Saturday, May 30--6:53:00 PMY
i am so tired! baby jayken didnt let mi slp at nite.
aroind nearly 8.30am then i manage to doze off. till 11 plus. here come his pattern again.
he is so active! omg!
drank med again!cant help but tears rolled again.
onli 11 days left.
my baby last 11 days.
what i wanna do right now is to lock myself up.
acc my baby.
let him listen to those baby songs.
let him kick mi.
allow him to punish mi.
talk to him.
love him.
spend all 11 days wit him.
baby is norti. but he still love mi.
we are olways tgt.
3 month ago till now.
is a surprise but after everything.
mummy don blame u.
is ur mummy and daddy fault.
maybe ur daddy don wan u. but i believe he too wanna see u.
go meet him once.
let him see u and let him play wit u.
although after he wakes up he might forget.
but at least u see him too right baby.
aroind nearly 8.30am then i manage to doze off. till 11 plus. here come his pattern again.
he is so active! omg!
drank med again!cant help but tears rolled again.
onli 11 days left.
my baby last 11 days.
what i wanna do right now is to lock myself up.
acc my baby.
let him listen to those baby songs.
let him kick mi.
allow him to punish mi.
talk to him.
love him.
spend all 11 days wit him.
baby is norti. but he still love mi.
we are olways tgt.
3 month ago till now.
is a surprise but after everything.
mummy don blame u.
is ur mummy and daddy fault.
maybe ur daddy don wan u. but i believe he too wanna see u.
go meet him once.
let him see u and let him play wit u.
although after he wakes up he might forget.
but at least u see him too right baby.
mummy is too selfish.
but all i wan is to protect u from being hurt.
i never in my life thought that this could happen to mi.
ppl can say mummy is not a gd mum. but baby jayken, u should noe.
mummy did alot of thing for u.
i don need other ppl to noe. but u.
i am onli 18 yrs old. but havin u wit mi will be the best time i ever had.
i don have a gd childhood.
but i do hope that my own children will have a gd and unforgettable childhood.
that is u baobeii.
i am sorry. i didnt even give u the chance.
without u mummy won be happi either.
mummy promise u i won forget u.
my baby jayken so cute.
i love huggin u.
i love to see ur smile.
i love to see u.
u are cute cos ur daddy reali is cute when he is a baby.
mummy wasnt that bad either.
jus needa rmb.
daddy mummy reali wans to let u have the best that we can give.
what do u wan from mummy?
do u wan mummy to allow daddy to see u?
jus one word from u.
mummy promise i listen.
tell mi how much u wanna see ur daddy.
mummy promise u. i will allow.
mummy cryin again.
becos of u again.
baby sorry. mummy owe u too much.
if u wan mummy to be wit u. jus let mi noe.
i will give up on my life for ur sake.
mummy wans to be wit u.
mummy wans u.
i don wan the best doc in singpore to operate for mi.
i don wan suffer here alone without u.
mummy don wanna live without u.
i wan u to be in mi.
kickin mi.
i wan to feel ur lil heart beat every nite before i slp in the dark room alone.
i jus wan to feel u are there wit mi.
i put u to bed every nite.
give u a kiss and greet u gd nite.
wans to wake up everyday sayin gd mornin to u baby and feed u wit the breakfast i made jus for u.
bring u to skool. bath for u. see u grow.
mummy hope to be there for u.
i reali hope for that.
why cant i?
mummy is tired.
xuemin
take mi away
Friday, May 29--7:15:00 PMY
hmmm.
donnoe why!
baby jayken so active.
makin mi feel so unwell the whole day.
i haben eat medicine yet.
abit weak la.
ppl say i look pale and thinner.
but i did work hard takin care of myself.
derrick web cam wit mi jus now.
he saw my pimples!
laugh and laugh and laugh!
so funni mehx!
humpx.
hahax.
derrick, i miss ya too.
comin back on sunday rite?
i make sure i will give u a big hug!
but bring mi a big present first.
hahax. if not no hughug. lolx.
sam gonna be veri jealous!
maybe goin sam hse tonite then tml goin sentosa.
gonna have lots of fun!
but hopefully i won get myself tanned!
i am gonna apply lots of sun block!
actualli donnoe what will i become after 11 june.
xuemin will never gonna be the same nice garlx animore.
i noe everybodi still hope for a better mi.
but i noe i won ler.
not gonna be a silly women to trys hard jus to be a fool and a toy to a guy.
not gonna be a nice lady who can accept guys fauth.
not gonna believe in guys words.
not gonna be a cheerful garlx that take everything so lightly till she is being hurt.
not gonna love and dote anione.
not gonna be the one who say sorry easily.
i noe is scary.
but gotto accept that i will never gonna be a fool animore.
onli to my frenx. my family.
i will be gd.
don ever let mi see that bastard again.
i might give him a slap.
i might jus kick his private part and walk away.
or i might jus pour a cup of water over him.
i donnoe.
i hate him.
my baby jayken will never be urs!
u are not even allow to come to his funeral!
not even allow to noe where i were to bury him.
u don deserve to see him.
