woke up today early in the mornin.
my precious lil baby jayken hungry.
thx god. i reali love my baby alot!
i could wake up half way through my beauty slp cos of his food!
lolx.
i feel alot better today.
thinkin alot of things about baby jayken de.
this lil 小麻烦. hahax.
veri fast his 4 months coming in few days.
apple is alreadi counting down by days.
jiahui counting down by weeks.
while i am still counting down by months=.=!
hahax.
now june, july, aug, sep, oct, nov, dec!
omg!
i still gotto be torture for 6 month plus.
hahax.
but veri fast around sep or oct. i can go shoppin le.
everything gotto prepare 2 new set.
he is the luckilest baby in the world.
lolx.
gotto teach my baby daddy alot of thing.
he this dumbdumb.
better ensure he won be slpin if i leave baby at his place.
to what i imagine.
80% he will be slpin, and 20% feeding and lookin after baby.
luckily i still have his parent around.
i have plans to go overseas.
i have plans to further my studies.
i reali donoe wherede i could reali be a gd mother.
cos i am still veri young.
once i think of this, i will feel that i am reali not prepared.
sorry, i noe i should not be like this.
yrs back, i was still thinkin about my 18 and 19 and 20 yrs old birthday plans.
is all about myself, and funs.
but suddenly i am soon gonna be a single mother.
every of my frenx was like " xuemin, i respect u"
but it aint ani proud thing ba. i do feel abit disgraceful.
sometimes when i think back, xuemin shouldnt be leadin life like this
i wanna be selfish to myself, i wan my life back.
but is veri irresponsible for mi to say this.
i will give myself a tight slap if i reali meant what i say.
but one luckily thing is.
no matter what has happen in the past few months.
the only right thing i did is i insisted on keepin this baby=)
and leavin the baby daddy to find a new life for mi and baby.
everybodi is happi now rite.
he is happi leadin life he wanted too.
i am happi while everybodi is happi around mi.
i have my family, i have baby's daddy's family and baby's daddy and frenx supportive decision.
i noe i lose nth compare to a word "love"
i treasure every of them more then i did before lerx.
in my most diffcult times now, they are wit mi.
compare to ppl who are married cos of baby but they are not happi wit in-laws or husband.
i am indeed veri veri lucky too.
although i feel lonely.
although i feel scare.
although i don wan to switch off my lights at nite to be alone in the dark room.
i am reali tryin to be reali brave to prove to ppl, chen xuemin can be a gd single mother!
i may meet alot of obstacles.
but once i think of him, once i think of my baby.
i will smile again.
they are the onli 2 person in the world who can change my mind to do anithing for them.
they both are worth my love and waiting and suffering.
they both are my world.
yes, i locked my heart for them.
prepare to be like this for my life.
cos what ever they both can give mi is not ani other ppl could give.
the him, i needa put him right aside jus to think of him.
and my baby will be my motivation.
they both played a important part in my life.
no matter what, i need to move on.
xuemin jiayou=)
xuemin
take mi away
♥xuemin
♥BABY PRINCESS(11.7 WEEKS) 20 MAY 2009
