dear.
but i reali donnoe what is the right and wrong things to do now.
thinkin of him when i am wit u?
missing him when u are beside mi.
lovin him so much still when i wann give u a chance.
do u wanna tell mi what to do?
i feel so gulity now.
cos i noe i will hurt u alot.
i noe u don like mi to be so honest.
i noe u don wan mi to be so frank about my feeling.
but i will never lie to myself de.
u noe that de.
i jus miss him alot.
when can i see him?
haix.
i am bit tired now.
wanna slp slp slp.
baby slp ler.
hahax.
okie la.
nite nite.
i miss and love u=)
xuemin
hmmm.
but didnt eat
so whole day onli eat porriage, small bowl in the afternoon that mummy cook.
not much appetite.
maybe cos still abit feeling unwell
hahax.
i got to noe zoe olso pregnant for a month.
haixyo.
same situation as mine.
her bf immature.
feel that she is so poor thing.
cant help her alot.
but could onli talk to her about my "story"
hope she understand.
maybe i am alot better then her now is cos baby daddy and mi is still quite gd now.
i guess thou i am not married to him.
but i am alot happier then the other garlx.
cos i got nth to worry.
only "when can i see baby?"
hahax.
so apple worries mi alot.
jiahui olso and now zoe.
u all are all my frenx.
and we are all goin through pregnancy now.
i noe u all de pain.
jiayou worx garlx.
we all can make it de=)
jus now sam sms mi.
ask mi wherede i am free tml.
all i told him is "sorry dear, i am fully booked"
then he called mi.
ask mi who booked mi.
hahax.
i intend to slp till afternoon tml.
cos now so late haben slp.
lolx.
and then wake up maybe needa go iko hse find her talk talk.
long time didnt see her ler=)
then after that i meeting ivy ba.
and meeting zoe, jiahui later after i finish meet ivy.
all garlx niehx
why no guys date mi.
got la.
derrick!
hahax.
sam wanted ask mi out datin.
sorry my dear.
ur gf mi so fully occupied everyday.
hahax.
but actualli if tml afternoon i will receive call from baby daddy mum.
i will maybe head to her hse rather then iko de.
cos she is not feelin well now.
needa go see her.
quite worry about her olso.
hear her voice like quite sick.
haixyo.
tell baby daddy he olso won care much de.
hmmm.
cos he busy workin ma.
but sam was abit unhappi again.
but he gotto accept it.
sam complain alot nowadays worx.
but he noes is useless.
so could onli complain to derrick and derrick called mi to nag.
lolx.
but all i could say is.
give mi more time ba.
despite all this thing i am worryin now.
grand dad is olso a problem.
he left hospital and back home to rest ler.
but hse nobody free to look after him.
and my mum brother and sis are onli eyeing for his money.
haix.
so unfair to him.
sam bday is olso another problem.
i haben go try the dress.
haben do anithing.
haixyo.
they all olways rush mi la.
but is less then 48 hrs lerx.
wat to do.
maybe if tml got time abit.
slot in time to go try on the dress ba.
but run here run there i am tired
i jus hope i could stay somewhere i wanna be and slp while i can.
i noe is unfair to sam now.
i too don understand what is sam holdin on now.
despite the way i am treatin him.
i am sorry my dear.
but i reali donnoe what is the right and wrong things to do now.
thinkin of him when i am wit u?
missing him when u are beside mi.
lovin him so much still when i wann give u a chance.
do u wanna tell mi what to do?
i feel so gulity now.
cos i noe i will hurt u alot.
i noe u don like mi to be so honest.
i noe u don wan mi to be so frank about my feeling.
but i will never lie to myself de.
u noe that de.
i jus miss him alot.
when can i see him?
haix.
i am bit tired now.
wanna slp slp slp.
baby slp ler.
hahax.
okie la.
nite nite.
i miss and love u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, July 11--5:45:00 PMY
hi everybodi=)
i am back from london ler.
i was so sick over there maybe i cant reali adapt to their weather.
so sam change our flight to nearest time to come back.
i step out onli 2 hrs and we headed to airport lerx.
hahax.
nvm la.
at least i have went to london before=)
derrick is back wit us olso.
he lied to us la.
hahax.
he is long prepared to come back lerx.
make us waste a trip over there.
thx arhx! my dear derrick.
hahax.
the moment i reach singapore, i feel alot better lerx.
sam sended mi home.
soon after i reach home receive call from baby daddy mum.
she was talkin to mi about hospital stuff.
i wanna do the 3D scan to see baby!!!
hahax.
then about changin hospital de thing.
still needa think about it.
and she ask mi wherede i got eat anot.
all this.
aniway everybodi!
i am back to my usual weight ler.
within a month i am back to 44kg.
gained 2kg la.
althought not much.
but it show that baby reali growin=)
hahax.
he kick mi ystd again.
and sam was there to feel it.
but jus when sam put his hand on my tummy.
baby stops.
lolx.
baby till now onli allow mi and daddy to feel it onli.
selfish baby=)
but mummy likes it.
i us feel kinda weird.
when sam suddenly becomes my bf.
i still call him sam.
still like what we are when he is my god bro.
maybe still need alot more time ba.
i jus feel that infact.
mi and derrick seems closer ba.
but sam told mi he will give mi more time de.
but i will reali ask myself.
how long will i take to accept him as my bf?
becos in my heart he is irreplaceable.
since the day i promise him a 100yrs from the date we tgt.
all about mi is him.
i am sorry.
a lil complication here.
but he never wanna move out from my heart.
okie la.
i goin prepare lerx.
meeting jiahui for dinner.
hahax.
she cut her hair ler la.
but not as short as mine.
baby jayken hungry again!
eat and eat and eat.
and now baby jayken is 20weeks today=)
is half way through this tough prenancy ler.
lolx.
u better ask ur daddy buy alot of gd food for u to eat lorx.
i help u talk to daddy.
lolx.
xuemin
i am back from london ler.
i was so sick over there maybe i cant reali adapt to their weather.
so sam change our flight to nearest time to come back.
i step out onli 2 hrs and we headed to airport lerx.
hahax.
nvm la.
at least i have went to london before=)
derrick is back wit us olso.
he lied to us la.
hahax.
he is long prepared to come back lerx.
make us waste a trip over there.
thx arhx! my dear derrick.
hahax.
the moment i reach singapore, i feel alot better lerx.
sam sended mi home.
soon after i reach home receive call from baby daddy mum.
she was talkin to mi about hospital stuff.
i wanna do the 3D scan to see baby!!!
hahax.
then about changin hospital de thing.
still needa think about it.
and she ask mi wherede i got eat anot.
all this.
aniway everybodi!
i am back to my usual weight ler.
within a month i am back to 44kg.
gained 2kg la.
althought not much.
but it show that baby reali growin=)
hahax.
he kick mi ystd again.
and sam was there to feel it.
but jus when sam put his hand on my tummy.
baby stops.
lolx.
baby till now onli allow mi and daddy to feel it onli.
selfish baby=)
but mummy likes it.
i us feel kinda weird.
when sam suddenly becomes my bf.
i still call him sam.
still like what we are when he is my god bro.
maybe still need alot more time ba.
i jus feel that infact.
mi and derrick seems closer ba.
but sam told mi he will give mi more time de.
but i will reali ask myself.
how long will i take to accept him as my bf?
becos in my heart he is irreplaceable.
since the day i promise him a 100yrs from the date we tgt.
all about mi is him.
i am sorry.
a lil complication here.
but he never wanna move out from my heart.
okie la.
i goin prepare lerx.
meeting jiahui for dinner.
hahax.
she cut her hair ler la.
but not as short as mine.
baby jayken hungry again!
eat and eat and eat.
and now baby jayken is 20weeks today=)
is half way through this tough prenancy ler.
lolx.
u better ask ur daddy buy alot of gd food for u to eat lorx.
i help u talk to daddy.
lolx.
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, July 10--10:33:00 PMY
now in london. jus woke up from my slp.
lolx.
usin derrick lappy to blog abit.
the whole trip i wasnt feelin well.
but luckily sam bought alot of titbits and sweets that is enough for this trip.
we are goin out walk walk lerx.
now is 3.35pm here.
i miss you lots=)
xuemin
lolx.
usin derrick lappy to blog abit.
the whole trip i wasnt feelin well.
but luckily sam bought alot of titbits and sweets that is enough for this trip.
we are goin out walk walk lerx.
now is 3.35pm here.
i miss you lots=)
xuemin
take mi away
--1:12:00 AMY
this might be my very last blog till i am back from london on the 12th=)
so excited.
hahax.
sam was laughin at mi sayin that afterall i am jus an 18 yrs old girl.
he was so kind enough to come and check my lauggage for mi.
cos he say i might forget alot of stuff.
thx my dear=)
sometimes i wanna ask.
can u stop being so nice to mi?
i appreciate ur gd to mi.
jus becos i accidentally burn my fingers abit ystd.
can make u buy alot of medicine and lotion for mi.
i haben say anithing but u noe i am hungry, and laughin at mi sayin that i grew fatter.
is my baby jayken okie!!!!
and whenever i am feeling angry, moody or bad-temper.
u olways kept quiet and let mi scold or vein out my anger.
despite how much i hurt u.
u are olways there for mi.
when i am not feeling well.
even a slight flu, u olways use this as an excuse to look for mi.
i never once hear u say u are tired loving mi.
i never once hear u say u wanna give up on mi.
all u tell mi is "u deserve to be treated like a princess"
u noe i don like guys lying to mi, but u are olways so honest that even ur frenx laugh at u sayin that u are tupid.
whole world onli u won lie to mi.
but what are u to mi?
i realli donnoe.
i have never done anithing for u.
but olways let u worry, sad for mi.
who is so tupid worryin mi till he is willing to wait till i reach home 4-5am under my blk.
who is the silly guy that wanna do everything for mi.
u never fail to give mi the best.
the best as in every women would want.
never allow mi to travel alone especially when i am pregnant.
thou is not ur responsible to look after mi.
but from ur hse to mine 45 mins, and jus to send mi home or bring mi out to eat.
u olways reach home late.
i noe u love speeding wit ur car.
but becos whenever i am in ur cars, u olways drive as safety as possible.
i noe u love riding ur bike too.
but becos of mi, ur bike is left rotting in ur vehicals slot.
when i don feel like walking or suddenly feeling unwell.
u olso piggy back mi even when ur back are hurting.
and once u carry mi, despite walkin a distance u neve complain that u are tired or i am heavy.
olways love putting mi to slp before u even if u are very tired.
u never once showed mi temper till last week.
and is only once in this 3 yr plus.
but when u see mi cry, still wipe my tears and apologise when u are not in fault.
and i noe ur lil secret.
u have a secret room in ur room which mummy told mi when i visited ur hse last 3 months ago.
and u wanted to have the room to keep those memorable thing about mi and u.
i went into the room.
sorry that i went in without letting u noe.
but u reali show mi ur love for mi.
alot of thing u did for mi that is too much for mi to explain.
when u talk to mi jus now.
i noe u too jus wan mi to be happi.
even thou u saw my blog and noe who is that guy i am refering too.
