Monday, April 27--11:59:00 PMY
jus now in the evening was glad to receive babii sms.
i was havin a bad headache and my stomach hurts quite painful today.
all i need is his concern.
but that doesnt mean he forgiven mi.
i donnoe.
jus feel quite sad now.
jayda and her bf and their another frenx came to my hse suddenly.
but that didnt make mi forget about babii.
i have been thinkin this few days.
if babii reali feel so terrible of mi havin this baby that came in the wrong time.
should i still have it?
i feel that he is moving away from mi ler.
no longer lurve mi as mi.
i donnoe what am i waitin for?
this time reali reali hurts mi alot.
how long am i able to give him to calm down.
i hope he too understand that i am sufferin now too.
how to let him noe i need him.
how to tell him that i wanna give up already.
no point lerx babii.
this few days i was thinkin alot.
about us.
the first time i went to ur hse.
the time we spent.
and the first photo we took.
the day u went up to my hse.
the veri first time u pick mi up at my work place.
our veri veri first month.
the day u brought the rings and the necklaces for us.
u wear it for mi.
the day we prepare and cook dinner tgt.
the day u say u need ur own time.
the first time shouted at mi.
babii i jus wanna tell u.
i am tired already.
my heartaches alot.
we been through quite alot.
and jus a matter of time is nearin our 5 months.
is no longer a happi anniversary for mi and u.
i still respect ur decision as much as before.
i jus need a answer from u.
do u still love mi?
if u say yes i will hld on waiting for u.
but if u say no i noe what i should do.
i am reali sorry for all this.
i shouldnt have mess up ur life.
i am reali sorry.
when u are ready just let mi noe fast.
in case i need to go for the abortion.
is better not to delay further.
is too dangerous by then.
i am ready to listen to u this time round.
i jus don wanna be alone like this waiting.
i have been thinkin alot
i don think we will be happi after our rom in this condition.
i mean when relationship where there is no more love.
i am waiting for ur answer.
hope u could answer mi frankly.
i am sry, reali sry for messing up ur life.
xuemin
take mi away
--12:22:00 AMY
jus edit my blog.
today whole day at home.
try not to think much.
was in fact lookin for a job.
jus wanna ease babii stress about money.
but wasnt reali in a gd condition to work.
maybe jus part time ba.
cos i got a weak body, plus pregnant make mi veri sick.
headaches, body aching, vomitting, small appetite, low blood
mum is quite worry that i go to work and there is no one to look after mi.
but i receive a call from babii's mum today afternoon
alot of concernin, and abit of chit chats
i don wanna think much now.
but actualli the bigger my baby is the weaker i am.
doctor say was gd like that cos the more i feel bad or rather suffer
the better my baby will be.
medicine mus be eaten everyday.
but no one is around for mi.
i feel so tired.
my whole family is veri careful of what they do.
like moppin the floor, junlong toys on the floor.
and my diets, my movements.
but i somehow misses to be right by babii side.
tml will be the third day that i didnt see him.
misses his smell, misses his voice and his smile.
i couldnt do anithing about it.
cos is my fault.
i would ask myself.
where is babii now?
did he rmb to eat?
is he happi today?
is he tired?
did he miss mi?
how mani question i am thinking but still no courage enough to ask him.
jus waitin for him to come back to myside.
forgiven my fault and wrongs.
this is all i hope for now.
i find myself so useless.
i couldnt let him be happy.
i olways make him angry.
if he forgive mi i promise i won make him angry animore.
i promise babii.
i am sorry.
truely deeply veri sorry.
i reali don need anithing in my life, but you.
xuemin
today whole day at home.
try not to think much.
was in fact lookin for a job.
jus wanna ease babii stress about money.
but wasnt reali in a gd condition to work.
maybe jus part time ba.
cos i got a weak body, plus pregnant make mi veri sick.
headaches, body aching, vomitting, small appetite, low blood
mum is quite worry that i go to work and there is no one to look after mi.
but i receive a call from babii's mum today afternoon
alot of concernin, and abit of chit chats
i don wanna think much now.
but actualli the bigger my baby is the weaker i am.
doctor say was gd like that cos the more i feel bad or rather suffer
the better my baby will be.
medicine mus be eaten everyday.