don even deserve to apologise to him.
baby jayken is mine.
he will be mine forever.
nobodi gonna take him away from mi.
i saw baby again.
we share secret and i promise him i will do it jus for him.
mummy will prove to the whole world that mummy love u alot.
he told mi he like a guy around mi=)
he hope we could be tgt.
but baby jayken.
mummy is not gonna let that happen that fast.
but jus don lose ur way back to mi.
promise mi okie.
we hooked our fingers ler.
i am veri scare to be alone without u.
i donnoe what to do when u are not around.
mummy apologise to u.
i owe u lots!
baby jayken i am sorri.
reali sorry.
u love mi too rite.
then wish mi gd luck to see him fall.
okie.
i have sam daddy and derrick daddy wit mi.
baby don worry about mummy okie.
mummy will do a gd job to make u proud that u belong to mi.
although u look reali alike wit ur daddy.
but mummy will never allow him to take u away from mi.
i will never gonna allow him to disturb or come near u.
he don deserve havin u.
thou i noe i don deserve havin u too.
but at least u noe i love u.
for ur sake.
i drink the herbs medicine.
although bitter, although i neber take medicine.
but i still manage to drink up alone.
sometime even though is tough.
i will jus wipe my tears away jus to endure everything.
jus becos of u mummy learn to become a mummy.
although is tough.
i tried my best lerx.
alone lonely and scare.
mummy manage too overcome.
after everything.
i will do a makeover of myself again.
a new mi to start my new life.
i swear i will make all those bastard who still survive in this world to fall.
i will show it to them what a garlx can do a guy could never be able to do.
give mi 4 yrs to be back standin upright infront of everybodi differently.
jus a 4 yrs i am goin to be successful.
build up my own dreams.
jus wait and see.
i won forget all my frenx.
they are the ones who is wit mi when i needed them the most.
but not jayda.
she dissapoint mi alot thou.
if this is what u called gd frenx.
then i am sorry to say i don need u as much as u need mi.
think about it.
thoughout this few yrs.
the one who is wit u is ur bf or ur new frenx or mi.
but when i needed u.
where are u.
it hurts to say.
i give up ler babe.
i reali give up ler.
i am gonna put u out of my heart like how i put that bastard out and i promise i never gonna be there for u animore ler.
the worst part is u don even feel sorry at all.
never mind ba.
thank to u all i learn too.
goin out for billard later.
sorry sam darling.
donnoe goin ur hse anot.
but if u don mind can pick mi up when i finish playin and i stay at ur hse lorx.
i noe u miss mi.
hahax. lolx.
i so thick skin.
omg.!!!
hahax. nahx.
i jus feel safe when u are by my side.
i got no worries
and jus feel so protected by u.
i am sorry.
i cant give u what u gave mi.
give mi more time.
to find my way back to u.
but of course.
u deserve better!
aniway. jus to let u my sam darling noe that.
i have jus agree to our derrick darling for a romantic dinner when he is back.
hahax.
aniway i find it quite tupid when i am on the phone wit u but bloggin to let u noe.
hahax.
hao ba.
tagg mi!!!!
hahax.
baby jaken haben eat till now.
but is time i feed myself ler.
hungry!
blog when i am free.
i love you=)
xuemin
take mi away
--2:37:00 AMY
babii jayken this few days not feelin well.
donnoe why.haix.
makin mi reali terrible olso.
cant eat much recently.
baby jayken love to play a fool on mi. hahax.
recently back achin and my tights seems veri achin too.
sam was tellin mi this afternoon that he will be a gd "hubby" to massage for mi.
lol, my dear.
i didnt promote u horx! hahax.
i am suppose to meet ah teh!
but he was slightly delayed cos he is at his frenx hse.
so i went out till now jus reach home.
veri tired. but my lil baby still active.
hahax.
baby jayken! mummy is tired.
talked to him=)
today went out to see some baby clothes. hahax. was damn cute.
but my baby don seems to be able to wear ler ba.
baby jayken.
mummy love u.
come to mi tonite again.
i wanna hug u to slp again like the past few nites.
pls don lose ur way to mummy.
i still hope i can see u
u are fated to be my baby.
but i reali hope u won blame mi.
i am sorry.
is not that i don love u.
if i could bring u out i promise i will do anithing for u.
give u double love as i can.
give u the best of everything.
even without a proper family.
mummy willing to have u.
but sorry lil jayken.
i am so envy when i see family outside.
i still wish for the best.
haix.
aniway.
pls don come tell mi that i am cute.
can i noe u all this stuff.
and wans to date mi out all this nonesence.
i am single but not available.
i won go out wit ppl i don noe.
alot of thing to do before 11 june.
but not datin wit guys i don even talk to okie.
my heart is lock by my baby jayken.
i am sure he will pick a wise choice for mi.
okie la.
goin rest lerx.
baby jayken finally stop his dance ler.
hahax.
blog tml.
nite.
i love u=)
xuemin
donnoe why.haix.
makin mi reali terrible olso.
cant eat much recently.
baby jayken love to play a fool on mi. hahax.
