9_'2'5''25_'6'04 明天和未来；哪一个会先到呢？

Saturday, July 18--3:29:00 AMY

jus now headed for a last mins bbq.
was still abit moody ba.
i did eat at least 3 chicken wings and 3 small susauge.
baby daddy still didnt take initiative to meet up wit mi jus to talk to lil percious.
is this how important ur our thing is?
it take onli 5 mins to talk to baby jayken to let baby feel alot better.
and it won take u too long to miss out a date wit other ppl.
i don understand why.
reali.
baby is still unhappi.
cos no reaction thou.
i mean his super kick stops since ystd ba.
what can mummy do for u?
haix, i jus don wan baby to be unhappy.
ppl are all tellin mi to stay happi no matter what.
but i feel rather heartache and upset ba.
i hope i am not ridiculous jus to ask u to talk to baby ba.
baby jus don wanna listen to mi.
maybe when u talk to him urself, he may understand.
is not like askin u to give mi a million bucks ba.
my dear daddy, is it difficult.
i don have to say more lerx.
u can realise urself that how important baby is to u.
as i say, if that is the case.
i will nv gonna take initiactive to look for u then.
which mean can forget it waitin for mi to tell u about baby stuff since baby so less important to u.
i am worried sick now becos baby upset.
but to u is like nth, breakin two ppl promise at the same time u feel no pain.
but have u ever notice, i have nv been so angry about u breakin promise till this.
if baby nv forgive u, i won too.
don say i am stressin u this time.
cos i didnt!
even thou is ur colleague don wanna change off day wit u.
even thou i do understand is ur work.
but in this matter, u still broke ur lil precious heart rite.
u could have come all the way to meet mi for 5 mins jus to talk to baby ba.
am i askin too much.
forget it la.
as i mention ler.
this is how important baby to u.
i reali don see a need to give u chances over and over again.
u should noe that i mean every single word i say.
have u ever thought of why i wanna tell u that i decide to have baby when i actualli lies to u.
cos everybody tells mi that i should give u a chance to learn to be a gd dad.
for the past 5 months.
have i ever asked u to do anithing for baby?
even when u say "pls, if need ani help for baby, u will do anithing"
my reply to u is olways "i am okie, baby's fine."
is my fault pampearin u too much or u reali reali won change.
i gave u a chance to make a gd dad examples.
i have been tellin everybody that i see a slight changes in u.
and i believe u could.
is not about the promise that we cant blame u.
is all about ur action thou it wasnt ur fault.
i mean jus like when ur frenx wanna meet u today, and u say u cant make it.
but u will surely meet them the followin day.
and i can feel ur frenx are even important now in ur life.
baby lil hope jus to see u.
baby lil love for u and big big trust that daddy love baby alot.
but what have u done for him daddy.
have u ever feel that he needs u?
have u ever think that he is waiting for u.
have u ever wonder how active he is even i said.
have u ever pending for the day to see him like how i did?
have u ever feel that maybe if u talk to baby urself, baby might understand.
and baby could stop givin temper.
have u ever care how much baby eats today?
have u ever care about how big is ur lil precious now?
have u ever notice i am olways the one tellin u this and that all about baby even thou u didnt ask.
have u ever feel that i am so tired of takin initiative doin this and that.
even u are not by our side, i am olways tellin baby.
"daddy is busy workin, so he wans mi to greet u gd nite"
"daddy is workin now, he wans u to be gd and don make mummy angry"
"daddy is workin now, daddy say he love u"
"daddy is working today, but he greets u gd morning"
is olways the same excuses "daddy is workin"
even when baby is by ur side.
u didnt even greets him
is that so important baby to u.
i don like to lie.
but why am i olways lying to my lil baby that "daddy is workin"
when u are out wit ur frenx, when u are busy at home slpin, when u hurt his lil heart.
have u ever ask urself, how much do u love baby jayken?
i don understand at all.
why is olways the same thing.
i nv ask u to do anithing for baby before, but jus hope for the day u would say and do it urself.
i am so happi when u promise mi that u will go tgt wit mi.
and twice u said.
but u nv gonna do it.
is onli once a month an appointment.
u could meet ur frenx like every nite as and when u are happi.
rite.
daddy, pls understand mi abit too.
i seldom give u temper too.
and u do noe how much i let u do things that u like.
i rather i do everything myself then askin u to do it.
no matter how u treat mi, i am olso all right.
but i hoep u reali can noe that i am tryin hard to talk to baby about u
but baby may start wonderin, "where is daddy?"
if u were baby, will u be happi?
my dear daddy, this is all i could say.
do whatever u like ler ba.
if u wanna be angry then go ahead olso.
i don wanna give a fuck damn to u ler ba.
baby and i can live well without u by our side too de.
i could onli say if u miss this one and onli chance, u better don regret.
cos this is all i can help and give u.

baby so innocent.
sorry, mummy reali cant do much for u.
mummy is still veri upset too.
plus i am even worry about ur condition.
but no matter what, mummy promise u.
whatever it is, mummy will nv leave u.
meetin u is the veri very important things to mi now.
i am cryin now cos i jus feel heartache.
i am sorry baby.
but i reali hope u could listen to mummy and stop givin mummy temper ler.
i don feel gd when u stop kickin mi.
i don feel gd when i feel u upset.
i jus don feel gd.
can anibody tell mi what to do now?
every mom noe that baby emotion effect us alot too.
i try to make myself happi jus to make baby happi everyday thou i am very tired.
but baby is so stubborn now.
i feel so lost.
donnoe how long will baby takes to cool down.
i am tired lerx.
abit sick today.
cough abit and flu for the whole day.
body quite weak cos i think didnt eat enough food this 2 days.
even i were to force myself.
baby temper so bad.
haix.
what can i do?
i am gonna go wash my face again cos of my tears.
then go slp lerx.
tryin to talk to baby again ba.

xuemin

take mi away