but no one is around for mi.
i feel so tired.
my whole family is veri careful of what they do.
like moppin the floor, junlong toys on the floor.
and my diets, my movements.
but i somehow misses to be right by babii side.
tml will be the third day that i didnt see him.
misses his smell, misses his voice and his smile.
i couldnt do anithing about it.
cos is my fault.
i would ask myself.
where is babii now?
did he rmb to eat?
is he happi today?
is he tired?
did he miss mi?
how mani question i am thinking but still no courage enough to ask him.
jus waitin for him to come back to myside.
forgiven my fault and wrongs.
this is all i hope for now.
i find myself so useless.
i couldnt let him be happy.
i olways make him angry.
if he forgive mi i promise i won make him angry animore.
i promise babii.
i am sorry.
truely deeply veri sorry.
i reali don need anithing in my life, but you.
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, April 25--7:00:00 AMY
told dad about it ler.
feel better now.
he is quite happi thou.
babii mum stay in contact wit mi to understand situation over myside.
but i noe babii needs time.
i am sorry babii.
reali sorri that i give u too much pressure.
i am heartache not becos on how u treated mi
but is to how u are treatin urself.
but i am not gonna do nth babii.
work hard tgt okies.
i will endure every single thing jus to say i am sorry.
no matter what.
pls come back to mi safe.
a day a msg to let mi noe about ur life.
and take real gd care of urself when i am not by ur side.
i am not gonna change anithing now.
cos all i can do for the sake of u is to wait.
and takkaire of myself and baby.
weather veri hot and warm.
drink more water okie.
eat more and rest more.
need mi, i will jus be at home.
thx for lettin mi noe u are still wit mi.
is my motivation to wait.
babii i am truely sorry. pls forgive mi all rite.
i won do nth de i promise.
u concentrate on ur own thing now.
i understand de.
i am sorry i am harsh to u too.
i am sorry to say i hate u.
i am sorry that i pushes u away.
sorry that i only think for myself.
sorry that i hurt u.
sorry that i didnt understand u.
sorry that i make u suffer.
sorry sorry and sorry.
u noe i lurve u still.
don have to worri that u cant give mi anithing.
i jus need u by myside.
i noe when u can afford u will dote on mi de.
i will be there for u no matter what.
as i tell u.
pls don fall.
but in case u fall i will rush to urself to hold u up.
u are the best thing ever had.
all rite.
jiayou babii.
SOFINA CHIN XUEMIN LURVE POH JUNDE
i guess this will never gonna change.
cos u are my world.
babii promise mi, be safe and happy
xuemin
feel better now.
he is quite happi thou.
babii mum stay in contact wit mi to understand situation over myside.
but i noe babii needs time.
i am sorry babii.
reali sorri that i give u too much pressure.
i am heartache not becos on how u treated mi
but is to how u are treatin urself.
but i am not gonna do nth babii.
work hard tgt okies.
i will endure every single thing jus to say i am sorry.
no matter what.
pls come back to mi safe.
a day a msg to let mi noe about ur life.
and take real gd care of urself when i am not by ur side.
i am not gonna change anithing now.
cos all i can do for the sake of u is to wait.
and takkaire of myself and baby.
weather veri hot and warm.
drink more water okie.
eat more and rest more.
need mi, i will jus be at home.
thx for lettin mi noe u are still wit mi.
is my motivation to wait.
babii i am truely sorry. pls forgive mi all rite.
i won do nth de i promise.
u concentrate on ur own thing now.
i understand de.
i am sorry i am harsh to u too.
i am sorry to say i hate u.
i am sorry that i pushes u away.
sorry that i only think for myself.
sorry that i hurt u.
sorry that i didnt understand u.
sorry that i make u suffer.
sorry sorry and sorry.
u noe i lurve u still.
don have to worri that u cant give mi anithing.
i jus need u by myside.
i noe when u can afford u will dote on mi de.
i will be there for u no matter what.
as i tell u.
pls don fall.
but in case u fall i will rush to urself to hold u up.
u are the best thing ever had.
all rite.
jiayou babii.
