ystd up on a cruise..
hope that u would by my side.
i think i might be happier wit u beside mi..
i am olways question be ppl.
"why u wanna be a single mum"
haix.
i have my pride and so do i have to keep alil of urs.
not marryin is my choice at first.
but end up after dion is out it becomes ur choice.
i am not a gd gf, neither can i be a gd wife.
is that the reaso why u choice to leave mi?
i was thinkin about all the promises we had.
and i rmb that u said u will go a trip wit mi.
but i reject ur offer.
haix.
but is reali over.
i reali hope u are doin well.
sometimes when i am lookin at dion, i was thinkin.
is baby boy too so adorable?
will he too look like u?
or boy will look more like mi!
hahax.
have u ever been thinkin about him?
he is now fine.
at least abit peaceful now.
i have been burnin him sweet and toys.
i will constantly talk to baby boy to make sure he noes i love him.
did u?
i noe u won.
is okie.
u noe it hurts mi when baby boy left us.
why would u choose to be another one to leave mi.
i don longed for u.
but i still miss u..
i cant say. not even to my twin sis.
becos this is my choice.
when u are my world, i live for u.
when loving u, u are still my world.
i reali reali reali wanna go back to how we are thou i noe is so impossible.
jus give mi a small chance to dream in my own world.

dion had her 3rd dose jab today and nurse ask mi to allow her to take hepatitis B tgt.
seeing her cry i can onli keep kissing her.
but our daughter so brave.
she was smiling 15 mins later!
hahax.
nurse said that her height and weight consider abit low compare wit the 6 months chart.
but she is not under height or under weight.
her head circumference is 42cm.
have u notice how big our princess is?
i am so contradicting now..
becos my heart tells mi not to go down to the family court on sat.
is it becos i still love u?
haix.
idk.
hope u are fine:)

xuemin

i donnoe why i have the mood to blog in here again!
haix.
this few days.
i kinda miss u alot.
how are u?
are u happi now?
did u find someone else who do a better job as ur gf ?
did u rmb u mus regularly dig ur ears?
or u still don allow others to do it for u?
do u rmb to eat every day regularly?
when u are up in my hse did u talk to dion more?
did u smile more without mi by urside?
did u enjoy ur freedom?
how is ur relationship wit ur parents, better or still the same?
did u rmb to slp wit blanket on, or still like before love kickin away the blanket.
did u rmb to heal my advice to on lights to slp?
becos u have abit of nite blindness.
did u drink alot more water and bring water out to work?

idk why.
is all jus about u.
is reali kinda killing mi.
but i noe, we should have a fullstop here.
i can onli blog out when i noe u won even bother to see this blog.
all about u, and i am goin insane.
i guess nth gonna cure mi.
if u gave mi a choice again. i will wait for u to be ready.
if u give mi a chance, i will tolerate every sufferin jus not to make u feel in such a difficult position again.
i will try my best to give in whenever i can to ur parents and u.
i will be willing to wait for u to enjoy outside wit ur frenx jus to hug u to slp.
but i lost u.
if i could jus hold my temper.
if i am not so stubborn.
this is what i am thinkin this few days.
thing change so much.
but one thing nv change is i love u.
but sry.
reali veri sry.
even thou i love u.
but becos i am selfish.
i don wanna lose or share dion like this wit u.
i wanna do an end to it.
i noe i am a bitch.
i noe u wanted to scold mi.
i noe u wanted to slap mi so much from keep wanting to take dion away.
but i am veri serious now.
i am gonna do it.
goin down to family court this comin sat.
to do thing that i should do.
and i noe, this will make our relationship even worst.
and i noe, is a forever gdbye.
i still will do it.
becos i onli have dion.
i am so scare to lose her.
i am so fuckin scare i will lose her like i lost baby boy and u.
i am so so scare that i will be alone.
so i am reali sorry.
u didnt manage to secure mi when u say u all don intend to take dion away from mi.
u didnt manage to gain back my trust for u.
i donnoe why u wanna hunt mi.
i donnoe why u don wanna move out from my heart!
i reali reali love u alot.
but nv can i say to u.
i pretended i am brave, i pretended that i am strong jus lovin u like this.
but missing u reali kills mi alot.
how long more, how long more to go then the wound doesnt hurt more.
how long more to go when i can forget u.
all i wanna is to be able to see u again.
even from a ur back when u won even noe i am there.
i jus wanna see ur smile even the one u smiling too wasnt to mi.
i smell ur perfume and i miss u.
i see the time stuck at 11.11 i miss u.
i see dion i miss u!
i see my room i miss u.
i see ur pic i miss u.
i see everything we do and went before i miss u.
tell mi how will u willing to move out from my heart.
i don wanna cry. but tears roll down jus like that.
and i will scold myself.
becos i have to be even stronger.
thinkin of how happi we are.
thinkin of how well u were to mi.
thinkin of how u give mi temper jus becos u care.
why are u torturing mi.
why are u hurting mi still.
time pass and is nearly 2 months since we met or i hear ur voice.
is onli 2 fuckin months.
and i have yrs to go!
can u jus make mi hate u alot.
can u jus don torture mi animore.

i noe thing is so different.
okie.
i shouldnt have post out this post.
but that is the onli thing i can do.
to tell u i miss u.
u wouldnt noe aniway.
pls take gdcare okie.
aniway.
realireali feel bad in wanting to end thing up this way.
but is reali best for us right now.
becos we are not be able to be back to how we are before.


xuemin