recently back achin and my tights seems veri achin too.
sam was tellin mi this afternoon that he will be a gd "hubby" to massage for mi.
lol, my dear.
i didnt promote u horx! hahax.
i am suppose to meet ah teh!
but he was slightly delayed cos he is at his frenx hse.
so i went out till now jus reach home.
veri tired. but my lil baby still active.
hahax.
baby jayken! mummy is tired.
talked to him=)
today went out to see some baby clothes. hahax. was damn cute.
but my baby don seems to be able to wear ler ba.
baby jayken.
mummy love u.
come to mi tonite again.
i wanna hug u to slp again like the past few nites.
pls don lose ur way to mummy.
i still hope i can see u
u are fated to be my baby.
but i reali hope u won blame mi.
i am sorry.
is not that i don love u.
if i could bring u out i promise i will do anithing for u.
give u double love as i can.
give u the best of everything.
even without a proper family.
mummy willing to have u.
but sorry lil jayken.
i am so envy when i see family outside.
i still wish for the best.
haix.
aniway.
pls don come tell mi that i am cute.
can i noe u all this stuff.
and wans to date mi out all this nonesence.
i am single but not available.
i won go out wit ppl i don noe.
alot of thing to do before 11 june.
but not datin wit guys i don even talk to okie.
my heart is lock by my baby jayken.
i am sure he will pick a wise choice for mi.
okie la.
goin rest lerx.
baby jayken finally stop his dance ler.
hahax.
blog tml.
nite.
i love u=)
xuemin
take mi away
Tuesday, May 26--1:01:00 AMY
was quarrelin wit my mum.
nobodi understand.
if i were to married the bastard.
i rather i die!
he wasnt gonna be the one who will change my mood animore.
onli my baby is allow!
but everybodi been seein a happi mi.
i jus hope all the elderly can leave mi alone!
haix.
why they cant talk to their son instead of mi!
haix.
i jus wanna be alone leadin my life.
i noe is immature!
i noe.
but if this continues
i donnoe what will happen to mi.
everything stressin mi.
if i am gonna find sam.
i am gonna cry again.
actin reali strong infront of everybodi now.
but i jus wanna being hug and ppl say is okie.
everything gonna be over soon.
i am so tired.
no place is safe and comfortable now.
baby this few days not feelin well too.
apptite not reali gd again.
but still manage to eat bitbit.
i jus noe i might fall anitime.
i am hangin on for baby jayken sake.
veri tough!
nobodi teaches mi what to do.
but i will continue to be brave and strong.
xuemin
nobodi understand.
if i were to married the bastard.
i rather i die!
he wasnt gonna be the one who will change my mood animore.
onli my baby is allow!
but everybodi been seein a happi mi.
i jus hope all the elderly can leave mi alone!
haix.
why they cant talk to their son instead of mi!
haix.
i jus wanna be alone leadin my life.
i noe is immature!
i noe.
but if this continues
i donnoe what will happen to mi.
everything stressin mi.
if i am gonna find sam.
i am gonna cry again.
actin reali strong infront of everybodi now.
but i jus wanna being hug and ppl say is okie.
everything gonna be over soon.
i am so tired.
no place is safe and comfortable now.
baby this few days not feelin well too.
apptite not reali gd again.
but still manage to eat bitbit.
i jus noe i might fall anitime.
i am hangin on for baby jayken sake.
veri tough!
nobodi teaches mi what to do.
but i will continue to be brave and strong.
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, May 24--1:16:00 AMY
okie. this two days manage to have my own time to cool down.
i noe is immature for mi to run away from everything.
but i jus need this.
dreamt about my baby jayken last two days.
he played wit mi
he smile to mi and he hug mi.
which leave mi cryin awake for 3 hrs plus.
is so real. he came to find mi.
the moment i hug him i noe he wans to be wit mi.
the moment he smile to mi is like he is tryin to say
"mummy do what u wan, i won blame u, jia you"
i cried so hard.
nobodi could understand how much i wanna bring him out.
but i won married his daddy.
this 2 days.
thought about it ler.
june 11th 2009(appointment booked)
for abortion.
i noe i needa carry on my life.
so i will be brave jus becos of my baby jayken.
i swear i will live to see him fall.
but of course.
i will never give up on relationship becos of him.
cos he is a bastard doesnt mean i cant trust every guys.
but i needa maybe 3 or 4 yrs to heal.
but i believe.
guys who reali love mi they will wait.
recently for nth.
i started to have "1 husband" "3 bfs" and "2 darlinks"
and is amazing.
is olways like this.
but i olways met better guys after a relationship ends.
took out the necklack that suffocated mi for months.
burn the tupid red book which a silly garlx did for 1st month present.
CHEN XUEMIN is ready to move on=)
sam wanna bring mi out for holiday after my abortion.
but i already have 2 dates ler.
1st is with my "husband" alone.
2nd is to go wit mi "husband" "3 bfs" and frenx.