SOFINA CHIN XUEMIN LURVE POH JUNDE
i guess this will never gonna change.
cos u are my world.
babii promise mi, be safe and happy
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, April 24--6:17:00 PMY
why everybodi supecting that i am having depression now.
how could i?
haix.
or maybe yes.
haix.
i donnoe.
what to do.
i am sorry.
xuemin
take mi away
--1:24:00 AMY
jus went to his hse to let the elderly noe about their grandson.
they seems okie.
but i told his mum.
i jus wan his name but not him.
i jus wan my baby to have a easy path for his education and so on.
without out certificate my baby cant even have a name.
is not a happi one i admit.
but my happiness is all on my baby lerx.
feel so dissapointed.
close my room door and tears roll down again.
loving him is my fault.
no more i will give him ler.
our marriage is becos of my baby.
xuemin
they seems okie.
but i told his mum.
i jus wan his name but not him.
i jus wan my baby to have a easy path for his education and so on.
without out certificate my baby cant even have a name.
is not a happi one i admit.
but my happiness is all on my baby lerx.
feel so dissapointed.
close my room door and tears roll down again.
loving him is my fault.
no more i will give him ler.
our marriage is becos of my baby.
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, April 23--6:46:00 PMY
hey hey.
everybodi. this is my baby.
i saw the heartbeat.
he is onli 8 cm big.
which is equal to 11.9mm
so small.
when actual scan.
the doctor make it big for mi to see.
he tends to have a sharp nose ya.
the head is onli the size to a pencil sharpener.
and the hands was slowly movin.
i nearly cried.
seein him.
i told myself.
i gotto be more braver for him.
i shouldn starve him for nth.
i jus don feel like eatin this fews days.
didnt even eat my medicine.
i am sorry baby.
the doctor says he is much smaller then expected.
around 2 weeks smaller.
but as long as i eat more.
the baby will be out by the date safety.
should i go to aust?
i think i should give my aunt a call ba.
hao ba. update again=)
xuemin
take mi away
--1:56:00 AMY
tml goin to see doc ler.
veri veri scare of whatever might happen.
not reali feeling gd.
mentalli or physically.
both ways are killing mi.
thought of goin aust to stay wit my aunt
mum doesnt allow.
but i hope this is the best way for everybodi.
although i understand that alone giving birth, alone goin through my prengency path is veri difficult.
but my whole life committed to my lil love now.
i jus gotto go aust and give birth to him and i jus find myself a job and work.
gd idea.
but my baby will never have a daddy animore.
i gotto double my love for him.
no one to blame but myself.
tml i can see my lil babii ler.
i don have to wait till 20th may.
and perhaps.
if i decide to go aust i may not even wait till 20th may then.
my baby will be 3 months old ler.
if i have a choice i don wanna be alone.
i am scare.
i keep on cryin for nth.
jus feel so scare.
but i told myself.
everything gonna be okie.
i mus reali be veri brave this time.
but i am goin crazy soon.
nobodi noes mi.
mum keep askin mi the same thing.
"has him tell his mum"
"we need to tell ur dad before ur stomach gets bigger"
what do u wan mi to reply.
i broke up wit him alreadi.
or he will come back to mi when he is ready to be a daddy.
how long i need to wait.
how long i need to be alone?
how long will u take to come back to mi.
the world is so curel.
which leave mi no paths.
i rather suffer for everybodi and protect them becos i love them.
but who is my guardian angel.
no one teaches mi what should i do.
i am so so tired.
even thinkin of bringin my baby to another peaceful world.
i am reali veri tired this time round.
no one will understand how i feel de.
let mi go pls!
xuemin
veri veri scare of whatever might happen.
not reali feeling gd.
mentalli or physically.
both ways are killing mi.
thought of goin aust to stay wit my aunt
mum doesnt allow.
but i hope this is the best way for everybodi.
although i understand that alone giving birth, alone goin through my prengency path is veri difficult.
but my whole life committed to my lil love now.
i jus gotto go aust and give birth to him and i jus find myself a job and work.
gd idea.
but my baby will never have a daddy animore.
i gotto double my love for him.
no one to blame but myself.
tml i can see my lil babii ler.
i don have to wait till 20th may.
and perhaps.
if i decide to go aust i may not even wait till 20th may then.
my baby will be 3 months old ler.
if i have a choice i don wanna be alone.
i am scare.
i keep on cryin for nth.
jus feel so scare.
but i told myself.
everything gonna be okie.
i mus reali be veri brave this time.
but i am goin crazy soon.
nobodi noes mi.
mum keep askin mi the same thing.
