hmmm.

realise i didnt blog for a long time.

hmmm.

alot of thing has been happenin to mi and babii.

like on my bday celebration nite we had a quarrel before we went up to hilltop.

even mention break.

but at least we manage to solve it.

but a few days later nth change.

we had a real big fight that babii has told mi that he need his freedom back.

he told mi we need to cool thing down by lettin each other be alone for a few days.

but i couldnt do that.

so i ask for a break.

and went drinkin wit jayda, jacky and kelvin.

by the time i go back wit jayda.

i went back to find him.

but pehaps too drunk to rmb what happen ba.

hmmmm.

but to what he told mi.

i did make alot of nonesence for him.

hahax.

but we are eventalli okie ler.

and i promise him to give ourself more time.

so i spend more time at home.

paintin my room.

redecorated my room.

and everything.

but guess what.

the more i wanna leave him.

the more i feel he loves mi.

but this few days.

i guess we are back to the same again.

it seems like.

hmmm.

spendin 24 hrs again tgt.

i donnoe wherede what is he thinkin.

wantin mi to leave him alone becos he needs more time for himself wit his frenx.

but now he wans mi to be wit him again.

i am scare the same thing might happen.

which i will still get scoldin from him sayin that i took control over his life.

which i don think i did.

becos at the start he wanted to stick tgt de.

but he pushes mi away like i am jus a toy to him.

i don think is a gd thing to be back tgt wit him.

cos somehow i still think that i am workin hard.

infact harder then before to make us go back to the past.

haix.

has been thinkin alot about my past relationship and him.

comparin all this. for him i did more then i could ler.

and i am real tired.

which i have never felt this way before.

all i could do now is leave him alone playin his games.

when i am sick he jus ask wherede i am ok and leave mi there like transparent.

how to tell him that i jus wanna be alone?

how to say i am tired workin hard again and again.

how to say i feel so hurt and upset.

how to tell him?

he donoe anithin.

he donnoe about mi at all.

tml is wed.

which will be our 4 month anniversary.

and makes mi his longest relationship.

i don wanna feel proud at all.

cos we are not gd at all. not even a bit.

i don feel happi jnow.

becos i olways put his happiness before myself.

neglecting mine own happiness.

i am not reali feelin well this fews days.

but tryin hard to takkaire.

headache olways there.

donnoe why.

haix.

and last two days i went to baibai wit my family.

hmmm.

and saw ahjin.

he has told mi that one of our frenx died committing sucide.

he lead mi to visit him.

i felt so surprise.

haix.

and so suddenly.

veri sad i didnt manage to be there at his funeral.

but i when i look at his pic i have told myself that he has gone in a veri peaceful way lerx.

gone to a better world without worries.

veri scare of losin frenx and family again.

haix.

hmmm.

okie.

actualli on my bday nite.

i took lots of photo.

quite happi that.

yuyun came to celebrate wit us too.

she was slightly late.

but better then nth.

iko gave mi a set of perfume which i like it and treasure it.

i don even bear to use it.

hmmm.

that nite did reali had a fun day.

takin photo and playin.

jayda was kissin mi and i am kissin her.

hahax.

which i did it wit iko too.

and babii.

everybodi tells mi that they think mi and babii was veri sweet.

but they didnt noe the story behind the sweetest side we have shown.

babii.

tml we won be celebratin our 4 months.

but happi anniversary in advance.

i love u.

i reali do.

sorri for not lettin u see what i am typin now.

but blog is all i can do to express myself.

i am not too sure wherede u still love mi or not.

but all i jus wanna say is that i love u alot.

u are now puttin games infront of mi.

i don think u need mi more then ur games.

but at least u are still wit mi.

i will still hold on.

but i have told u the day before that.

i wanna my babii back to mi.

i don wan everythin to be like this.

u has promise mi that u wanna be wit mi for ur life.

but in this way we reali cant.

all rite ler la.

i will stop bloggin ler.

cos abit tired now.

gd nite.

xuemin