3rd guess will be wit my darlinks!
hahax.
how long will i need.
i donnoe.
but i wanna go aust wit sam.
which he promise mi a 3 months stay over there.
he promise he will be wit mi and never leave mi.
i wanna go europ wit derrick which he promise mi a 4 months stay.
and both of them promise mi a japan trip which i wanted to stay there for as long as i can.
but before i leave for all this trip.
i of course will organise a chalet.
i promise everybodi that they are allow to send mi off.
cos is a gd start to my new life.
but they all gonna miss mi alot ler.
hahax.
i maybe bagpackin and roaming around this world for a few yrs.
but i promise i will be back.
a prettier mi and a better mi.
becos i am xuemin=)
hahax.
mummy did tell mi if i wanna bring some frenx to japan.
she will pay for their trip olso.
but nahx.
i jus wanna be alone to start my own journey.
i will leave singapore at around 2 months time.
to tioman again, and another island.
and once i am back again i wil jus leave for trips ler.
but will be comin back on aug for daddy birthday party.
i promise daddy i will be his prettiest princess that nite wit my prince.
oppss.
nahx.
is sam la.i will be comin back wit him for 3 days ba.
so my frenx can meet mi on the 3 days.
but i am sorry for my own dad bday. mum and sis.
i won be coming back to celebrate wit u all.
but even my frenx whose bday is comin.
i will prepare present and to be sent back to u all de.
baby jayken wanna slp now lerx.
nites=)
xuemin
i noe is immature for mi to run away from everything.
but i jus need this.
dreamt about my baby jayken last two days.
he played wit mi
he smile to mi and he hug mi.
which leave mi cryin awake for 3 hrs plus.
is so real. he came to find mi.
the moment i hug him i noe he wans to be wit mi.
the moment he smile to mi is like he is tryin to say
"mummy do what u wan, i won blame u, jia you"
i cried so hard.
nobodi could understand how much i wanna bring him out.
but i won married his daddy.
this 2 days.
thought about it ler.
june 11th 2009(appointment booked)
for abortion.
i noe i needa carry on my life.
so i will be brave jus becos of my baby jayken.
i swear i will live to see him fall.
but of course.
i will never give up on relationship becos of him.
cos he is a bastard doesnt mean i cant trust every guys.
but i needa maybe 3 or 4 yrs to heal.
but i believe.
guys who reali love mi they will wait.
recently for nth.
i started to have "1 husband" "3 bfs" and "2 darlinks"
and is amazing.
is olways like this.
but i olways met better guys after a relationship ends.
took out the necklack that suffocated mi for months.
burn the tupid red book which a silly garlx did for 1st month present.
CHEN XUEMIN is ready to move on=)
sam wanna bring mi out for holiday after my abortion.
but i already have 2 dates ler.
1st is with my "husband" alone.
2nd is to go wit mi "husband" "3 bfs" and frenx.
3rd guess will be wit my darlinks!
hahax.
how long will i need.
i donnoe.
but i wanna go aust wit sam.
which he promise mi a 3 months stay over there.
he promise he will be wit mi and never leave mi.
i wanna go europ wit derrick which he promise mi a 4 months stay.
and both of them promise mi a japan trip which i wanted to stay there for as long as i can.
but before i leave for all this trip.
i of course will organise a chalet.
i promise everybodi that they are allow to send mi off.
cos is a gd start to my new life.
but they all gonna miss mi alot ler.
hahax.
i maybe bagpackin and roaming around this world for a few yrs.
but i promise i will be back.
a prettier mi and a better mi.
becos i am xuemin=)
hahax.
mummy did tell mi if i wanna bring some frenx to japan.
she will pay for their trip olso.
but nahx.
i jus wanna be alone to start my own journey.
i will leave singapore at around 2 months time.
to tioman again, and another island.
and once i am back again i wil jus leave for trips ler.
but will be comin back on aug for daddy birthday party.
i promise daddy i will be his prettiest princess that nite wit my prince.
oppss.
nahx.
is sam la.i will be comin back wit him for 3 days ba.
so my frenx can meet mi on the 3 days.
but i am sorry for my own dad bday. mum and sis.
i won be coming back to celebrate wit u all.
but even my frenx whose bday is comin.
i will prepare present and to be sent back to u all de.
baby jayken wanna slp now lerx.
nites=)
xuemin
take mi away
Thursday, May 21--8:29:00 PMY
starin into my baby jayken photo.
cried again
can anibodi tell mi what to do?
i hope i reali can see him out.
i promise i won complain pregnancy tough.
i swear i will love him.
i swear i am willing to give up everything.
i swear , i swear , i swear
i am veri lost now.
my lil jayken mummy love u alot.
bring mi to somewhere else where i could meet baby jayken.
i swear i am willing to give up my life.
my heart hurts.
why do i have to go through all this alone.
i jus need u by myside.
ystd nite went to meet sam and derrick.
sam saw mi and hug mi.
i cried. he say he is so heartache to see mi like this.
he say if i reali wan the baby jayken.
he say he will be a gd daddy.
give baby jayken the best he can.
all he wans is mi to be happi.
he wan mi to marry him.
but that is not what i wanted.
is unfair for u my dear.
u can have mi but u cant have my heart.
maybe yes.