"has him tell his mum"
"we need to tell ur dad before ur stomach gets bigger"
what do u wan mi to reply.
i broke up wit him alreadi.
or he will come back to mi when he is ready to be a daddy.
how long i need to wait.
how long i need to be alone?
how long will u take to come back to mi.
the world is so curel.
which leave mi no paths.
i rather suffer for everybodi and protect them becos i love them.
but who is my guardian angel.
no one teaches mi what should i do.
i am so so tired.
even thinkin of bringin my baby to another peaceful world.
i am reali veri tired this time round.
no one will understand how i feel de.
let mi go pls!
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, April 22--12:38:00 PMY
jus woke up and finish a roti prata.
but ystd wasnt a gd nite for mi.
i was havin nitemares which i cant rmb.
and donnoe why.
jus don feel well.
stomach pain.
jus told mum and aunt about it.
and aunt ask mum to bring mi to see a doc before my appointment.
becos ystd i nearly fainted outside junlong skool.
then aunt says.
it shows how weak my body is.
to protect mi and the baby.
i mus go see.
hope is nth big.
but rest is all i can do now.
aunt and mum ask mi not to go out alone from now.
and try not go out too.
everything gonna be fine my baby.
and jus counted, baby is about 2 months old now.
then aunt says. 2 months.
i can even see the baby hands now.
i am waiting for my appointment date.
aunt jus told mi to drink more milk.
not to drink so much coke or soft drinks from now.
eat regularly.
so much things to rmb.
medicine never will stop coming.
but i will learn to be more careful de ba.
cos aunt say i shouldnt climb up the chairs or big movements are not allow.
cos i got a weak body.
okie la.
update again=)
xuemin
but ystd wasnt a gd nite for mi.
i was havin nitemares which i cant rmb.
and donnoe why.
jus don feel well.
stomach pain.
jus told mum and aunt about it.
and aunt ask mum to bring mi to see a doc before my appointment.
becos ystd i nearly fainted outside junlong skool.
then aunt says.
it shows how weak my body is.
to protect mi and the baby.
i mus go see.
hope is nth big.
but rest is all i can do now.
aunt and mum ask mi not to go out alone from now.
and try not go out too.
everything gonna be fine my baby.
and jus counted, baby is about 2 months old now.
then aunt says. 2 months.
i can even see the baby hands now.
i am waiting for my appointment date.
aunt jus told mi to drink more milk.
not to drink so much coke or soft drinks from now.
eat regularly.
so much things to rmb.
medicine never will stop coming.
but i will learn to be more careful de ba.
cos aunt say i shouldnt climb up the chairs or big movements are not allow.
cos i got a weak body.
okie la.
update again=)
xuemin
take mi away
--1:05:00 AMY
let u have some time wit mi today.
hug u for the last time.
show u the norti mi for the last time.
makin u smile for the last time.
smell u for my last time.
dote u for my last time.
playin a fool wit u for my last time.
is onli a few hrs.
but seein u close my room door.
i cried.
but i promise u.
i will be veri brave from now on.
this song is for u.
i don need ani other ppl to complete my life now.
i have the big present u gave mi to accompany mi for my whole life.
i promise i won disturb u.
i promise u will never hear from mi.
i have alot to tell u.
but i will keep it wit mi till u are ready to be wit mi again.
i won say i will wait.
but i will never leave u.
jus takkaire.
be happi.
xuemin
take mi away
Monday, April 20--12:43:00 AMY
since my last post.
i cry twice infront of babii.
the first time happen last monday or tuesday.
i teddy bear hug him.
ask him don leave mi alone.
i told him i feel scare and unhappi.
and he did not leave mi for this few days.
but is till ystd was the sec time i broke down.
he wanna hug mi and i cry askin him to leave mi alone.
then didnt talk to him till today afternoon
i was thinkin to myself.
is babii someone that i could seriously spend the rest of my life wit him.
thinkin of the time he playin lans wit his frenx.
thinkin of how happi he is when gets to play his games.
thinkin of how he look when he is slpin.