but u could still say that u don mind.
even thou u might get hurt, u jus wanna be wit mi.
i got nth to pick on u.
u are gd looking, rich and importantly.
u are true to mi.
even thou u noe being my bf can never be a frenx to mi animore after we break.
despite all this, u still don mind.
silly boy.
i will try my best to be a gd gf to u.
give mi alot more time.
cos he is still in mi.
i noe u cant see this post till when we are back=)
but i jus wanna thx u for everything.
heading off in less then an hr.
and baby jayken hungry again.
lolx.
i wanna see baby as soon as possible!
hahax.
my norti baby
but mummy still love u.
i realise, baby jayken love to eat oranges=)
but i was told by doc say i should avoid oranges and watermelon=(
so sad.
but baby jayken olso making mi love soya milk lerx.
and i realli love to slp.
i actualli forget to pack marley wit mi.
but sam has helped mi to bring marley ler.
cos he scare later i cant slp in plane.
and i nearly forget my medicine=)
luckily i have him.
okie la.
jus called sam and he say he is in car wit mummy and daddy now coming fetch mi.
i miss everybodi.
but i still wanna enjoy too.
blog when i am back.
i miss ya too=)
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, July 9--1:16:00 AMY
this is my 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant
and when jiahui jus sended mi her 16 weeks pic.i was like "omfg, my baby so small."
hahax. i goin out to eat ler.
ate nth after the hotdogs today.
hungry hungry.
baby kickin mi lerx.
i miss u alot=)
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, July 8--7:31:00 PMY
actualli not realli in the mood to blog.
my whole hand is painful cos when i reach home jus now,
feel hungry. but mum was so kind enough without cookin and buyin my food.
and i was so hungry that i decided to cook my fav hotdog jus to bite on.
and i burn right hand when the oil started to boil and i am tryin to put those hotdog in.
my wrist has difficulties movin now.
and my fingers.
i am abit tired today.
was out seeing the chinese doc.
the waiting time is long worx.
and after that mi and baby daddy mum we went to ang mo kio to shop for baby daddy working shirt.
jus to get a shirt, we spend an hr plus.
walkin almost every shop that sell mens wear.
i am very tired.
but lied to baby daddy mum that i am okie.
his shirt is so difficult to get.
cos he kinda have a weird sense of fashion.
lolx.
and is not a excellent to the shirt that we brought for him.
if he goes home tonite and he doesnt like it.
first, he won wanna touch it.
secondly, if he is tired and lazy to go down there to change within 7 days.
there goes the money again.
is a less then 40% he will like the shirt la.
see la.
depend on his mood too.
i am goin out later again.
haix.
but i am abit tired thou.
didnt slp well ystd nite again.
this few nite have been thinkin and thinking about things.
and now!
and ystd nite woke up to vomit.
jus suddenly.
and is the first time throughout this prenancy i vomitted.
donnoe is a gd or bad thing worx.
baby jayken really "loves" mummy alot worx.
lolx.
the doc only says.
"cos ur body very weak lor"
can don repeat the same thing over and over again every week ma.
lolx.
if my body is fine i guess i won be goin down to look for u ma!
and i hope i can be all rite.
every mummy is scare cos of being a mummy.
but whereas i needa worri about wherede i can become a mom eventually on my baby birth day.
the doc is so worry that when i am giving birth, my womb will bleed.
and is dangerous for mi as i don have enough blood in my body.
this is the risk of my prenancy.
when baby get bigger everyday, i am weaker.
baby is safe but mummy is havin a bit problems.
i cant stand in a place for like 3 mins now.
cos i may start feelin dizzy and blackout will come.
i jus feel so tough, so tired.
i have talk to baby ystd nite before i slp.
told baby, daddy and mummy love u alot.
daddy is busy workin and mummy is workin hard to fight wit my health.
is not daddy don wanna acc u.
is daddy busy earnin money for u.
and jus when i ask him. "do u love daddy too?"
baby kick mi once.
no matter what happen, i never blame baby jayken.
is becos of u mummy learn to be braver.
is becos of u mummy wanna learn to be a mom.
is all becos of u.
ur daddy is the best bf i ever had.
and u are the best gift from my best bf that i ever receive.
even i might only feel u for 10 months.
for u, mummy is very veri willing.
no matter what is gonna happen to mi, as long as u will be out safe 5 more months.
mummy need not worry about ur future.
if mummy gone, daddy is gonna give u the double love.
daddy gonna give u everything that mummy hope u to have.
and i am sure daddy will get u a very nice mommy.
if fate is playin mi this time, mummy will jus wanna protect u when i can.
i can lose everything. but not u.
mummy workin hard for u, so baby needa be very gd too.
if time suddenly turn backwards.
mummy still will wanna insist of havin u.
mummy still will end my relationship wit ur daddy jus to have u.
mummy no regrets for u.
u are the best thing mummy and daddy have.
scare to even think of what is gonna happen 5 months later.
but it doesnt matter wherede what is gonna happen to mi.
as long as baby jayken is all rite.
jus read something about Braxton Hick Contractions.
and realise i am havin cramps often in my stomach area.
i gotto check wit the doc tml. cos it will get worst when baby gets bigger.
and when baby is less then 38 weeks, i might need to go for preterm labour.
am i worryin so much myself now.
but i often complain havin cramps or pain.
tml check wit doctor.
hope everything fine.
sam bday is comin lerx.
on the 10th i will fly to london and 3 days i will be back to celebrate his bday.
sam will be goin wit mi.
cos he misses his best frenx too.
our flight will be in the morning 5 am.
so 3 am needa check into airport.
and the flight is 12hrs 45 mins.
at least a day for mi to shop ba.
lolx.
and derrick promise to spend the whole day wit mi and sam.
and my flight back, i will reach singapore around 4pm in the afternoon on the 12th.
i have an answer for sam as to about being his gf alreadi.
thou i am hesitating.
is not my choice.
if that is what u wanted to see.
i will listen to u.
but seriously, the key to my heart u are the only person holding it.
it hurts mi when u are the person saying that u cant afford to give mi anithing.
it hurt mi to hear u say u cant promise mi anithing.
and it hurts mi alot when u are pushin mi away out of ur life.
all i wan from u is u by myside.
even if i could only see u from a distance.
i jus wanna noe u are there.
don tell mi this is how much u love mi only.
after all that we been through.
u should noe, i don wan anithing from u from the start.
all i wanna see is u being happy wit mi.
i too cant afford anithing for u.
but i jus wanna protect u like a baby too.
i am never gonna be a gd gf.
but u change mi, u made mi believe that i could have a love that ppl envy.
we both noe our distance.
but when distance becomes a problem.
i jus wanna pls u to continue to stay by myside.
i don wan others.
i jus wan u to be around by myside.
tell mi is not u wanted.
tell mi that u wanna be selfish and we maintain like as we are now after we broke up.
tell mi u hope nth will change in us.
i promise i will stay.
jus one word from u and i promise we will never gonna change.
but if that is what u wan.
i noe.
i understand.
i don like sayin gdbye to u.
i don enjoy watchin u leave or close the door behind u.
i don love askin u to takkaire.
if that is what u wan.
i obey.
xuemin
my whole hand is painful cos when i reach home jus now,
feel hungry. but mum was so kind enough without cookin and buyin my food.
and i was so hungry that i decided to cook my fav hotdog jus to bite on.
and i burn right hand when the oil started to boil and i am tryin to put those hotdog in.
my wrist has difficulties movin now.
and my fingers.
i am abit tired today.
was out seeing the chinese doc.
the waiting time is long worx.
and after that mi and baby daddy mum we went to ang mo kio to shop for baby daddy working shirt.
jus to get a shirt, we spend an hr plus.
walkin almost every shop that sell mens wear.
i am very tired.
but lied to baby daddy mum that i am okie.
his shirt is so difficult to get.
cos he kinda have a weird sense of fashion.
lolx.
and is not a excellent to the shirt that we brought for him.
if he goes home tonite and he doesnt like it.
first, he won wanna touch it.
secondly, if he is tired and lazy to go down there to change within 7 days.
there goes the money again.
is a less then 40% he will like the shirt la.
see la.
depend on his mood too.
i am goin out later again.
haix.
but i am abit tired thou.
didnt slp well ystd nite again.
this few nite have been thinkin and thinking about things.
and now!
and ystd nite woke up to vomit.
jus suddenly.
and is the first time throughout this prenancy i vomitted.
donnoe is a gd or bad thing worx.
baby jayken really "loves" mummy alot worx.
lolx.
the doc only says.
"cos ur body very weak lor"
can don repeat the same thing over and over again every week ma.
lolx.
if my body is fine i guess i won be goin down to look for u ma!
and i hope i can be all rite.
every mummy is scare cos of being a mummy.
but whereas i needa worri about wherede i can become a mom eventually on my baby birth day.
the doc is so worry that when i am giving birth, my womb will bleed.
and is dangerous for mi as i don have enough blood in my body.
this is the risk of my prenancy.
when baby get bigger everyday, i am weaker.
baby is safe but mummy is havin a bit problems.
i cant stand in a place for like 3 mins now.
cos i may start feelin dizzy and blackout will come.
i jus feel so tough, so tired.
i have talk to baby ystd nite before i slp.
told baby, daddy and mummy love u alot.
daddy is busy workin and mummy is workin hard to fight wit my health.
is not daddy don wanna acc u.
is daddy busy earnin money for u.
and jus when i ask him. "do u love daddy too?"
baby kick mi once.
no matter what happen, i never blame baby jayken.
is becos of u mummy learn to be braver.
is becos of u mummy wanna learn to be a mom.
is all becos of u.
ur daddy is the best bf i ever had.
and u are the best gift from my best bf that i ever receive.
even i might only feel u for 10 months.
for u, mummy is very veri willing.
no matter what is gonna happen to mi, as long as u will be out safe 5 more months.
mummy need not worry about ur future.
if mummy gone, daddy is gonna give u the double love.
daddy gonna give u everything that mummy hope u to have.
and i am sure daddy will get u a very nice mommy.
if fate is playin mi this time, mummy will jus wanna protect u when i can.
i can lose everything. but not u.
mummy workin hard for u, so baby needa be very gd too.
if time suddenly turn backwards.
mummy still will wanna insist of havin u.
mummy still will end my relationship wit ur daddy jus to have u.
mummy no regrets for u.
u are the best thing mummy and daddy have.
scare to even think of what is gonna happen 5 months later.
but it doesnt matter wherede what is gonna happen to mi.
as long as baby jayken is all rite.
jus read something about Braxton Hick Contractions.
and realise i am havin cramps often in my stomach area.
i gotto check wit the doc tml. cos it will get worst when baby gets bigger.
and when baby is less then 38 weeks, i might need to go for preterm labour.
am i worryin so much myself now.
but i often complain havin cramps or pain.
tml check wit doctor.
hope everything fine.
sam bday is comin lerx.
on the 10th i will fly to london and 3 days i will be back to celebrate his bday.
sam will be goin wit mi.
cos he misses his best frenx too.
our flight will be in the morning 5 am.