i will fall for u again.
but u now how hard to live wit someone that don even have the right to talk about relationship.
today woke up veri early.
was so tired.
but 12 plus this afternoon.
someone called mi and ask mi to go down my hse.
he handed mi 2 donuts and a bottle of herbs tea.
isnt it sweet.
the thoughtful guy surprise mi alot.
i seriously never thought that my life would be like this.
i am single now and i am a mother!
june 11 2009.
what is gonna happen to mi?
everybodi scare that they may not be able to see mi again.
and if they might, will i have depression?
i reali reali donnoe.
alot of ppl offerin to send mi to hospital again.
sam wanted to camp in my hse.
or rather he wanna mi to stay in wit him ler.
i donnoe!
pls don force mi lerx.
leave mi alone okie.
xuemin
cried again
can anibodi tell mi what to do?
i hope i reali can see him out.
i promise i won complain pregnancy tough.
i swear i will love him.
i swear i am willing to give up everything.
i swear , i swear , i swear
i am veri lost now.
my lil jayken mummy love u alot.
bring mi to somewhere else where i could meet baby jayken.
i swear i am willing to give up my life.
my heart hurts.
why do i have to go through all this alone.
i jus need u by myside.
ystd nite went to meet sam and derrick.
sam saw mi and hug mi.
i cried. he say he is so heartache to see mi like this.
he say if i reali wan the baby jayken.
he say he will be a gd daddy.
give baby jayken the best he can.
all he wans is mi to be happi.
he wan mi to marry him.
but that is not what i wanted.
is unfair for u my dear.
u can have mi but u cant have my heart.
maybe yes.
i will fall for u again.
but u now how hard to live wit someone that don even have the right to talk about relationship.
today woke up veri early.
was so tired.
but 12 plus this afternoon.
someone called mi and ask mi to go down my hse.
he handed mi 2 donuts and a bottle of herbs tea.
isnt it sweet.
the thoughtful guy surprise mi alot.
i seriously never thought that my life would be like this.
i am single now and i am a mother!
june 11 2009.
what is gonna happen to mi?
everybodi scare that they may not be able to see mi again.
and if they might, will i have depression?
i reali reali donnoe.
alot of ppl offerin to send mi to hospital again.
sam wanted to camp in my hse.
or rather he wanna mi to stay in wit him ler.
i donnoe!
pls don force mi lerx.
leave mi alone okie.
xuemin
take mi away
--12:25:00 AMY
hi everybodi.
hmmm.
went to hospital today lerx.
manage to see my precious=)
omg
he is so active
can u all imagine he is jumpin in my womb like nth lorx.
hahax.
hands and leg are movin alot.
and one thing for sure.
he got a sharp nose.
doctor say he is prefectly fine.
but mi abit slim la.
hahax.
but i am lucky.
i didnt hurt my baby.
at least no matter how i don have apptite or didnt eat on time.
my baby is still prefect.
i am goin for my abortion on june 11 2009.
is reali a gd bye ler.
i don wish to talk about mi and him ler.
cos our relationship ended when he choose to act cool and throw every single resposiblity to mi.
when he choose to lie to mi.
when he choose to be so immature but still end up sayin i am the immature one.
and blame everything to mi.
i don have to say what i did for him.
when he noes he will regret ler.
i have a veri happi day today.
alot of ppl came to acc mi.
but jayda bf again=(
hmmm
happi to see my baby well and safe.
at least i still can protect him till the 11th june.
spendin every single time on him.
this is what i should do even i am alone.
pregnancy reali tough.
maybe i still may be seen as a strong garlx.
but in fact i am tired ler.
i don wanna be alone.
luckily i still have alot of frenx around mi.
no matter what he is gonna say.
i noe i did my veri best as a mother ler.
ur words will never gonna hurt mi again.
don com e to try to act cool infront of mi.
i noe every single things u have done before.
i don deny u are a gd bf.
maybe not to the rest of ur ex.
but to mi.
but u could never be a gd partner for women whole life.
go get another fool who is willing to be played by u.
u will never gonna be a frenx to mi either lerx.
so ashame to be a fool for 5 months.
aniway.
u are the one who fuckin promise mi that u wan my life forever de.
and who wanted to have the baby that nite actaulli u should be more clearer then mi.
i wanted to leave u but u are the one who drop ur fuckin tears to make mi soft hearted.
even if i am drank is onli after our 3 month, nearly 4 month times which is not possible to have my baby for 3 month now.
u should noe what i am referin too.
so don try to tell ur frenx all this shit la.
i don wanna embarrass u de.
cos i noe u care lots of ur face.
but sorry.
i won wanna protect u animore ler.
now is time for mi to protect myself more.
u say u are scare of mi.
sorry okie.
u are even more scarier.
do one thing in front of mi and say the other thing to ppl.
i am not ur toys okie.
i don wish to noe thing about u either.
i am out wit my frenx almost everyday to enjoy without thinkin about u till i reach home.
take my advice.
be a better guy ba.
u jus have to live ur life wit guilt cos baby die becos his daddy cant make a gd dad.