how free he look without a streeful job.
how he tell mi he needs his own time wit his frenx.
how he spend his whole day at home.
or even how much he wana be so free.
he never willingly touch my stomach to talk and feel the lil baby in mi.
he never wanna mi to mention anithin about the baby.
he don wanna read my blog to see how much i wrote about the baby.
he neber wanna have anithin to do wit the baby.
he told mi he love the baby.
he told mi how much he don wanna kill the baby.
he tell mi he jus wanna see mi happi.
but to mi u are my world the lil baby is my new love.
everybodi except him asked mi to keep the babii.
everybodi waitin to see my lil baby.
even ivy called mi herself tellin mi babii is wit mi forever.
but onli u.
u told mi that we cant afford.
we can have lots of babies in future.
u promise mi that how much babies i wanna have u will allow mi.
but abortion is veri dangerous not onli to the babii but mi too.
i may not have babies in future.
i may suffer depression.
alot of thing that effect mi alot.
i am not scare.
but i jus scare to lose the baby.
is a fate for mi to have it in this age.
the baby is so innocent.
that i am sorri to him.
he jus like his father to be around.
when his father is around he will finish up whatever thing that is inside the plate.
when his father is around he will make mi slp early and wake up lates.
when his father is around jus feel so safe
my lil baby is like askin mi.
"why daddy doesnt seems to love mi"
how will i be able to answer him.
but i made a veri hard decision.
i wanna babii to leave mi.
and i will have the lil baby all by myself.
i know babii like what he have now.
i noe babii don wanna be so stress becos of this thing.
i let him go.
but i told him.
my baby in mi needs mi to let him grow up.
so no matter what.
i may be poor, i may be alone.
i may be veri tired.
but i noe when i get to see my lil baby smile i will feel alot better.
he will be my greatest motivation.
is not that i don love u and then i wanna to leave u.
is jus that i love u too much for u to give up ur own life for mi.
i don wanna force u.
never will i wanna be ur burden.
u noe and u understand how much u are love by min babii.
but i hope u make a veri wise choice for urself.
i still wanna let u go no matter what.
but wait till u calm down and think.
maybe u will jus let mi and this 4 months relationship go.
i still wanna tell u.
i love u.
xuemin
i cry twice infront of babii.
the first time happen last monday or tuesday.
i teddy bear hug him.
ask him don leave mi alone.
i told him i feel scare and unhappi.
and he did not leave mi for this few days.
but is till ystd was the sec time i broke down.
he wanna hug mi and i cry askin him to leave mi alone.
then didnt talk to him till today afternoon
i was thinkin to myself.
is babii someone that i could seriously spend the rest of my life wit him.
thinkin of the time he playin lans wit his frenx.
thinkin of how happi he is when gets to play his games.
thinkin of how he look when he is slpin.
how free he look without a streeful job.
how he tell mi he needs his own time wit his frenx.
how he spend his whole day at home.
or even how much he wana be so free.
he never willingly touch my stomach to talk and feel the lil baby in mi.
he never wanna mi to mention anithin about the baby.
he don wanna read my blog to see how much i wrote about the baby.
he neber wanna have anithin to do wit the baby.
he told mi he love the baby.
he told mi how much he don wanna kill the baby.
he tell mi he jus wanna see mi happi.
but to mi u are my world the lil baby is my new love.
everybodi except him asked mi to keep the babii.
everybodi waitin to see my lil baby.
even ivy called mi herself tellin mi babii is wit mi forever.
but onli u.
u told mi that we cant afford.
we can have lots of babies in future.
u promise mi that how much babies i wanna have u will allow mi.
but abortion is veri dangerous not onli to the babii but mi too.
i may not have babies in future.
i may suffer depression.
alot of thing that effect mi alot.
i am not scare.
but i jus scare to lose the baby.
is a fate for mi to have it in this age.
the baby is so innocent.
that i am sorri to him.
he jus like his father to be around.
when his father is around he will finish up whatever thing that is inside the plate.
when his father is around he will make mi slp early and wake up lates.
when his father is around jus feel so safe
my lil baby is like askin mi.