so 3 am needa check into airport.
and the flight is 12hrs 45 mins.
at least a day for mi to shop ba.
lolx.
and derrick promise to spend the whole day wit mi and sam.
and my flight back, i will reach singapore around 4pm in the afternoon on the 12th.
i have an answer for sam as to about being his gf alreadi.
thou i am hesitating.
is not my choice.
if that is what u wanted to see.
i will listen to u.
but seriously, the key to my heart u are the only person holding it.
it hurts mi when u are the person saying that u cant afford to give mi anithing.
it hurt mi to hear u say u cant promise mi anithing.
and it hurts mi alot when u are pushin mi away out of ur life.
all i wan from u is u by myside.
even if i could only see u from a distance.
i jus wanna noe u are there.
don tell mi this is how much u love mi only.
after all that we been through.
u should noe, i don wan anithing from u from the start.
all i wanna see is u being happy wit mi.
i too cant afford anithing for u.
but i jus wanna protect u like a baby too.
i am never gonna be a gd gf.
but u change mi, u made mi believe that i could have a love that ppl envy.
we both noe our distance.
but when distance becomes a problem.
i jus wanna pls u to continue to stay by myside.
i don wan others.
i jus wan u to be around by myside.
tell mi is not u wanted.
tell mi that u wanna be selfish and we maintain like as we are now after we broke up.
tell mi u hope nth will change in us.
i promise i will stay.
jus one word from u and i promise we will never gonna change.
but if that is what u wan.
i noe.
i understand.
i don like sayin gdbye to u.
i don enjoy watchin u leave or close the door behind u.
i don love askin u to takkaire.
if that is what u wan.
i obey.
xuemin
take mi away
Tuesday, July 7--9:02:00 PMY
back home after a tired day.
was quite slpy now thou.
but has alreadi promise prince to go down pub.
sam will be comin to fetch mi in like less then 2 hrs more.
which make mi not much time to rest.
i need a bath.
i need a gd slp.
cos this few days i didnt reali slept well even at baby daddy hse.
so till now.
i think i am like a superwomen lerx.
my stomach abit more bigger lerx.
ate alot today worx.
lolx.
but which make mi even tired.
i might find time tml nite to go bryan hse.
after my chinese doc appointment.
sam doesnt wanna go wit mi so prince made an offer to go wit mi=)
sam is xiao qi gui!
if derrick here.
derrick will accompany mi de.
maybe on the 10th mornin i will be goin london lerx.
jus only for 3 days=)
but is a maybe, cos i am actualli not in a clear mind to think about travelin today.
i am reali quite restless.
donnoe what time will be home again later.
but won be so late.
cos tml appointment at 12.30pm if i am not wrong.
maybe jus try to get home latest by 4.30am ba.
i need a gd massage too.
who is kind enough to massage my legs for mi!
hahax.
i might jus have a better slp when i have a relaxin massage.
lolx.
i am in need of that!
headache is comin lerx.
but i cant break promise as the past few days i didnt meet prince they all lerx.
hao ba hao ba.
i go prepare then if can rest bitbit lerx.
aniway, i love baby jayken lots.
u never noe how much u mean to mi.
is so tired loving u.
xuemin
was quite slpy now thou.
but has alreadi promise prince to go down pub.
sam will be comin to fetch mi in like less then 2 hrs more.
which make mi not much time to rest.
i need a bath.
i need a gd slp.
cos this few days i didnt reali slept well even at baby daddy hse.
so till now.
i think i am like a superwomen lerx.
my stomach abit more bigger lerx.
ate alot today worx.
lolx.
but which make mi even tired.
i might find time tml nite to go bryan hse.
after my chinese doc appointment.
sam doesnt wanna go wit mi so prince made an offer to go wit mi=)
sam is xiao qi gui!
if derrick here.
derrick will accompany mi de.
maybe on the 10th mornin i will be goin london lerx.
jus only for 3 days=)
but is a maybe, cos i am actualli not in a clear mind to think about travelin today.
i am reali quite restless.
donnoe what time will be home again later.
but won be so late.
cos tml appointment at 12.30pm if i am not wrong.
maybe jus try to get home latest by 4.30am ba.
i need a gd massage too.
who is kind enough to massage my legs for mi!
hahax.
i might jus have a better slp when i have a relaxin massage.
lolx.
i am in need of that!
headache is comin lerx.
but i cant break promise as the past few days i didnt meet prince they all lerx.
hao ba hao ba.
i go prepare then if can rest bitbit lerx.
aniway, i love baby jayken lots.
u never noe how much u mean to mi.
is so tired loving u.
xuemin
take mi away
--11:33:00 AMY
cant slp well today.
but i guess is normal ba.
is not the first slpness nite i have after i am back from baby daddy hse.
was chattin wit sam on the phone.
he pop up a qn shortly after he asked mi what time i reach home ystd nite.
he asked mi "why is it only when u are at jd hse then u won stay out too late?"
and "what make him so capable keepin u at his hse for three days straight without hearin u complainin that u are bored and don wanna stay at home?"
i actualli didnt noe how to answer.
cos i slimply don have an answer ba.
derrick suddenlysay he will not be free to come back to celabrate sam bday.
so sad.
derrick i miss u!
he asked mi to fly over to stay wit him for a few days after the 9th appointment.
a few days maybe can la.
derrick already there like a few days lerx.
but wasnt reali effected by H1N1.
hahax.
but first.
i may need a free time to go down to bryan appartment to clear his stuff.
bryan mummy and daddy has alreadi head to paris for vacation.
hope they can enjoy ba.
bryan mum has told mi that she went to bryan apartment that day and actualli realise that bryan kept alot of thing about mi and him.
she hopes i could be the one keepin those things.
cos is a memories of mi and him.
wasnt reali in the mood to talk about bryan thou.
cos i jus miss him.
goin prepare ler.
goin out now thou tired.
i love my baby jayken=)
baby is so gd today.
mummy is reali so in love wit u.
hope u could be by myside soon.
but months to go.
aniway baby jayken is already 19 weeks and 3 days.
nearly half way through this tough war i am fighting.
i am still workin hard.
okie la.
blog later=)
xuemin
but i guess is normal ba.
is not the first slpness nite i have after i am back from baby daddy hse.
was chattin wit sam on the phone.
he pop up a qn shortly after he asked mi what time i reach home ystd nite.
he asked mi "why is it only when u are at jd hse then u won stay out too late?"
and "what make him so capable keepin u at his hse for three days straight without hearin u complainin that u are bored and don wanna stay at home?"
i actualli didnt noe how to answer.
cos i slimply don have an answer ba.
derrick suddenlysay he will not be free to come back to celabrate sam bday.
so sad.
derrick i miss u!
he asked mi to fly over to stay wit him for a few days after the 9th appointment.
a few days maybe can la.
derrick already there like a few days lerx.
but wasnt reali effected by H1N1.
hahax.
but first.
i may need a free time to go down to bryan appartment to clear his stuff.
bryan mummy and daddy has alreadi head to paris for vacation.
hope they can enjoy ba.
bryan mum has told mi that she went to bryan apartment that day and actualli realise that bryan kept alot of thing about mi and him.
she hopes i could be the one keepin those things.
cos is a memories of mi and him.
wasnt reali in the mood to talk about bryan thou.
cos i jus miss him.
goin prepare ler.
goin out now thou tired.
i love my baby jayken=)
baby is so gd today.
mummy is reali so in love wit u.
hope u could be by myside soon.
but months to go.
aniway baby jayken is already 19 weeks and 3 days.
nearly half way through this tough war i am fighting.
i am still workin hard.
okie la.
blog later=)
xuemin
take mi away
--5:18:00 AMY
finally got the mood to blog.
on the 3rd which is on the friday.
woke up early in the mornin to quarrel wit mum.
which made mi quite piss off.
i didnt slp much cos till 5 am that day i was wit jiahui at mac eatin mac nugg!
lolx.
and when i was walkin home.
i was followed by a guy that wanted to noe mi.
but "early in the mornin" i was scared by him.
i didnt give my number to him.
not reali in the mood of makin frenx.
on the evening.
went to hospital wit daddy, mummy, baobeii, qii and qun.
ah gong and ah ma slim down alot.
which makes mi very very heartache.
i jus feel lke cryin.
and ah gong fall down jus 5 mins before we step into the room.
he had facture his right shoulder which he needa a x-ray.
he was cryin to mi that he doesnt wanna be in hospital.
he was holdin my hand sayin "i wanna go home"
i olmost cried.
but i noe, i cant cry infront of ah gong and ah ma.
i help to feed ah gong to eat as he cant reali move his right arm.
but i was so heartache.
he jus wanted to live like a normal person
eatin those food that he wanted rather then food in hospital which totally sucks like hell.
he told mi he wanted to eat carrot cake, he wanted to eat lontong,
he told mi he only have 2 months left.
he cried when i wipe his tears.
i am so upset.
i reali wanna go visit him again.
all the way till 8pm ba.
we head home.
i went home to take some stuff and i head to baby daddy hse.
bought my own dinner but no appetite to finish thou.
this few days was at baby daddy hse la.
which make sam very very angry.
actually was suppose to go out wit mummy and him for the past 2 days.
but sorry, i am reali tired.
mummy alreadi bought the dress for mi.
i haben saw it yet.
and is the first time within this 3 yrs plus i cried becos of sam.
i was so upset by him.
no matter how u dislike mi goin to my baby daddy hse and bryan hse.
i will never gonna change my relationship wit their family for u.
pls understand!
they are very very important to mi.
went orchard today.
so tired.
and was jus home.
finish bathin now lyin on my bed bloggin.
i am so tired.
tml needa wake up early and oout again.
and 8th is my chinese doc appointment.