i am not sacrifyin for u but my baby.
and lastly.
i truely feel that u are useless now!
stop ur nonesence ba.
i won torlerate u lerxx.
not gonna be ur toy animore.
jayken is my baby name.
is given by his daddy.
which i think i will allow it.
but other then this.
i will not even let u noe where i am gonna bury baby.
this is how i will become now.
thx to the way u are treatin mi.
xuemin
hmmm.
went to hospital today lerx.
manage to see my precious=)
omg
he is so active
can u all imagine he is jumpin in my womb like nth lorx.
hahax.
hands and leg are movin alot.
and one thing for sure.
he got a sharp nose.
doctor say he is prefectly fine.
but mi abit slim la.
hahax.
but i am lucky.
i didnt hurt my baby.
at least no matter how i don have apptite or didnt eat on time.
my baby is still prefect.
i am goin for my abortion on june 11 2009.
is reali a gd bye ler.
i don wish to talk about mi and him ler.
cos our relationship ended when he choose to act cool and throw every single resposiblity to mi.
when he choose to lie to mi.
when he choose to be so immature but still end up sayin i am the immature one.
and blame everything to mi.
i don have to say what i did for him.
when he noes he will regret ler.
i have a veri happi day today.
alot of ppl came to acc mi.
but jayda bf again=(
hmmm
happi to see my baby well and safe.
at least i still can protect him till the 11th june.
spendin every single time on him.
this is what i should do even i am alone.
pregnancy reali tough.
maybe i still may be seen as a strong garlx.
but in fact i am tired ler.
i don wanna be alone.
luckily i still have alot of frenx around mi.
no matter what he is gonna say.
i noe i did my veri best as a mother ler.
ur words will never gonna hurt mi again.
don com e to try to act cool infront of mi.
i noe every single things u have done before.
i don deny u are a gd bf.
maybe not to the rest of ur ex.
but to mi.
but u could never be a gd partner for women whole life.
go get another fool who is willing to be played by u.
u will never gonna be a frenx to mi either lerx.
so ashame to be a fool for 5 months.
aniway.
u are the one who fuckin promise mi that u wan my life forever de.
and who wanted to have the baby that nite actaulli u should be more clearer then mi.
i wanted to leave u but u are the one who drop ur fuckin tears to make mi soft hearted.
even if i am drank is onli after our 3 month, nearly 4 month times which is not possible to have my baby for 3 month now.
u should noe what i am referin too.
so don try to tell ur frenx all this shit la.
i don wanna embarrass u de.
cos i noe u care lots of ur face.
but sorry.
i won wanna protect u animore ler.
now is time for mi to protect myself more.
u say u are scare of mi.
sorry okie.
u are even more scarier.
do one thing in front of mi and say the other thing to ppl.
i am not ur toys okie.
i don wish to noe thing about u either.
i am out wit my frenx almost everyday to enjoy without thinkin about u till i reach home.
take my advice.
be a better guy ba.
u jus have to live ur life wit guilt cos baby die becos his daddy cant make a gd dad.
i am not sacrifyin for u but my baby.
and lastly.
i truely feel that u are useless now!
stop ur nonesence ba.
i won torlerate u lerxx.
not gonna be ur toy animore.
jayken is my baby name.
is given by his daddy.
which i think i will allow it.
but other then this.
i will not even let u noe where i am gonna bury baby.
this is how i will become now.
thx to the way u are treatin mi.
xuemin
take mi away
Sunday, May 17--12:39:00 PMY
can i sincerly pls everybodi not to tell mi what to do.
i came back from a tripnot to listen to everybodi lecturin mi.
abortin the baby isnt what i wanted.
but i got no chocie.
some ppl may understand my reason from doin it.
but most of the ppl are here droppin tag tellin mi wht should i do or what i should not do.
if u all are my frenx or family.
pls understand now that i love my baby more then ani ppl in this world.
includin my baby daddy.
nobodi is more heartache then mi for doin abortion.
i might not be able to survive through the operation cos i got a weak body.
but all i don wanna see is my baby out to suffer.
if i don love our baby i won even fuckin have it for three months when it started to kick mi.
when i started to understand what i am tellin him.
wth!
i am not out to listen to ppl who is tryin to change my mind.
the only person who is able to change my mind is my baby daddy.
i have told him straight too.
i jus wanna see that he is ready to be a daddy.
so in case even if i give birth to my baby
and anithing might happen to mi.
at least my baby is safe wit him.
but i got no more time to wait now.
so ppl!
don come tellin mi what should i do alreadi can!
i pls everybody.
i noe u all are caring for mi.
but have u all ever ask what i reali wanted?
have u all ever tried puttin urself in my situation?
have u all gone through this like mi?
have u all thought i am jus a garlx.
no matter how strong i may be.
but i still need ppl to be wit mi and understand mi.
i still need a shoulder to cry on.
someone to hug mi tellin mi everything gonna be fine for mi.
someone who actualli willin to listen to mi.
i may be happy infront of all my frenx.
i may be smilin or laughin wit them.
but every of them are telli mi not to force myself animore.