"why daddy doesnt seems to love mi"
how will i be able to answer him.
but i made a veri hard decision.
i wanna babii to leave mi.
and i will have the lil baby all by myself.
i know babii like what he have now.
i noe babii don wanna be so stress becos of this thing.
i let him go.
but i told him.
my baby in mi needs mi to let him grow up.
so no matter what.
i may be poor, i may be alone.
i may be veri tired.
but i noe when i get to see my lil baby smile i will feel alot better.
he will be my greatest motivation.
is not that i don love u and then i wanna to leave u.
is jus that i love u too much for u to give up ur own life for mi.
i don wanna force u.
never will i wanna be ur burden.
u noe and u understand how much u are love by min babii.
but i hope u make a veri wise choice for urself.
i still wanna let u go no matter what.
but wait till u calm down and think.
maybe u will jus let mi and this 4 months relationship go.
i still wanna tell u.
i love u.
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, April 12--6:42:00 PMY
ystd after a big breakdown.
which make mi calm down much more.
what i need now is money to bring up my lil precious.
but if babii didnt manage to get a job (not worrin about myself, cos i have job offers)
and we got no savin
then my lil precious, mummi say sorri to u.
but now for what i hope.
babii can get a job.
and we start savin.
may be better if i win a 4D
hahax.
am i dreamin.
mi and babii finally solve it in a right way
i jus need him to talk nicely wit mi (u noe i olways listen)
i will understand de my dear.
serene (my long lost frenx)
suddenly chatted wit mi ystd=)
she say she saw what i have written in my blog.
but was happi chattin wit her.
she was tellin mi that she is happi for mi.
she say she noes how much i wanted to keep the babii.
she say no matter what babii never leave mi.
rite!
babii never leave mi unless i don wan it.
nobodi love this lil thing more then i.
and nobodi love mi like the lil thing does.
is amazing.
it is in mi.
happi or angry or even when he is slpin.
i knew it.
and let everybodi noes.
my lil babii is jus like my big babii.
so choosy about the food.
if the food wasnt gd to his expectation.
i wil jus eat onli 3 spoonful and the rest wasted.
and hungry again which i need to order another food to satisfy the lil babii.
hahax.
jus like his daddy.
love to slp (which makes mi feel slpy)
i reali hope to have it by myself.
see it goin to school.
see it smile, cry and be angry and norti.
no matter what.
i lurve u two babiis.
xuemin
which make mi calm down much more.
what i need now is money to bring up my lil precious.
but if babii didnt manage to get a job (not worrin about myself, cos i have job offers)
and we got no savin
then my lil precious, mummi say sorri to u.
but now for what i hope.
babii can get a job.
and we start savin.
may be better if i win a 4D
hahax.
am i dreamin.
mi and babii finally solve it in a right way
i jus need him to talk nicely wit mi (u noe i olways listen)
i will understand de my dear.
serene (my long lost frenx)
suddenly chatted wit mi ystd=)
she say she saw what i have written in my blog.
but was happi chattin wit her.
she was tellin mi that she is happi for mi.
she say she noes how much i wanted to keep the babii.
she say no matter what babii never leave mi.
rite!
babii never leave mi unless i don wan it.
nobodi love this lil thing more then i.
and nobodi love mi like the lil thing does.
is amazing.
it is in mi.
happi or angry or even when he is slpin.
i knew it.
and let everybodi noes.
my lil babii is jus like my big babii.
so choosy about the food.
if the food wasnt gd to his expectation.
i wil jus eat onli 3 spoonful and the rest wasted.
and hungry again which i need to order another food to satisfy the lil babii.
hahax.
jus like his daddy.
love to slp (which makes mi feel slpy)
i reali hope to have it by myself.
see it goin to school.
see it smile, cry and be angry and norti.
no matter what.
i lurve u two babiis.
xuemin
take mi away
Saturday, April 11--9:39:00 AMY
i couldnt slp for the whole nite.
havin nitemares about everybodi askin mi to keep the babii.
but babii tell mi is stressin him.
i don wanna stress him.
everybodi is stressin mi too.
my lil babii today veri gd.
he/she didnt say it was hungry.
he/she didnt give mi mornin sickness today.
but at nite hurts mi alil
i am sorri babii.
reali sorri.
i want to see u to this world.
but i don wanna hurt u.
i love u.
mummi love u.
this few days u inside mi.
