9_'2'5''25_'6'04 明天和未来；哪一个会先到呢？

Wednesday, July 8--7:31:00 PMY

actualli not realli in the mood to blog.
my whole hand is painful cos when i reach home jus now,
feel hungry. but mum was so kind enough without cookin and buyin my food.
and i was so hungry that i decided to cook my fav hotdog jus to bite on.
and i burn right hand when the oil started to boil and i am tryin to put those hotdog in.
my wrist has difficulties movin now.
and my fingers.

i am abit tired today.
was out seeing the chinese doc.
the waiting time is long worx.
and after that mi and baby daddy mum we went to ang mo kio to shop for baby daddy working shirt.
jus to get a shirt, we spend an hr plus.
walkin almost every shop that sell mens wear.
i am very tired.
but lied to baby daddy mum that i am okie.
his shirt is so difficult to get.
cos he kinda have a weird sense of fashion.
lolx.
and is not a excellent to the shirt that we brought for him.
if he goes home tonite and he doesnt like it.
first, he won wanna touch it.
secondly, if he is tired and lazy to go down there to change within 7 days.
there goes the money again.
is a less then 40% he will like the shirt la.
see la.
depend on his mood too.
i am goin out later again.
haix.
but i am abit tired thou.
didnt slp well ystd nite again.
this few nite have been thinkin and thinking about things.
and now!
and ystd nite woke up to vomit.
jus suddenly.
and is the first time throughout this prenancy i vomitted.
donnoe is a gd or bad thing worx.
baby jayken really "loves" mummy alot worx.
lolx.
the doc only says.
"cos ur body very weak lor"
can don repeat the same thing over and over again every week ma.
lolx.
if my body is fine i guess i won be goin down to look for u ma!
and i hope i can be all rite.
every mummy is scare cos of being a mummy.
but whereas i needa worri about wherede i can become a mom eventually on my baby birth day.
the doc is so worry that when i am giving birth, my womb will bleed.
and is dangerous for mi as i don have enough blood in my body.
this is the risk of my prenancy.
when baby get bigger everyday, i am weaker.
baby is safe but mummy is havin a bit problems.
i cant stand in a place for like 3 mins now.
cos i may start feelin dizzy and blackout will come.
i jus feel so tough, so tired.

i have talk to baby ystd nite before i slp.
told baby, daddy and mummy love u alot.
daddy is busy workin and mummy is workin hard to fight wit my health.
is not daddy don wanna acc u.
is daddy busy earnin money for u.
and jus when i ask him. "do u love daddy too?"
baby kick mi once.
no matter what happen, i never blame baby jayken.
is becos of u mummy learn to be braver.
is becos of u mummy wanna learn to be a mom.
is all becos of u.
ur daddy is the best bf i ever had.
and u are the best gift from my best bf that i ever receive.
even i might only feel u for 10 months.
for u, mummy is very veri willing.
no matter what is gonna happen to mi, as long as u will be out safe 5 more months.
mummy need not worry about ur future.
if mummy gone, daddy is gonna give u the double love.
daddy gonna give u everything that mummy hope u to have.
and i am sure daddy will get u a very nice mommy.
if fate is playin mi this time, mummy will jus wanna protect u when i can.
i can lose everything. but not u.
mummy workin hard for u, so baby needa be very gd too.
if time suddenly turn backwards.
mummy still will wanna insist of havin u.
mummy still will end my relationship wit ur daddy jus to have u.
mummy no regrets for u.
u are the best thing mummy and daddy have.
scare to even think of what is gonna happen 5 months later.
but it doesnt matter wherede what is gonna happen to mi.
as long as baby jayken is all rite.

jus read something about Braxton Hick Contractions.
and realise i am havin cramps often in my stomach area.
i gotto check wit the doc tml. cos it will get worst when baby gets bigger.
and when baby is less then 38 weeks, i might need to go for preterm labour.
am i worryin so much myself now.
but i often complain havin cramps or pain.
tml check wit doctor.
hope everything fine.

sam bday is comin lerx.
on the 10th i will fly to london and 3 days i will be back to celebrate his bday.
sam will be goin wit mi.
cos he misses his best frenx too.
our flight will be in the morning 5 am.
so 3 am needa check into airport.
and the flight is 12hrs 45 mins.
at least a day for mi to shop ba.
lolx.
and derrick promise to spend the whole day wit mi and sam.
and my flight back, i will reach singapore around 4pm in the afternoon on the 12th.
i have an answer for sam as to about being his gf alreadi.
thou i am hesitating.
is not my choice.

if that is what u wanted to see.
i will listen to u.
but seriously, the key to my heart u are the only person holding it.
it hurts mi when u are the person saying that u cant afford to give mi anithing.
it hurt mi to hear u say u cant promise mi anithing.
and it hurts mi alot when u are pushin mi away out of ur life.
all i wan from u is u by myside.
even if i could only see u from a distance.
i jus wanna noe u are there.
don tell mi this is how much u love mi only.
after all that we been through.
u should noe, i don wan anithing from u from the start.
all i wanna see is u being happy wit mi.
i too cant afford anithing for u.
but i jus wanna protect u like a baby too.
i am never gonna be a gd gf.
but u change mi, u made mi believe that i could have a love that ppl envy.
we both noe our distance.
but when distance becomes a problem.
i jus wanna pls u to continue to stay by myside.
i don wan others.
i jus wan u to be around by myside.
tell mi is not u wanted.
tell mi that u wanna be selfish and we maintain like as we are now after we broke up.
tell mi u hope nth will change in us.
i promise i will stay.
jus one word from u and i promise we will never gonna change.
but if that is what u wan.
i noe.
i understand.
i don like sayin gdbye to u.
i don enjoy watchin u leave or close the door behind u.
i don love askin u to takkaire.
if that is what u wan.
i obey.

xuemin

take mi away