i don wana cry when i am outside.
but when i am at home i jus feel so lonely.
feel so scared.
even scare to slp early to dream of my precious plsin mi not to dump him away
veri scare to switch off my lights to slp alone.
if i have a choice i wanna see my baby out.
if i have a choice i won be here cryin so helplessly.
i seriously hope all of u can give mi a way out till 20th.
if u all say u all love and care for mi plspls.
leave mi a way out of this suffocatin place.
no place is comfortable for mi now to be.
i don noe how to face my family, babii's family or even him.
i miss him alot.
but i donnoe how should i face him.
i am sorry babii.
veri sorry.
pls forgive my immature this time.
but everybodi can misunderstand mi.
i jus wan u to noe i don wan this to happen either.
u alreadi noe ler.
abortion is not my choice, is our choice.
i am veri tired.
veri weak.
stomach doesnt feel well recently.
donnoe what is my precious doin inside mi.
but i somehow can feel the kicks ler.
my baby is jus sharin lil secret wit mi.
ask mi to not tell daddy.
jus wanna say.
baby, mummy love u.
daddy too.
xuemin
i came back from a tripnot to listen to everybodi lecturin mi.
abortin the baby isnt what i wanted.
but i got no chocie.
some ppl may understand my reason from doin it.
but most of the ppl are here droppin tag tellin mi wht should i do or what i should not do.
if u all are my frenx or family.
pls understand now that i love my baby more then ani ppl in this world.
includin my baby daddy.
nobodi is more heartache then mi for doin abortion.
i might not be able to survive through the operation cos i got a weak body.
but all i don wanna see is my baby out to suffer.
if i don love our baby i won even fuckin have it for three months when it started to kick mi.
when i started to understand what i am tellin him.
wth!
i am not out to listen to ppl who is tryin to change my mind.
the only person who is able to change my mind is my baby daddy.
i have told him straight too.
i jus wanna see that he is ready to be a daddy.
so in case even if i give birth to my baby
and anithing might happen to mi.
at least my baby is safe wit him.
but i got no more time to wait now.
so ppl!
don come tellin mi what should i do alreadi can!
i pls everybody.
i noe u all are caring for mi.
but have u all ever ask what i reali wanted?
have u all ever tried puttin urself in my situation?
have u all gone through this like mi?
have u all thought i am jus a garlx.
no matter how strong i may be.
but i still need ppl to be wit mi and understand mi.
i still need a shoulder to cry on.
someone to hug mi tellin mi everything gonna be fine for mi.
someone who actualli willin to listen to mi.
i may be happy infront of all my frenx.
i may be smilin or laughin wit them.
but every of them are telli mi not to force myself animore.
i don wana cry when i am outside.
but when i am at home i jus feel so lonely.
feel so scared.
even scare to slp early to dream of my precious plsin mi not to dump him away
veri scare to switch off my lights to slp alone.
if i have a choice i wanna see my baby out.
if i have a choice i won be here cryin so helplessly.
i seriously hope all of u can give mi a way out till 20th.
if u all say u all love and care for mi plspls.
leave mi a way out of this suffocatin place.
no place is comfortable for mi now to be.
i don noe how to face my family, babii's family or even him.
i miss him alot.
but i donnoe how should i face him.
i am sorry babii.
veri sorry.
pls forgive my immature this time.
but everybodi can misunderstand mi.
i jus wan u to noe i don wan this to happen either.
u alreadi noe ler.
abortion is not my choice, is our choice.
i am veri tired.
veri weak.
stomach doesnt feel well recently.
donnoe what is my precious doin inside mi.
but i somehow can feel the kicks ler.
my baby is jus sharin lil secret wit mi.
ask mi to not tell daddy.
jus wanna say.
baby, mummy love u.
daddy too.
xuemin
take mi away
Wednesday, May 13--11:33:00 PMY
this is the him i love.
this may be my veri last blog.
but is worth to stop by him=)
takkaire lots.
thx to all the readers.
thx to my frenx.
xuemin
take mi away
--11:08:00 PMY
ystd till now i onli slept for 3 hrs.
was smsin wit babii.
feel so heartache. feel so lost.
wanna run away, i donnoe how will i face him.
i am reali sorry.
don blame urself ler.
is all my fault.
is all my fault.
veri heartache to see all the sms u send to mi.
i donnoe.
jus feel u are now comin closer but i am the one movin away ler.
i don wan too.
but standin there waitin i am tired ler.
i am sorry.
i donnoe how to say ler.
lied to u that i will meet u when i am back.
but i noe.
when i see u i will start walkin away from u.
i miss u alot.
reali alot.
but donnoe why i donnoe what will happen when i get to see u.
i am leavin singapore around 6am.
so a few hrs of slp more.
i couldnt slp.
couldnt eat.
i miss u alot.
i miss watchin movie wit u.
miss eatin dinner wit u.
miss holdin hands wit u walkin side by side.
i reali reali miss u.
but babii.
i don think i will meet u ler.
i wll be back on the 16th.
wj bday on 17th.
but i told him ler.
i won be around if there is celebation.