jus for u i wanna forget everything.
but sorri.
i don have a say now.
but becos of u i have already done thing to repay u ler.
i cant face ur daddy now.
i hate him.
but my heart hurts alot.
is like i jus wanna stop my own life now.
jus to meet u somewhere in another world.
nobodi is here wit mi.
nobodi.
i had a quarrel wit mum.
cos i told her i wanna abortion.
and i ran into my room.
cryin.
what can i do now.
i don wanna lose my babii too.
i hope no matter what u will still be wit mi.
but for now i cant even be brave.
stopped cryin but tears still rollin down.
i wanna keep slpin till i see u in my dreams lil babii.
i cant have u in reality then i jus keep slpin till i cant.
i am selfish for u. all for u
u love mi too rite?
i am sorri, reali reali truely sorri.
xuemin
havin nitemares about everybodi askin mi to keep the babii.
but babii tell mi is stressin him.
i don wanna stress him.
everybodi is stressin mi too.
my lil babii today veri gd.
he/she didnt say it was hungry.
he/she didnt give mi mornin sickness today.
but at nite hurts mi alil
i am sorri babii.
reali sorri.
i want to see u to this world.
but i don wanna hurt u.
i love u.
mummi love u.
this few days u inside mi.
jus for u i wanna forget everything.
but sorri.
i don have a say now.
but becos of u i have already done thing to repay u ler.
i cant face ur daddy now.
i hate him.
but my heart hurts alot.
is like i jus wanna stop my own life now.
jus to meet u somewhere in another world.
nobodi is here wit mi.
nobodi.
i had a quarrel wit mum.
cos i told her i wanna abortion.
and i ran into my room.
cryin.
what can i do now.
i don wanna lose my babii too.
i hope no matter what u will still be wit mi.
but for now i cant even be brave.
stopped cryin but tears still rollin down.
i wanna keep slpin till i see u in my dreams lil babii.
i cant have u in reality then i jus keep slpin till i cant.
i am selfish for u. all for u
u love mi too rite?
i am sorri, reali reali truely sorri.
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, April 10--1:21:00 PMY
the doctor has double confirm ler.
i gonna keep it.
but babii is not happi.
he feel stress, feel that we reali not ready to be a parents yet.
but mum support my decision.
haix.
babii i lurve u=)
xuemin
i gonna keep it.
but babii is not happi.
he feel stress, feel that we reali not ready to be a parents yet.
but mum support my decision.
haix.
babii i lurve u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, April 9--1:41:00 AMY
haix.
i jus cant slp now.
tml mornin gotto go see doc.
quite worri
babii wasnt reali happi.
cos for us is not the time yet to be a parents.
i am not ready either.
i have my dreams, my studies, and my own work.
but i have lost it once. not twice ler.
if babii reali don wan it. i may lose one of them striaght away.
what can i do now.
tell mi what can i do.
i love u more then anithing i have.
but what about the lil thing.
that is about mi and u.
to what i noe.
i may have confirm that i have ler.
but doctor is onli a double confirm.
babii.
tell mi what can i do.
is best for us.
for u this time i cant do anithing.
cos both are like my own flesh.
u are young.
need ur freedom.
need ur own time.
so as i.
but i don wanna be a murderer again.
even i may to be alone to bring it up.
i will.
jus a lil confuse.
but frankly speakin.
i don wanna be alone babii.
but maybe from tml onwards.
we won be the same animore.
if i reali have it.
i will let u do ur choice.
i am not gonna force u this time.
u are gonna do the choice for mi.
u noe what i mean.
u noe de.
lets not contact till mornin when i let u noe.
perhaps this is a better way for mi to make a decision.
if i am not gonna call u or contact u tml.
u noe what i means.
don come to look for mi ler.
i am not gonna let u find mi.
but seriously, i am goin to be okie.
and if that is the case.
babii.
take real gd care to urself.
be happi cos this is what i can give u.
and rmb that i love u.
maybe we will jus lets thing cool down then i will contact u ler.
okie babii.
this few days.
u too not realli feeling well.
jus drink more water.
lead ur own life.
muackx.
xuemin
take mi away
Tuesday, April 7--1:37:00 AMY
take mi away
--12:55:00 AMY
take mi away