9th is kkh appointment.
but i noe this few days i don have enough slp.
so i goin orhx orhx soon lerx.
i wasnt feelin very well this few days a baby daddy hse.
stomach abit pain.
headache and so tired.
look veri veri restless.
but actualli did overwork abit doin some housework at his hse.
which i am not suppose too.
cos of the dust which make mi headache and doin some tough work.
i am so so tired.
didnt manage to meet yuyun today.
miss her like hell.
hahax.
iko and bf patch too ler.
so happi for her.
apple is goin into labour 26 more days.
next up will be jiahui.
and then i may be busy wit ah gong stuff lerx.
maybe shoppin for baby stuff on 23rd july after seein baby wit baby daddy and granny.
is a maybe cos baby daddy has not confirm wit mi.
but is not up to my concern ba.
i jus feel that havin this baby is like my problem.
i don think baby daddy might get affected in aniways thou.
the person that is losin everything will be mi again and again.
he told mi before, for baby sake whatever i need him to do he will do.
but till now, i am still pampering him like a baby too.
i do everything about mi and baby alone and even busy wit his stuff.
i donnoe.
sorry to complain.
but i jus feel baby daddy didnt make a effort doin what he promise.
there is no promise to his so call promises.
so i actualli feel that he will suddenly tell mi that he won be able to make it on the 23rd.
so use to his "promises" lerx.
forget it la.
if he reali love baby jayken he will do what he says de.
if he reali love baby jayken he will change himself de.
if he reali hopes baby could follow his surname which is a "doesnt matter to mi", he will show mi the effort of being a daddy de.
even sam did a better job then him now.
i am sorry to say.
but it reali depend on himself lerx.
is not for mi, cos i reali don wanna give a damn to anithing ler.
is all for baby.
i am goin rest ler.
baby slp ler.
gd nite my dear baby jayken.
love u=)
i love u alot thou.
but soon, i am letting u go.
xuemin
on the 3rd which is on the friday.
woke up early in the mornin to quarrel wit mum.
which made mi quite piss off.
i didnt slp much cos till 5 am that day i was wit jiahui at mac eatin mac nugg!
lolx.
and when i was walkin home.
i was followed by a guy that wanted to noe mi.
but "early in the mornin" i was scared by him.
i didnt give my number to him.
not reali in the mood of makin frenx.
on the evening.
went to hospital wit daddy, mummy, baobeii, qii and qun.
ah gong and ah ma slim down alot.
which makes mi very very heartache.
i jus feel lke cryin.
and ah gong fall down jus 5 mins before we step into the room.
he had facture his right shoulder which he needa a x-ray.
he was cryin to mi that he doesnt wanna be in hospital.
he was holdin my hand sayin "i wanna go home"
i olmost cried.
but i noe, i cant cry infront of ah gong and ah ma.
i help to feed ah gong to eat as he cant reali move his right arm.
but i was so heartache.
he jus wanted to live like a normal person
eatin those food that he wanted rather then food in hospital which totally sucks like hell.
he told mi he wanted to eat carrot cake, he wanted to eat lontong,
he told mi he only have 2 months left.
he cried when i wipe his tears.
i am so upset.
i reali wanna go visit him again.
all the way till 8pm ba.
we head home.
i went home to take some stuff and i head to baby daddy hse.
bought my own dinner but no appetite to finish thou.
this few days was at baby daddy hse la.
which make sam very very angry.
actually was suppose to go out wit mummy and him for the past 2 days.
but sorry, i am reali tired.
mummy alreadi bought the dress for mi.
i haben saw it yet.
and is the first time within this 3 yrs plus i cried becos of sam.
i was so upset by him.
no matter how u dislike mi goin to my baby daddy hse and bryan hse.
i will never gonna change my relationship wit their family for u.
pls understand!
they are very very important to mi.
went orchard today.
so tired.
and was jus home.
finish bathin now lyin on my bed bloggin.
i am so tired.
tml needa wake up early and oout again.
and 8th is my chinese doc appointment.
9th is kkh appointment.
but i noe this few days i don have enough slp.
so i goin orhx orhx soon lerx.
i wasnt feelin very well this few days a baby daddy hse.
stomach abit pain.
headache and so tired.
look veri veri restless.
but actualli did overwork abit doin some housework at his hse.
which i am not suppose too.
cos of the dust which make mi headache and doin some tough work.
i am so so tired.
didnt manage to meet yuyun today.
miss her like hell.
hahax.
iko and bf patch too ler.
so happi for her.
apple is goin into labour 26 more days.
next up will be jiahui.
and then i may be busy wit ah gong stuff lerx.
maybe shoppin for baby stuff on 23rd july after seein baby wit baby daddy and granny.
is a maybe cos baby daddy has not confirm wit mi.
but is not up to my concern ba.
i jus feel that havin this baby is like my problem.
i don think baby daddy might get affected in aniways thou.
the person that is losin everything will be mi again and again.
he told mi before, for baby sake whatever i need him to do he will do.
but till now, i am still pampering him like a baby too.
i do everything about mi and baby alone and even busy wit his stuff.
i donnoe.
sorry to complain.
but i jus feel baby daddy didnt make a effort doin what he promise.
there is no promise to his so call promises.
so i actualli feel that he will suddenly tell mi that he won be able to make it on the 23rd.
so use to his "promises" lerx.
forget it la.
if he reali love baby jayken he will do what he says de.
if he reali love baby jayken he will change himself de.
if he reali hopes baby could follow his surname which is a "doesnt matter to mi", he will show mi the effort of being a daddy de.
even sam did a better job then him now.
i am sorry to say.
but it reali depend on himself lerx.
is not for mi, cos i reali don wanna give a damn to anithing ler.
is all for baby.
i am goin rest ler.
baby slp ler.
gd nite my dear baby jayken.
love u=)
i love u alot thou.
but soon, i am letting u go.
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, July 2--11:29:00 PMY
finish this blog and i am goin slp lerx.
i am havin flu today the whole day.
and headache.
donnoe why jus feel veri giddy.
didnt have much appetite to eat olso.
baby jayken so gd to me today.
didnt kick mi much either.
hahax.
that is my baby ma.
don learn from ur daddy so much horx.
lolx.
my dear sam bday round the corner=)
his 22nd bday, a few more days only.
he was the one to remind mi la.
i olmost forget
hahax.
sorry my dear.
he again, requested for bday present.
hahax.
3rd yr i am celebratin wit him.
but he olways wish for one bday present from mi.
and that is i become him gf.
lolx.
this yr his 22nd bday will be holdin a grand dinner at Pan Pacific host by mummy.
lolx.
wit a list of more then 6.5k ppl.
omg.
again and again.
mummy wanted mi to be sam partner.
she is wantin to get mi a dior summer 2009 paris design dress.
and if i am not wrong could only get them in paris itself wit limited pieces.
bright pink tube dress and mummy wanted sam to wear a pink suit to match my dress too.
omg.
so expensive dress.
how am i gonna wear it like nth.
mummy! can we shop in singapore instead.
hahax.
i trust ur fashion sense but is not like u are gonna spend so much on mi.
thou i noe is ur precious boy bday.
=.=!
derrick will be back to celebrate wit us.
gonna give him a big hug.
he is busy but he didnt forget to give mi a call everyday before he goin to bed.
bryan mum called mi to tell mi that they wanted mi to make a trip down to their hse.
they hope i could be the one packin bryan stuff.
i noe she still cant get over it like mi.
but i told her, everybodi jus hope for the best for bryan.
sam don allow mi to go down ehx.
he so irritating.
humpx.
but sorri my dear.
thou u will be unhappi but u noe bryan is important to mi too.
is not i olways don wanna listen to u or respect u.
u should noe alot of thing and ppl cant be replaced.
i am gettin abit busy to prepare sam party/dinner.
busy wit my appointment on th 8th, 9th, 23th july and 6th aug.
busy gettin present for my dear apple and jiahui babies.
busy eatin medicines.
gettin abit busy for my grand dad stuff.
now is to visit him as i can but a months plus later will be his funeral preparation.
he say he wanted 3 days only.
but i told grand mum that he deserve the whole week.
grand mum and dad doesnt want mi to be around at the funeral
but i have alreadi got permission lerx.
from my baby's daddy mum.
she say their family won mind about mi goin.
cos granddad is my family members.
she say i jus needa go temple to pray first.
thx alot aunt.
thx for being so understandin to mi.
tml i goin down to hospital visit grand dad.
and all baby's daddy mum told mi is to becareful.
to mi u all are olso important=)
i am currently olso abit busy preparing myself in a thing.
is a secret worx.
but if my headache continues.
i need a gd rest lerx.
busy busy busy.
but of course.
my first first important person is baby.
my precious baby.
mummy love u alot=)
okie la.
i goin find abit food to eat first.
baby hungry again.
then goin bed ler.
nite nite.
i love u=)
xuemin
i am havin flu today the whole day.
and headache.
donnoe why jus feel veri giddy.
didnt have much appetite to eat olso.
baby jayken so gd to me today.
didnt kick mi much either.
hahax.
that is my baby ma.
don learn from ur daddy so much horx.
lolx.
my dear sam bday round the corner=)
his 22nd bday, a few more days only.
he was the one to remind mi la.
i olmost forget
hahax.
sorry my dear.
he again, requested for bday present.
hahax.
3rd yr i am celebratin wit him.
but he olways wish for one bday present from mi.
and that is i become him gf.
lolx.
this yr his 22nd bday will be holdin a grand dinner at Pan Pacific host by mummy.
lolx.
wit a list of more then 6.5k ppl.
omg.
again and again.
mummy wanted mi to be sam partner.
she is wantin to get mi a dior summer 2009 paris design dress.
and if i am not wrong could only get them in paris itself wit limited pieces.
bright pink tube dress and mummy wanted sam to wear a pink suit to match my dress too.
omg.
so expensive dress.
how am i gonna wear it like nth.
mummy! can we shop in singapore instead.
hahax.
i trust ur fashion sense but is not like u are gonna spend so much on mi.
thou i noe is ur precious boy bday.
=.=!
derrick will be back to celebrate wit us.
gonna give him a big hug.
he is busy but he didnt forget to give mi a call everyday before he goin to bed.
bryan mum called mi to tell mi that they wanted mi to make a trip down to their hse.
they hope i could be the one packin bryan stuff.
i noe she still cant get over it like mi.
but i told her, everybodi jus hope for the best for bryan.
sam don allow mi to go down ehx.
he so irritating.
humpx.
but sorri my dear.
thou u will be unhappi but u noe bryan is important to mi too.
is not i olways don wanna listen to u or respect u.
u should noe alot of thing and ppl cant be replaced.
i am gettin abit busy to prepare sam party/dinner.
busy wit my appointment on th 8th, 9th, 23th july and 6th aug.
busy gettin present for my dear apple and jiahui babies.
busy eatin medicines.
gettin abit busy for my grand dad stuff.
now is to visit him as i can but a months plus later will be his funeral preparation.
he say he wanted 3 days only.
but i told grand mum that he deserve the whole week.
grand mum and dad doesnt want mi to be around at the funeral
but i have alreadi got permission lerx.
from my baby's daddy mum.
she say their family won mind about mi goin.
cos granddad is my family members.
she say i jus needa go temple to pray first.
thx alot aunt.
thx for being so understandin to mi.
tml i goin down to hospital visit grand dad.
and all baby's daddy mum told mi is to becareful.
to mi u all are olso important=)
i am currently olso abit busy preparing myself in a thing.
is a secret worx.
but if my headache continues.
i need a gd rest lerx.
busy busy busy.
but of course.
my first first important person is baby.
my precious baby.
mummy love u alot=)
okie la.
i goin find abit food to eat first.
baby hungry again.
then goin bed ler.
nite nite.
i love u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, July 1--2:29:00 AMY
i was home today at around 10am today.
had a light breakfast in sam hse wit daddy, mummy and sam.
but i am so freakin tired that when sam send mi home, i was in the car slpin.
all i could dream is baby and his daddy.
i donnoe how many time did i dreamt of this dream.
but is jus like the dream onli have baby jayken and baby daddy.
where am i?
haix.
marley finally back in my hse lerx.
i miss her so much.
okie, let mi explain.
marley is a soft toys bear(actualli is a present from mi to my baby daddy)
but he was sayin that marley is so ulgy.(tupid him)
then he don care about her so i love her more then other soft toys we shared.
and is full of my own smell.
lolx.
i hug it like my own baby thou.
hahax.
and marley has a elder brother which his name is harley.
