i was home today at around 10am today.
had a light breakfast in sam hse wit daddy, mummy and sam.
but i am so freakin tired that when sam send mi home, i was in the car slpin.
all i could dream is baby and his daddy.
i donnoe how many time did i dreamt of this dream.
but is jus like the dream onli have baby jayken and baby daddy.
where am i?
haix.
marley finally back in my hse lerx.
i miss her so much.
okie, let mi explain.
marley is a soft toys bear(actualli is a present from mi to my baby daddy)
but he was sayin that marley is so ulgy.(tupid him)
then he don care about her so i love her more then other soft toys we shared.
and is full of my own smell.
lolx.
i hug it like my own baby thou.
hahax.
and marley has a elder brother which his name is harley.
harley is the soft toy white dog that i gave it to baby daddy for valentine day present.
he love that alot.
and treat it like precious.
somemore worst thing is, harley was wearin a boxer everyday and baby daddy never allow mi to take it off from harley!(dumb ass)
lolx.
but i love harley too la.
jus that when i am in slightly bad-temper.(is olways when baby daddy is ignoring mi or we are havin small fights)
i will olways throw harley and barleyX2 on the floor.
something marley is down on the floor too.
hahax.
barleyX2 is 2 bears we have.
a male and a female.
is a small gift from a shop where we purchase our ring and neckleacks.
but i don like the female barley at all.
hahax.
cos i love marley more.
hahax.
marley is back by myside.
and i am gonna take back harley lerx.
cos 2 things!
marley misses her korkor!
and baby daddy has promise mi to allow mi to take back harley on sunday when i was at his hse.
although harley certificate was under his name.
but not to worry, i am olways welcome for a law case to take back harley.
hahax.
lolx.
is onli a soft toys but it mean alot la.
i am jus jk.
but donnoe he will let mi take back anot.
he likes to trick mi.
i was slpin till afternoon and i woke up.
called ah long and ivy cos they miss call mi.
then i cook maggi mee to eat.
and was watchin show for awhile and receive call from baby daddy mum.
they wanted mi to go to their hse if i wanna eat durains.
hahax.
but okie la.
no cravin.
so didnt went, but i told them i onli eat maggi mee.
and baby daddy parents was like.
omg.
hahax.
cos mum didnt cook ma, and when i woke up in the afternoon.
i was alone at home again.
no choice.
then they asked mi to go dinner wit them today.
so while waiting for them to call mi.
i got myself prepare and was in the living room wit dad, mum and baobei.
baobei was showin us the injection mark that he got it today in skool.
lolx.
was cute la.
he is cute ma.
lolx.
and ivy called mi, kl called mi and i called ys cos he sms mi.
and jus nice.
baby daddy mum called mi ler.
we head to katong there to have our dinner.
with some of their frenx, who i noe.
chatted alot of stuff worx.
and baby daddy daddy asked mi wherede i wanna learn golf.
but i was laughin and replyin him.
i don think i can learn.
hahax.
cos golf requires big movement when u are doin the swing.
and all the way till 9 plus.
baby daddy mum bought some small snacks for mi and her family.
hahax.
and they send mi back to ardmarity to meet ivy.
till 11pm.
reach home, thou full.
but i was still eating the fried rice that mum pack.
slowly eating and chattin
and gotto noe.
my step grand dad onli left 2 months in this world.
he is havin cancer.
and i called ah ma.
she was crying while i was talkin to her.
and called my dearest sis.
talk to her about it.
and she told mi.
ah ma didnt wanna let mi noe de.
cos currently i am pregnant, they don wan mi to worry.
omg.
we are goin to visit ah gong this friday.
heard he slim down alot.
i cant take it when ppl are leaving mi like so fast.
i was thinkin about baby stuff too.
if baby were to leave mi, i noe i won be able to take it too.
and suddenly receive a sms from my baby daddy.
i reali donnoe.
donnoe why i would feel so stress out of the sudden when i saw his sms.
i feel like cryin.
but didnt cry ba.
is the unknown pressure that made mi feel so tired.
is the invisable stress and unhappiness
don ever try to lecture mi on thing that i don wish to talk about.
my baby daddy didnt even scold mi for being so fickle minded.
and for now, i jus wanna listen to him.
so ppl, don try to act like u all do noe mi.
as i said before, if u all care and love mi as who i am.
pls respect mi.
not in ani moment now i wanna break down to cry.
but i may.
stop givin mi all those pressure lerx.
my body, my mind and my heart cant take it lerx.
jus 3 days ago i was feelin abit better.
but now is back again over and over again.
is my life i am betting on.
since the start of this pregnancy i knew the risk.
although i know i look pethetic weak and acting strong now.
but can i have a request from everyone to keep on acting wit mi.
if the day i reali cry i may be in a unstable mood again.
which i jus hate myself to be in that way.
for now, i jus wanna listen to myself, and when i cant made a decision.
the only person i will listen too will be the daddy on my baby.
cos baby is ours.
chin, poh jayken
he deserve baby too.
in case anithing might happen in future, baby will onli have him.
so pls, other then baby daddy.
everybodi jus leave mi alone for now.
if all u all wan is to lecture mi.
do it after everythign solve.
thx.
my headache never wanna leave mi thou.
thinkin too much ler ba.
but cant stop thou.
leg cramps hurt mi alot too.
and i donnoe why.
baby love to kick mummy.
but when ur daddy around u are like a gd boy.
u and ur daddy loves to bully mi.
haix.
like father like baby.
thx horx, two mr poh.
but everytime baby kick mi.
everynite feel his heartbeat before i slp.
the more i don wanna let him go.
but will i be happy.
can i be able to walk the rest of the journey alone.
is not onli for this 6 months.
but for the rest of my life.
funny part is, where is the confident mi?
i look so pethetic now.
i look so ulgy now.
i look so weak now.
but afterall.
i am only a 18 yrs old girl.
a prefectionist before but when i fall.
i completely loses everything.
i miss, need and love him alot
so near but yet so far apart.
xuemin
take mi away
♥xuemin
♥BABY PRINCESS(11.7 WEEKS) 20 MAY 2009
