9_'2'5''25_'6'04 明天和未来；哪一个会先到呢？

Wednesday, June 17--3:46:00 AMY

so late then blog.
hahax.
i was on the phone wit yuze.
tml meetin him for dinner after his gem.
is my lunch or dinner.
donnoe la.
hahax.
but heading to marselling blk 19 for the herbs bak gu teh=)
he was my veri first 2nd puppy love.
we was veri young that time.
hahax.
so surprise he still rmbs mi, added mi in facebook.
been 5 to 6 yrs ler.
so long.
but okie la.
meet him can chat alot of our "childhoods"
hahax.

okie.
lets talk about presents i receive for the 3 yrs anniversary=)
from derrick.
he gave mi a veri veri pretty dress.
but needa go for abit of alteration.
cos he had it customise as to my size.
but he forget that i am pregnant and my breast is growing.
hahax.
the cup size wrong.
is veri veri tight.
my dear, thx aniway=)
i love it.
and from sam.
we went to prince pub on that nite.
usin the live band which i love to sing my fav song.
but this time.
sam actualli sang 可不可以爱我.
he played the guitar himself.
jus for mi.
and a 4 carats ring jus as he promised.
i appreciate it.
but is way too ex for mi to accept it=)
and he and derrick both gave mi a kiss.
and prince came disturbin mi, he wanted to give mi a kiss too.
was so fun.
but i did drink on that nite thou they don allow mi too.
but the next day my mind was much clearer to think.
who i reali love.
i cant say i got no feeling for my baby daddy.
cos if not, i won be so lost now.
but to my him.
he is jus a passerby to help mi overcome problem between mi and my baby's daddy.
but once i did tell my baby's daddy.
there is a third parties that came between us.
yes, i am refering to him.
but i may be jus to lost to fall in love wit better guy that time.
cos i jus needed someone who reali understand mi on that time.
and he happen to be the someone.
but jus noe that he reali needs mi now.
he is havin cancer.
i too appreciate everything he did for mi.
but where is he.
since the last email.
he didnt contact mi ler.
haix.
but thx to derrick i gotto noe he didnt leave singapore.
i noe he will be readin my blog like everyday.
so my dear, don look down on my information.
don hide from mi lerx.
i maybe goin for a trip to tioman again on aug.
but before that i will wanna do something for u.
i am sorry, may have take u for a spare tyre.
i guess u known it better then mi from the start.
cos u jus wan mi to be happi.
don suffer alone again lerx.
i will track u out i promise.

finally sort out my own feelings.
actualli is another new path for mi.
after all the qn i asked myself.
"who is more important to mi?"
"who treat mi better?"
"who i love most?"
"is like or love?"
and for now my qn to myself is.
"how much do i still love him?"
and after today since i woke up, lying on my bed thinkin.
and went out and come back home.
my answer is-"he is onli a dad to my baby, and i am mummy to my baby"
alot of ppl tryin to put in gd words for him.
but nobodi noes him better then mi.
he jus wanna play.
i cant accept his immature.
but he is a gd bf.
i view my past post for dec 2008.
i was jus wit him, but we are like a veri sweet couple.
happi memories.
but ended this way is quite pathetic thou.
i cant deny, i am better off on my own.
but i am jus alone, locked in my own prison.
am i happi leading life like this?
althought i have lots of frenx around mi.
ppl love mi.
but they don understand mi.
who noes what i am afraid off?
who noes what i wanted?
who noes what i feel?
who noes i am unhappi?
cos of my veri gd acting of being a crown.
my smile so unreal.
i feel so tupid.
i should have cry out like a normal garlx.
i should have shown my temper like what other garlx will do.
jus like a 18 yr old garlx.
what am i hiding from other now?
i wanna cry out to everybodi sayin i am tired.
telling everybody is veri veri tough.
plsin everybody not to force mi to take medicine
crying to everybody tellin them how much the injection hurts.
cryin to everybody that my back and leg aches.
telling everybody that i am not feelin well.
telling everybody i wanna go home and rest early.
but i jus don wanna be alone, especially at nite.
telling everybody i am so afraid of dark.
i don wanna be alone.
can i jus be like an 18 yr old garlx.
telling everybody pregnancy is veri tough.
can i?
why should i allow him to be like a 18 yr old boy that jus wanna be protected.
why i needa be so tupid? goin through everything myself.
and when i am jus protecting u, i was blamed to be forcing u.
when i jus wanna be alone, i was scolded to make u like a jerk.
tell mi? what the hell i have been doin wrong.
i feel like i am like a fool, waiting for u at nite jus to come home to lie beside mi after u finish meetin ur womens outside.
when u lied to mi that is ur frenx.
2 times.
i kept quiet.
how do u wan mi to accept lies.
when i go out wit my guys frenx, i didnt lie to u either.
i told u the truth.
everything is over.
the game finally over.
but u noe it hurts to even think of it?
xuemin is the tupiest garlx in the whole world to believe true love exist.
xuemin is the tupiest garlx in the whole universe.
i don blame u.
but blame myself for trustin u.
is all my fault, all my fault.
do u know?
after all u treated mi, my mum still went to the temple to ask about mi and u.
the interpretation is- "wait till the time comes. be paitent"
but guess what i did to this.
i burn this away cos i don wan it to be the future of mi and u.
our relationship forever might jus be gd frenx. as u will olways be my baby' daddy.
and i am the mummy.

mike bday tml night.
i think goin countdown party tonite at prince pub again.
but i guess i have alreadi promise my baby to let him rest early.
should i go or not?
baby jayken seems like askin mi not to cry.
he is like askin mi tp be brave.
for u baby, mummy is workin hard alreadi.
jus waiting for the day to see u out.
mummy is so tired now.
slping ler.
gd nite baby jayken=)

xuemin

take mi away