harley is the soft toy white dog that i gave it to baby daddy for valentine day present.
he love that alot.
and treat it like precious.
somemore worst thing is, harley was wearin a boxer everyday and baby daddy never allow mi to take it off from harley!(dumb ass)
lolx.
but i love harley too la.
jus that when i am in slightly bad-temper.(is olways when baby daddy is ignoring mi or we are havin small fights)
i will olways throw harley and barleyX2 on the floor.
something marley is down on the floor too.
hahax.
barleyX2 is 2 bears we have.
a male and a female.
is a small gift from a shop where we purchase our ring and neckleacks.
but i don like the female barley at all.
hahax.
cos i love marley more.
hahax.
marley is back by myside.
and i am gonna take back harley lerx.
cos 2 things!
marley misses her korkor!
and baby daddy has promise mi to allow mi to take back harley on sunday when i was at his hse.
although harley certificate was under his name.
but not to worry, i am olways welcome for a law case to take back harley.
hahax.
lolx.
is onli a soft toys but it mean alot la.
i am jus jk.
but donnoe he will let mi take back anot.
he likes to trick mi.
i was slpin till afternoon and i woke up.
called ah long and ivy cos they miss call mi.
then i cook maggi mee to eat.
and was watchin show for awhile and receive call from baby daddy mum.
they wanted mi to go to their hse if i wanna eat durains.
hahax.
but okie la.
no cravin.
so didnt went, but i told them i onli eat maggi mee.
and baby daddy parents was like.
omg.
hahax.
cos mum didnt cook ma, and when i woke up in the afternoon.
i was alone at home again.
no choice.
then they asked mi to go dinner wit them today.
so while waiting for them to call mi.
i got myself prepare and was in the living room wit dad, mum and baobei.
baobei was showin us the injection mark that he got it today in skool.
lolx.
was cute la.
he is cute ma.
lolx.
and ivy called mi, kl called mi and i called ys cos he sms mi.
and jus nice.
baby daddy mum called mi ler.
we head to katong there to have our dinner.
with some of their frenx, who i noe.
chatted alot of stuff worx.
and baby daddy daddy asked mi wherede i wanna learn golf.
but i was laughin and replyin him.
i don think i can learn.
hahax.
cos golf requires big movement when u are doin the swing.
and all the way till 9 plus.
baby daddy mum bought some small snacks for mi and her family.
hahax.
and they send mi back to ardmarity to meet ivy.
till 11pm.
reach home, thou full.
but i was still eating the fried rice that mum pack.
slowly eating and chattin
and gotto noe.
my step grand dad onli left 2 months in this world.
he is havin cancer.
and i called ah ma.
she was crying while i was talkin to her.
and called my dearest sis.
talk to her about it.
and she told mi.
ah ma didnt wanna let mi noe de.
cos currently i am pregnant, they don wan mi to worry.
omg.
we are goin to visit ah gong this friday.
heard he slim down alot.
i cant take it when ppl are leaving mi like so fast.
i was thinkin about baby stuff too.
if baby were to leave mi, i noe i won be able to take it too.
and suddenly receive a sms from my baby daddy.
i reali donnoe.
donnoe why i would feel so stress out of the sudden when i saw his sms.
i feel like cryin.
but didnt cry ba.
is the unknown pressure that made mi feel so tired.
is the invisable stress and unhappiness
don ever try to lecture mi on thing that i don wish to talk about.
my baby daddy didnt even scold mi for being so fickle minded.
and for now, i jus wanna listen to him.
so ppl, don try to act like u all do noe mi.
as i said before, if u all care and love mi as who i am.
pls respect mi.
not in ani moment now i wanna break down to cry.
but i may.
stop givin mi all those pressure lerx.
my body, my mind and my heart cant take it lerx.
jus 3 days ago i was feelin abit better.
but now is back again over and over again.
is my life i am betting on.
since the start of this pregnancy i knew the risk.
although i know i look pethetic weak and acting strong now.
but can i have a request from everyone to keep on acting wit mi.
if the day i reali cry i may be in a unstable mood again.
which i jus hate myself to be in that way.
for now, i jus wanna listen to myself, and when i cant made a decision.
the only person i will listen too will be the daddy on my baby.
cos baby is ours.
chin, poh jayken
he deserve baby too.
in case anithing might happen in future, baby will onli have him.
so pls, other then baby daddy.
everybodi jus leave mi alone for now.
if all u all wan is to lecture mi.
do it after everythign solve.
thx.
my headache never wanna leave mi thou.
thinkin too much ler ba.
but cant stop thou.
leg cramps hurt mi alot too.
and i donnoe why.
baby love to kick mummy.
but when ur daddy around u are like a gd boy.
u and ur daddy loves to bully mi.
haix.
like father like baby.
thx horx, two mr poh.
but everytime baby kick mi.
everynite feel his heartbeat before i slp.
the more i don wanna let him go.
but will i be happy.
can i be able to walk the rest of the journey alone.
is not onli for this 6 months.
but for the rest of my life.
funny part is, where is the confident mi?
i look so pethetic now.
i look so ulgy now.
i look so weak now.
but afterall.
i am only a 18 yrs old girl.
a prefectionist before but when i fall.
i completely loses everything.
i miss, need and love him alot
so near but yet so far apart.
xuemin
take mi away
Tuesday, June 30--5:05:00 AMY
receive mornin call from sam to pick mi up to office.
so tired.
but still woke up to prepare.
sam noes that mi and baby jayken will be hungry.
he went to pack mac breakfast for mi to eat in the car as we are rushin time.
he waited around 30 mins.
and he was complainin.
cos he noes i never let other ppl to wait for mi.
but why only him.
sorry la my dear.
and thx for ur breakfast.
i wasnt feelin well since morning.
flu and headache.
but when i reach office.
the lawyer made mi wait.
but is okie la.
i went back to my small room to leave my stuff and went up to find daddy.
he slim down alot.
he gave mi a big hug and touch my lil tummy.
hahax.
he told mi mummy asked mi to wait for awhile after i meet the lawyer.
cos she misses mi.
hahax.
i reali miss my old days.
with them.
is jus like a family working tgt.
although i alreadi ate the mac breakfast.
but daddy order some breakfast from opposite cafa for sam, daddy himself and mi again.
lolx.
baby jayken so xinfu.
hahax.
daddy reali reali dote mi more then sam!
hahax.
he was telling mi how spoilt was sam by mummy.
lolx.
but he asked mi wherede i love the car anot.
hahax.
my replied was "the car is veri veri amazing"
and he say "if u like it, daddy give it to u"
i was like omg!
nahx.
too ex lerx.
is more then a million.
plus if i wanted to customise everything to baby pink.
donnoe how much will it be.
hahax.
but thx daddy=) i noe u love mi.
okie and then sam was quite jealous about daddy so nice to mi.
but my flu was his main concern.
he scolded mi for wearing jus a tube for my top and he went to his office and get mi the jacket he bought for mi long ago.
hahax.
and i think is around an hr later.
the lawyer then came.
daddy scolded him for letting mi to wait for so long.
but is okie, we was chattin thou.
finally sign on the paper to return everything to bryan parents.
i wanted to go down personally to visit them de.
but mummy came=)
and when she saw mi, her first reaction was
"my dear princess, u slim down alot!"
lolx.
and gave mi a hug and a kiss on my cheek.
and again touch my lil tummy.
hahax.
and all the way for the next 15 mins, mummy was holdin my hand.
hahax.
daddy health is better lerx.
but still needs to be under observation.
daddy asked mi to go back to stay for few nights.
hahax.
i mean at his hse la.
i didnt agree immediately la.
but after awhile later mi and sam went back down to office.
beocs mummy wans to let daddy to eat medicines lerx.
hahax.
sam was then busy wit his stuff.
and i went back to my small room to rest awhile.
cos headache ma.
but mummy came down to find mi.
she was talkin to mi.
askin mi what i plan to do.
chatted alot la.
i think for nearly an hr plus.
till around 11 plus.
sam came in to my small room to find mi.
cos our dear prince and sebes wanna meet us for lunch.
mike was our slpin prince! so he didnt make it.
i asked daddy and mummy to join us!
is been a long time we sat down for a nice meal.
and we all headed to vivo city for our lunch.
saw mummy new car.
hahax.
so pretty.
prince and sebes was slightly late.
but still manage to join us before food was serve.
and all i rmb was.
everybodi was stuffing food on my plate.
thx horx!!!
especially sam.
but eat too full.
i was feelin very very uncomfortable.
and feel really really tired.
ao sam sended mi back home to slp.
reach home around 2 plus, found nobody at home.
but i change and slept for an hr and woke up cos baby jayken is kickin mi.
woke up awhile.
ah long called mi chat awhile
and called ys chat awhile olso.
but after that i went back to slp.
till nearly 9pm.
no appetite but baby needs to eat ma.
force myself to eat.
went back room to lie on my bed to watch tv.
was watchin the emergancy in pregnant women wombs.
2 true stories of twins.
having a disease call Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome(TTTS)
Twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) is a serious disorder that occurs in identical twins and higher order multiples who share a placenta. This occurs when there is a connection in the two babies’ blood vessels of their shared placenta. This results in one baby (this twin is referred to as the recipient) receiving more blood flow, while the other baby (this twin is referred to as the donor) receives too little. Twin to twin transfusion syndrome is also referred to as chronic intertwin transfusion syndrome.
and the chances of miscarriaging is nearly up to 70 percent and above.
chance of having one baby live save is 33 percent
and chances of the suscess of the operation is less then 10 percent.
haix.
so poor thing.
i was cryin while watchin.
cos for the first story, both boys manage to survive thou the elder one is under goin observation of heart problem.
but they are both safe.
but for the second story, the elder son died after a day of their birth.
so sad.
and alot of thing flashes through my mind.
reali luckily that mi and xueqi is very safe.
and the lose of baby, will i be able to take it?
i don noe ehx.
haix.
around 12 plus.
sam came to pick mi up to his hse.
we didnt go to prince pub today.
and aunt reg was so nice to heat up the soup for mi to drink.
mummy and daddy was really scare that i might fall from the steps.
and wanted my body guard to follow everywhere i go.
lolx.
sam lorx.
the moment i step into my room.
hahax.
my pink pink room.
aircon was alreadi switch on.
but wasnt that cold cos i was still havin flu.
heated was on too.
i miss everything there thou.
hahax.
mi and sam was playin Xbox till around 4 am.
went to sam room to web cam wit our dear derrick.
hahax.
it was around 9pm over there.
he asked mi to lock my room door in case sam will sneak to my room in the middle of the nite.
lolx.
and i mention to him that if that was the case it was not the first time ler ba.
and derrick himself too okie.
hahax.
rmb there is once.
they both have secrectly sneak into my room while i was slpin and both lyin beside mi the next day.
donnoe wherede sam will do that anot.
but think he is aslp ler.
i am now bloggin but feel reali reali sick thou.
baby jayken kick mi like nth.
headache and backaches.
but slpin soon ler ba.
so tired.
nite everyone.
and i love and misses him=)
xuemin
so tired.
