sorry to all readers!
didnt blog for more then 24 hrs.
i kinda feel weird myself thou.
hahax.
cos i am free everyday to blog.
but jus that this two days
i slept veri late.
nearly morning and once i woke up from my slp is around 2 or 3 plus.
i will jus go out lerx.
on that day after i met apple.
i was on the phone wit sam, derrick, prince and sebes.
one by one.
all the way till 5.48am
i was like "omg! i am so tired"
hahax.
doze off straight after that.
then when i woke up. hmmm.
i forget what i did ler niehx.
hahax.
then i rmb till nite. i met ivy at ardmarity for bubble tea.
hahax.
and i saw keith and libin.
libin didnt saw mi cos i cut short hair ma.
hahax.
so long didnt see him lerx.
and shortly.
zm, ys and wj came to look for mi.
hahax.
ivy went back first cos she went to play mahjong wit bf.
hahax.
then i saw remus and dennis.
dennis finally out=)
so happi to see him.
chat abitbit la.
they was quite surprise that i am pregnant.
hahax.
but okie la.
my topic wasnt the main talk.
hahax.
after that around 11 like that.
when am, ys and wj was plannin where to go.
i told them i wanna head home.
and zm said "wa, xuemin u noe, today is the first time i heard u sayin u wanna go home first"
lolx.
hahax.
they send mi home and they head to occ to play billard or rather number ball.
hahax.
i went home.
and felt so hungry around 2 plus.
but thx to prince.
he left his pub for supper with mi.
okie.
he kinda get scolded by sebes and mike.
hahax.
so sorri my dear.
but we head back to his pub after my tian ji zhou=)
since the last time my baby daddy pack for mi i think is around 2 month ago
i finally ate it.
and when we are back to his pub.
omg, my other group of frenx are in his pub celabratin his 24th bday.
happi bday don=)
but drank quite alot.
hahax.
i noe i shouldnt.
but ya.
i should not drink.
sorry!!!!
was scolded by lots of ppl.
not reali scolded la.
cos they cant bear to scold mi de=)
most to most i show them my pethatic face.
those actin innocent and cute.
shouldnt be a problem la.
hahax.
i reach home aroun 4 am plus.
but still on the phone wit sam and prince seperately.
and 5am.
i noe i am in a veri high mood.
so wanna slp ler.
and i did a veri tupid thing.
omfg!
veri veri regret drinkin so much!
haix.
but okie la.
i am sorri for spouting nonesence=)
when i woke up.
then prepare for chalet.
okie la.
dress up la.
hahax.
is a bday party.
but when i saw the next door celabartin a lil baby garlx 1 yr old bday.
i was thinkin of my baby first month and 1 yr=)
hahax.
all about my baby.
mummi so proud to tell ppl i am pregnant thou i am not married.
i noe that alot of ppl will start their gossiping.
but mummy jus wanna say.
baby jayken, u are the best present that i had receive from ur daddy.
i lose him but i have u=)
i try not to listen to what ppl are sayin.
especailly neighbours.
those aunt.
although alone facin so many many problems.
but is not easy thou.
some times, some thing ppl say might hurt mi.
but i am proud to say, all becos of my baby.
i now noe, why everybodi telling mi a parents is not a easy thing to do.
and a single parent worst.
ppl say thing like "serve this garlx rite, bf didnt wanna marry her"
"wa, 18 yrs old only then being played by a man"
"if she is my daughter, i will sell her to positution"
this type of awful stuff.
i will cry and walk away.
but still say nth to everybodi.
i noe i gotto face it de.
this is what i needa face for not being a gd gf.
for being a play garlx before.
for not being a gd daughter.
i didnt wanna drink so much.
but ppl who understand mi will noe.
when i drink bubble tea.
is cos of small lil unhappi and loneliness
when i wanted to play pool
is cos i need to vexed out.
but i start drinkin alcohol, is cos i am veri veri unhappi.
i donnoe how to talk to anibodi.
becos they will be veri worry.
but i jus won feel ani better either.
whoever will understand mi?
i donnoe.
i don even noe what i reali wanted now.
all i want is to be happi and be gd to get my health better.
and give birth to my lil baby.
but why cant i be happi.
i noe i cant travel.
but i jus asked derrick wherede he could bring mi along to british.
he asked mi why i suddenly wanna go.
but i didnt say either.
i noe i cant go.
but i am scare to stay here in my hse.
i realise i cant slp at nite.
i realise i don realli wanna step out of my room.
i realise i am scare to step out of this hse.
i realise i am so afraid of everybody.
my stomach is abit bigger now.
jus slightly.
but i am happi and scare at the same time.
happi cos baby is growing.
scare is ppl will start their gossipin again and again.
my family is not a family either.
they don understand mi at all.
the person closer to mi is my younger sis.
but for so long, she no longer by my side.
mum and elder sis keep quarrelin.
younger bro still so young to noe about adult problem.
daddy workin and didnt wanna care about my problem.
i am not happi at all.
so many many thing.
can anibodi take mi away.
i kept eveything to myself.
jus scare, all my frenx worri.
say ler olso useless.
it won help anithing either.
i wanna go back skool, i wanna study like all my other ex skoolmates.
i wanna play like them.
i wanna do everything like a 18 yr old will do.
i feel so unwell everyday.
eating those medicine.
still got 6 month more to go.
but i cant say i give up.
cos i don wanna give up on this lil life.
so all i could do now is to cry and forget.
i am so tired of cryin.
veri veri sick and tired of gossipin.
if u all love mi, don ask mi animore.
if u all love mi, leave mi alone.
if u all love mi, jus continue acting wit mi.
cos there's nth u all can do other then this to make mi feel better.
today is father's day.
happi father's day to my daddy.
happi father's day to my baby's daddy
happi father's day to my baby's daddy's daddy.
i had a veri full supper jus now again,
after i came back from ardmarity wit ivy
and went out again wit derrick.
i wanna slp ler.
veri tired after crying.
gd nite everybody=)
gd nite baby jayken.
xuemin
take mi away
♥xuemin
♥BABY PRINCESS(11.7 WEEKS) 20 MAY 2009