18 i will go out wit sam and derrick.
19 baobeii bday.
on the 2oth as early at 8.35am
i will meet our percious for the last time.
and i will do the abortion.
no matter what happen.
if anithing might happen to mi.
go to wj and he will tell u thing that i hope u could help mi to fulfil it.
i am sorry.
i reali donnoe how to face u at all.
but i reali miss u alots.
i will leave in a veri peaceful way.
which i have no regret at all.
leavin a better life for ur future.
this is small lil thing that i could do for u.
but if i am able to make it throught the operation.
promise mi that i go left and u will go right.
hao hao de guo.
u owe mi nth but i owe u alot.
i am reali sorry i hurt u.
other then this i reali donnoe what else i could do ler.
i could never treat u as my frenx.
i am sorry.
i donnoe why i am cryin.
but as i told u.
my tears u are worth.
this song simply suits our relationship.
is all a beautiful mistake we made.
but from the first time u hold my hand. for the first time u ask mi to be wit u forever.
i promise i will stay wit u.
no matter where am i or what will happen.
i will never leave u de babii.
find a garlx that is not like mi.
i noe u still misses the garlx u like before.
go ahead and woo her again.
be brave.
jia you.
for ur work.
for ur relationship or everything.
u will have my blessing.
but in mi.
u will be the last
nobodi can replace u in the first place in my heart.
if there is.
is onli our percious baby.
i will be brave throughout the operation.
no matter what i don wan u to send mi to my last journey.
i got no more time ler.
veri veri scare now.
if u are here wit mi i will stop my cryin.
if i have u by myside i promise i won cry
but i noe.
everything is too late ler.
don need u to do anithing.
i jus wan u to say "xuemin, jiayou"
for ur sake i will.
veri veri scare now.
wonder why the time past so fast.
but if i could still control the time.
i won wanna be wit u.
i don wanna hurt u again.
u deserve better.
lastly.
babii junde, bibii xuemin lurve u from the bottom of her heart.
jiayou okie=)
i don wan the smile that i love gone.
xuemin
was smsin wit babii.
feel so heartache. feel so lost.
wanna run away, i donnoe how will i face him.
i am reali sorry.
don blame urself ler.
is all my fault.
is all my fault.
veri heartache to see all the sms u send to mi.
i donnoe.
jus feel u are now comin closer but i am the one movin away ler.
i don wan too.
but standin there waitin i am tired ler.
i am sorry.
i donnoe how to say ler.
lied to u that i will meet u when i am back.
but i noe.
when i see u i will start walkin away from u.
i miss u alot.
reali alot.
but donnoe why i donnoe what will happen when i get to see u.
i am leavin singapore around 6am.
so a few hrs of slp more.
i couldnt slp.
couldnt eat.
i miss u alot.
i miss watchin movie wit u.
miss eatin dinner wit u.
miss holdin hands wit u walkin side by side.
i reali reali miss u.
but babii.
i don think i will meet u ler.
i wll be back on the 16th.
wj bday on 17th.
but i told him ler.
i won be around if there is celebation.
18 i will go out wit sam and derrick.
19 baobeii bday.
on the 2oth as early at 8.35am
i will meet our percious for the last time.
and i will do the abortion.
no matter what happen.
if anithing might happen to mi.
go to wj and he will tell u thing that i hope u could help mi to fulfil it.
i am sorry.
i reali donnoe how to face u at all.
but i reali miss u alots.
i will leave in a veri peaceful way.
which i have no regret at all.
leavin a better life for ur future.
this is small lil thing that i could do for u.
but if i am able to make it throught the operation.
promise mi that i go left and u will go right.
hao hao de guo.
u owe mi nth but i owe u alot.
i am reali sorry i hurt u.
other then this i reali donnoe what else i could do ler.
i could never treat u as my frenx.
i am sorry.
i donnoe why i am cryin.
but as i told u.
my tears u are worth.
this song simply suits our relationship.
is all a beautiful mistake we made.
but from the first time u hold my hand. for the first time u ask mi to be wit u forever.
i promise i will stay wit u.
no matter where am i or what will happen.
i will never leave u de babii.
find a garlx that is not like mi.
i noe u still misses the garlx u like before.
go ahead and woo her again.
be brave.
jia you.
for ur work.
for ur relationship or everything.
u will have my blessing.
but in mi.
u will be the last
nobodi can replace u in the first place in my heart.
if there is.
is onli our percious baby.
i will be brave throughout the operation.
no matter what i don wan u to send mi to my last journey.
i got no more time ler.
veri veri scare now.
if u are here wit mi i will stop my cryin.
if i have u by myside i promise i won cry
but i noe.
everything is too late ler.
don need u to do anithing.
i jus wan u to say "xuemin, jiayou"
for ur sake i will.
veri veri scare now.
wonder why the time past so fast.
but if i could still control the time.
i won wanna be wit u.
i don wanna hurt u again.
u deserve better.
lastly.
babii junde, bibii xuemin lurve u from the bottom of her heart.
jiayou okie=)
i don wan the smile that i love gone.
xuemin
take mi away