but still woke up to prepare.
sam noes that mi and baby jayken will be hungry.
he went to pack mac breakfast for mi to eat in the car as we are rushin time.
he waited around 30 mins.
and he was complainin.
cos he noes i never let other ppl to wait for mi.
but why only him.
sorry la my dear.
and thx for ur breakfast.
i wasnt feelin well since morning.
flu and headache.
but when i reach office.
the lawyer made mi wait.
but is okie la.
i went back to my small room to leave my stuff and went up to find daddy.
he slim down alot.
he gave mi a big hug and touch my lil tummy.
hahax.
he told mi mummy asked mi to wait for awhile after i meet the lawyer.
cos she misses mi.
hahax.
i reali miss my old days.
with them.
is jus like a family working tgt.
although i alreadi ate the mac breakfast.
but daddy order some breakfast from opposite cafa for sam, daddy himself and mi again.
lolx.
baby jayken so xinfu.
hahax.
daddy reali reali dote mi more then sam!
hahax.
he was telling mi how spoilt was sam by mummy.
lolx.
but he asked mi wherede i love the car anot.
hahax.
my replied was "the car is veri veri amazing"
and he say "if u like it, daddy give it to u"
i was like omg!
nahx.
too ex lerx.
is more then a million.
plus if i wanted to customise everything to baby pink.
donnoe how much will it be.
hahax.
but thx daddy=) i noe u love mi.
okie and then sam was quite jealous about daddy so nice to mi.
but my flu was his main concern.
he scolded mi for wearing jus a tube for my top and he went to his office and get mi the jacket he bought for mi long ago.
hahax.
and i think is around an hr later.
the lawyer then came.
daddy scolded him for letting mi to wait for so long.
but is okie, we was chattin thou.
finally sign on the paper to return everything to bryan parents.
i wanted to go down personally to visit them de.
but mummy came=)
and when she saw mi, her first reaction was
"my dear princess, u slim down alot!"
lolx.
and gave mi a hug and a kiss on my cheek.
and again touch my lil tummy.
hahax.
and all the way for the next 15 mins, mummy was holdin my hand.
hahax.
daddy health is better lerx.
but still needs to be under observation.
daddy asked mi to go back to stay for few nights.
hahax.
i mean at his hse la.
i didnt agree immediately la.
but after awhile later mi and sam went back down to office.
beocs mummy wans to let daddy to eat medicines lerx.
hahax.
sam was then busy wit his stuff.
and i went back to my small room to rest awhile.
cos headache ma.
but mummy came down to find mi.
she was talkin to mi.
askin mi what i plan to do.
chatted alot la.
i think for nearly an hr plus.
till around 11 plus.
sam came in to my small room to find mi.
cos our dear prince and sebes wanna meet us for lunch.
mike was our slpin prince! so he didnt make it.
i asked daddy and mummy to join us!
is been a long time we sat down for a nice meal.
and we all headed to vivo city for our lunch.
saw mummy new car.
hahax.
so pretty.
prince and sebes was slightly late.
but still manage to join us before food was serve.
and all i rmb was.
everybodi was stuffing food on my plate.
thx horx!!!
especially sam.
but eat too full.
i was feelin very very uncomfortable.
and feel really really tired.
ao sam sended mi back home to slp.
reach home around 2 plus, found nobody at home.
but i change and slept for an hr and woke up cos baby jayken is kickin mi.
woke up awhile.
ah long called mi chat awhile
and called ys chat awhile olso.
but after that i went back to slp.
till nearly 9pm.
no appetite but baby needs to eat ma.
force myself to eat.
went back room to lie on my bed to watch tv.
was watchin the emergancy in pregnant women wombs.
2 true stories of twins.
having a disease call Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome(TTTS)
Twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) is a serious disorder that occurs in identical twins and higher order multiples who share a placenta. This occurs when there is a connection in the two babies’ blood vessels of their shared placenta. This results in one baby (this twin is referred to as the recipient) receiving more blood flow, while the other baby (this twin is referred to as the donor) receives too little. Twin to twin transfusion syndrome is also referred to as chronic intertwin transfusion syndrome.
and the chances of miscarriaging is nearly up to 70 percent and above.
chance of having one baby live save is 33 percent
and chances of the suscess of the operation is less then 10 percent.
haix.
so poor thing.
i was cryin while watchin.
cos for the first story, both boys manage to survive thou the elder one is under goin observation of heart problem.
but they are both safe.
but for the second story, the elder son died after a day of their birth.
so sad.
and alot of thing flashes through my mind.
reali luckily that mi and xueqi is very safe.
and the lose of baby, will i be able to take it?
i don noe ehx.
haix.
around 12 plus.
sam came to pick mi up to his hse.
we didnt go to prince pub today.
and aunt reg was so nice to heat up the soup for mi to drink.
mummy and daddy was really scare that i might fall from the steps.
and wanted my body guard to follow everywhere i go.
lolx.
sam lorx.
the moment i step into my room.
hahax.
my pink pink room.
aircon was alreadi switch on.
but wasnt that cold cos i was still havin flu.
heated was on too.
i miss everything there thou.
hahax.
mi and sam was playin Xbox till around 4 am.
went to sam room to web cam wit our dear derrick.
hahax.
it was around 9pm over there.
he asked mi to lock my room door in case sam will sneak to my room in the middle of the nite.
lolx.
and i mention to him that if that was the case it was not the first time ler ba.
and derrick himself too okie.
hahax.
rmb there is once.
they both have secrectly sneak into my room while i was slpin and both lyin beside mi the next day.
donnoe wherede sam will do that anot.
but think he is aslp ler.
i am now bloggin but feel reali reali sick thou.
baby jayken kick mi like nth.
headache and backaches.
but slpin soon ler ba.
so tired.
nite everyone.
and i love and misses him=)
xuemin
take mi away
Monday, June 29--4:12:00 AMY
2nd post for today=)
omfg!
the reason prince wans mi to go down to his pub is becos he too bought a new car.
he jus wanted to show mi.
okie lets talk about sam first.
he spend more then a million on a DBS aston martin
this time round finally a silver.
his ferrari spider is a chilly red
his porsche caymen is a light purple
his veri first car, lambo gallardo was a black
and his fav bmw Z4 was a white.
omg.
donnoe so many sport car for what sia.
okie, my first reaction when i saw the DBS under my blk.
i was like" omfg. is amazing"
i asked this spolit brad.
what did mummy say when he bought this car.
and guess what he told mi.
"mummy asked mi to buy"
and mummy jus change her nissan sykline to 370Z fairlady.
but of course her fav is still her metallic silver lambo spyder
lolx.
to what i rmb.
their hse is flood wit CARS!!!!
hahax.
i heard from sam, he got a scoldin from daddy.
lolx.
serve u rite.
mummy spoil u.
hahax.
okie la.
then we head to prince pub.
when i reach, i expect them to scold mi for not attendin the farewell party ystd.
but prince jus grab my hand and bring mi to the back alley.
he pack his car behind.
and is a metallic yellow, Sport GT S maserati
i noe he wanted to buy this long ago.
and he wasnt as crazy as sam.
after abit of change made to the original set.
he spended about hlf a millon.
veri gd lorx.
hahax.
i got nth to say.
like i reali got a shock.
lolx.
but i was reali abit tired to care much about both their cars.
slpy!
and i was back home nearly 3.
okie la.
they noe i was reali slpy.
jus finish web cam wit dear derrick.
is around 10 pm over there.
and he is tired lerx.
so i asked him to rest.
he say he read my blog and say he is willing to pay mi 10k a month if i am willin to be his gf.
but before i wanted to reply him, he noes what i wanna say ler
"money cant buy true love"
he say he was jus kiddin ba.
so all rite.
he reali look quite tired thou.
so we didnt chat long ba.
poor thing.
aniway the lady that i mention that sam met was kristin.
lolx.
krist was back from japan wit husband lerx.
and i gotto noe was.
she is pregnant too.
lolx.
i was like "omg, finally there is one baby younger then my baby jayken"
lolx.
she was alreadi 2 months pregnant.
gratz krist.
learn from mi okie!
hahax.
i don mind teachin u de.
how or what to do to be a gd mummy.
or what to prepare.
jus give my baby a big red packs.
hahax.
i am jokkin la.
i am still considering.
but one by one.
more and more new life out.
i reali couldnt bear to give up on mine baby thou.
i am soon gonna be crazy ler la.
i am so soso the tired!
my leg cramps gettin worsten lerx.
omfg!
i couldnt even sit cross leg for the moment now.
and my back aches like 10 ppl are standing on mi.
my cough up and down again.
what is wrong wit my body!
haix.
i hope nth will affect my baby.
pray hard ba.
tml mornin gotto leave hse at 7 am plus.
and i am onli left less then 2 hrs to rest.
all becos of the stupid lawyer.
lolx.
but by noon i will be back to rest lerx.
tired tired tired.
slpin now lerx.
nite.
xuemin
omfg!
the reason prince wans mi to go down to his pub is becos he too bought a new car.
he jus wanted to show mi.
okie lets talk about sam first.
he spend more then a million on a DBS aston martin
this time round finally a silver.
his ferrari spider is a chilly red
his porsche caymen is a light purple
his veri first car, lambo gallardo was a black
and his fav bmw Z4 was a white.
omg.
donnoe so many sport car for what sia.
okie, my first reaction when i saw the DBS under my blk.
i was like" omfg. is amazing"
i asked this spolit brad.
what did mummy say when he bought this car.
and guess what he told mi.
"mummy asked mi to buy"
and mummy jus change her nissan sykline to 370Z fairlady.
but of course her fav is still her metallic silver lambo spyder
lolx.
to what i rmb.
their hse is flood wit CARS!!!!
hahax.
i heard from sam, he got a scoldin from daddy.
lolx.
serve u rite.
mummy spoil u.
hahax.
okie la.
then we head to prince pub.
when i reach, i expect them to scold mi for not attendin the farewell party ystd.
but prince jus grab my hand and bring mi to the back alley.
he pack his car behind.
and is a metallic yellow, Sport GT S maserati
i noe he wanted to buy this long ago.
and he wasnt as crazy as sam.
after abit of change made to the original set.
he spended about hlf a millon.
veri gd lorx.
hahax.
i got nth to say.
like i reali got a shock.
lolx.
but i was reali abit tired to care much about both their cars.
slpy!
and i was back home nearly 3.
okie la.
they noe i was reali slpy.
jus finish web cam wit dear derrick.
is around 10 pm over there.
and he is tired lerx.
so i asked him to rest.
he say he read my blog and say he is willing to pay mi 10k a month if i am willin to be his gf.
but before i wanted to reply him, he noes what i wanna say ler
"money cant buy true love"
he say he was jus kiddin ba.
so all rite.
he reali look quite tired thou.
so we didnt chat long ba.
poor thing.
aniway the lady that i mention that sam met was kristin.
lolx.
krist was back from japan wit husband lerx.
and i gotto noe was.
she is pregnant too.
lolx.
i was like "omg, finally there is one baby younger then my baby jayken"
lolx.
she was alreadi 2 months pregnant.
gratz krist.
learn from mi okie!
hahax.
i don mind teachin u de.
how or what to do to be a gd mummy.
or what to prepare.
jus give my baby a big red packs.
hahax.
i am jokkin la.
i am still considering.
but one by one.
more and more new life out.
i reali couldnt bear to give up on mine baby thou.
i am soon gonna be crazy ler la.
i am so soso the tired!
my leg cramps gettin worsten lerx.
omfg!
i couldnt even sit cross leg for the moment now.
and my back aches like 10 ppl are standing on mi.
my cough up and down again.
what is wrong wit my body!
haix.
i hope nth will affect my baby.
pray hard ba.
tml mornin gotto leave hse at 7 am plus.
and i am onli left less then 2 hrs to rest.
all becos of the stupid lawyer.
lolx.
but by noon i will be back to rest lerx.
tired tired tired.
slpin now lerx.
nite.
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, June 28--11:34:00 PMY
i didnt manage to go london.
cos the H1N! is reali so bad in that country
how gd if i could broad the plane wit derrick.
and what i will be now in their time is shoppin!
derrick jus call mi.
he say he himself quite scare too.
if not for work he won even wanna travel.
sorri my dear, i reali wanna go wit u.
today mornin woke up at 9am.
lolx.
met ivy for breakfast!
and we was sittin there talk and talk.
till she convince mi not to head to london.
and shuxian came down to met us.
and we was chattin there till 12 plus.
i went home and took a bath.
and actualli wanna go striaght to my baby daddy hse.
but sam and derrick wanna meet mi.
before derrick will start missin mi for around a month.
and sam was so bad to tease him.
but derrick was so clever to make mi promise to web cam wit him everyday.
lolx.
till 2 plus.
they send mi to my baby daddy hse.
gave derrick a big hug.
i am gonna miss him.
hahax.
he actualli wanted mi to wear the neckleack that he gave mi today rather then my usual one.
but sorry my dear.
u didnt tell mi earlier.
the day when u return i promise i will change okie.
i was at my baby daddy hse then all the way till 5 plus.
i was meetin apple.
but sam was so damn sweet to send mi to cwp.
my "taxi driver"
lolx.
i wanna ask him to join thou.
but to some reason, i understand.
but he told mi that tonite prince hope i could be there in the pub.
i donnoe why.
but it become a mus then.
sam was quite in the rush back home to change and meet a women.
i look at him and joke "i thought u only love mi"
he keep explainin to mi like "omg. pls don get the wrong idea."
lolx.
he didnt tell mi who either.
so jealous.
lolx.
he keep apologising to mi that he cant say.
hahax.
i am jokkin, my dear.
hahax.
but i hope one day he reali will start accepting others.
he is so silly that he promise he will never allow other women to be in his car except mi.
and my qn to him was "u cant dump the garlx alone at there ba"
and he replied "i will pay for her cab fee"
i thought he is jus jokkin and never will do such a ingentlemen thing
and omg! he reali did it.
he and derrick is abit angry about mi wearin heels.
they both are quarreling like for 10 mins becos both of them said the same thing
"pls think of (my son)"
and i was like, how many father does my lil precious have.
they was upset that i went to baby daddy hse.
but sorry, i promise his mum that i will be there as she was so nice to pack my food.
but i knew they was jus jokkin la.
hello! nth better to do arhx.
i ws waiting for apple at cwp.
and a guy came to mi and ask for my number.
he wanted to be frenx wit mi.
but i said to him
"sorry, i am pregnant now"
and he walk away.
lolx.
sms sam and he was so piss.
but surprisingly.
i didnt put on ani make ups today cos i was so lazy.
went to walk walk in kiddy palace wit apple.
hahax.
baby stuff.
and went to yishun for hong kong cafa.
hahax.
after that i am home.
so tired.
but gotto go out soon again.
my dear sam pickin mi up wit his new car.
hahax.
donnoe la.
rich guy olways change cars.
lolx.
i was telling him.
maybe i wouldnt noe.
but different car to pick up different women.
hahax.
he again quickly explain that cos the new car is so nice and blah blah blah.
and he even mention to sell all his car jus becos he wanted mi to believe him.
hahax.
my dear, pls don take it so seriously.
but so fun to talk to him like this.
i love to see him panic.
called ys as he sms mi.
and jus nice i jus reached home.
and he told mi he actualli was in cwp same time as mi.
but we did not meet.
he was wit yx, kl
hahax.
then i blame him for not tellin mi that he reach singapore so early.
hahax.
and he say sorri.
omg, i am onli jokkin la my dears!!!
hahax.
they are so cute.
tml wj leavin to gentin lerx.
and zm joined ys, yx,cork and qr for number ball game.
hahax.
tml i will have to make a trip down to sam office to find lawyer.
he actualli wans mi to go down on tuesday.
but i may not be free thou.
jayda meeting mi.
called him to rearrange a time.
and he say tml.
i saw his sms this morning when i woke up telling mi that the transfer of the money back to bryan's daddy and mummy needs mi to read through.
mood wasnt so gd today.
i miss him thou.
i may needa do something to my own will again.
hahax.
bryan mum still cryin alot when i call her today.
but i promise bryan to take care of u two=)
i wanted my own life.
i wanted to end everthing as soon as possible.
i wanted to move on.
but the onli reason.
i love baby jayken.
give mi abit more time to consider again.
but the risk of this time, is my life and baby.
due to my health.
i am not afraid of death.
but i jus don wan baby to be alone.
but i am still so sufforcating.
i donnoe.
haix.
if i were to continue the rest of the 6month alone like this.
i couldnt take it animore.
i wanna work!
and sam was so cute to offer mi a veri comfortable position in his company.
i jus gotto sit in his office to look at him and acc him and i will get a pay for 5k a month.
lolx.
can u increase my pay if i slp there!
hahax.
nahx.
tupid boy!
i need a job to pass time.
ppl now outside find job so difficult.
and i could get a job for 5k for jus to acc him.
he is hiring ppl now.
but i do not wanna get invovle in his business.
thx my dear for offerin thou.
sam called mi again and say he will be up in my hse for like in 10 mins to pick mi up.
gotto go prepare lerx.
but i am so tired!!!
hahax.
nite everybody=)
xuemin
cos the H1N! is reali so bad in that country
how gd if i could broad the plane wit derrick.
and what i will be now in their time is shoppin!
derrick jus call mi.
he say he himself quite scare too.
if not for work he won even wanna travel.
sorri my dear, i reali wanna go wit u.
today mornin woke up at 9am.
lolx.
met ivy for breakfast!
and we was sittin there talk and talk.
till she convince mi not to head to london.
and shuxian came down to met us.
and we was chattin there till 12 plus.
i went home and took a bath.
and actualli wanna go striaght to my baby daddy hse.
but sam and derrick wanna meet mi.
before derrick will start missin mi for around a month.
and sam was so bad to tease him.
but derrick was so clever to make mi promise to web cam wit him everyday.
lolx.
till 2 plus.
they send mi to my baby daddy hse.
gave derrick a big hug.
i am gonna miss him.
hahax.
he actualli wanted mi to wear the neckleack that he gave mi today rather then my usual one.
but sorry my dear.
u didnt tell mi earlier.
the day when u return i promise i will change okie.
i was at my baby daddy hse then all the way till 5 plus.
i was meetin apple.
but sam was so damn sweet to send mi to cwp.
my "taxi driver"
lolx.
i wanna ask him to join thou.
but to some reason, i understand.
but he told mi that tonite prince hope i could be there in the pub.
i donnoe why.
but it become a mus then.
sam was quite in the rush back home to change and meet a women.
i look at him and joke "i thought u only love mi"
he keep explainin to mi like "omg. pls don get the wrong idea."
lolx.
he didnt tell mi who either.
so jealous.
lolx.
he keep apologising to mi that he cant say.
hahax.
i am jokkin, my dear.
hahax.
but i hope one day he reali will start accepting others.
he is so silly that he promise he will never allow other women to be in his car except mi.
and my qn to him was "u cant dump the garlx alone at there ba"
and he replied "i will pay for her cab fee"
i thought he is jus jokkin and never will do such a ingentlemen thing
and omg! he reali did it.
he and derrick is abit angry about mi wearin heels.
they both are quarreling like for 10 mins becos both of them said the same thing
"pls think of (my son)"
and i was like, how many father does my lil precious have.
they was upset that i went to baby daddy hse.
but sorry, i promise his mum that i will be there as she was so nice to pack my food.
but i knew they was jus jokkin la.
hello! nth better to do arhx.
i ws waiting for apple at cwp.
and a guy came to mi and ask for my number.
he wanted to be frenx wit mi.
but i said to him
"sorry, i am pregnant now"
and he walk away.
lolx.
sms sam and he was so piss.
but surprisingly.
i didnt put on ani make ups today cos i was so lazy.
went to walk walk in kiddy palace wit apple.
hahax.
baby stuff.
and went to yishun for hong kong cafa.
hahax.
after that i am home.
so tired.
but gotto go out soon again.
my dear sam pickin mi up wit his new car.
hahax.
donnoe la.
rich guy olways change cars.
lolx.
i was telling him.
maybe i wouldnt noe.
but different car to pick up different women.
hahax.
he again quickly explain that cos the new car is so nice and blah blah blah.
and he even mention to sell all his car jus becos he wanted mi to believe him.
hahax.
my dear, pls don take it so seriously.
but so fun to talk to him like this.
i love to see him panic.
called ys as he sms mi.
and jus nice i jus reached home.
and he told mi he actualli was in cwp same time as mi.
but we did not meet.
he was wit yx, kl
hahax.
then i blame him for not tellin mi that he reach singapore so early.
hahax.
and he say sorri.
omg, i am onli jokkin la my dears!!!
hahax.
they are so cute.
tml wj leavin to gentin lerx.
and zm joined ys, yx,cork and qr for number ball game.
hahax.
tml i will have to make a trip down to sam office to find lawyer.
he actualli wans mi to go down on tuesday.
but i may not be free thou.
jayda meeting mi.
called him to rearrange a time.
and he say tml.
i saw his sms this morning when i woke up telling mi that the transfer of the money back to bryan's daddy and mummy needs mi to read through.
mood wasnt so gd today.
i miss him thou.
i may needa do something to my own will again.
hahax.
bryan mum still cryin alot when i call her today.
but i promise bryan to take care of u two=)
i wanted my own life.
i wanted to end everthing as soon as possible.
i wanted to move on.
but the onli reason.
i love baby jayken.
give mi abit more time to consider again.
but the risk of this time, is my life and baby.
due to my health.
i am not afraid of death.
but i jus don wan baby to be alone.
but i am still so sufforcating.
i donnoe.
haix.
if i were to continue the rest of the 6month alone like this.
i couldnt take it animore.
i wanna work!
and sam was so cute to offer mi a veri comfortable position in his company.
i jus gotto sit in his office to look at him and acc him and i will get a pay for 5k a month.
lolx.
can u increase my pay if i slp there!
hahax.
nahx.
tupid boy!
i need a job to pass time.
ppl now outside find job so difficult.
and i could get a job for 5k for jus to acc him.
he is hiring ppl now.
but i do not wanna get invovle in his business.
thx my dear for offerin thou.
sam called mi again and say he will be up in my hse for like in 10 mins to pick mi up.
gotto go prepare lerx.
but i am so tired!!!
hahax.
nite everybody=)
xuemin
take mi away
--1:50:00 AMY
today had done my pedicure lerx.
and went to my baby daddy hse.
baby daddy so gd today.
which i for jus a short moment before i fall aslp wit him by myside feel that he is still mine.
but is jus a short while worx.
i jus feel very very happi today.
thou i didnt go out wit apple.
today is the very first time i ever feel
baby daddy really really love baby.
is like a home to mi today.
i am reali contented lerx.
headin to london tml.
but suddenly feel veri scare.
cos of the H1N1 disease.
jus read the article.
there is three new cases in london.
omg!
spreadin like shit.
hmmm.
jus scare that my stubborness will harm baby.
nth mus happen to baby.
aniway i skip the farewell party that prince organise.
cos i didnt slp for the whole nite ystd.
so was damn tired.
sorry sorry sorry to all those gd frenx.
i am reali falling aslp soon.
baby daddy had olso asked mi to slp early.
poor him, today whole day got flu, headache.
he jus don feel well.
he slp ler.
so i am too goin to lie down and rest ler.
nitenite.
sweet dreams.
xuemin
and went to my baby daddy hse.
baby daddy so gd today.
which i for jus a short moment before i fall aslp wit him by myside feel that he is still mine.
but is jus a short while worx.
i jus feel very very happi today.
thou i didnt go out wit apple.
today is the very first time i ever feel
baby daddy really really love baby.
is like a home to mi today.
i am reali contented lerx.
headin to london tml.
but suddenly feel veri scare.
cos of the H1N1 disease.
jus read the article.
there is three new cases in london.
omg!
spreadin like shit.
hmmm.
jus scare that my stubborness will harm baby.
nth mus happen to baby.
aniway i skip the farewell party that prince organise.
cos i didnt slp for the whole nite ystd.
so was damn tired.
sorry sorry sorry to all those gd frenx.
i am reali falling aslp soon.
baby daddy had olso asked mi to slp early.
poor him, today whole day got flu, headache.
he jus don feel well.
he slp ler.
so i am too goin to lie down and rest ler.
nitenite.
sweet dreams.
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, June 27--3:21:00 AMY
this may be my veri last blog before i leave to london.
met wj,yxiang,ys,kl,and zm today.
maybe the last time till 22nd july to meet them.
i will miss them too.
we watch transformers today.
and went home lerx.
i am not gonna go out today lerx.
cos tml i will wait up very early.
to visit my baby daddy's parents=)
cos i will miss them.
and i will head to the shoppin centre near his hse to do my padicure.
and i will meet apple tml to acc her to see some baby stuff and i will get some of my stuff too.
i have quite alot of thing to get for the london trips.
and soon after i finish meetin apple.
head home and bath, and sam, prince, mike sebes and some of our frenx will have a farewell party for mi and derrick.
i noe i will miss everybody.
my family.
i jus feel that i will be goin for a long period thou.
pls everybody, promise mi.
during this period of time, takkaire of urself.
and i hope someone could help to look after my daddy, mummy and brother as well.
msn mi to update about my family to mi.
miss mi then webcam wit mi.
when i didnt online, send mi emails.
i noe that H1N1 is spreading like hell.
but i promise no matter what, i will make sure baby is fine.
is there aniways for mi not to miss home so much like lil garlx now.
my room, my bed, and my things.
of course i didnt forget to pack marley wit mi.
and my medicines.
i am reali givin up lerx.
so this trip is to clear my mind and see how and what i am gonna do for my future.
whoever love and noe mi.
i am no longer mi lerx.
i got no more choice to be who i wanna be.
i too wanna be dote and love by a guy i reali love.
i too wanna be selfish to walk my own life.
is hurting mi so much that i no longer feel the pain.
this is the best i could do.
all i could say is a sorry.
i guess this all will end when i am back from london.
i will stop all my nonesence, i will stop all my immature, i will stop all my crying.
if not for baby, i will never wanna have anithing to do wit his daddy animore.
it puts an end to everything too.
i will face the whole world alone again and tell them, i am sorry.
this is all i can do.
hope everybodi understand too.
no promise i will change my mind.
but for baby i will consider over and over again.
no matter what, i noe i will be wit baby.
even if there is a risk for mi for anithing
wherever baby is, mummy will follow u.
mummy love u alot alot and alot.
gd nite baby,
farewell everybodi.
xuemin
take mi away
--3:11:00 AMY
tag replies=)
derrick-thx=), we will be leavin on 28th alreadi. thou u won be able to accompany mi. but thx for bringin mi there.
sam- u are not the first person to say they cried after readin my blog. no matter what, thx for being there for mi.but from now on, i reali wanna learn to walk my own path. i will be all rite de=)
iko- thx babe for ur encouragement. u noe, i miss u thou=) take reali gd care of urself too.
pam- yes babe=) i have link u alreadi. ur baby is cute=) see ya again=) takkaire.
wanqi- thx for ur comforting words=) frenx indeed. meet up soon=)
someone- thx for ur advice, but sorry. i reali needa leave cos is veri suffocating here.
take mi away
Friday, June 26--4:59:00 AMY
derrick jus came to pass mi my flight ticket.
today evenin i had call derrick to arrange for an earlier flight at 28 june
which will be jus two more days.
the time will be at evening 7pm.
mi and derrick will be stayin at his aunt'shse over there in london.
by 7th july i will be back alone.
cos on the 8th and 9th got appointment wit chinese doc and hospital.
but soon after that i will head back to british.
all the way till 22nd.
is all planned accocording to my appointment.
hasnt let mummy and daddy noe.
not even my frenx.
i am sorry that i olways give this kinda surprise.
but this time round.
i jus wanna be alone.
derrick is there all the way till aug cos he needa work.
so i will be alone there.
this is what i need thou.
2 more days but packin for more then 20 days trips
still alot more to pack.
i am abit tired now, cos of the crying jus now.
don worry that all my frenx cant contact mi.
cant send mi emails.
or even msn-in?
rite.
i had never been to london.
but derrick aunt's daughter has promise to bring mi around.
i will miss home for sure.
but i will webcam wit family when i miss them.
hope eveything gonna be fine ba.
reali sorry that i olways do such norti things to make everybody worri.
but pls understand, i jus wanna be alone.
cos when i am back on the 22nd.
i have something i needa solve lerx.
i will still continue bloggin.
i am tired lerx.
gonna go rest lerx.
when i wake up in the morning, i gotto drink chinese med.
and gotto pack my stuff again.
cos by 5pm in the evenin.
derrick will come and collect my lauggage to be sent to london first.
wish mi gd luck ba.
blog when i am free=)
baby kickin mi to slp.
nites=)
xuemin
today evenin i had call derrick to arrange for an earlier flight at 28 june
which will be jus two more days.
the time will be at evening 7pm.
mi and derrick will be stayin at his aunt'shse over there in london.
by 7th july i will be back alone.
cos on the 8th and 9th got appointment wit chinese doc and hospital.
but soon after that i will head back to british.
all the way till 22nd.
is all planned accocording to my appointment.
hasnt let mummy and daddy noe.
not even my frenx.
i am sorry that i olways give this kinda surprise.
but this time round.
i jus wanna be alone.
derrick is there all the way till aug cos he needa work.
so i will be alone there.
this is what i need thou.
2 more days but packin for more then 20 days trips
still alot more to pack.
i am abit tired now, cos of the crying jus now.
don worry that all my frenx cant contact mi.
cant send mi emails.
or even msn-in?
rite.
i had never been to london.
but derrick aunt's daughter has promise to bring mi around.
i will miss home for sure.
but i will webcam wit family when i miss them.
hope eveything gonna be fine ba.
reali sorry that i olways do such norti things to make everybody worri.
but pls understand, i jus wanna be alone.
cos when i am back on the 22nd.
i have something i needa solve lerx.
i will still continue bloggin.
i am tired lerx.
gonna go rest lerx.
when i wake up in the morning, i gotto drink chinese med.
and gotto pack my stuff again.
cos by 5pm in the evenin.
derrick will come and collect my lauggage to be sent to london first.
wish mi gd luck ba.
blog when i am free=)
baby kickin mi to slp.
nites=)
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, June 25--7:15:00 AMY
jus reach home.
didnt realise time passes so fast.
realise i didnt blog for 3 days.
again, when i misses him.
my tears rolled down thou.
his funeral over ler.
but i could onli stand outside and a distance away.
i noe he hope to see mi too.
jus had alot of sorry to tell him.
i didnt attend his family meeting.
is about his will.
but receive his lawyer calls.
he left an amount of 200k for mi.
but of course, i didnt take it.
his money belongs to his family.
he wanted to leave his apartment to mi.
but i still not 21 and above.
silly him.
his mum hopes i could have all.
but i told her, all i wanted is his family to be happi.
and all i have from him is the memories he has given to mi.
rest in peace bryan=)
i promise i will meet u when my baby out.
i will be all rite and i will visit u.
i promise i will help take care of ur daddy and mummy.
xuemin will never break her promise.
pls bless mi and my baby.
but still u have not right to decide who i should be wit.
cos u broke ur promise to mi.
but i don blame u, i noe u suffer alot.
u are very brave to fight against brain cancer.
i will learn from u.
i will be brave too.
so nice to have u to be my best frenx.
i miss u.
is so upset, i lose a best frenx out of a sudden.
thx to sam, prince, derrick and mike, kl, ys and apple.
they called,meet and msn to chat wit mi and comfort mi thou i wasnt in the mood to chat to them.
veri sweet of them.
i noe that no matter how i were to cry,
i could never have him back by myside.
but i will make sure.
i will treasure every of my frenx more.
cos i don wanna lose animore gd frenx lerx.
he too wanted mi to move on.
and one thing for sure.
baby jayken needs mummy back.
i am still gd.
didnt skip meals.
but appetite quite small thou.
baby jayken is so gd this few days.
maybe he noes that mummy is unhappi.
H1N1 disease spread veri fast.
i cant have the injection to prevent the disease.
so is reali dangerous for mi to go overseas.
many ppl had asked mi not to go.
especially to european countries.
the plane will be leavin on the 30th june at around 1am.
should i?
still considerin niehx.
i am gonna rest lerx.
baby slpin lerx.
omg, now mornin lerx.
i will blog again later ba.
nites=)
and happi 4 months and 3 days old to baby jayken=)
mummy love u.
xuemin
take mi away
Monday, June 22--4:47:00 AMY
receive news today afternoon.
he pass away lerx.
i couldnt attend the furneral for the sake of baby.
i have went to the hospital for an hr but cryin outside the room.
i couldnt see him.
for the last time.
he fail to fight against his will.
his mum pass mi a letter, wrote by him.
all he wanted is mi to stay happi.
but did he noe?
i feel so sad that i couldnt even get to see him.
for the last time at least to hug him like he use to hug mi.
i suddenly misses him.